How Can a 16-Year-Old Avoid Being Required to Move Home

My question involves a person located in the state of: Colorado
My niece is 16 and living with her mother's ex-boyfriend, who is a good father figure. Her mother is an addict and living in her car. The child's father is not really in the picture. My niece has a part-time job, is going to high school with good grades and earning college credits. Every time her mother gets mad at the ex, she threatens to take her away from him and make her live in the car with her. This would take my niece out of school and be hugely detrimental to her welfare.

I have read there is no legal court procedure for emancipation in Colorado, and if the child is self-sufficient and living away from her parents can be emancipated at 16. My question is, how does she protect herself from her mother? And how does she prove emancipation? The child's grandmother is supportive of her living with the ex-boyfriend.

Not gonna happen. If your niece was living ON HER OWN, not with someone else, and paying all her own expenses, then the state might - not would, might - acknowledge her to be emancipated. As long as she is living with someone else who is paying some or all of her support, she does not meet the qualifications to be emancipated.

What if she was paying rent to the person she is living with? I will add her 21 year old brother is also living there, although he does not currently have a job, he is looking.
It seems insane that she could be taken out of a stable home environment while doing everything right, just because her mother is unstable and vindictive. There has to be a way to make this right. We are also looking to get a TRO on the mother. The police are familiar with her and they have been called to the home regarding the mother. There is no way it is best for this kid to be with her mother and I do not say that lightly. Please give us any options that may help!

Is she paying the utility bills? Her own health insurance? Her own transportation? Paying for all her own food and clothing?

Then she's not self sufficient. She is not going to be viewed as emancipated because she pays rent to someone who then provides for her other expenses.

If the mother is a danger to the child, why has CPS not been called?

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Quoting Nikaya

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My question involves a person located in the state of: Colorado
My niece is 16 and living with her mother's ex-boyfriend, who is a good father figure. Her mother is an addict and living in her car. The child's father is not really in the picture. My niece has a part-time job, is going to high school with good grades and earning college credits. Every time her mother gets mad at the ex, she threatens to take her away from him and make her live in the car with her. This would take my niece out of school and be hugely detrimental to her welfare.

I have read there is no legal court procedure for emancipation in Colorado, and if the child is self-sufficient and living away from her parents can be emancipated at 16. My question is, how does she protect herself from her mother? And how does she prove emancipation? The child's grandmother is supportive of her living with the ex-boyfriend.

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You say mom threatens to take her away, but has that actually happened?

If not, then is it possible that these are just the idle threats of an addict?

If, by chance, mom decides to follow through, then call CPS. Are you willing to take niece in? If so, that may be in the best interest of the child. But emancipation isn't an option.

The mother has always made threats and the 21 year old son who also resides at the house has physically restrained her and police have been called in the past. Neither I nor the grandmother live in the same town, the main goal is to allow her to remain at her current high school as she will graduate with an associates degree at her current class schedule. We are attempting a TRO against her mother asap and have considered her brother become guardian if that is an option. The kid is amazing and doing very well in spite of her mother, the ex-boyfriend has been a part of her life from early on and in every way other than legal is her father. We thought we had it all figured out finally, until the mother dove off the deep end recently. We are just trying to find best options to allow her to continue with as little interruption to her routine as possible. As I said she is working, going to school and keeping high grades, we don't feel that moving her to a new school or town is ideal. We felt that the ex-boyfriend will not have a lot of luck as guardian against the mother, but he is willing. She will be 17 in a few months, not that that makes a lot of diference

A TRO based on what, exactly?

