Can Parents Give Consent for Statutory Rape

My question involves juvenile law in the State of: Pennsylvania.........My daughter has been dating a young man (with her mom and myself's approval) She is 15, he is 19. Somebody reported them to Children and Youth. They have admitted to having sex. Children and Youth informed us that it was illegal for them to engage in sexual intercourse since PA law says she has to be 16 to consent to sexual activity. No charges have been filed as of yet and my wife and I do not plan on filing. We are perfectly ok with her dating him. Not crazy about the sex but how do you stop that? My question is: Is there any law on the books that prevent these two from continuing a "non-sexual" relationship or has that ship sailed since sex has already become an issue?

They are free to have a non-sexual relationship. Good luck getting anyone to believe they aren't still doing it, cause they are going to unless they are never left alone for a second, if a follow up investigation occurs. Do you wanna lose custody of your kid(s)?

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Quoting chumly222

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My question involves juvenile law in the State of: Pennsylvania.........My daughter has been dating a young man (with her mom and myself's approval) She is 15, he is 19. Somebody reported them to Children and Youth. They have admitted to having sex. Children and Youth informed us that it was illegal for them to engage in sexual intercourse since PA law says she has to be 16 to consent to sexual activity. No charges have been filed as of yet and my wife and I do not plan on filing. We are perfectly ok with her dating him. Not crazy about the sex but how do you stop that? My question is: Is there any law on the books that prevent these two from continuing a "non-sexual" relationship or has that ship sailed since sex has already become an issue?

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Try parenting your child. That'd be a good start. Have you never heard of grounding? Ever heard of "kicking them out of the garden of Eden"?

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Quoting free9man

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They are free to have a non-sexual relationship. Good luck getting anyone to believe they aren't still doing it, cause they are going to unless they are never left alone for a second, if a follow up investigation occurs. Do you wanna lose custody of your kid(s)?

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Im looking at this from a legal standpoint. I am not exactly thrilled that they are having sex. Neither is my wife. The boy in question is a very good, determined young man that has a good head on his shoulders. Works full time, has his own truck that he bought with his own money ect ect ect. I understand that they may have sex again but from a legal standpoint, how is children and youth going to prove that unless they say they did it? I was just curious if they would be allowed (under law) to continue a non sexual relationship. I'm not asking the two to lie about it either. Honestly, he is so damn scared he is going to go to jail right now that sex is the last thing on his mind. She turns 16 in early February so I'm hopeful that they can keep their pants on until then. Longer in a perfect world. LOL I have been looking all over PA's govt website for the section where I can read about the law on this but it is way to complicated for me to understand. Thank you for your response.

I guess this means you are also ready to be called "grandpa" in the near future? Especially if you do nothing to discourage it and just throw your hands up.....again YOU are the parent.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Try parenting your child. That'd be a good start. Have you never heard of grounding? Ever heard of "kicking them out of the garden of Eden"?

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Im not here for a sermon.....I came here asking for legal advice/help. Don't tell me I'm bad parent. How do you know she hasn't been grounded? You don't know me, my wife, my daughter or the young man in question. I will thank you for keeping your ignorant comments to yourself from this moment forward. When I want parenting advice, I will go to a parenting forum.

Again, I didn't come here for parenting advice. I am looking for legal help. You don't know any part of our personal life except for what I chose to disclose.

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Quoting hr for me

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I guess this means you are also ready to be called "grandpa" in the near future? Especially if you do nothing to discourage it and just throw your hands up.....again YOU are the parent.

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Did I ask for parenting advice? Nope!!! I'm looking for legal advice. Don't judge something you know NOTHING about. Thank you

Not crazy about the sex but how do you stop that?

By saying No. You may not go out with this young man.

You have the right to do that. And to make it stick.

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Quoting cbg

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Not crazy about the sex but how do you stop that?

By saying No. You may not go out with this young man.

You have the right to do that. And to make it stick.

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Look. We don't throw a box of condoms at these two and tell them to have at it!!!! We try to keep our eyes on them as much as possible but it is not possible for us to watch them when she was with him at his house. We don't let them do things that we feel may put them in a situation that would tempt them into thinking they could get away with it. You forget that the boy has parents too? They both admitted to having sex at HIS house, not ours!!! (she is not allowed to go there anymore) They confessed at separate times too so there was no way they could collude to get their story straight!! I didn't come here to get bashed and told how to raise my daughter. You have no clue how nice of a boy he is. Most kids his age are out looking to get high, drunk or in some kind of trouble. Stop lecturing me on how to raise my daughter. I didn't ask for parenting advice. If you have some legal advice on this subject, I'd be happy to read it

Pennsylvania has at least 3 different charges they could bring against the boyfriend based on my reading of the statutes: § 3122.1. Statutory sexual assault, § 3125 Aggravated indecent assault, and § 3123 Involuntary deviate sexual intercourse. The problem in all three of these is that the boyfriend is four or more years older then your daughter. You can Google each of this statutes to read what they say and what the level of crime is and what the punishment might be.

