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What to Do if Protective Services Doesn't Believe a Child's Abuse Allegations

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  • 03-01-2018, 11:12 AM
    Loudermilk
    What to Do if Protective Services Doesn't Believe a Child's Abuse Allegations
    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Tennessee.

    I'm the mother of a 16 year old boy who's 17 year old girlfriend had been sexually abused by bother her real dad and stepdad. Sexual abuse stopped 2 years ago after stepdad had a daughter with her mother and she was no longer willing to allow it. Once she started seeing my son stepdad was jealous and protective and verbally aggressive to my son but not in a fatherly way more like jealous boyfriend. Dcs started an investigation last week and interviewed the victim, then Monday her 2 siblings, finally yesterday her mother.

    Dcs made stepdad leave the home during the investigation. Mom drove him to his parents house and has been going daily to see him and helping with utilities and groceries at her in laws house and obviously doesn't believe her daughter. She has accused her of destroying her life and tearing the family apart. Mom works a 3rd shift job as does stepdad at the same location so the victim is forced to basically raise her 3 younger siblings,cook,clean,she isn't allowed to friends houses or to the movies normal teenage stuff nor is allowed company. She is a prisoner and slave in her own home enduring physical,and emotional abuse and dealing with the past trauma of the sexual abuse on her own.

    I was informed this morning her mother told her I have papers dcs gave me giving me permission to allow stepdad back in the home whenever we see fit and telling her see I told u that you wouldn't get your way and if you run away I'll have u locked up and there's a chance I might send u out of state with other family. The dcs didn't believe her I guess given she was the only one in the home sexually abused and it happened behind closed doors without witnesses and mom coached the other 2 kids on what they were and we're not allowed to say so they didn't get all the facts, the physical and emotional abuse was never mentioned.

    She's scared and will be in imminent danger when he returns to the home. She's just turned 17 in the middle of January so still another 10 months til she's legally an adult. I'm willing to give her a place to stay here in my home but I'm her boyfriends mother..how can I help this girl?
  • 03-01-2018, 11:17 AM
    BooRennie
    Re: Helping a Child the System Failed
    Tell her to call DCS, talk to a trusted teacher, a school counselor, a spiritual advisor if the step-dad's behavior continues. That's all you can do.
  • 03-01-2018, 11:35 AM
    comment/ator
    Re: Helping a Child the System Failed
    And you and your sixteen year old son need to back way out of this situation. It sounds as though you are very involved, and it really will end badly if you set her up with a way to "run away from home" when her mother and stepfather have not been determined a threat by the authorities. Encourage her to talk to the authorities and keep your son away from her.
  • 03-01-2018, 01:52 PM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: What to Do if Protective Services Doesn't Believe a Child's Abuse Allegations
    Quote:

    Quoting Loudermilk
    View Post
    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Tennessee.

    I'm the mother of a 16 year old boy who's 17 year old girlfriend had been sexually abused by bother her real dad and stepdad. Sexual abuse stopped 2 years ago after stepdad had a daughter with her mother and she was no longer willing to allow it. Once she started seeing my son stepdad was jealous and protective and verbally aggressive to my son but not in a fatherly way more like jealous boyfriend. Dcs started an investigation last week and interviewed the victim, then Monday her 2 siblings, finally yesterday her mother.

    Dcs made stepdad leave the home during the investigation. Mom drove him to his parents house and has been going daily to see him and helping with utilities and groceries at her in laws house and obviously doesn't believe her daughter. She has accused her of destroying her life and tearing the family apart. Mom works a 3rd shift job as does stepdad at the same location so the victim is forced to basically raise her 3 younger siblings,cook,clean,she isn't allowed to friends houses or to the movies normal teenage stuff nor is allowed company. She is a prisoner and slave in her own home enduring physical,and emotional abuse and dealing with the past trauma of the sexual abuse on her own.

    I was informed this morning her mother told her I have papers dcs gave me giving me permission to allow stepdad back in the home whenever we see fit and telling her see I told u that you wouldn't get your way and if you run away I'll have u locked up and there's a chance I might send u out of state with other family. The dcs didn't believe her I guess given she was the only one in the home sexually abused and it happened behind closed doors without witnesses and mom coached the other 2 kids on what they were and we're not allowed to say so they didn't get all the facts, the physical and emotional abuse was never mentioned.

    She's scared and will be in imminent danger when he returns to the home. She's just turned 17 in the middle of January so still another 10 months til she's legally an adult. I'm willing to give her a place to stay here in my home but I'm her boyfriends mother..how can I help this girl?

    As stated all you can do is have her call child services or the police. Do not let her stay at your house - you could find yourself in legal trouble if you let her stay or help he run away.