Based in what you said here. There are no grounds for a TRO. Even if there were grounds. A TRO does not mean mom can't say the child cannot live with the boyfriend. I don't see a Judge making a 21 yr old without any means of support guardian for a 16 yr old

A TRO based on the mother's erratic behavior and what amounts to domestic abuse and child endangerment. ie: take a child from a healthy environment to live in a car with a drug addict. We are seeking ideas and assistance to protect this child from her mother. The mother has a history of mental health issues as well as drug problems. The police have been called numerous times on her. She is not living in the home, although is allowed to visit her children when she is stable which she was until recently. We know the law will typically side with the biological mother, however in this case it is not the best scenario. I do not ask these questions lightly and we are not trying to abandon the child to some ex-boyfriend of her mother's. He is truly the father she has always known and he is taking care of these kids because he loves them as his own and because he knows the mother is not able. Our family supports his efforts and wish the child to remain where she is thriving. We have sought therapy for the mother, she will not take the meds, she prefers to self medicate (drugs). We are at a loss as to how to fix the situation and are open to any workable ideas. We thought emancipation may work, but it doesn't sound like an option. Could the grandmother seek custody and allow the child to live with the ex?????

I appreciate all the responses, but you are telling us what won't work. Does anyone have suggestions of what may actually help to protect this child and keep her in an environment where she is thriving and becoming a productive member of society? She is almost 17 and more of an adult than most twice her age. She is smart and understands her mother's illness, at her age will the courts take her wishes into account, or because he is not the biological father is that off the table? We understand this is not a typical situation. We need help and suggestions.

I asked my sister and she says she spoke with DHS and they say the mother has the right to make poor decisions. They do not seem concerned about a 17 year old living in a car with a drug addict, when there are other better options where the child is thriving.

What we are not telling you is what you want to hear. What you're hearing here is only a sampling of what you might hear in court. Your arguments about this child's well being and how healthy her relationships and atmosphere are right now are likely not going to carry any weight, the judge will side with the parent, and "they don't seem concerned" is just about nailing it when it comes to CPS responding to a drug addicted mom's idle threats. But from what I can read, nobody has gone to court yet.

I think your (and your niece's) best bet right now is to stay away from the mother, chill out this whole situation as much as possible, make NO contact with her that would cause her to see this situation as a possible good thing for her to do. If she calls, do not argue with her or listen to her threats or make counter threats. If she comes to visit and acts out, call the police quickly. But don't jump out ahead of things that have not happened yet to "protect this child from her mother." A verbal threat to do this or that isn't a real thing you need to protect the child from. She's just going to have to live with a bit of anxiety that her mother might show up and demand to take her, you're just going to have to live with it, but until it actually happens, you're not producing any advantage by stirring this pot.

If the child is being abused or neglected, report it to protective services. The child cannot get an order of protection that would allow her, in effect, to run away from home.

I do appreciate the responses, however, please understand I am not blowing this out of proportion or "stirring the pot". The mother has shown up, police have been called, the mother physically went after her son, the 21 year old brother has physically restrained the mother, we have spoken to Child Protective Services. I am not stirring the pot from an irrational fear of the mother's idle threats. I am an intelligent and reasonable individual, there is a legitimate fear based on conversations with CPS that the child will be removed from the home and forced to live with her mother in a car. The situation has been a roller coaster ride, but we've always been able to reason with the mother. Right now the girl is with her grandmother and out of her mother's reach, but that is not ideal as it takes her out of school. We will be attempting a TRO based on the past behavior or the mother and her threats. This is a real situation. The courts are closed today and we hope to get something settled quickly to return the girl to her home. I have not gone into all the minute details, but the threat from the mother is real.

I understand you are not telling me what I want to hear, and I don't like it, however, my goal here is to find some way to protect the child and leave her where she is doing well. Based on what I am hearing that may not be possible and that sucks! CPS is supposed to protect kids not allow them to be endangered just because of a little DNA. I'm sorry for sounding angry, but for a system designed to protect it is failing miserably.

If anyone has options I have not already asked about, I am very open to any ideas and possibilities.

I understand that you want a legal way to keep the child out of her mother's hands.

Do you understand that until or unless a court strips the mother of her rights or otherwise removes her from her mother's custody, no such legal way exists?

The child has been basically abandoned by her mother for more than 6 months, does that weigh in at all. As I stated Protective services in this area have not been much help.

I guess that is the "Real" question, how do we approach the court to convince them strip the mother of her rights?

Where is the child's father ? If the child has a legal father. He has rights. The court is not going to just terminate the mothers parental rights. That is not the way it works.