Until and unless the State decided to charge him, there is not much he can do. He has already admitted to a crime. That doesn't mean that depending on the facts and circumstances, the charge may be downgraded or some sort of plea bargain offered that doesn't include any incarceration such as he is restrained from seeing your daughter until she is 18 years old. That would answer your question about a non-sexual relationship. That would not be possible. If he violated the order, he would be in contempt and likely go to jail.

You really don't have to justify the way you raise your daughter to those that just want to criticize. I understand what you are saying. You can't put them in cages and when you give you get back. I know plenty of parents of high school age children that put their daughters on birth control because they will do what they will do no matter how well you raise them.

Do not allow her to go to his house. Do not allow her to go anywhere but school and home. If you have to pay someone to stay with her when you have to be out of the house. If he can't have sex with her, he will find someone else.

By the way, it is up to the state to determine if charges should be filed.

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Quoting chumly222

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We are perfectly ok with her dating him.

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Then the two of you are a pair of idiots.

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Quoting chumly222

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Not crazy about the sex but how do you stop that? My question is: Is there any law on the books that prevent these two from continuing a "non-sexual" relationship or has that ship sailed since sex has already become an issue?

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Ship has sailed.

Buy a package of condoms and sit them both down and show them how they work.

Teach your daughter how her life will be ruined when she gets pregnant and the boyfriend takes off.

Stay on this website and read all the sob stories from unmarried women with children whose boyfriends can't or won't pay child support.

Question: What's wrong with the adult that he has to screw a child? Do you really want him as a son-in-law?

You should be reporting this statutory rape to the authorities and I hope to hell that CPS does cause this moron belongs in jail.

I see you've posted other comments while I have been writing this but I'm done with my comments.

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Quoting chumly222

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Look. We don't throw a box of condoms at these two and tell them to have at it!!!! We try to keep our eyes on them as much as possible but it is not possible for us to watch them when she was with him at his house. We don't let them do things that we feel may put them in a situation that would tempt them into thinking they could get away with it. You forget that the boy has parents too? They both admitted to having sex at HIS house, not ours!!! (she is not allowed to go there anymore) They confessed at separate times too so there was no way they could collude to get their story straight!! I didn't come here to get bashed and told how to raise my daughter. You have no clue how nice of a boy he is. Most kids his age are out looking to get high, drunk or in some kind of trouble. Stop lecturing me on how to raise my daughter. I didn't ask for parenting advice. If you have some legal advice on this subject, I'd be happy to read it

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His parents aren't here.

YOU are.

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Quoting budwad

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Pennsylvania has at least 3 different charges they could bring against the boyfriend based on my reading of the statutes: § 3122.1. Statutory sexual assault, § 3125 Aggravated indecent assault, and § 3123 Involuntary deviate sexual intercourse. The problem in all three of these is that the boyfriend is four or more years older then your daughter. You can Google each of this statutes to read what they say and what the level of crime is and what the punishment might be.

Until and unless the State decided to charge him, there is not much he can do. He has already admitted to a crime. That doesn't mean that depending on the facts and circumstances, the charge may be downgraded or some sort of plea bargain offered that doesn't include any incarceration such as he is restrained from seeing your daughter until she is 18 years old. That would answer your question about a non-sexual relationship. That would not be possible. If he violated the order, he would be in contempt and likely go to jail.

You really don't have to justify the way you raise your daughter to those that just want to criticize. I understand what you are saying. You can't put them in cages and when you give you get back. I know plenty of parents of high school age children that put their daughters on birth control because they will do what they will do no matter how well you raise them.

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Thank you for your response. I don't know what else to do. Somebody that hates my daughter is mad for some reason. I have msgs on my phone from a female that told me about her and this boy. (I already knew). These two are in love. It is NOT puppy love. I have been madly in love with my wife for 24 years so I know what love looks like. I don't understand how the state can step in and bully these kids into breaking up when there are so many other cases of actual rape going on un-noticed or uninvestigated (I have reported some people). I know the law is the law is the law but is it possible that the caseworker may approve of them dating or is she going to have to wait untill she is of consenting age? (16) That is what the caseworker told us the age of consent is.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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His parents aren't here.

