How Can the Father of a Newborn Get 50:50 Custody

My question involves a child custody case from the State of California.

My daughter's mother is an unemployed stay at home mother who resides with her parents. I am currently serving in the Marine Corps stationed approximately 3 hours away from where my daughter lives however my mother lives a half mile away from my daughter and provided a home for visitation. I was stationed in North Carolina when our daughter was conceived but after she ended the relationship and blocked communication and went back to her parents residence, I requested orders to CA. I filed a motion for custody and visitation before she was born and we were sent to mediation. I expressed to the mediator that I wanted us to share custody because it was in our daughters best interest for both parents to be involved.

She wanted full legal and physical custody. Needless to say we weren’t able to reach an agreement with the mediator. When our daughter was born I didn’t find out her name, weight, or any other details until after it had been posted on Facebook and mutual friends informed me. The following week we went to court and I was awarded joint legal custody and 8% custody. 1 hour on Friday, 2 hours on Saturday, and 2 hours on Sunday of each week. The judge felt this was in our daughters best interest because mother claimed she was breastfeeding every 30 minutes and was not allowed to pump. When our daughter reached 3 months she allowed visitation for 3 hours every Saturday. At 8 months I filed to go back to court for modification of CC/CV and got a hearing 6 months out(soonest available). At 9 months she allowed visitation for 1 hour on Friday, 4 hours on Saturday, and 4 hours on Sunday and provided pumped breast milk.

Problems: There have been many problems along the way.

- When we went in to court she made many false allegations that I was unstable and was an alcoholic or that I was dangerous because I owned weapons. She also claimed since this was my first child I am not capable of caring for our daughter....even though this is her first child as well. Since court I have attended counseling and received a letter for the court that I attended and developed even stronger skill sets in communication, co-parenting, and child rearing. I have also attended x2 6 week courses for parenting, and positive discipline parenting.

- She often attempts to dictate what I am allowed to do during my visitation time(demand I inform her if I leave the house and tell her where I am going). She will often tell me I am not allowed to feed her or that my visitation is during her nap time so I have to put her to sleep. In fact, the first time I fed her, our daughter was very happy and I sent a video to mom. She was so angry that I fed her without permission that she picked her up during my visitation time and attempted to argue and yell at me in front of our daughter. She took her to the doctor the following Monday because I had fed her and the doctor informed her it was a great time to start introducing new foods.

- She has lied on many occasions claiming the doctor does not allow certain things. After speaking to the doctor I have found many of these things to be false.

- She has told me before that she is being supported by her parents(who combined make ~$300,000+/yr) and hasn’t touched any of the child support. She just saves it in her personal account and none of it actually goes towards my daughter. In my opinion ecause she is being supported and receiving CS, she has no motivation to seek employment. I have since remarried and have a family of my own to support but a majority of my pay goes towards support leaving me with nothing every month after basic bills and travel expenses for every weekend.

- The most recent problem was when her attorney sent me a settlement offer to step-up to having my daughter for 1.5 days every 2 weeks. This step up plan also took place over the next 2 years. I respectfully declined and responded with a counter settlement offer to step up to 50-50 custody. After she reviewed my offer she responded by revoking the extra custody she had allowed and reverting back to the original court order which is less than half of the time I have had and also at different times of the day.

I do not believe many of the decisions she makes are looking out for our daughters best interest. I believe that having both parents involved is essential to a child’s emotional and social development. Is there anything I can do at this point or am I stuck waiting another 3 months for my court date? Would completely changing a custody order from something agreed upon back to the courts original order warrant an ex parte hearing on the grounds that it is damaging to our daughters emotional and social development or would I just get laughed out the door?

Second question, is it a realistic request for a father who has been involved since birth to request overnight at a year old and step up to 50-50 over another year?

There is no emergency here. Thus, no ex parte hearing.

I see no reason why you cannot have overnights and a step-up plan ... but nobody can guess what may or may not happen in court.

The child support issue isn't an issue at all. Period.

You are required to assist in supporting your child. It doesn't matter that your child's maternal grandparents are well off.

A 50/50 timeshare is totally unrealistic when you do not live in the same community as the child. A more standard plan of at least every other full weekend is realistic if you are able to have that time available. I hope that you are not thinking that your mother can substitute for you and exercise your parenting time, because it simply doesn't work that way.

To clear a few things up, I understand that it is my responsibility to support my daughter. However, I feel that it should be the responsibility of both parents to support a child and the burden of support shouldn’t fall to one parent alone.

Also in response to my mother exercising my parenting time, I am not quite sure where you got that impression but I have my bags packed for when I get off of work on Friday and I drive down for my visitation time. I stay at my mothers home from Friday-Sunday so I can spend the time with my daughter.

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Quoting MarineDad

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To clear a few things up, I understand that it is my responsibility to support my daughter. However, I feel that it should be the responsibility of both parents to support a child and the burden of support shouldn’t fall to one parent alone.

Also in response to my mother exercising my parenting time, I am not quite sure where you got that impression but I have my bags packed for when I get off of work on Friday and I drive down for my visitation time. I stay at my mothers home from Friday-Sunday so I can spend the time with my daughter.

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Her mother is supporting her. How she does so is her business. But you certainly are not supporting her by yourself.

Sorry, I should have clarified. I believe that both parents should share equal responsibility in supporting a child financially. In the eyes of the court she is unemployed and thus child support is calculated to a higher amount to offset the difference.

The next time the court calculates support, you can attempt to make the case that based upon the mother's education, training and earning capacity, some amount of income should be imputed to her. Keep in mind that if she would likely earn @minimum wage, the difference may be minimal (run the formula and see); and if she works and incurs child care costs, your share of the costs may be greater than the amount you would 'save' by having income imputed to her.

I understand your desire to be involved in the life of your child. But as time passes you'll be able to request more time to spend with her. Bonding is important but also making an effort to have a good communication with the mother of your child. You cannot request 50/50 custody when you are unavailable during weekdays. You also need time for you to rest not your mom to take care of her. The best interest of the child right now is the time that the judge is allowing you to spend. She is your daughter. That wont change. So pay your part of the support without worrying that she is unemployed and that parent combined income is high neither are none of your business. Thank God your daughter is in a stable home. I sympathize with your story and understand where you coming from. But I also see that this is more a "power" thing than what is the best interest of your child. Good luck.

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Quoting Mtxpro123

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I understand your desire to be involved in the life of your child. But as time passes you'll be able to request more time to spend with her. Bonding is important but also making an effort to have a good communication with the mother of your child. You cannot request 50/50 custody when you are unavailable during weekdays. You also need time for you to rest not your mom to take care of her. The best interest of the child right now is the time that the judge is allowing you to spend. She is your daughter. That wont change. So pay your part of the support without worrying that she is unemployed and that parent combined income is high neither are none of your business. Thank God your daughter is in a stable home. I sympathize with your story and understand where you coming from. But I also see that this is more a "power" thing than what is the best interest of your child. Good luck.

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Working does not preclude a 50/50 timeshare in ANY state. Parents are allowed to use childcare, too, without it being used against them and without them losing or not being awarded such a timeshare.

Let me just point something out. When you started litigating custody before the child was even born, you put mom into a defensive posture. It was as if you were trying to take her child from her before it even arrived. That is not conducive to creating a cooperative parenting atmosphere between the two of you. I know you want to spend time with your child and you should, but in case you haven't noticed, your pushing is making the situation between you worse. Also, presenting your wife as a capable caregiver when you are working only adds tension.