    Honestly she might be better off going out of state with other family. Then she's not near her stepdad...hopefully none of that family is abusing her or has abused her.

    It might not be that DCS didn't believe her - there wasn't any evidence to back it up. Especially if he stopped 2 years ago. The other stuff you mention - babysitting he kids, not having friends, etc - isn't really abuse.

    If he does anything to her when he comes home, she needs to report it to the police ASAP.
  • 03-01-2018, 03:48 PM
    Mercy&Grace
    Re: What to Do if Protective Services Doesn't Believe a Child's Abuse Allegations
    It is possible she is lying. Unfortunately, this is common. If she had not mentioned not being able to see friends, babysitting, etc. I would not be saying she might be lying. But, these other things are common complaints of teenagers. CPS pays no attention to the other things. But, sexual abuse will get their attention. Someone that has been sexually abused doesn't mention the usual things other teenagers complain about.

    It is important to remember, CPS is specially trained in investigating these type cases.
  • 03-02-2018, 11:55 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: What to Do if Protective Services Doesn't Believe a Child's Abuse Allegations
    Quote:

    Quoting Mercy&Grace
    View Post
    It is possible she is lying. Unfortunately, this is common. If she had not mentioned not being able to see friends, babysitting, etc. I would not be saying she might be lying. But, these other things are common complaints of teenagers. CPS pays no attention to the other things. But, sexual abuse will get their attention. Someone that has been sexually abused doesn't mention the usual things other teenagers complain about.

    It is important to remember, CPS is specially trained in investigating these type cases.

    They are also human beings and make mistakes.

    My ex stepson was abused by his stepfather (I was married to his father at the time). This was about four years ago. He had gone to school with welts on his back and said his stepfather did it. They took him and his other three siblings (kids his mom had with his stepdad). The mom took off and got into meth and in and out of jail. Two of the kids lived with family. My ex stepson and one other brother lived in foster homes. Bounced around for almost a year like that. My then husband should have tried harder to get custody - but the state (different state than we lived in) told him they didn't really want to separate him from his siblings there - even though he has siblings here. After a year they let the stepdad have custody of all four kids...the guy who beat them got custody. Why? "Well he has been in anger management and taking care of them the last two months."

    The mom got custody back last year - she's allegedly been sober for 18 months and it's good she did. They are divorced now and he had a new girlfriend they had a kid together - he got charged with kidnapping and assault like two days after mom got custody. He had beat the girlfriend and then made her and the kid get in the car by knife point. Got arrested.

    Now my ex husband isn't the most stable and I'm glad he didn't get custody of his oldest because when we divorced I don't know what would have happened to him. But that state CPS decided that the abusive stepdad was a more fit parent? Sometimes they make mistakes.
  • 03-02-2018, 12:19 PM
    Mercy&Grace
    Re: What to Do if Protective Services Doesn't Believe a Child's Abuse Allegations
    Quote:

    Quoting qwaspolk69
    View Post
    They are also human beings and make mistakes.

    My ex stepson was abused by his stepfather (I was married to his father at the time). This was about four years ago. He had gone to school with welts on his back and said his stepfather did it. They took him and his other three siblings (kids his mom had with his stepdad). The mom took off and got into meth and in and out of jail. Two of the kids lived with family. My ex stepson and one other brother lived in foster homes. Bounced around for almost a year like that. My then husband should have tried harder to get custody - but the state (different state than we lived in) told him they didn't really want to separate him from his siblings there - even though he has siblings here. After a year they let the stepdad have custody of all four kids...the guy who beat them got custody. Why? "Well he has been in anger management and taking care of them the last two months."

    The mom got custody back last year - she's allegedly been sober for 18 months and it's good she did. They are divorced now and he had a new girlfriend they had a kid together - he got charged with kidnapping and assault like two days after mom got custody. He had beat the girlfriend and then made her and the kid get in the car by knife point. Got arrested.

    Now my ex husband isn't the most stable and I'm glad he didn't get custody of his oldest because when we divorced I don't know what would have happened to him. But that state CPS decided that the abusive stepdad was a more fit parent? Sometimes they make mistakes.


    Did you see the marks on his back ? Do you know how to determine what they were made with ?

    Some kids lie. CPS sees this frequently. Especially, in certain ages and situations. I'm not saying your step-son lied. I'm saying CPS knows how to spot abuse. Grant you, no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. CPS workers are trained. Lay people are not trained in this area They also do not know the minimum of what the law requires. The situation the OP is asking has a lot of questions. The girl waited 2 years from when the alleged sexual abuse occurred. The other children have not been sexually abused. There is no evidence. And there are the other allegations.
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