YOU are.

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was my wife or I sappose to tag along at his parents house? I'm being made out to be some sort of dead beat here. :(........there is only so much I can do as a parent short of locking her in her bedroom until she turns 18. Good grief!!!

exactly how long is it until she turns 16? if she isn't mature enough to understand why she needs to wait, are you sure she is old enough to make such a mature decision? That's why the laws are on the books...

I've seen many people think they are "madly in love" who haven't made it past the first big hurdle. Why not see how this young gentleman handles the time in between now and when she turns 16. If he loves her, he WILL wait.

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Quoting adjusterjack

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Then the two of you are a pair of idiots.



Ship has sailed.

Buy a package of condoms and sit them both down and show them how they work.

Teach your daughter how her life will be ruined when she gets pregnant and the boyfriend takes off.

Stay on this website and read all the sob stories from unmarried women with children whose boyfriends can't or won't pay child support.

Question: What's wrong with the adult that he has to screw a child? Do you really want him as a son-in-law?

You should be reporting this statutory rape to the authorities and I hope to hell that CPS does cause this moron belongs in jail.

I see you've posted other comments while I have been writing this but I'm done with my comments.

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Wow!!! I love how people think they can accuse a young man (one whom I think very highly of) of being a monster trying to get my duaghter in bed then take off!!!! He is in love with her and she is in love with him. Simple as that. I can't control what happens when they leave our house and head on a date or to his house. His parents are responsible when they are there. (which is not often)......From a lot of the comments I'm reading. People seem to think that it would be ok if she was screwing some irresponsible 16 year old rather than trying to build a relationship with a responsible young man with life goals!!!!! I had to look at the web address to this site just to be sure I was on the correct site. I thought maybe I clicked on Dr. Phils website by accident. Good god..........give me a break!!! my daughter is on birth control, knows about safe sex, has seen all the pictures of the diseases she could get sleeping around. I even showed her a very graphic vid of child birth to educate her on what could happen. Stop chastising me. It is not my fault my daughter fell in love. I am just trying to find a way of stopping her from getting her heart ripped from her chest!!!

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Quoting hr for me

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exactly how long is it until she turns 16? if she isn't mature enough to understand why she needs to wait, are you sure she is old enough to make such a mature decision? That's why the laws are on the books...

I've seen many people think they are "madly in love" who haven't made it past the first big hurdle. Why not see how this young gentleman handles the time in between now and when she turns 16. If he loves her, he WILL wait.

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Who said anything about her not understanding? She will be 16 in less than 7 months and yes she knows she has to wait. None of us really knew the laws to be honest. He is willing to wait too. From what children and youth is telling us, they may not even be able to talk on the damn phone. That is overreach of power and I'm not going to take it sitting down.

Most of these responses are draconian in that the last time some of these experts raised a teenager was back in the 80's . Times have changed and a loving parent that tries to raise a child with good values doesn't have to answer to this BS. This is a legal website. If it's not about the law then they should keep their opinions to themselves.

It won't be up to a case worker to decide the outcome here. It will likely be up to a prosecutor to decide what happens.

But honestly you can control when she is allowed to leave the house, when you took her to the doctor and got her birth control, and when she was allowed to start dating and when those dates were allowed to be at the BF's house, but what has already been said is true...that ship has sailed. Obviously you are 100% totally fine with this (sexual) relationship and want to allow it and hope it doesn't go bad. I hope in the end it works for you, her and the BF.

But the time to "build a relationship" is NOT YET. She's only 15! She has at least 2 more years of HS left, right? Does she even want to go further in her education at all?

Personally I would be counseling my daughter that more trouble could show up if they choose to break the laws further. And that it be best if they wait 7 months -- even to talk on the phone. How 'bout they do the old fashioned thing and write letters? I think in the end if you allow them to have to deal with the obstacles and boundaries, it will make for a much better relationship and if they fail with these obstacles, will they really make it in a long term relationship? Solving (hard) obstacles is good for kids -- I have 3 that are OLDER than her and highly suggest if she is that mature, that you let her work this out with your guidance.

