Petitioning for a Change of Custody When the Other Parent Intends to Move

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Kansas

I had a child with my ex-girlfriend (never married). Our daughter is three years old and I have had residential custody (via court ruling) since October 2015. We have a parenting plan in place and share Joint Custody, though she does not follow it and is very inconsistent with her visits and other rules.

It is now February 2018 and my exgf (who only has one overnight visit a week and with split holidays, according to the parenting plan) has announced that she is moving back to New York City to be closer to family. She has three older children and they are going with her, but she is leaving our daughter with me. She is not contesting that.

My ex has a history of mental health instability; she has been hospitalized for psychiatric reasons three times in the past four months. Two of her children have been in psychiatric centers for children as well. She has a history of two arrests for domestic violence in KS (towards me). She has a permanent restraining order against her by someone in her home state of NY. She has been unemployed and is trying to get disability for mental health issues. She has been evicted four or five times in the past year, and is currently living in a hotel that her mother is paying for. Unsurprisingly, she is behind in CS by about $2400 and has an upcoming hearing for 'failure to pay' on Feb.25th. I have not received a dime from her since November 2017, when she lost her job.

My questions are:
1-If she moves from KS to NY, is that (along with the info above) enough for me to file for Sole Custody?
2-Who would be responsible for paying the cost of visits if she decides she wants our daughter to go there?
3-With our joint custody agreement as of now, can I still amend the PP to limit out of state visits to 7 days or less?
4-Can I negotiate with her to lower the child support requirement if she consents to me having Sole Custody? (CS seems to be her major concern, not our daughter)

I simply do not trust this woman around my daughter for obvious reasons, and have been fighting her in court ever since our girl was born. I'm hoping her move will be the end of most of the madness, but these questions bother me. Yes, I plan on hiring an attorney.

Thanks in advance!

If mom moves to New York and leaves the child in your primary custody, that would be a good time to go to court and formalize the new arrangement.

If you and mom cannot agree on a new visitation schedule, or sharing of the cost of transportation, the court can address those issues at the same time. The court will consider your relative means when evaluating how visitation might occur, division of costs, and other custody-related issues. While it is not unusual for the parent who creates the distance to bear the cost, if the parent has no money a court may make other provisions.

The court will apply the state's child support formula when calculating child support. Any deviation from that amount will need to be approved by the court.

What do you think sole custody will do for you?

Having sole custody will not remove visitation with mom, so I am not sure what "madness" you would be removing by having sole custody.

@ Knowitall:
Thanks for your reply, I was ready to give up on hearing anything from this website.

I have an attorney appt set up on Thursday to review my options. Mom is out of state right now and will not communicate with me about when she is returning, when she is leaving for good, etc. This has been an ongoing pattern.

I receive SSDI due to stage IV cancer, but I am currently disease-free. It does not prevent me from taking care of our daughter, but it does prevent me from working full time. When Mom is employed she makes more than I do. I find it outrageous that I would have to share the cost to ship my 3 yo to NYC, but if that is what the judge rules, so be it. She is currently paying me 300/month +30 for arrears. She has not paid since November. Since she is unemployed it may be modified, as you point out.

Thanks again.


@ Dogmatique
Sole custody will benefit my child, not me. Her mother is mentally ill and exposes her to the emotional chaos and instability of her home. She cries in front of her and tells her she wants to die, f-k my life, etc. She has very poor judgement because of her illness, and married a man who is a convicted sex offender (statutory rape) less than a year after we split. She allows potentially dangerous people to have access to my daughter. She does not keep her in a safe environment. She has a history of negelecting her older children and CPS and Family Preservation is currently involved with them. Her oldest daughter (14 yo) is entering foster care.

Mom has told the court that she cannot look at my face or talk to me because it 'traumatizes her', even though she was arrested twice for domestic violence vs me. I've never harmed the woman or even been arrested in my life. She refuses to communicate with me via email or text (phone or Skype is out of the question) about basic issues like what our daughter ate during visits, how much she slept, if she pooped (our daughter has constipation issues), if she gave her the prescribed meds for her cough, or her new moving address.