If CPS does not think this situation is serious enough to get involved, remove the child and put her in foster care. You may not have enough to get a TRO. I do not see the court making the 21 year old unemployed brother. or mom's ex boyfriend the child's guardian if they find legal ground to remove the child from mom's custody

CPS has to do their job a certain way. CPS not doing what you think they should do Does not mean they do not protect children.

I get everything you are saying, I do understand we are in a difficult situation, the 21 year old brother is not in a position to be responsible and the ex has no legal rights. However, we truly fear for the child if her mother takes her. She is living a dangerous lifestyle with very unsavory characters in her vehicle and randomly couch surfing in known drug related homes. Not a good place for a 16/17 year old girl. I get that a child living with an ex of her mothers also doesn't seem to make sense. I am heart broken over this and we will find a way to keep the child from her mother legal or not. We want to do it legally and keep her where she is, ultimately we will protect this girl.

I thank everyone for your responses, I get that we are up against a wall and I am not going to find a glimmer of hope in the legal system

How do you know the father has no legal rights ? Have you seen the child's birth certificate ? Is the father named in the child's birth certificate? If he is. He has legal rights.

If the father truly has no legal rights. He might be able to establish legal rights. The court will have to see a copy of the child's birth certificate before they can determine if he has any legal standing.

We know who the biological father is, he would be willing to take her, even though they only recently became acquainted, she barely knows him and is not comfortable with that option. Although, he and his family want to build the relationship and so does the child, but at their time and pace.

The mother's ex came into the picture when the kids were very young, but he is not the biological father. He is in all ways the man who has stepped in and acted in every way as a father, he is not listed on the birth certificate.
We think our best option is for her grandmother to petition for guardianship, we did not want to remove the kid from where she currently is due to school and her life is in enough turmoil, but it may be our only option.

I never said the biological father didn't have rights, he will fight for them if we ask. Everyone in this situation is working together to find the best solution for the child, except for the mother. We are all working and trying to come up with the best plan. If it makes sense for the biological father to demand his rights he will. However, since he hasn't been a part of her life until recently we didn't think that would be our best angle.

The child not being comfortable living with dad may or may not matter to the court. The child's safety, as the court defines it. It the priority. With dad in the picture. There is probably little to no reason for the child to be appointed a guardian by the court.

The courts do all they can to Not terminate a parents parental rights. Nothing you have said is grounds for Termination Of Parental Rights. Dad needs to consider filing for custody. The court might award him joint custody. The child would have to live where dad and mom say. That may or may not be where the child and others,want the child to live.

It seems a travesty that when a child has so many people who care, and who are working together in her best interests, people who know the situation. That the courts would allow one very crazy person to destroy that child's life. We are caring and considerate people, we are also doing our best to get the mother the help she needs, it is difficult because of her situation. We take none of this lightly and we all want what is best, the ex-boyfriend, the biological father, the grandmother, the aunt, the uncle.... We could fill the court with people to make our case and it seems she would still end up living in a van or drug house with predators and her mother out of her mind and unable to protect her. Yes, we have a huge human trafficking and heroin problem in our area and the mother is tied up with many of those people.

I get it, we have no legal options..... Now I am just venting my frustration

Look, hon, I get what you're saying. I really do. I commend your care and concern for your niece. Really.

But do you really want the laws to be such that I can come in and take your child away from you if I don't approve of the way you parent?

The problem with laws is they are too black and white, there is no option to look at individual circumstances and by the way. Yes if I was endangering my child and was too stoned to realize it, I would want you to step in and protect her, especially when so many family members are on the same page.

Rest assured the child will be protected, whatever it takes, the mother does not have the resources to fight us all. We just wanted a legal way to stop the fight.

So, who gets to decide when a child is in danger? I'm not downplaying your fears, really. I'm not saying you're wrong to be upset or that there isn't really any danger. You're there; I'm not. I have no reason to distrust your perception.