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Quoting chumly222

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Wow!!! I love how people think they can accuse a young man (one whom I think very highly of) of being a monster trying to get my duaghter in bed then take off!!!! He is in love with her and she is in love with him. Simple as that. I can't control what happens when they leave our house and head on a date or to his house. His parents are responsible when they are there. (which is not often)......From a lot of the comments I'm reading. People seem to think that it would be ok if she was screwing some irresponsible 16 year old rather than trying to build a relationship with a responsible young man with life goals!!!!! I had to look at the web address to this site just to be sure I was on the correct site. I thought maybe I clicked on Dr. Phils website by accident. Good god..........give me a break!!! my daughter is on birth control, knows about safe sex, has seen all the pictures of the diseases she could get sleeping around. I even showed her a very graphic vid of child birth to educate her on what could happen. Stop chastising me. It is not my fault my daughter fell in love. I am just trying to find a way of stopping her from getting her heart ripped from her chest!!!



Who said anything about her not understanding? She will be 16 in less than 7 months and yes she knows she has to wait. None of us really knew the laws to be honest. He is willing to wait too. From what children and youth is telling us, they may not even be able to talk on the damn phone. That is overreach of power and I'm not going to take it sitting down.

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That's not going to be your decision. Thankfully.

:cool:

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Quoting chumly222

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Look. We don't throw a box of condoms at these two and tell them to have at it!!!! We try to keep our eyes on them as much as possible but it is not possible for us to watch them when she was with him at his house. We don't let them do things that we feel may put them in a situation that would tempt them into thinking they could get away with it. You forget that the boy has parents too? They both admitted to having sex at HIS house, not ours!!! (she is not allowed to go there anymore) They confessed at separate times too so there was no way they could collude to get their story straight!! I didn't come here to get bashed and told how to raise my daughter. You have no clue how nice of a boy he is. Most kids his age are out looking to get high, drunk or in some kind of trouble. Stop lecturing me on how to raise my daughter. I didn't ask for parenting advice. If you have some legal advice on this subject, I'd be happy to read it

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You know how you could have avoided this? Never let her date a 19 year old MAN. It doesn't matter where they had sex at. Do you know what my dad would have done had I had sex at 15 with a 19 year old man? Or if I brought a 19 year old home? That relationship would have been dead.

It doesn't matter how "nice" the man is. He's an adult. She's a minor. Also you need to read the disclaimer at the bottom of the page. You can't get legal advice here. You need a LAWYER to get legal advice.

So you're okay with them having sex after she's 16? Do you want a pregnant teen daughter? That's what you're going to get. You don't have to ask for parenting advice - it's an automatic on this one.

If that man dating your daughter wants to avoid being a convicted sex offender for the rest of his life, he might want to go find a woman his own age and stay away from teen girls who can't even consent to sex. Do you know what legally he's done to her? Statutory rape. Just saying.

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Quoting chumly222

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Thank you for your response. I don't know what else to do. Somebody that hates my daughter is mad for some reason. I have msgs on my phone from a female that told me about her and this boy. (I already knew). These two are in love. It is NOT puppy love. I have been madly in love with my wife for 24 years so I know what love looks like. I don't understand how the state can step in and bully these kids into breaking up when there are so many other cases of actual rape going on un-noticed or uninvestigated (I have reported some people). I know the law is the law is the law but is it possible that the caseworker may approve of them dating or is she going to have to wait untill she is of consenting age? (16) That is what the caseworker told us the age of consent is.



was my wife or I sappose to tag along at his parents house? I'm being made out to be some sort of dead beat here. :(........there is only so much I can do as a parent short of locking her in her bedroom until she turns 18. Good grief!!!

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The state can step in because a MAN is having sex with your UNDERAGE DAUGHTER!! What the hell don't you get? When an adult has sex with a minor who CANNOT legally consent to it that is STATUTORY RAPE! She can't consent to sex with anyone. It's pretty damn simple.

YES you could have chaperoned them on dates. You're her dad. YOU set the rules. Not him. Not her. YOU.

Would she have sex with anyone she wants without you knowing? Of course. But when you let your minor underage daughter date a MAN then this is what you get. The person who reported it did the RIGHT thing. Something you should have done.

So many other cases of rape going unnoticed or not investigated - how the hell do you know which cases are or aren't investigated? You don't. Oh you've reported people for rape? Really? But you won't report when your daughter is raped...ok. Smh.

