Father Gave Up Visitation, but Wants It Back

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

Since I found out I was pregnant the father wanted nothing to do with the baby. He got back with his ex and she sent me messages of him saying "**** that kid, the I only want anything to do with you" he's also sent me messages saying he wants no relationship. He has threatened me because I've asked for child support and his girlfriend threatened and told me that she resents my child and me and can't have "that" baby around her because she's had abortions. Through out the pregnancy I told him he's welcome to visitation if he wants it and he would continue to say no.

We went to court and I have SOLE LEGAL AND PHYSICAL custody and he has NO VISITATON because he said he didn't want it to the mediator. They ordered him to pay child support and the day after he said that because of that some things are going to have to change that aren't going to work for me. I received text messages saying he doesn't want your baby get it through your thick ass skull a week before he said he wants his visitation back. I told him that he could meet him, but I'm not going to just hand him over to him and I also said I didn't feel comfortable with the girlfriend there. He said he wasn't willing to meet the child if his girlfriend wasn't there and also said if I want him to have a father than I need to tell the judge to lower child support.

I told him that would come in time when he has him some of the time. He got mad because I won't allow the girlfriend around after threatening the baby and not agreeing to lower child support and is saying he is going to take me back to court. I am concerned for my child in their care. What kind of chance does he have of getting visitations back and what kind of visitation schedule would he get if he got any? He's never met the child or ever asked about him until after he was five months. Although I've allowed the grandma to see the child three times which he is using against me.

He has an excellent chance at getting a court-ordered, enforceable, visitation plan.

(In fact, there's just about zero chance of him not getting visitation)

You can request a supervised, graduated plan so he and the child can become familiarized, which will progress to unsupervised overnights, weekends and longer periods in the summer. You will not be able to restrict the girlfriend once Dad gets regular visitation unless you can prove that she's actually a risk to the child.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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He has an excellent chance at getting a court-ordered, enforceable, visitation plan.

(In fact, there's just about zero chance of him not getting visitation)

You can request a supervised, graduated plan so he and the child can become familiarized, which will progress to unsupervised overnights, weekends and longer periods in the summer. You will not be able to restrict the girlfriend once Dad gets regular visitation unless you can prove that she's actually a risk to the child.

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I agree...but that is assuming that dad really does want visitation. Its clear that dad really wants to pay less child support, but its not at all clear that if dad gets a visitation order that he will actually exercise it.

Mom, if he takes you to court I would push hard for the supervised visitation...and for there to be a specific number of visits in each phase, before he progresses to the next. If he really wants visitation he will go through the phases and do the work to get to normal visitation/parenting time. If he doesn't really want visitation, he will stop doing the visits because he will consider them to be too much work.

OP if you have documentation of what has been said, I'd hang onto it and present it in court if possible - the hostility towards the child shown by both dad and especially the girlfriend combined with the fact that he is obviously asking for visitation in retaliation for child support is concerning at best.

Unless there is a documentable safety issue, it should not be assumed that the court will be receptive to an argument for supervised visitation -- in fact, you should expect the opposite. If the father has no experience with infants, it may be more sensible to ask the court to order that he complete a basic parenting class before visitation commences.

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Quoting ksmom

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OP if you have documentation of what has been said, I'd hang onto it and present it in court if possible - the hostility towards the child shown by both dad and especially the girlfriend combined with the fact that he is obviously asking for visitation in retaliation for child support is concerning at best.

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Or, the OP is horribly jealous of the new girlfriend and obviously wants to do everything in her power to thwart Dad's attempts at being in his child's life.

See how that can be twisted around? Your advice could cause a huge problem for the OP and put her credibility in doubt.

So texts and/or emails documenting resentment, hostility and threats towards the child is not a documentable safety issue?

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Quoting ksmom

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So texts and/or emails documenting resentment, hostility and threats towards the child is not a documentable safety issue?

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Unless a lot more substantiated fact is added to the allegations, no, that's just a load of hot air, not evidence that the father poses even a slight risk to the child.

You seriously need an attorney.

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Quoting Mr. Knowitall

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Unless there is a documentable safety issue, it should not be assumed that the court will be receptive to an argument for supervised visitation -- in fact, you should expect the opposite. If the father has no experience with infants, it may be more sensible to ask the court to order that he complete a basic parenting class before visitation commences.

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Its quite standard and normal for a parent to have to start off visiting in a supervised manner. We are not talking about a supervised visitation center here, we are talking about dad visiting in the presence of someone known to the child to start off with, so that the child gets to know dad in a manner that is comfortable for the child.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Or, the OP is horribly jealous of the new girlfriend and obviously wants to do everything in her power to thwart Dad's attempts at being in his child's life.

See how that can be twisted around? Your advice could cause a huge problem for the OP and put her credibility in doubt.

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That could be twisted around in lots of cases, but it would be hard to do in this one, since dad made his hostility clear to the mediator when mom was awarded sole legal and physical custody. There may be other court professionals as well to whom he expressed his opinion.

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Quoting Mr. Knowitall

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Unless a lot more substantiated fact is added to the allegations, no, that's just a load of hot air, not evidence that the father poses even a slight risk to the child.

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He flat out told the mediator, and possibly other court professionals that he did not want visitation. It was probably written into the court order that he declined visitation. While that may not be evidence that the child would be in physical danger, its certainly a cause to be careful. However, as I said before its very common for visitation to start out supervised.