Consequences of Repeated Violations of a Custody Order

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: PA...philadelphia pa
I cannot stand my ex wife anymore. The mere sight and sound of her makes me furious and sick to my stomach. Unfortunately we have 2 children and the fact that she's raising them to be lazy dumb pigs like her drives me crazy. I had courts do a custody evaluation- which she didn't even have to pay for- and she brainwashed our kids into telling them I beat her up, I think they let her keep primary custody just to be safe than sorry bc the evaluation was a joke- they didn't change ANYTHING in the temporary custody order.

Our order says I get the kids on my 2 days off which changes every 2 weeks, I know that might not be that great for them but it's just the shift I'm on. Pick up is curb side and we're supposed to text each other to agree on a time.

It also says both of us are entitled to attend meeting and appointments for school and therapy and doctors. 1 kid has autism and the other one has speech delays and maybe also autism so theres always a lot of appointments.

It also says additional time as agreed between the parents.

We have shared legal and there's a first refusal part where we get to babysit for the other parent if the parent can't take care of the kids during thier time.
The courts don't understand how unbearable this woman is. If I have to ask her what time I can pick up my own children she'll tell me a time that's convenient for her. So I just text her when I'm out front. She complains all the time about it tho and threatens me with contempt.

There is no way I'm sitting thru any meetings with her but everytime I ask the school and the doctors for a seperate meeting she first sends them all a copy of the order and threatens them if they try to exclude her, as if they all already didn't schedule a meeting just for her, then she threatens me for contempt. I just don't go if she's going to be there. Fortunately, the school my son goes to knows she's a problem so thankfully just this year they let me keep a seperate meeting despite her protests. Last year she wanted to put him in a different school, now I know why. I'm so glad both schools listened to me when I told them both- the school he's in and the school that said he could attend- to cancel all meetings, that my son is not to change schools.

I can't stand her around our kids, so if I have to work late there's no way I'm going to ask her to watch them. But if she finds out, she threatens contempt. I let her watch them if I have to work on my day off so it's not like I do it often, but these are petty things.

Because of my job, I don't get them on most of the holidays. So if my family is doing something I'll ask her a few days ahead of time if I can get them for a few hours. Always the same thing- no text back until the day before or she'll get back to me and then doesn't. This year, if she didn't get back to me afyer a day or two, I would ask my daughter first and then her. She spoils our kids rotten, but I still love them and still want to see them. So if I have to use her crappy parenting against her since she can't say no to our kids just so I can see our kids I'm going to do it. We are divorced, she can't get it thru her dumb ugly head that she can't make me do what she wants anymore.

My lawyer told me a while ago that one the custody order is in place philadelphia family court doesn't care if it's followed as long as I don't try to steal the kids. Monday she called me and said my ex filed for contempt and that over the past 2 years I violated it over a hundred times. Now my lawyer is saying I might have gone overboard and is saying my ex might get the changes she wants. It's not really a hundred violations more like 20 to 30 of 4 or 5 different things.

Even though my ex texted me about every little thing I did wrong she still waited 2 years to do anything about it. If she really had a problem with me texting her when I was there instead of asking her what time I could come, shouldn't she have filed for contempt 2 years ago? 1.5 years ago? A year ago? She let it all go on for 2 years. Can I really get in trouble for this because NOW my exwife wants to do something about it?

I know all this might sound bad, but she really is an awful person. No one likes her. I think she's only doing it now bc technically we aren't divorced yet but it's definitely winding up to be over. I think she's just trying to use the kids to make herself look better somehow when we get before a judge for the trial. Won't family court notice that?

I'm sorry, but you cannot sit there and complain about Mom's "crappy parenting" when you have voluntarily left your children in the care of this dreadful woman; frankly, it sounds like it would be best for the children if you simply didn't see them again. The hate you harbour towards their mother is toxic, and will hurt them more than you could ever fathom and you seem to have checked out as far as parenting goes anyway.

As far as Mom getting what shes asking for ... well, you spent so long dissing her, that you forgot to mention what it is she's actually wanting from the court.

She wants sole legal and she wants me to take the kids on the weekends, every weekend, even though I work most weekends. She of course doesn't have a job. She also wants to NOW give up her first refusal, and have me get a sitter that she approves of. A sitter in my home on the weekends with my kids while I'm at work and she's doing whatever she feels like.
I know I'm not doing a good job of explaining what kind of person she is. But she is terrible and had to control everything.
I can't believe she would even suggest something like this and claim it's best for the kids! The kids had no problem coming on my two days off even though they change every week, so how can she say it's best for them, irs best for her. I know having the same days is more consistent but that just makes it easier for her to control everything. Aside from that I'd only get to spend half a day w them on the weekends bc of my job.
Is seems crazy from my point of view that a court would even think about giving her her way since she waited two years to complain about it!
To me it looks obvious this is what's best FOR HER, and shes using the kids as an excuse! Would court seriously not see it that way?