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Quoting chumly222

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Wow!!! I love how people think they can accuse a young man (one whom I think very highly of) of being a monster trying to get my duaghter in bed then take off!!!! He is in love with her and she is in love with him. Simple as that. I can't control what happens when they leave our house and head on a date or to his house. His parents are responsible when they are there. (which is not often)......From a lot of the comments I'm reading. People seem to think that it would be ok if she was screwing some irresponsible 16 year old rather than trying to build a relationship with a responsible young man with life goals!!!!! I had to look at the web address to this site just to be sure I was on the correct site. I thought maybe I clicked on Dr. Phils website by accident. Good god..........give me a break!!! my daughter is on birth control, knows about safe sex, has seen all the pictures of the diseases she could get sleeping around. I even showed her a very graphic vid of child birth to educate her on what could happen. Stop chastising me. It is not my fault my daughter fell in love. I am just trying to find a way of stopping her from getting her heart ripped from her chest!!!



Who said anything about her not understanding? She will be 16 in less than 7 months and yes she knows she has to wait. None of us really knew the laws to be honest. He is willing to wait too. From what children and youth is telling us, they may not even be able to talk on the damn phone. That is overreach of power and I'm not going to take it sitting down.

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She shouldn't be having sex with ANYONE at 15!!! Are you insane or something? If I found out my 15 year old daughter was having sex with ANYONE I would put a stop to it as much as I could. I don't need a 15 year old pregnant teenager nor her catching some damn STI. You think you know this guy but I guarantee you that you don't.

Fell in love...give me a break.

Overreach of power - your daughter was raped. That's the end of the story - legally it's statutory rape whether you like it or not. FFS I just don't get some people who are parents.

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Quoting budwad

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Most of these responses are draconian in that the last time some of these experts raised a teenager was back in the 80's . Times have changed and a loving parent that tries to raise a child with good values doesn't have to answer to this BS. This is a legal website. If it's not about the law then they should keep their opinions to themselves.

It won't be up to a case worker to decide the outcome here. It will likely be up to a prosecutor to decide what happens.

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Seriously? I've seen you throw your two cents in on posts.

You know what? I met my wife when I was 18, she was 15. We have been married for 24 years now. Happily I might add!!! For you people to get on here and bash me and my family is a bunch or BS!!! You don't know anything about us other than we are having a legal issue!!! Good grief.......I knew I should have left her date that boy that rode his skateboard to our house to see her with his pants down over his ass, his hat on sideways and greeted me with.........."Sup"?.........The boy in question now is a hardworking young man with family values that we share. He is off to college this fall to get a degree in his field of study. sick of people thinking they are some sort of therapist on there keyboard!!!

Legally speaking, the man could get in trouble if Children Services pursue the matter as there is already an admission of guilt on the table. I'm honestly surprised they aren't doing anything as they are mandated reporters and are aware of a crime that has occurred and will likely occur again.

Legally speaking, you could get in trouble and/or lose your child(ren) if Child Services pursues the matter and finds you failed to properly supervise/parent your child such that she was the victim of a sex crime.

It is in everyone's best interest if they either a. take the next few months off until she's legal or b. they are chaperoned at all times when together to prevent any further shenanigans that might get everyone, except your daughter, into legal trouble.

Yes, this could be true love for them. It happens at those ages. But their lives will be incredibly difficult if he winds up on the sex offender registry or she winds up in foster care or they wind up with an unplanned child.

Also, I NEVER said I was ok with them having sex!!!! I forbid it but it happened. NOT IN MY HOME!!!! It was at his house when HIS parents were to be paying attention!!! I am not a able to be in two places at once. For you to suggest that I somehow told her to go ahead and have sex is an insult to my intelligence. I never said I didn't chaperone her dates either but I'm not chaperoning her dates when his parents were in sapposed to be watching!!! I am really starting to feel better about myself after reading some of the idiotic comments on this thread. My problem might not be as bad as the ones a few share on here. Living life stereotyping people like you do makes you miserable. Not ALL 19 year old young men are walking hormones looking to get a piece of *ss every chance they get. I remember when I was dating my wife (then my girlfriend). I was 18, her 15. We actually sat in my living room and watched a movie without even sneaking one kiss. Can you believe it!!!!? I sneaked into the movie theater that my daughter and her bf were at one time just to see what they were up to. Guess what? He was a perfect gentleman the whole time!!!! He is a good young man and I trust him. No I don't like the fact that they had sex but at least it wasn't with some dipsh*t that can't even put a sentence together without using the F bomb!!! If a kid wants to have sex, they are going to find a way. End of story. I know people that did it in school!!!! Don't worry though. We made a collective decision this afternoon that they are not to see each other until February, when she turns 16. Thanks for you help. Even if some of the advice was worthless.