But what happens when you have her living with you, and someone else thinks something that you're doing is endangering her? Read these forums for a while and you'll see what strange things some people think it would be dangerous for a minor to do or not do. When someone disagrees with your parenting of her, what happens then? If you don't think she's in danger under your care but someone else does, who gets to make that decision?

I understand your point of view and it is valid.
However, you are also right in I am here and I know there is a real danger. I also can't imagine anyone considering a drug addicted mother living with her 16 year old daughter in her car in sub frigid temps or couch surfing at her drug dealers houses in a town known for heroin and human trafficking is ever a viable option for best interest of a child ever. The mother can and has been violent, luckily her son is 6'+ and has always been able to restrain her.

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Quoting Nikaya

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I understand your point of view and it is valid.
However, you are also right in I am here and I know there is a real danger. I also can't imagine anyone considering a drug addicted mother living with her 16 year old daughter in her car sub frigid temps or couch surfing at her drug dealers houses in a town known for heroin and human trafficking is ever a viable option for best interest of a child ever. The mother can and has been violent, luckily her son is 6'+ and has always been able to restrain her.

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You need to understand the difference between a parent vs. parent custody mod/determination, and a parent vs. third party situation. They are NOT the same thing, and I don't think you're grasping just how massive that difference actually is; nor do I think you're understanding that a court cannot act on a "what if".

If your "plan" fails, you can just about guarantee that you won't see that child again until she's an adult. You need to understand your place.

Out of curiosity. What type of proof do you have the mother is involved in human trafficking and drugs ? What type of proof do you gave these homes are involved in human trafficking and drugs ? Where the homes are located is not enough.Opinions are not enough.

You mentioned trying to get mom the help she needs. Unfortunately, mom has to admit she has,problem And want and ask for help. No one else can do these things for her.

When someone is a victim of human trafficking. They do not get to choose where they spend their nights. They do not get to make any choices or decisions.

I don't mean to sound harsh or cold. But, the way you and your family view the people mom associates,with. And the way the courts view them. May not be the same way. The courts have to view things based on evidence. Not on the opinions or beliefs of others

We understand the situation and we are taking it seriously and carefully planning a strategy to best serve our end goals. I have not disclosed the entirety of the situation as is years in the making and too in depth to address, the questions here have been regarding the emancipation to see if we had that as an option, it appears we do not. The mother has repeatedly abandoned the child and that is on record. The mother has a criminal history of drug use, violence and more. The mother's "known" associates by law enforcement is recorded and all have criminal history. Even with all that CPS is not willing to take her rights and seem to be willing to allow the child to be further endangered. We are using the options at hand to defuse the situation with the mother as much as possible, we are not oblivious to the challenges nor are we without resources. The mother is attempting to hurt the child to be vindictive towards the ex, she has no thought to anyone other than herself, we are collecting evidence, recordings, text messages etc.... The child's grandmother currently has her away from the situation, the mother does not have the means to reach the child at this time. We want to legally remove the mother's rights to the child, barring that we will physically remove the child from the mother. We understand the mother could go to the police and press charges, but based on her relationship with the police that is unlikely. What you have read here is a part of the whole, the child is loved and will be taken care of. The mother is not evil, just under the influence of an illness she will not seek help for. The child has less than 1 1/2 years before she is of legal age, our goal was to allow her to continue in school where she is currently earning college credits and doing well. If that is not possible we will find other options for that as well. We will not allow the mother to ruin this child's life and that is a common goal. I understand your concerns from a legal standpoint and they are well-taken. We will not attempt the emancipation as it seems that would fail and leave the option open for the court to demand the child be turned over to her mother. If we don't take her to court, she won't take us. We just have to get past this current bout of drug induced insanity that she is currently in. We know the mother and have dealt with the issue many times. Our goal with emancipation was to find a permanent solution.