Dad, I completely lost all respect for you when you said this:

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the fact that she's raising them to be lazy dumb pigs like her drives me crazy

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Calling the mother of your children a fat lazy pig is bad enough, calling your children fat lazy pigs is just disgusting.

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Quoting llworking

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Dad, I completely lost all respect for you when you said this:



Calling the mother of your children a fat lazy pig is bad enough, calling your children fat lazy pigs is just disgusting.

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I never said fat. And I know how bad that sounds. But she doesn't do anything with or for the kids. She just let's them sit on thier phones all day every day. The only time they aren't on thier phones is when they are at school. The house is dirty and the kids clothes are sloppy looking. You lose respect for me because I want more for my children?
All I want to know is if after 2 years can my ex really expect to bring contempt charges against me. Can she really get sole legal just because i wont ask her what time i can pick up my children on my day? Can I really be forced to take the kids on the weekends evwn though ill be working just so my ex wife can go out whoring? Im sure I'll get a bunch of crap for that but be real, why else does she want me to take the kids on the weekends only? She doesn't have a job, she does nothing to better our children's lives, she cares only about herself and controlling everyone around her- how am I the bad guy for not wanting my kids around her?

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Quoting jlinphl

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I never said fat.

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That is right, you said lazy dumb pigs. I got that part wrong.

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And I know how bad that sounds. But she doesn't do anything with or for the kids. She just let's them sit on thier phones all day every day. The only time they aren't on thier phones is when they are at school. The house is dirty and the kids clothes are sloppy looking. You lose respect for me because I want more for my children?

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I lost respect for you because of the way you talk about your wife and your children. While there are some people who talk nasty about their exes or soon to be exes almost nobody says those kinds of things about their children.

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All I want to know is if after 2 years can my ex really expect to bring contempt charges against me. Can she really get sole legal just because i wont ask her what time i can pick up my children on my day? Can I really be forced to take the kids on the weekends evwn though ill be working just so my ex wife can go out whoring? Im sure I'll get a bunch of crap for that but be real, why else does she want me to take the kids on the weekends only? She doesn't have a job, she does nothing to better our children's lives, she cares only about herself and controlling everyone around her- how am I the bad guy for not wanting my kids around her?

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I am done with you. That paragraph is the final straw. Hire a lawyer.

And I didn't volutarily leave. I told her to clean the house. She told me to do it myself or get out. I'm sorry but I work 60,70 hours a week so essentially she threw me out. While she did and still does absolutely nothing. Now that I have a new life she can't stand it and wants to keep controlling me thru the kids. The only time I get to spend time w my girlfriend is every other Saturday night. And now she wants me to take the kids during that time? And claim it's for consistency for the children? It's bs.
All I want to know is if court will really consider her complaining after 2 years, if she can really get sole custody, sole legal custody of our 2 children, just because I won't bend to her.

Does your wife work ? Why can't the children help with the housework? Did you throw your clothes on the floor ? Did you expect your wife to wait on you hand and foot ? How often did you offer to help clean the kitchen after supper ? Or on weekends ?

Being a wife and mother doesn't mean being a maid. Everyone should have responsibilities at home. If a child can walk. They can be given certain chores to do. Like picking up their clothes, taking their dishes to the kitchen/sink, etc. Of course, the chores should be age appropriate. It instills responsibility in children.They don't grow up thinking they don't have to clean up their messes

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Quoting Mercy&Grace

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Does your wife work ? Why can't the children help with the housework? Did you throw your clothes on the floor ? Did you expect your wife to wait on you hand and foot ? How often did you offer to help clean the kitchen after supper ? Or on weekends ?

Being a wife and mother doesn't mean being a maid. Everyone should have responsibilities at home. If a child can walk. They can be given certain chores to do. Like picking up their clothes, taking their dishes to the kitchen/sink, etc. Of course, the chores should be age appropriate. It instills responsibility in children.They don't grow up thinking they don't have to clean up their messes

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None of that actually matters at this point or has anything to do with my questions.
Will philadelphia family court find me in contempt 2 years after the custody order was in effect? Will a judge give sole legal to my ex simply because I refuse to ask her what time I can pick up my children? Can a judge make the only visitation time I get with my children on days I work instead of my days off when my ex has no job and wants me to take the kids on the weekends?
That's all I want to know.

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Quoting jlinphl

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None of that actually matters at this point or has anything to do with my questions.
Will philadelphia family court find me in contempt 2 years after the custody order was in effect? Will a judge give sole legal to my ex simply because I refuse to ask her what time I can pick up my children? Can a judge make the only visitation time I get with my children on days I work instead of my days off when my ex has no job and wants me to take the kids on the weekends?
That's all I want to know.

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1. We cannot predict the future.
2. Yes, she can ask for sole legal and yes, a judge may order it
3. Yes, a judge can do that.

Understand? You're still thinking of yourself and you're still not thinking about your children.