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Quoting chumly222

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Also, I NEVER said I was ok with them having sex!!!!

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I'm not sure if this is in response to my post but if it is, you need to go back and re-read it. I never said you were okay with happening. If you continued to allow them to see each other without proper monitoring, that could be viewed as tacit approval.

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Quoting chumly222

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I forbid it but it happened. NOT IN MY HOME!!!! It was at his house when HIS parents were to be paying attention!!! I am not a able to be in two places at once. For you to suggest that I somehow told her to go ahead and have sex is an insult to my intelligence.

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Never said you said that. If you know his parents are not capable of properly monitoring their behavior, you don't let her go over there. Period. End of Story.

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Quoting chumly222

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I never said I didn't chaperone her dates either but I'm not chaperoning her dates when his parents were in sapposed to be watching!!!

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See above.

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Quoting chumly222

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Don't worry though. We made a collective decision this afternoon that they are not to see each other until February, when she turns 16.

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Glad to hear it. There is a phrase out there that I suggest you heed, "Trust but verify".

To be clear........I forbid her to have sex with ANY boy. Not just her current boyfriend!!!!

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Quoting free9man

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I'm not sure if this is in response to my post but if it is, you need to go back and re-read it. I never said you were okay with happening. If you continued to allow them to see each other without proper monitoring, that could be viewed as tacit approval.



Never said you said that. If you know his parents are not capable of properly monitoring their behavior, you don't let her go over there. Period. End of Story.



See above.



Glad to hear it. There is a phrase out there that I suggest you heed, "Trust but verify".

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Those comments were not directed at you. You were plenty of help. Thank you

If this young mn really loved and cared for your daughter, he would not risk going to jail and being a sex offender for the rest of his life. This young mn is only after one thing. She he gets tired of your daughter, he will move on if he is not in jail before then. Hopefully your daughter won't get pregnant. This young a is an adult according to the laws in your state. Your daughter is a child under the laws in your state. There is nothing you or anyone cnn do to change that.

I'm still laughing at "The boy in question now is a hardworking young man with family values that we share" -- doesn't seem like he or his family share the same values as your family if his family is allowing them to have sex at their home knowing she is under-aged while the parents are either there or not. It is very possible his parents had no clue that she was even coming over if he is 19 -- don't know many parents who aren't willing to leave the 19 yr old home alone.... I do wonder if you've ever talked with his parents directly about their responsibilities that you have assigned them chaperoning the relationship? Or was it just an assumption? Do they know about the sexual relationship issue?

I am glad you have come to a good decision for all involved and I do think it is the right one. If they are truly both in love and want to have a relationship going forward, that's great. But most college guys I know haven't stuck with the girlfriend who is still in High School-- especially 3+ years behind especially if they don't live at home but in a dorm/apartment. Usually they want to be participating in activities at school rather than coming home often to see a girlfriend from home. And honestly I'd be concerned about allowing her even after 16 visiting him at a dorm/apartment....just not smart!

And yes, I have three kids 22,22 and 16 and have gone through the teenage years in this decade, not in the '80s when I was a teen.

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Quoting hr for me

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I'm still laughing at "The boy in question now is a hardworking young man with family values that we share" -- doesn't seem like he or his family share the same values as your family if his family is allowing them to have sex at their home knowing she is under-aged while the parents are either there or not. It is very possible his parents had no clue that she was even coming over if he is 19 -- don't know many parents who aren't willing to leave the 19 yr old home alone.... I do wonder if you've ever talked with his parents directly about their responsibilities that you have assigned them chaperoning the relationship? Or was it just an assumption? Do they know about the sexual relationship issue?

I am glad you have come to a good decision for all involved and I do think it is the right one. If they are truly both in love and want to have a relationship going forward, that's great. But most college guys I know haven't stuck with the girlfriend who is still in High School-- especially 3+ years behind especially if they don't live at home but in a dorm/apartment. Usually they want to be participating in activities at school rather than coming home often to see a girlfriend from home. And honestly I'd be concerned about allowing her even after 16 visiting him at a dorm/apartment....just not smart!

And yes, I have three kids 22,22 and 16 and have gone through the teenage years in this decade, not in the '80s when I was a teen.

