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Mediation Agreement and Personal Jurisdiction for Divorce

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  • 03-13-2018, 01:26 PM
    Freyja
    Mediation Agreement and Personal Jurisdiction for Divorce
    Hello everybody, thanks for letting me be part of this venue and for any advice in my difficult situation.

    My case is quite complicated. Me and my husband got married in 2004 in NY. He was mentally, emotionally and sexually abusive since the very beginning, but he did it in such an insidious, passive and covert way that I could not realize the extent of the damage done until it was too late. I have always loved him with all I had, and to this day, I cannot bring myself to see him for the monster he truly is, and have no ill wish toward him. I can just pity the empty shell he has become.

    At the time of our separation we were in my country. He had never worked a single day of our life together, alleging mental issues. I always carried and supported him, for good and bad. At some point, we decided that he would come back to America, get settled about certain government benefits that he was entitled to (but never bothered to claim while we were married, since I was the one footing the bill), settle residency and financial stability, and I would join him upon finishing my studies. Never once the word "separation", much less "divorce" was in our vocabulary. He departed to Florida on May 2014.

    Our relationship continued going on at distance (we were married for over 10 years at that point) through Internet chats. He seemed to be happy to finally get his life on track and I couldn't be anymore happy at seeing him so motivated. Or so I thought. I could never in a million years have suspected what was coming.

    On May 2015, I found out through some random let's call it "woman" that she and my husband had been involved in an adulterous relationship for months. Any attempt to have my husband talk to me and give me any explanation has been completely unsuccessful. He abandoned me, leaving me for dead in another country, fully convinced that I would never be able to come back here.

    But I did. I made it back, and all I wanted was to see him again, to face our issues like a husband and a wife should, face to face. Any attempt to talk to him had been met with his silence and the threatening words of some random meretrix with a penchant for married men, in her continuous search for a baby daddy to foot the bill for her multifathered bastards.

    I was devastated and scared (I am still, to this day, and I highly doubt I will ever recover). I had no place to stay, no work, no driving license, nothing. So I did the only reasonable thing I could do. I had some good friends in Utah who sheltered me and helped me to get back on my feet, so to Utah I came.

    My then husband started digging himself in a deeper and deeper pit of debt. I had to talk to a lawyer about my situation. I always told him that I didn't want to get divorced without having talked to my husband face to face first. He PROMISED me, over and over again, that he would have my husband come to Utah, and he recommended me that the best course of action was filing for divorce, something I never wanted to do.

    But hey, what do I know, right? I follow his legal "advice", in order to "protect" my interests, according to this scoundrel. Husband had never set foot in Utah before, and of course, hired a Utah lawyer to represent him, but never showed up. The scoundrel I hired then pushes me into mediation, reassuring me over and over again that my husband HAD to come to the mediation. Another one of his lies to get my money.

    Husband never shows up, and at some point during mediation my "lawyer" basically pushes me to sign this ridiculous agreement in which my husband agrees to pay me a certain amount for 3 years, and a final lump sum at the end of those 3 years. I signed, my husband's lawyer signs it for him, and that's the end of it. My "lawyer" withdraws from the case the following day.

    I had to fight on my own to get the grounds for divorce stated in the final decree, which I successfully did.

    Now, the problem: ex-husband hasn't been abiding by the agreement for a few months. He moved from Florida to Iowa with the homewrecker and her whole offspring. How do I go on recovering that money?

    I recently started reading upon the differences between case jurisdiction and personal jurisdiction (only in America!!!!), and after that I have serious doubts. Is that one-paragraph mediation agreement even enforceable? In case it is, would it be enforceable by Utah court, or should I domesticate the decree in Iowa? Am I better off suing the scoundrel I hired for blatant malpractice? No wonder he left with his tail between his legs. He gives a bad name to any serious practitioner of Law, and should be stripped of his license.

    Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
  • 03-14-2018, 08:14 AM
    llworking
    Re: Mediation Agreement and Personal Jurisdiction
    I do not even know what to say to you. There is clearly a huge cultural difference between divorce and family law in your home country and here, and I do not believe that I can adequately explain things to you so that you will understand.

    I will address a few questions. 1) Your lawyer did nothing wrong. He had a client who did not understand our system and he did the best that he could for that client. 2) It is not normal for "grounds" to be included in a divorce decree in most US states. Most divorces in the US are "no fault" divorces. 3) It can be nearly impossible to collect money from someone who is absolutely determined not to pay.

