Division of Weekend Visitation Between Parents

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Quoting llworking

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That can work for some children but other's absolutely hate it...for all of the reasons that hr for me stated and some more as well. Again, its mostly about fairness to the parents rather than fairness to the children. In my purely personal opinion children need one place to call home, no matter how much they want to see their other parent. I have never seen a 50/50 timeshare work in the long haul. I know a family that did a very good job of it (lived in the same neighborhood and allowed their children free reign to move between both houses, the children just had to sleep at the home of the parent whose time it was) but even with them it fell apart when the kids got to be teenagers.

Also, many judges will not order a 50/50 schedule over the objections of one of the parents. The reason for that is that 50/50 takes a huge amount of cooperation to have any hope of working and if parents are not in agreement, the necessary cooperation is not going to be there.

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When they were teenagers, what issues did the parents run into?

These are all excellent points, and I really enjoy everyone’s opinions/views on the every other week, or 50/50, scenario.

Someone mentioned the school district issue. With the way things stand now, she would be attending school in Mom’s district. That particular district is very small, and in my opinion, extremely undesirable. It is regionally known/considered “bottom of the barrel” in terms of state test scores, educational opportunities, graduation rates, etc.. According to my attorney, school districts weigh heavily on our judge’s decision (as opposed to the other family court judge).

This has turned into a great discussion. Also, if anyone is willing to share I wouldn’t mind hearing more stories regarding the pros/cons of a 50/50 scenario.

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Quoting GladDad

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When they were teenagers, what issues did the parents run into?

These are all excellent points, and I really enjoy everyone’s opinions/views on the every other week, or 50/50, scenario.

Someone mentioned the school district issue. With the way things stand now, she would be attending school in Mom’s district. That particular district is very small, and in my opinion, extremely undesirable. It is regionally known/considered “bottom of the barrel” in terms of state test scores, educational opportunities, graduation rates, etc.. According to my attorney, school districts weigh heavily on our judge’s decision (as opposed to the other family court judge).

This has turned into a great discussion. Also, if anyone is willing to share I wouldn’t mind hearing more stories regarding the pros/cons of a 50/50 scenario.

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If that's what your attorney is actually saying, it makes no sense for anyone here to second-guess him ... though I question the wisdom of raising school as an issue when she's only 3 years old.

That said, my concern is that so far you haven't talked much about what's best for the child. She's 3, not 13. She needs stability and consistency and the schedule you're proposing seems far less likely to promote that than you might realize.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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If that's what your attorney is actually saying, it makes no sense for anyone here to second-guess him ... though I question the wisdom of raising school as an issue when she's only 3 years old.

That said, my concern is that so far you haven't talked much about what's best for the child. She's 3, not 13. She needs stability and consistency and the schedule you're proposing seems far less likely to promote that than you might realize.

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By all means, I’m trying my best to remove myself from the situation to keep my daughter’s best interest as the center piece.

So therein lies another question.. do you sacrifice a potentially much greater opportunity in regards to her education for stability and consistency?

Or do you push for her to have to those opportunities/advancements and risk the stability?

It has been my observation (with regards to school), that what is often more important than test scores, in-school opportunities, etc. is what level of involvement and enrichment is provided by the family. Parents who get involved in the schools and make opportunities for their children are much more important, IMO. A kid can go to the best school, but if the parents aren't involved, the school is wasted on that child. Conversely, a child going to a less stellar school with parents read with/to them and expose them to a variety of extracurriculars (music, art, sports, various excursions), will thrive and succeed. Obviously, this isn't a universal truth, but ... Something to think about.

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Quoting GladDad

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When they were teenagers, what issues did the parents run into?

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The children were just flat out sick and tired of switching homes every other week.

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Someone mentioned the school district issue. With the way things stand now, she would be attending school in Mom’s district. That particular district is very small, and in my opinion, extremely undesirable. It is regionally known/considered “bottom of the barrel” in terms of state test scores, educational opportunities, graduation rates, etc.. According to my attorney, school districts weigh heavily on our judge’s decision (as opposed to the other family court judge).

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If you think that a poor school district is a valid "change in circumstance" to switch primary custody to you, then you are wrong. I cannot believe that your attorney is suggesting that.

This has turned into a great discussion. Also, if anyone is willing to share I wouldn’t mind hearing more stories regarding the pros/cons of a 50/50 scenario.[/QUOTE]

Well, put yourself in someone else's shoes for a moment. How would you feel about having to switch homes every other week?

When my ex and I split, he wanted 50/50. I felt it could be tough on the kids, so suggested we try "nesting" (where the parents are the ones who swap out on a weekly basis, while the kids stay in their home). His response? "No - that would be too disruptive to my life." Well..... if it's disruptive for an adult, how is it less so for kids?

Note: we did try 50/50 for ~18mos. It was not successful.

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Quoting llworking

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Well, put yourself in someone else's shoes for a moment. How would you feel about having to switch homes every other week?

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This is an excellent way to look at it.

Honestly I've always considered "nesting" to be in the best interests of the child (as that is more like both parents are just travelling opposite weeks on business). But have yet to find 2 parents unselfish enough to do it -- and usually it only lasts until one or both get a new significant other who doesn't want to either do it with them or doesn't want them gone every other week.

As for schools, I grew up in a rural subpar school system and turned out find with a college degree and a successful career, marriage and children (two of whom have their own college degrees). I agree that parenting is more important than schooling. I've see kids blossom in subpar systems and kids fail in exemplary ones due to fierce competition.

And at 3, unless your DD is requiring early services, school districts aren't a large deal for a few more years. And who knows where mom will be then?

Thank you all for the insight! We’re sitting down together next week (lawyers aside) in an effort to get this resolved before our hearing date.

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Quoting GladDad

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Thank you all for the insight! We’re sitting down together next week (lawyers aside) in an effort to get this resolved before our hearing date.

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That is great but keep in mind when you are negotiating that you are not operating from a position of strength. In all of this discussion you still do not seem to understand that.