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Quoting Nikaya

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We understand the situation and we are taking it seriously and carefully planning a strategy to best serve our end goals. I have not disclosed the entirety of the situation as is years in the making and too in depth to address, the questions here have been regarding the emancipation to see if we had that as an option, it appears we do not. The mother has repeatedly abandoned the child and that is on record. The mother has a criminal history of drug use, violence and more. The mother's "known" associates by law enforcement is recorded and all have criminal history. Even with all that CPS is not willing to take her rights and seem to be willing to allow the child to be further endangered. We are using the options at hand to defuse the situation with the mother as much as possible, we are not oblivious to the challenges nor are we without resources. The mother is attempting to hurt the child to be vindictive towards the ex, she has no thought to anyone other than herself, we are collecting evidence, recordings, text messages etc.... The child's grandmother currently has her away from the situation, the mother does not have the means to reach the child at this time. We want to legally remove the mother's rights to the child, barring that we will physically remove the child from the mother. We understand the mother could go to the police and press charges, but based on her relationship with the police that is unlikely. What you have read here is a part of the whole, the child is loved and will be taken care of. The mother is not evil, just under the influence of an illness she will not seek help for. The child has less than 1 1/2 years before she is of legal age, our goal was to allow her to continue in school where she is currently earning college credits and doing well. If that is not possible we will find other options for that as well. We will not allow the mother to ruin this child's life and that is a common goal. I understand your concerns from a legal standpoint and they are well-taken. We will not attempt the emancipation as it seems that would fail and leave the option open for the court to demand the child be turned over to her mother. If we don't take her to court, she won't take us. We just have to get past this current bout of drug induced insanity that she is currently in. We know the mother and have dealt with the issue many times. Our goal with emancipation was to find a permanent solution.

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You should not try the restraining order either, because that will not work as well. If mom is really out of it just avoiding dealing with mom and use passive stall tactics for the next 18 months.

What makes mom mad at the ex? What does she want from him that he is not giving her? Money, attention, groveling? What does she want from him

If the situation is so bad that a court might contemplate a restraining order, then they are bad enough to justify action by protective services. The court is not going to issue a restraining order that allows a child to run away from home -- if the court doesn't act preemptively by deferring the matter to protective services itself, and allows a hearing to proceed, the court will notify protective services of any allegations of abuse or neglect that it finds to be substantiated.

If the child doesn't want to go home, the child or a responsible adult needs to notify protective services. If protective services has investigated and found the allegations to be unsubstantiated, and there's no new evidence that could be taken to protective services, don't expect a different outcome through a legal proceeding that is intended to try to circumvent proper process.

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Quoting Mr. Knowitall

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If the situation is so bad that a court might contemplate a restraining order, then they are bad enough to justify action by protective services. The court is not going to issue a restraining order that allows a child to run away from home -- if the court doesn't act preemptively by deferring the matter to protective services itself, and allows a hearing to proceed, the court will notify protective services of any allegations of abuse or neglect that it finds to be substantiated.

If the child doesn't want to go home, the child or a responsible adult needs to notify protective services. If protective services has investigated and found the allegations to be unsubstantiated, and there's no new evidence that could be taken to protective services, don't expect a different outcome through a legal proceeding that is intended to try to circumvent proper process.

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In this case however, its a case of the child wanting to STAY home. The child is living where she has always known home to be, and mom is living in her car. Mom is threatening to make the child live with her in her car.

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Quoting llworking

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You should not try the restraining order either, because that will not work as well. If mom is really out of it just avoiding dealing with mom and use passive stall tactics for the next 18 months.

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This is excellent advice. Addicts are horrible with follow-through. But a TRO may certainly make her angry enough to actually take her child. And I believe you when you say that is NOT in the child's best interest.

Placate Mom. Agree that she has the right to take the child. Heck, you can point out all the ways that a kid would be an inconvenience to her, as long as you don't talk about how crappy she is as a parent. Be as agreeable as you can (and I'm using the global "you" to include anyone in the family who may interact with mom). And keep it up until the girl is 18.

Make sure you let your niece know what the plan is, so she doesn't fear that you're throwing her to the wolves. Also ensure that she has a safety plan in the unlikely case Mom follows through.

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Quoting Shadowbunny

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This is excellent advice. Addicts are horrible with follow-through. But a TRO may certainly make her angry enough to actually take her child. And I believe you when you say that is NOT in the child's best interest.

