Custodial Parent is Threatening to Leave the Children With the Non-Custodial Parent
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Pennsylvania
Hello,
I'm looking for some advice on my situation, I am the non-custodial parent and the father (who is the custodial parent) is threatening to drop them off to me at any time. He currently Lives in North Carolina and has mentioned just sending them on a bus or have them driven up. They are 3 girls ranging from 17-12 and is supposedly having issues raising them and does not want primary custody anymore. We do not have a civil relationship at all for many reasons, we just cannot seem to communicate. I get the children for 7 weeks in the summer and one week during Christmas. He supposedly is going to send the kids up after school and not take them back when the summer is over. I am a full-time student and only work part time. I am not able to care for these kids if he randomly drops them or refuses to take them back. Not sure what I can do or what my options are. Any help is appreciated.
Thanks,
Jen
Re: Custodial Parent Making Threats
Unless your plan is to put the kids up for adoption you call a lawyer and start getting ready to take custody and get child support.
Re: Custodial Parent Making Threats
Giving the kids up for adoption isn't an option, no. But, me securing a lawyer with money I really don't have to take custody and get child support is the only other option? And then, he gets to keep his visitation rights and everything is essentially fine? I find it hard to believe that is the only legal option. Maybe I'm wrong, but where is the accountability in that scenario?
Re: Custodial Parent Making Threats
You can decide for yourself whether or not to petition for custody, so as to formalize the modification. If the facts are as you describe, it shouldn't be a big deal to represent yourself. Forms and instructions.
If you are paying your ex- child support, at the very minimum you would want to petition to modify support so that you don't continue to have to pay your ex- even though you're taking care of the children.
Re: Custodial Parent Making Threats
Quote:
Quoting
cyaroschak
Giving the kids up for adoption isn't an option, no. But, me securing a lawyer with money I really don't have to take custody and get child support is the only other option? And then, he gets to keep his visitation rights and everything is essentially fine? I find it hard to believe that is the only legal option. Maybe I'm wrong, but where is the accountability in that scenario?
These are your children too, so the accountability is both ways. If he is refusing to raise them, then it would be logical that the other parent would take custody. If you don't want custody either, there aren't really any other options for them other than going into the system.
Re: Custodial Parent Making Threats
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PMMH
These are your children too, so the accountability is both ways. If he is refusing to raise them, then it would be logical that the other parent would take custody. If you don't want custody either, there aren't really any other options for them other than going into the system.
No I do agree. The situation and turmoil I was put through when I had primary custody is something I cannot go through again. It had nothing to do with the children at all, it is all him. I lost the apartment I was living in when I had the kids due to him deciding not to pay child support and the court unfortunately wasn't fast enough in holding him accountable. I ended up losing the apartment, my house all because of him. He is still paying off those arrears, years and years later. I do not expect anyone to understand where I'm coming from, from your point of view I know I look like a terrible person. I just can not put myself in certain situations and it has taken a long time to come to that conclusion. I will have to see where this goes then.
Re: Custodial Parent Making Threats
Wow so you can't handle the children and you expect him to. I wonder why the children are so awful?
Re: Custodial Parent Making Threats
You may gave to quit school and get a full time job. I know you do not want to do this. But, your children have to come first. Your 17 yr old can get a job after school and on weekends to help out.
You also need to get the children in counseling. It sounds like they have been through a lot because of their dad. Mom not wanting them does not help either.
You might have to sell some of your things in order to provide for your children at this point. You might have to work more than one job. The four of you might have to live in a one or two bedroom apartment. You might have to move to a part of town you do not like. You do what you have to do because you are their mother.
The things your ex has done are terrible. But, please do not take it out on the children. Do you have any family or friends that can help financially? Maybe a family member or friend will let you and the children move in with them until you can get a job and save up money for an apartment for the four of you. You need to look into applying for food stamps, Medicaid, government housing, etc. The,waiting lists for housing can be very long. But, get on every list you can.
You also need to file for a Change in Custody and Child Support. You know you cannot depend on the child support. But, he will have to pay you the arrears even after the children are grown and gone.
https://www.hud.gov/states/pennsylvania/renting
Re: Custodial Parent Making Threats
Quote:
Quoting
cyaroschak
No I do agree. The situation and turmoil I was put through when I had primary custody is something I cannot go through again. It had nothing to do with the children at all, it is all him. I lost the apartment I was living in when I had the kids due to him deciding not to pay child support and the court unfortunately wasn't fast enough in holding him accountable. I ended up losing the apartment, my house all because of him. He is still paying off those arrears, years and years later. I do not expect anyone to understand where I'm coming from, from your point of view I know I look like a terrible person. I just can not put myself in certain situations and it has taken a long time to come to that conclusion. I will have to see where this goes then.
I'm going to be straight up and tell you that these come across as excuses. You already know what to expect from him, it won't be a surprise. You say it has nothing to do with the kids, so do what your kids need and take care of them. As a parent, our priorities do get put on the back burner in order to do what's best for our kids. It's not always fun or pretty, but it's what is right. These kids can't take care of themselves, and they did not ask to be in this situation. Imagine being 12-17 years old and having 2 parents fighting over who is NOT going to take them. You also said he is paying his arrears now. That's help and he will continue to accrue child support while you have them. You're going to have to get a full time job and make it work, or turn them over to someone else. You can't force him to keep them and he can't force you to raise them.
Re: Custodial Parent Making Threats
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Quoting
PMMH
I'm going to be straight up and tell you that these come across as excuses. You already know what to expect from him, it won't be a surprise. You say it has nothing to do with the kids, so do what your kids need and take care of them. As a parent, our priorities do get put on the back burner in order to do what's best for our kids. It's not always fun or pretty, but it's what is right. These kids can't take care of themselves, and they did not ask to be in this situation. Imagine being 12-17 years old and having 2 parents fighting over who is NOT going to take them. You also said he is paying his arrears now. That's help and he will continue to accrue child support while you have them. You're going to have to get a full time job and make it work, or turn them over to someone else. You can't force him to keep them and he can't force you to raise them.
Unfortunately, no one can make him pay his court ordered child support. It is Never a good idea to depend on monthly child support to pay for the basics. It is not fair. It is not right. But, it is reality.
You need to get into counseling along with your children. The anger you feel makes sense. But, you have to find a way to not project your anger at your ex onto your children.
Re: Custodial Parent Making Threats
If the custodial parent doesn't want the children, and you don't want the children, who do you expect to take care of them?
If you don't consider the system being an option, then you should be prepared to get a full time job to take care of your children. You can continue to go to school with a full time job and take care of your teenage children. I work full time and go to school part to full time (depending on the semester) and take care of my five year old so I know it can be done with teenagers. It may take you a little longer to complete school, but single parents do it all the time. If dad is inconsistent with child support, then you are aware of this, and should make your living accommodations based solely on what you can afford without child support. Where do the kids live when you have them for the seven weeks in the summer? They don't all need their own bedrooms. Four of you can live in a two bedroom, possibly three. If you are paying for a single right now on just part time employment, then you should be able to afford a slightly bigger place with full time employment. Also, it has been said that your 17 year old can get a job to help with some of the living expenses. It's not ideal, but don't you think it would be better to do it that way then for the kids to believe that neither parent WANTS them? Additionally, if it can't be avoided, you may be able to get financial assistance from the govt depending on your income and dependents.