Is My Mom Financially Abusing Me

My question involves personal finance in the State of: Maryland

Hello, I am 21 years old, and living with my mom because I do not make enough to move out. My mom charges me to pay rent (though without any form of lease and agreement and will not let me question her about how it seems a bit shady to me), as well as spends a lot of money on herself.

My problem here is that I have a credit card. My mom and I have agreed to only charge gas for the car on it, but very often my mom will tell me she just "needs" to charge something that is not gas to it, and she will "pay [me] back for it" when the bill comes in. Upon the bill coming in, she tells me she "forgot" she charged it to my card, and says that "we can split it; [she] pay half and I pay half" even if it is not something we agreed we would split the cost on, but also going on back on her word of paying me back in full. When I try to tell her she said she'd pay it back, she only says "I am, I am just paying half of it, so I am paying you back for it" while forcing me to pay for something we agreed would not charge to my card. because of this, my credit card almost always is at $350-$400 on it by the end of the month when I get the credit card bill. Its max is currently $500 because I am a new cardholder. I have complained to my mom about this several times but she just shrugs and tells me "the max is $500 so what is the problem?"

My personal problem is that she plows through not only her funds, but now mine as well and then forces me to pay half of what she charges to my credit card without my permission. My current monthly income with my job is only about $700-$900 a month, so roughly $350 to $400 per paycheck, as I get paid twice a month by my boss. I cannot keep up with trying to pay $50 per paycheck for her "rent," save my money (I try for 50% or 30% the paycheck I get..10% at the lowest), personal pleasure buys (food, movies, art commissions; etc.) and paying more than I should have to for my credit card at the end of each month, and it is not my fault that my mother does not know how to manage her own personal finances, and is now bringing those problems to me. I have been told by a friend that this is financial abuse, and would like to know what I can do about it.

I am assuming that you are not subject to a guardianship by virtue of your being legally incapacitated.

You can decline to allow your mother to use your credit card. Also, if you think your mother is charging you too much rent, you can move out.

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Quoting Mr. Knowitall

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I am assuming that you are not subject to a guardianship by virtue of your being legally incapacitated.

You can decline to allow your mother to use your credit card. Also, if you think your mother is charging you too much rent, you can move out.

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This does not answer the main question on if this is financial abuse or not. Also, I stated I cannot move out because I don't make enough to move out, let alone rent some place. I know my mom is being very forgiving with only charging me $50 per paycheck, but with everything else I cannot keep up. I am always finding myself pulling money OUT of my savings, and putting nothing in now, just to pay off what she has already forced me to pay for.

For the sake of argument, let's say for the moment that it is.

What do you plan to do about it? Report her to the police? If she's in jail, who's going to pay the rent that you're too poor to pay?

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Quoting cbg

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For the sake of argument, let's say for the moment that it is.

What do you plan to do about it? Report her to the police? If she's in jail, who's going to pay the rent that you're too poor to pay?

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Well, I don't PLAN to take her to court. I just want to make her see that what she's doing is wrong, and make it stop. That's all I want. I want her to stop using my money to buy herself things. I don't want her buying herself things she can't buy with her own money, just because I have a source of income.

All I want from her is to respect what we agreed on, to only put gas money on my credit card like we agreed when I applied for the card to my bank.

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Quoting cgaffn

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I have been told by a friend that this is financial abuse, and would like to know what I can do about it.

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There isn’t a crime in Maryland called “financial abuse.” If she took your card without authorization and charged stuff to it, that would be the crime of credit card theft in Maryland. But that does not seem to be what is going on here.

As you describe it, she tells you ahead of time she wants to use the card for something for herseld and promises to pay you back for it when the bill comes. You evidently let her do that based on her promise. That makes this a loan arrangement; you are basically loaning her the money and she promises to repay. Then when the bill does arrive, she changes her mind and says she’ll only pay half. That’s a breach of contract, not a crime. You may sue her in small claims court for it if you want.

You are free to take possession of the credit card and not let her use it so that she doesn’t run up more bills and then stick you with paying for her charges. Or you can simply cancel the card. Either way, you still have to pay whatever is currently owed on it.

The flip side of this is that your mother could respond by raising your rent or terminating your lease altogether. You say that she charges you $50 per paycheck for rent and you get paid twice a month, so that’s $100/month for rent. I daresay you wouldn’t find your own place for rent anywhere that low. And then there is food and utilities. Who is paying for that at home? Your mother? Food and utilities would easily run you several hundred dollars a month more on your own. Let's consider the car. Whose car is it? Your mother’s car? Who pays for the insurance, title and registration fees, and maintenance on the car? What about the car payments, if any? If your mother is paying all that, that may be saving you another several hundred dollars a month. You are an adult and she doesn’t have to do any of that for you. While it would be great to save half of what you make, on your own you’d be lucky to save anything on a $700-900 month income. The point here is that you ought to look at the total picture here: not just what she is taking from you in rent and the failure to pay up on a few hundred dollars a month in charges but also what benefits she is giving you. Because if you make too much of a fuss about what she is not paying on the credit card she could simply cut off everything she provides you, tell you to get out, and then you’d be left to fend for yourself.

So, you certainly may sue her to get back the money she promised to pay on those charges. You might, though, be penny wise and dollar foolish in going that route.

You rent space from her. She can spend that money any way she wants. She can't charge anything to your credit card unless you allow her to. She has to have the card or info to use it. You are the only one that she can get it from. Does she also prepare your meals, do your laundry, etc ? You can't control your mother. If you don't like what she does, you can move out. By the way, she does not have to allow you to live under her too. You can rent a room or find an apartment and get a roommate.

No your mother is not financially abusing you.

Again. I said it in my post above yours, I don't plan to make legal actions.
Thank you for your information.

As for her spending the RENT money I pay. Yes she can. She cannot, however, use my card because I don't pay the rent with the card money >_>

Anyways. Thanks for the information. Got the answers I needed.

Have her write up a lease agreement. If you do not pay her the amounts the lease state and on the dates it states she can have you evicted.

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Quoting cgaffn

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This does not answer the main question on if this is financial abuse or not.

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Yes, it actually does. As a legally competent adult, you can say "no". If you're competent to manage your own affairs, your choice to give money to your mother, your choice to rent from her without a written rental agreement, and your choice to let her use your credit card while knowing she may not pay you back, are all on you.

If your current job doesn't pay enough for you to move out, get a better job or a second job. Lots of people your age are self-sufficient.