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First off, Let me assure you, I did not title this thread "can parents give consent to statutory rape". Some smartass changed it. We have talked to his parents. They were NOT aware that they had sex in their home either. Of course they knew she was coming. They invited her for dinner. As far as him going to college. He is not leaving to go live in a dorm. The school he is attending is in his home town and will be living at home while attending. He is not interesting in "the college experience". He wants his education so he can get the apprenticeship he is applying for. I don't know why people assume that ALL kids are raised like animals and have no life goals. Both of these kids were raised in stable households and screwed up by having sex. He is NOT as sexual predator. Friggin people are acting like I let a 40 year old man date my daughter. Geesh!!!!

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Quoting Mercy&Grace

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If this young mn really loved and cared for your daughter, he would not risk going to jail and being a sex offender for the rest of his life. This young mn is only after one thing. She he gets tired of your daughter, he will move on if he is not in jail before then. Hopefully your daughter won't get pregnant. This young a is an adult according to the laws in your state. Your daughter is a child under the laws in your state. There is nothing you or anyone cnn do to change that.

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Yup, another one stereotyping people. Why is it so hard to believe that two people can fall in love at a young age? It happened with my wife and I. We have been happily married for 24 years and we met under the same circumstances as my daughter and her boyfriend. I sense that some of you may have been burned at a young age and are still bitter.

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Quoting qwaspolk69

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Seriously? I've seen you throw your two cents in on posts.

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I don't think I have ever been presumptuous enough to assume that I knew better how to raise someone else's child.

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Quoting chumly222

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You know what? I met my wife when I was 18, she was 15. We have been married for 24 years now. Happily I might add!!! For you people to get on here and bash me and my family is a bunch or BS!!! You don't know anything about us other than we are having a legal issue!!! Good grief.......I knew I should have left her date that boy that rode his skateboard to our house to see her with his pants down over his ass, his hat on sideways and greeted me with.........."Sup"?.........The boy in question now is a hardworking young man with family values that we share. He is off to college this fall to get a degree in his field of study. sick of people thinking they are some sort of therapist on there keyboard!!!

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No wonder you let your daughter date an adult male...wonder what the age of consent was at that time.

If you don't want to get opinions on a public information forum, probably shouldn't post then. It's the Internet. You would get these responses anywhere you post.

You've been told your options legally.

No one is saying it's "better" if she was dating some immature teenage boy. 15 year olds shouldn't be having sex - period. I would think you would be more worried about her getting pregnant at FIFTEEN or catching a STI. I would be. You don't know this man. Just because he shows you one side doesn't mean anything. I've seen lots of guys who put up a front for the parents among my friends. My ex husband put up a front for people.

If my 15 year old daughter told me she was having sex with ANYONE I would do what I could to stop that asap. Because I'm not about to be raising another baby because she was irresponsible.

So what if your relationship with your wife worked out. That doesn't mean it will with your daughter. If anyone has some antiquated beliefs it's you. I can't believe you think people are saying she should be dating some immature teenage boy. No - you're simply being told legally it's statutory rape. He could be arrested and he could be registered as a sex offender. Do you want THAT for this man you love so much like a son?

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Quoting chumly222

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Also, I NEVER said I was ok with them having sex!!!! I forbid it but it happened. NOT IN MY HOME!!!! It was at his house when HIS parents were to be paying attention!!! I am not a able to be in two places at once. For you to suggest that I somehow told her to go ahead and have sex is an insult to my intelligence. I never said I didn't chaperone her dates either but I'm not chaperoning her dates when his parents were in sapposed to be watching!!! I am really starting to feel better about myself after reading some of the idiotic comments on this thread. My problem might not be as bad as the ones a few share on here. Living life stereotyping people like you do makes you miserable. Not ALL 19 year old young men are walking hormones looking to get a piece of *ss every chance they get. I remember when I was dating my wife (then my girlfriend). I was 18, her 15. We actually sat in my living room and watched a movie without even sneaking one kiss. Can you believe it!!!!? I sneaked into the movie theater that my daughter and her bf were at one time just to see what they were up to. Guess what? He was a perfect gentleman the whole time!!!! He is a good young man and I trust him. No I don't like the fact that they had sex but at least it wasn't with some dipsh*t that can't even put a sentence together without using the F bomb!!! If a kid wants to have sex, they are going to find a way. End of story. I know people that did it in school!!!! Don't worry though. We made a collective decision this afternoon that they are not to see each other until February, when she turns 16. Thanks for you help. Even if some of the advice was worthless.

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I'm glad you feel better that your daughter is a victim of statutory rape.

Like you said you're not always around - so you don't know what goes on when you aren't around. Why do you keep bringing up this bullshit about "oh it's better than her dating some dipshit who can't put a sentence together." No it's not. A pregnant 15 year old is a pregnant 15 year old no matter who knocked her up. A 15 year old with a STI is the same as any other 15 year old with a STI.

