How to Protect a Child from the Mother's Drug-Using Boyfriend, Just Out of Prison
(North Carolina) Hi everyone. Before I begin, I just want to go ahead and thank you for taking the time to read my post. My friend, who we'll call Katie, has an eight year old daughter (we'll call her Maddy) who is constantly around Katie's loser boyfriend. Katie has been dating her boyfriend (we'll call him Mark) on and off for three years. Mark only uses Katie for money and her car and constantly cheats on her because he knows she will forgive him. In the middle of November, Mark was released from an almost two year prison sentence. Keep in mind, this is not his first visit to jail or prison. While he is serving time, he uses Katie because she stupidly sends him money every week and takes care of him while he is locked up. I'm going to go ahead and be completely honest in this post- she was also sending suboxone strips into the prison by "melting" them to envelopes with random cards inside. Maddy, her daughter, can't stand Mark because she hears the way that Mark talks to Katie. Constantly calling her names, belittling her, and overall treating her terribly. Katie has serious self confidence issues and "buys her boyfriends" for lack of a better term.
Mark doesn't care about Katie at all and is only "dating" her because she is constantly handing him money and letting him drive her car (without a license) to go around and do who knows what. Now, I know that Katie is dumb for staying with Mark but that's not the point of this post. I, along with many other people, have tried telling her that he doesn't care about her one bit but she refuses to listen because she always says that he has "changed." Katie is so blind to the fact that Mark is a complete loser and couldn't possibly care less about her.
Now that I've given some background, this is where I have a problem. I love Katie's daughter like she's my own. Maddy is a very smart and sweet little girl but she knows way too much for her age. Katie takes pain pills regularly but she still functions just fine- you'd never be able to tell. Not saying that makes it okay, because it absolutely doesn't. Now that Mark is out of prison, he has gone back to his old ways of buying, using, and selling pills, marijuana, etc. Katie does whatever Mark tells her to do. I've never considered Katie a bad mother until now and I really hate to say that. A few weeks ago, Maddy and I were talking and she casually mentioned something about xanax. An eight year old should NOT under any circumstances know what xanax is. Katie has convinced herself that her daughter loves Mark and wants him to be her dad- which she doesn't at all. Maddy doesn't like Mark in the slightest, as I said above.
Mark doesn't like me because he knows that I tell Katie what kind of person that he is so he told her not to talk to me- and she listened. She will do whatever he says no matter what. Though I am worried about my friend, I'm worried about her daughter, Maddy, more than anything. Mark hangs out with some dangerous people. He is constantly high on pain pills, marijuana, xanax, you name it. He is always in possession of some sort of pill and he is always hanging around bad people. I know that this situation is not any of my business but I am genuinely worried about Maddy, especially being only eight years old. I have tried talking to Katie but she absolutely will not listen to anything that I say regarding Mark. As terrible as this is to say, if it came down to it, I truly believe she would choose Mark over her daughter.
Is there anything I can do in this situation? I have always been one to mind my own business but I am truly worried about Maddy being in the predicament that she is in. Mark was released from prison only a few weeks ago and he is already back on an even worse path than he was before. Maddy's dad is a drug addict and isn't really in her life so that isn't an option. Katie's parents are both addicts as well. I just want the best for this little girl and as much as I used to respect my friend as a mother, I no longer do. What steps, if any, should I take here? Thank you for reading and I appreciate any replies.
Re: Friend Has 8yr Old Daughter Around Drug Using Boyfriend Just Released from Prison
Call child services - or the equivalent in your location - if you think the child is being neglected or abused.
Non-legal advice: You are far too involved in their lives, and you should be prepared to be completely removed from the child's life.. And as far as this goes ..
Quote:
An eight year old should NOT under any circumstances know what xanax is
you are way out of line.
Again, your recourse is to contact child protective services or its equivalent.
Re: How to Protect a Child from the Mother's Drug-Using Boyfriend, Just Out of Prison
Quote:
Quoting
Calliebells
(North Carolina) Hi everyone. Before I begin, I just want to go ahead and thank you for taking the time to read my post. My friend, who we'll call Katie, has an eight year old daughter (we'll call her Maddy) who is constantly around Katie's loser boyfriend. Katie has been dating her boyfriend (we'll call him Mark) on and off for three years. Mark only uses Katie for money and her car and constantly cheats on her because he knows she will forgive him. In the middle of November, Mark was released from an almost two year prison sentence. Keep in mind, this is not his first visit to jail or prison. While he is serving time, he uses Katie because she stupidly sends him money every week and takes care of him while he is locked up. I'm going to go ahead and be completely honest in this post- she was also sending suboxone strips into the prison by "melting" them to envelopes with random cards inside. Maddy, her daughter, can't stand Mark because she hears the way that Mark talks to Katie. Constantly calling her names, belittling her, and overall treating her terribly. Katie has serious self confidence issues and "buys her boyfriends" for lack of a better term.