    I do have a question for you however. Do you really want to be here? Have you considered going home? I do not mean that in a nasty or anti immigrant manner, it just seems to me like you might be happier in your home country.
  • 03-14-2018, 10:36 AM
    Freyja
    Re: Mediation Agreement and Personal Jurisdiction
    Quote:

    Quoting llworking
    View Post
    I do not even know what to say to you. There is clearly a huge cultural difference between divorce and family law in your home country and here, and I do not believe that I can adequately explain things to you so that you will understand.

    I will address a few questions. 1) Your lawyer did nothing wrong. He had a client who did not understand our system and he did the best that he could for that client. 2) It is not normal for "grounds" to be included in a divorce decree in most US states. Most divorces in the US are "no fault" divorces. 3) It can be nearly impossible to collect money from someone who is absolutely determined not to pay.

    I do have a question for you however. Do you really want to be here? Have you considered going home? I do not mean that in a nasty or anti immigrant manner, it just seems to me like you might be happier in your home country.


    Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it. Let's go by parts:

    My ex-husband and I were married for over 12 years. This is not a short-term marriage, or a fling, or a "heat of the moment" issue. He was in the Army when we met, I went through both his deployments, fully aware of what I was getting into. I was determined to love and support that man with all I had, as I swore before God and men the day I married him. This has absolutely nothing to do with cultural differences, but more so with integrity and loyalty.

    The man got out of the Army right after his second deployment. He was gainfully employed for maybe 4 months out of all the time we were together. He would always allege that he had PTSD and didn't know what to do with his life. I fully understood that, and gave him all the time and understanding to pull himself together. Meanwhile, I was the bread-winner, and he never lacked a roof upon his head or a hot meal in his plate (not to mention money for cigarettes, or Internet so he could sit and play videogames all day, and watch tranny and crossdressing porn. The sexual and mental abuse and humiliation alone deserve a whole different chapter, and I am sorry about the crude language, but honestly I do not know how to put this).

    Anytime I would ask him about his benefits, after almost 11 years in the Army, he'd just tell me to stop "nagging" him. And there I was, for good and bad, right?

    The reason we had to go back to my country was mainly to get him some health care, since he always REFUSED to do anything here. In hindsight, I can see now how he did plan his discard of me for years. Once there, things got quite complicated, I had to suffer the death of my father and some other overwhelming issues, but there I was, as always. Me and my parents were always the ones footing the bill for this sorry excuse of a man. I also need to mention that his own sister blatantly STOLE the money that my parents had sent us back in the day to help us. To justify her actions, he also accused my husband of incest and sexual abuse when they were children. I of course did never believe a word of it, but again, knowing what I know now, I am 99.99% certain that said incest did happen, indeed. Are we starting to see a pattern here?

    Anyway, at a certain point, my husband gets in touch with one of his Army buddies, who works for the VA, and who hooks him up with his "disability" claim and the consequent freebies from Uncle Sam, all of it on taxpayers dime of course. Meanwhile there I am, in my country, finishing my studies and trying to better myself everyday, happy as happy can be seeing my husband for the first time so grounded and getting the help he claimed he needed, believing every word he says about building a better future for us. I never once asked him for a single penny, even though he knew very well the need that I was having and the huge moral and economic debt to my folks, two beautiful octogenarian folks who took him under their wings, never once questioned him or his alleged "issues" and gave him all the compassion and understanding, while his own blood family couldn't care less if he was alive or dead. He kept his farce up to the very end.

    Next thing I know, I am getting threatening and derogatory messages from some barracks tart telling me to stop calling my husband and to leave them two love birds alone. I do know if you can understand the impact of such trauma, and the mental injuries that his actions have caused.

    You probably think none of the above is relevant anymore, and you are completely correct. Nevertheless, I want you to understand where I am coming from.

    My so called "lawyer" knew about all of this before getting my money. He must have known also about the personal jurisdiction issue (I found out about this very recently), or else I have no idea how come this royal imbecile is even licensed to practice law. Yet, he kept misleading me, lying to me by reassuring me, over and over again, that my husband HAD to come to the state of Utah, that he HAD to come to the mediation, that he would bring him here. Over and over again.

    In the midst of all the ordeal, my dear mother gets KILLED by a car. She was walking in the sidewalk, going to celebrate my niece's birthday. The events happened at about 200 m from my brother's balcony. He was there, smoking a cigarette, saw the whole thing happening. My ex-husband wah wah wah about his alleged ptsd? Yeah, I could tell him a few things about REAL ptsd. Give me a break.

    Meanwhile, my "lawyer" keeps deceiving me with his false promises, and of course, asking for more money.

