How to Keep a Child From Learning About His Biological Father

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NM/TX. I have raised my stepson since he was almost two years old, he does not know anything about his biological father since he has never tried to contact him"father to son".

His biological father has been deported out of the United States. At the time of birth he did not sign any documents stating he was the father, but my soon to be wife noted him as the father even though they weren't married at the time. A few months later they got married, but then divorced a couple of years later. Judge has granted full custody to her at the time of divorce since he never showed up to the courts.

I love my son very much and would like to have my name on birth certificate, since he does not know anything about previous family.

My soon to be wife have been together for over 10 years now. We fear that my son would go through some psychological trauma of he finds out. Please some one advise us. We currently live on NM.

If you want to be his legal father, after you get married to the mother, you will have to seek a step-parent adoption. It's not a do-it-yourself project, particularly since dad is not in the US and his rights will have to be legally terminated. You and she should consult a local adoption attorney.

Quote:

---

Quoting Acuevas88

---

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NM/TX. I have raised my stepson since he was almost two years old, he does not know anything about his biological father since he has never tried to contact him"father to son".

His biological father has been deported out of the United States. At the time of birth he did not sign any documents stating he was the father, but my soon to be wife noted him as the father even though they weren't married at the time. A few months later they got married, but then divorced a couple of years later. Judge has granted full custody to her at the time of divorce since he never showed up to the courts.

I love my son very much and would like to have my name on birth certificate, since he does not know anything about previous family.

My soon to be wife have been together for over 10 years now. We fear that my son would go through some psychological trauma of he finds out. Please some one advise us. We currently live on NM.

---

He will undergo far more serious, and potentially long-lasting, psychological trauma when he finds out the two people he trusts most in the world have been LYING to him his entire life.

He deserves better than that. Adoption is nothing to be feared or hidden; there is no reason whatsoever to not tell him the truth.

Have to agree with telling him the truth sooner or later. Especially if you do try to step-parent adopt him, he will find out.....

And if the child is over 12, the child's consent is required (in NM).

Quote:

---

Quoting Acuevas88

---

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NM/TX. I have raised my stepson since he was almost two years old, he does not know anything about his biological father since he has never tried to contact him"father to son".

His biological father has been deported out of the United States. At the time of birth he did not sign any documents stating he was the father, but my soon to be wife noted him as the father even though they weren't married at the time. A few months later they got married, but then divorced a couple of years later. Judge has granted full custody to her at the time of divorce since he never showed up to the courts.

I love my son very much and would like to have my name on birth certificate, since he does not know anything about previous family.

My soon to be wife have been together for over 10 years now. We fear that my son would go through some psychological trauma of he finds out. Please some one advise us. We currently live on NM.

---

Has the father ever tried to contact his child ? Even if it was not "father to son".

I agree with others about telling the child the truth. He will find out one day if you do not tell him. Of course as Dogmatique stated. In NM the child's consent is required if he is over 12.

Quote:

---

At the time of birth he did not sign any documents stating he was the father, but my soon to be wife noted him as the father even though they weren't married at the time. A few months later they got married, but then divorced a couple of years later.

---

Quote:

---

I have raised my stepson since he was almost two years old, he does not know anything about his biological father since he has never tried to contact him"father to son".

---

so during that two + years he had no contact with his son?

If you’re going to attempt to usurp his parental rights you need to be a lot more accurate. Stories like you’ve given show you aren’t being honest. When reporting the real time period father has been absent, you don’t want to be perceived a liar.

You hsvd also conveniently avoided whether the father has provided any child support, especially recently

and I sure would like to know what;

“not father to son” actually means.

If he has attempted to see or contact the child and it be frustrated by the mother, that won’t count towards “no contact”

There are two separate issues here:

First, the stepparent adoption. No need for accusations, recriminations or guessing games. I don't see a specific statute to define abandonment by only one parent, but in the absence of such a statute I would expect a New Mexico court to find the definition at NMSA 32A-4-28(B)(3)(a)-(e) to be persuasive (the child has lived in the home of others for an extended period of time; the parent-child relationship has disintegrated; a psychological parent-child relationship has developed between the substitute family and the child; if the court deems the child of sufficient capacity to express a preference, the child no longer prefers to live with the natural parent; the substitute family desires to adopt the child.)

It's also possible that, even after being served with notice of the adoption proceeding, the biological father will fail to respond and the proceedings will continue on that basis.

I have not seen any statute that would excuse a parent's non-contact with the child for years, even if the parent is assumed to have paid some amount of support. If anybody has authority that suggests otherwise, I'm interested in reading it.

Second, keeping the adoption secret. There is a risk in keeping this sort of secret from a child and, depending on the child's age, it may not be possible to complete a stepparent adoption without the child learning that he has an absent biological father. If it may be possible to proceed without informing the child, the issue remains something that is best discussed with a family counselor.

I agree with Mr. K and I'll go furhter on the "secrecy" thing. The only thing that really stands in the way of adopted children finding their birth parent is a promise of anonimity to the parent who gave the child up. Absent that the pre-adopted father is a matter of record and I can't imagine a court ever being able to successfully seal that even in the extremely unlikely event they would be inclined to do so.

Quote:

---

Quoting flyingron

---

I agree with Mr. K and I'll go furhter on the "secrecy" thing. The only thing that really stands in the way of adopted children finding their birth parent is a promise of anonimity to the parent who gave the child up. Absent that the pre-adopted father is a matter of record and I can't imagine a court ever being able to successfully seal that even in the extremely unlikely event they would be inclined to do so.

---

I thought that adoptions were not public records. Has that changed?

Quote:

---

Quoting llworking

---

I thought that adoptions were not public records. Has that changed?

---

There are both closed and open adoptions. Closed is where the records are sealed and nobody has access without a court order. Open varies as to what is accesssible but often times some of the parties to the adoption can access, at least, some of the records. New Mexico appears to be one of the state’s that has a limited open record system.

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/infoaccessap.pdf

Quote:

---

Quoting Acuevas88

---

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NM/TX. I have raised my stepson since he was almost two years old, he does not know anything about his biological father since he has never tried to contact him"father to son".

His biological father has been deported out of the United States. At the time of birth he did not sign any documents stating he was the father, but my soon to be wife noted him as the father even though they weren't married at the time. A few months later they got married, but then divorced a couple of years later. Judge has granted full custody to her at the time of divorce since he never showed up to the courts.

I love my son very much and would like to have my name on birth certificate, since he does not know anything about previous family.

My soon to be wife have been together for over 10 years now. We fear that my son would go through some psychological trauma of he finds out. Please some one advise us. We currently live on NM.

---

Once you're married to her you can file for stepparent adoption. Honestly you guys will have to explain to the child the situation someday. What if the kid has some kind of medical issue arise and needs to know medical history of the biological father?

My brother has raised his stepson since he was two years old. He knows about his biological father - he's fine. He's known his whole life and knows that he has half siblings around the state and area. Sometimes he calls my brother Dad and sometimes by his first name. But there has been no psychological trauma and he is 13 years old now. My brother and sister in law started stepparent adoption but ran out of money.