She has sabotaged appts, like reseting annual wellness checkups with the doctor, then doesn't even show up. In fact, she hasn't shown up to a doctors appt or a wellness checkup since our girl was 6 months old (she is now 3 yrs 3 months). The woman shows little or no interest in her most of the time. She has not kept visiting schedules, as established on our visitation plan. She will visit the child two weekends and then nothing for two months. When she does visit, my daughter returns wearing filthy clothes and a dirty daiper. She is often exhausted from being kept up all night by Mom and her other kids.

All of this has been an ongoing pattern since the child was born and Mom displayed signs of post-partum psychosis and depression. It hasn't stopped. She is moving to NYC to be closer to her mom, a schizophrenic woman that does not take medicine, doesn't think she is sick, and thinks I am "Satan". Mom and her mother have had fistfights in front of the kids. I am afraid for my daughters safety around these two women, especially considering my work history and knowing what they are capable of.

Sole Custody will lessen the emotional chaos and mental instabilty my daughter is exposed to, it will improve the structure and predictability of her life, thereby reducing unnecesary anxiety, and will keep her safe from a psychotic mother (and grandmother) who does NOT have good judgement and may become a danger to herself or others in the immediate future.

Would you want your daughter in that kind of situation?


@ readytoleave
You are assuming that I'm seeking to terminate visitation, that is not the case. I want to limit visitation, citing the safety concerns I have. The GAL is supportive of this position, as is the court-ordered co-parenting counselor (that Mom refused to keep seeing). Read my previous post if you need more evidence of 'madness'.

Sole custody will not give you the rights you think it will.

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Quoting Tiewaz

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Sole Custody will lessen the emotional chaos and mental instabilty my daughter is exposed to, it will improve the structure and predictability of her life, thereby reducing unnecesary anxiety, and will keep her safe from a psychotic mother (and grandmother) who does NOT have good judgement and may become a danger to herself or others in the immediate future.

Would you want your daughter in that kind of situation?

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I would not want my daughter in that situation either and I sympathize with you, however, sole custody isn't going to be what changes any of that. Your daughter will still have regular visitation with mom, so your concerns about her environment with mom won't be alleviated. You won't be able to say something like, "Well you can only see the child if the psychotic grandmother isn't around," or " I am in charge and I don't like your living situation so XX is not coming to visit you during spring break." Sole custody itself won't even minimize visitation, or make it supervised. That's not what it does, so it isn't going to be what alleviates your concerns. What you would need to do is PROVE that mom is a danger to the child to restrict visitation, in order to alleviate the concerns you have for your child, and I am not sure you have that. It is VERY hard to do.

With that being said, as the only parent that will be regularly around the child and making decisions for the child, I personally think it makes sense for you to have full custody when it comes to decision making for the child. But in reality, it isn't going to make a bit of difference what that says on paper because the likelihood of mom trying to make decisions for the child from so far away is probably fairly slim anyways, and it isn't going to give you the ability to restrict her visitation should she pursue it.

As an example, I have shared custody with my ex-husband. I might as well have full custody because he doesn't participate in making any decisions for her anyways. With his first ex, she has full custody and he only has visitation. He still has the opportunity to see his oldest daughter the exact same amount of time as he does our daughter. There is no difference in the amount of visitation he is entitled to just because of the differences in custody.

I really do sympathize with your situation. I just don't think that you understand what sole custody is and what rights it does and does not give you.

Is your daughter receiving Auxiliary Benefits off of your SSDI ? If she is, usually Judges allow that to be the total amount for child support.

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Quoting Mercy&Grace

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Is your daughter receiving Auxiliary Benefits off of your SSDI ? If she is, usually Judges allow that to be the total amount for child support.

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I am sorry but that is not correct. If the non-custodial parent is the disabled parent then SS children's benefits usually replace child support. However if the custodial parent is the one disabled, then that is not the case.

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Quoting llworking

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I am sorry but that is not correct. If the non-custodial parent is the disabled parent then SS children's benefits usually replace child support. However if the custodial parent is the one disabled, then that is not the case.

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I thought the OP was paying child support. Sorry for misunderstanding.