    This useless leech then pushes me to sign this ridiculous mediation agreement and promptly takes off with his tail between his legs, leaving me to deal with the whole ordeal. I also found a message posted directly by him to his secretary on my own MyCase page. Secretary tells him that they don't have my signed agreement to represent me, and he replies (his literal words): "I will not touch this with a ten-foot pole; let's just pretend we have a signed one". I have screenshots of that.

    I mean, whoever doesn't see this piece of garbage for the low scoundrel he really is has a serious cluster-B disorder, perfectly explained in the DSM-V.

    Now, the heart of the matter, and my legal question is: A mediation agreement, signed by two parties (one of which has no contacts with the state), is enforceable? Is it even valid?

    My husband agreed to jurisdiction by the Courts of Utah in his sworn declaration. I would assume said jurisdiction includes also personal jurisdiction, not only case jurisdiction, but I am not a lawyer (although I can certainly do a better job than the piece of trash that I hired).

    If it is valid and enforceable, should it be enforced in the State of Utah, or should I have to domesticate in Iowa, where the psychopath lives right now?

    Those are my questions, and the background associated with them. Thanks for reading and for any input.

    As far as going back to my country, that's a definite no-no. The trauma I suffered there will not let me live and have any closure. Too many memories, way to painful. I am finally reclaiming my life back, and will not allow some worthless psychopath with no values or integrity whatsoever to have that much power over me. Thanks, but no thanks.
  • 03-14-2018, 05:09 PM
    Shadowbunny
    Re: Mediation Agreement and Personal Jurisdiction
    Your post just has SO much extraneous information that it's hard to suss out the core issue. Might I suggest you look over this: https://www.utcourts.gov/mediation/divmed/faq.asp and perhaps it will answer your questions.
  • 03-16-2018, 04:36 PM
    Freyja
    Re: Mediation Agreement and Personal Jurisdiction
    Quote:

    Quoting Shadowbunny
    View Post
    Your post just has SO much extraneous information that it's hard to suss out the core issue. Might I suggest you look over this: https://www.utcourts.gov/mediation/divmed/faq.asp and perhaps it will answer your questions.

    I am sorry, like I say, it is a long and painful story of the most insidious and covert, passive-aggressive abuse that you can find. Here it is again, in a nutshell:

    - Husband and I living in my country, he departs to Florida with the excuse that he would solve paperwork and get financial stability, in order for me to join him upon completion of my studies. Our relationship as husband and wife continues to go on at distance, after a marriage of over 10 years.

    - One day, out of the blue, I had to find through social media that he had been involved in an adulterous relationship with some forgettable barracks strumpet. He never talks to me again, and all I get are derogatory and threatening messages from the homewrecker.

    - I made it back to America, but for obvious reasons CANNOT go to Florida, where my husband is cohabiting with her mistress and her bastards of a thousand fathers. I came to Utah instead, where I had good friends and an outstanding support group.

    - Through some deceptive and immoral "lawyer", who convinces me that I HAVE to file for divorce, and promises over and over again that by doing so he will bring my husband to Utah, he gets papers served in Florida. Husband has never set foot in Utah.

    - Husband replies by hiring a lawyer in Utah, but never shows up in this state.

    - Mediation agreement, pushed by the worthless scoundrel I hired, gets signed, and divorce gets finalized in Utah. Husband never shows up, and his lawyer signs the mediation agreement on his name.

    - Husband, skank and multifathered offspring move to Iowa. Husband disobeys the Court orders and stops paying what the mediation agreement says.

    Now, again, question: is this mediation agreement enforceable, even valid (here's where PERSONAL jurisdiction (no CASE jurisdiction) comes to play. And if it is, where should it be enforceable, in Utah, or in Iowa, where ex-husband lives?

    Is it clear now?

    Thanks again.
  • 03-16-2018, 05:10 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Mediation Agreement and Personal Jurisdiction
    Quote:

    Quoting Freyja
    View Post
    I am sorry, like I say, it is a long and painful story of the most insidious and covert, passive-aggressive abuse that you can find. Here it is again, in a nutshell:

    - Husband and I living in my country, he departs to Florida with the excuse that he would solve paperwork and get financial stability, in order for me to join him upon completion of my studies. Our relationship as husband and wife continues to go on at distance, after a marriage of over 10 years.

    - One day, out of the blue, I had to find through social media that he had been involved in an adulterous relationship with some forgettable barracks strumpet. He never talks to me again, and all I get are derogatory and threatening messages from the homewrecker.

    - I made it back to America, but for obvious reasons CANNOT go to Florida, where my husband is cohabiting with her mistress and her bastards of a thousand fathers. I came to Utah instead, where I had good friends and an outstanding support group.