Placate Mom. Agree that she has the right to take the child. Heck, you can point out all the ways that a kid would be an inconvenience to her, as long as you don't talk about how crappy she is as a parent. Be as agreeable as you can (and I'm using the global "you" to include anyone in the family who may interact with mom). And keep it up until the girl is 18.

Make sure you let your niece know what the plan is, so she doesn't fear that you're throwing her to the wolves. Also ensure that she has a safety plan in the unlikely case Mom follows through.

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I think that I would be more passive than that...I think that I would avoid all discussion of the subject with mom at all, unless there is just no choice. Then maybe placate mom.

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Quoting llworking

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I think that I would be more passive than that...I think that I would avoid all discussion of the subject with mom at all, unless there is just no choice. Then maybe placate mom.

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Oh my goodness yes! There's no reason to poke the bear with a stick. Agreeing with mom is a tactic to be used only when mom is threatening to take the child.

The course of action being taken is that the ex is filing for a restraining order, as to why the mother is upset (he has a new girlfriend and even though she has had many boyfriends and is the one that left, his having a girlfriend is unacceptable). The child is with her grandmother, the hope is once there is a restraining order and she knows she can't come to the home, the child can be returned without her knowledge. The ex does not have the child and therefore cannot return her.

The mother has repeatedly abandoned the child and hasn't been in the home for any length of time in over 6 months, meaning she may stop to see the kids but doesn't live there or support the kids.

It is correct that the child does not wish to run away she wishes to stay in her home and not to live in a car with her mother.

Child protective services in this area does not act quickly or efficiently and we are afraid for good reason that the child will come to harm if the mother has her way.

I came to this forum to explore options and while I did not hear what I wanted to hear, what I heard has given us a good idea of what we need to do, which is passive avoidance of the mother until we can get her help, she clams down or she is arrested. The main thing is to keep the child safe and keep the courts from demanding her returned to her mother.

The child is very aware and active in her well-being, we are taking her wishes into account as much as possible, she has a cell phone and will call 911 and as soon as her mother approaches. She has a plan to do whatever possible to not leave with the mother. She understands that she could be required to go with her mother, but the hope is her refusal will ramp up the mother so when the cops arrive it will be obvious that is not a good idea and CPS or someone will be called instead. She is a smart kid and has dealt with her mother her entire life, sad, but she is used to the situation.

Right now the mother is okay as long as the child is not in the house with the ex and his new girlfriend, she doesn't really care where she is as long as she feels she is punishing him. At least that is today's story.

We all are used to dealing with the roller coaster of emotions and threats the mother brings to the table. Again my goal here was to find a permanent solution ie: Emancipation, since that is not an option we continue as before. The TRO by the ex is necessary to protect his new girlfriend and himself, the mother is capable of much.

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Quoting Mercy&Grace

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Out of curiosity. What type of proof do you have the mother is involved in human trafficking and drugs ? What type of proof do you gave these homes are involved in human trafficking and drugs ? Where the homes are located is not enough.Opinions are not enough.

You mentioned trying to get mom the help she needs. Unfortunately, mom has to admit she has,problem And want and ask for help. No one else can do these things for her.

When someone is a victim of human trafficking. They do not get to choose where they spend their nights. They do not get to make any choices or decisions.

I don't mean to sound harsh or cold. But, the way you and your family view the people mom associates,with. And the way the courts view them. May not be the same way. The courts have to view things based on evidence. Not on the opinions or beliefs of others

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I will not go into details here as it is not pertinent to what I am trying to accomplish, but it is more than opinion or imaginary. My goal is to seek protection for the child I don't care to waste time or energy on convincing anyone of what we and most law enforcement agencies know to be true. I will say there are ongoing investigations and we have good knowledge of what we are alleging

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Quoting llworking

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In this case however, its a case of the child wanting to STAY home. The child is living where she has always known home to be, and mom is living in her car. Mom is threatening to make the child live with her in her car.

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EXACTLY!!!!