Mark doesn't care about Katie at all and is only "dating" her because she is constantly handing him money and letting him drive her car (without a license) to go around and do who knows what. Now, I know that Katie is dumb for staying with Mark but that's not the point of this post. I, along with many other people, have tried telling her that he doesn't care about her one bit but she refuses to listen because she always says that he has "changed." Katie is so blind to the fact that Mark is a complete loser and couldn't possibly care less about her.
Now that I've given some background, this is where I have a problem. I love Katie's daughter like she's my own. Maddy is a very smart and sweet little girl but she knows way too much for her age. Katie takes pain pills regularly but she still functions just fine- you'd never be able to tell. Not saying that makes it okay, because it absolutely doesn't. Now that Mark is out of prison, he has gone back to his old ways of buying, using, and selling pills, marijuana, etc. Katie does whatever Mark tells her to do. I've never considered Katie a bad mother until now and I really hate to say that. A few weeks ago, Maddy and I were talking and she casually mentioned something about xanax. An eight year old should NOT under any circumstances know what xanax is. Katie has convinced herself that her daughter loves Mark and wants him to be her dad- which she doesn't at all. Maddy doesn't like Mark in the slightest, as I said above.
Mark doesn't like me because he knows that I tell Katie what kind of person that he is so he told her not to talk to me- and she listened. She will do whatever he says no matter what. Though I am worried about my friend, I'm worried about her daughter, Maddy, more than anything. Mark hangs out with some dangerous people. He is constantly high on pain pills, marijuana, xanax, you name it. He is always in possession of some sort of pill and he is always hanging around bad people. I know that this situation is not any of my business but I am genuinely worried about Maddy, especially being only eight years old. I have tried talking to Katie but she absolutely will not listen to anything that I say regarding Mark. As terrible as this is to say, if it came down to it, I truly believe she would choose Mark over her daughter.
Is there anything I can do in this situation? I have always been one to mind my own business but I am truly worried about Maddy being in the predicament that she is in. Mark was released from prison only a few weeks ago and he is already back on an even worse path than he was before. Maddy's dad is a drug addict and isn't really in her life so that isn't an option. Katie's parents are both addicts as well. I just want the best for this little girl and as much as I used to respect my friend as a mother, I no longer do. What steps, if any, should I take here? Thank you for reading and I appreciate any replies.
Legally you really have no say in the matter. If you think the child is being abused you call CPS or the police. That's about all you can do. Your friend will date whoever she wants. If there is a father of the child in the picture, he could try to fight for custody. But only he can.
I'll tell you this - you have to walk a fine line with your friend when criticizing her boyfriend or she will block you from her life. It happened to me. One of my ex sisters in law I was close to - well both - but closer to the other. She has worse choice in men than I do. She blocked me out of her life after I told her current husband off for breaking her phone after he told her he wanted a divorce a few years ago. She got mad at me. She's not the same person she was before him and she has four kids with this other guy who is a big POS too. I told him off plenty of times and she got mad but not like this. I worry about those girls all the time because they were like nieces to me - they have called me aunt since they could talk. I worry about them because her husband is shady, I've heard he's a drug dealer and he gives me a creeper vibe. Those girls have acted differently since he came around (oh she got engaged to him after she knew him a month...let him basically move in like a couple weeks after she met him.).
I know her mom called CPS on her once and nothing came of it. It's really hard to just sit by and there's nothing you can legally do when you think kids are in a bad situation. The most you can do is call the police or CPS and that's about it. If none of her other family is better...than she's probably just stuck with her mom. Unless you can convince her mom to grow up and leave the ass...but I know how that is and I got defensive when people criticized me about my ex husband. I knew they were right that's why. You can just keep calling authorities and that's about it.
Why shouldn't an eight year old know what Xanax is? What if a kid had to take that or something like it? They'd have to know what it is.
At this point you need to just completely walk away. There is nothing you can do until the mom wants to leave him. Absolutely nothing.
Re: How to Protect a Child from the Mother's Drug-Using Boyfriend, Just Out of Prison
How do you know about Katie sending Mark drugs in jail ? Did you call law enforcement or someone at the jail about the drugs ?
Re: How to Protect a Child from the Mother's Drug-Using Boyfriend, Just Out of Prison
And if you have any knowledge that "Mark" is holding onto all these drugs, you'd think that his probation or parole officer could use that info and he'd go back to jail.
Now, here's where I am confused. He has been in "prison" for nearly 2 years. He got out in mid-November. Soooo ... he's only been out for three weeks or less? And in those three weeks he has done ALL the stuff you mentioned?!?!? Or, did he do all that stuff a couple of years ago?
As mentioned if you know about all this evil he is up to now, call the police or his probation/parole officer. If you are reaching back into history and assuming things are going to go back the way they were, you may well have to wait for things to get there again before any action can be taken.