    - Through some deceptive and immoral "lawyer", who convinces me that I HAVE to file for divorce, and promises over and over again that by doing so he will bring my husband to Utah, he gets papers served in Florida. Husband has never set foot in Utah.

    - Husband replies by hiring a lawyer in Utah, but never shows up in this state.

    - Mediation agreement, pushed by the worthless scoundrel I hired, gets signed, and divorce gets finalized in Utah. Husband never shows up, and his lawyer signs the mediation agreement on his name.

    - Husband, skank and multifathered offspring move to Iowa. Husband disobeys the Court orders and stops paying what the mediation agreement says.

    Now, again, question: is this mediation agreement enforceable, even valid (here's where PERSONAL jurisdiction (no CASE jurisdiction) comes to play. And if it is, where should it be enforceable, in Utah, or in Iowa, where ex-husband lives?

    Is it clear now?

    Thanks again.

    What's clear is that you need therapy. If you would like me to find local resources, I'd be happy to do so.
  • 03-16-2018, 07:10 PM
    llworking
    Re: Mediation Agreement and Personal Jurisdiction
    Quote:

    Quoting Freyja
    View Post
    I am sorry, like I say, it is a long and painful story of the most insidious and covert, passive-aggressive abuse that you can find. Here it is again, in a nutshell:

    - Husband and I living in my country, he departs to Florida with the excuse that he would solve paperwork and get financial stability, in order for me to join him upon completion of my studies. Our relationship as husband and wife continues to go on at distance, after a marriage of over 10 years.

    - One day, out of the blue, I had to find through social media that he had been involved in an adulterous relationship with some forgettable barracks strumpet. He never talks to me again, and all I get are derogatory and threatening messages from the homewrecker.

    - I made it back to America, but for obvious reasons CANNOT go to Florida, where my husband is cohabiting with her mistress and her bastards of a thousand fathers. I came to Utah instead, where I had good friends and an outstanding support group.

    - Through some deceptive and immoral "lawyer", who convinces me that I HAVE to file for divorce, and promises over and over again that by doing so he will bring my husband to Utah, he gets papers served in Florida. Husband has never set foot in Utah.

    - Husband replies by hiring a lawyer in Utah, but never shows up in this state.

    - Mediation agreement, pushed by the worthless scoundrel I hired, gets signed, and divorce gets finalized in Utah. Husband never shows up, and his lawyer signs the mediation agreement on his name.

    - Husband, skank and multifathered offspring move to Iowa. Husband disobeys the Court orders and stops paying what the mediation agreement says.

    Now, again, question: is this mediation agreement enforceable, even valid (here's where PERSONAL jurisdiction (no CASE jurisdiction) comes to play. And if it is, where should it be enforceable, in Utah, or in Iowa, where ex-husband lives?

    Is it clear now?

    Thanks again.

    Your husband accepted the jurisdiction of Utah when he hired an attorney in Utah and came to a settlement in a Utah court. Your mediation agreement is enforceable because it became a court order as part of your divorce.

    I agree with the other poster who told you that you need serious therapy. Yes, your husband treated you very badly but you seem to expect things out of divorce that are just not realistic in the US. You are also blaming the other woman when the person you should be blaming is your husband.
  • 03-16-2018, 07:37 PM
    Freyja
    Re: Mediation Agreement and Personal Jurisdiction
    Quote:

    Quoting llworking
    View Post
    Your husband accepted the jurisdiction of Utah when he hired an attorney in Utah and came to a settlement in a Utah court. Your mediation agreement is enforceable because it became a court order as part of your divorce.

    I agree with the other poster who told you that you need serious therapy. Yes, your husband treated you very badly but you seem to expect things out of divorce that are just not realistic in the US. You are also blaming the other woman when the person you should be blaming is your husband.

    Thank you for your reply. I will then promptly file a Motion to Show Cause, which I think it's the correct step.

    I completely agree that the blame ultimately lays on my ex-husband. But one thing does not take away the other. She is still a barracks strumpet with 4 bastard children from different fathers, and that is a proven fact, not a figment of my imagination.

    As for expecting things out of divorce, I guess is also such a thing to ask from a husband of over 10 years to man up and face the issues on the marriage like a MAN, instead of running away like a coward, reeling me in for an entire year, lying, deceiving and humiliating me and my family. Sitting down and talk things trough with his loyal wife, the one who never strayed, the one who dealt with his two deployments and what's worse, the aftermath of it. What a concept! Specially when he proudly beats his chest about "being a veteran who bled for country and freedoms" blah blah blah, you know all that jazz. Military values at their best!!!

    Anyway, all of this is completely irrelevant. I just wanted some input in the issue at hand, i.e: the mediation agreement. Thanks again for answering.
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