Maybe his is god's gift to your daughter. Great. BUT if you care about him soooo much you wouldn't want him to be a registered sex offender RIGHT??? THAT is the point.

Yes teenagers have sex. But most of the time their parents aren't justifying it to strangers.

Take the advice for what it's worth. We don't have stake in this story.

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Quoting chumly222

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First off, Let me assure you, I did not title this thread "can parents give consent to statutory rape". Some smartass changed it. We have talked to his parents. They were NOT aware that they had sex in their home either. Of course they knew she was coming. They invited her for dinner. As far as him going to college. He is not leaving to go live in a dorm. The school he is attending is in his home town and will be living at home while attending. He is not interesting in "the college experience". He wants his education so he can get the apprenticeship he is applying for. I don't know why people assume that ALL kids are raised like animals and have no life goals. Both of these kids were raised in stable households and screwed up by having sex. He is NOT as sexual predator. Friggin people are acting like I let a 40 year old man date my daughter. Geesh!!!!



Yup, another one stereotyping people. Why is it so hard to believe that two people can fall in love at a young age? It happened with my wife and I. We have been happily married for 24 years and we met under the same circumstances as my daughter and her boyfriend. I sense that some of you may have been burned at a young age and are still bitter.

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The admin likely changed it to reflect what you posted - not to be a smartass. Ultimately that's what you're asking is can you give consent for statutory rape.

You know what you keep bitching about people assuming things about you but you're doing the same damn thing.

You let a legal adult date your daughter. It doesn't matter if he's 19 or 39. Legally that doesn't matter. That's what you don't seem to get. Good for you that you and your wife fell in love when she was a minor. It doesn't happen all the time and usually that shit doesn't last.

I sense that you think it's okay for adults to have sex with minors and that's a disturbing thing. Do whatever the hell you want - no one on here can stop you nor do we honestly give a crap. You came here for advice and got it. YOu made a decision. Why are you still commenting?

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Quoting budwad

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I don't think I have ever been presumptuous enough to assume that I knew better how to raise someone else's child.

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That's because you're NOT!!!!!!!! You should never assume you know more than your brain is capable of understanding.

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Quoting qwaspolk69

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No wonder you let your daughter date an adult male...wonder what the age of consent was at that time.

If you don't want to get opinions on a public information forum, probably shouldn't post then. It's the Internet. You would get these responses anywhere you post.

You've been told your options legally.

No one is saying it's "better" if she was dating some immature teenage boy. 15 year olds shouldn't be having sex - period. I would think you would be more worried about her getting pregnant at FIFTEEN or catching a STI. I would be. You don't know this man. Just because he shows you one side doesn't mean anything. I've seen lots of guys who put up a front for the parents among my friends. My ex husband put up a front for people.

If my 15 year old daughter told me she was having sex with ANYONE I would do what I could to stop that asap. Because I'm not about to be raising another baby because she was irresponsible.

So what if your relationship with your wife worked out. That doesn't mean it will with your daughter. If anyone has some antiquated beliefs it's you. I can't believe you think people are saying she should be dating some immature teenage boy. No - you're simply being told legally it's statutory rape. He could be arrested and he could be registered as a sex offender. Do you want THAT for this man you love so much like a son?



I'm glad you feel better that your daughter is a victim of statutory rape.

Like you said you're not always around - so you don't know what goes on when you aren't around. Why do you keep bringing up this bullshit about "oh it's better than her dating some dipshit who can't put a sentence together." No it's not. A pregnant 15 year old is a pregnant 15 year old no matter who knocked her up. A 15 year old with a STI is the same as any other 15 year old with a STI.

Maybe his is god's gift to your daughter. Great. BUT if you care about him soooo much you wouldn't want him to be a registered sex offender RIGHT??? THAT is the point.

Yes teenagers have sex. But most of the time their parents aren't justifying it to strangers.

Take the advice for what it's worth. We don't have stake in this story.



The admin likely changed it to reflect what you posted - not to be a smartass. Ultimately that's what you're asking is can you give consent for statutory rape.

You know what you keep bitching about people assuming things about you but you're doing the same damn thing.

You let a legal adult date your daughter. It doesn't matter if he's 19 or 39. Legally that doesn't matter. That's what you don't seem to get. Good for you that you and your wife fell in love when she was a minor. It doesn't happen all the time and usually that shit doesn't last.

I sense that you think it's okay for adults to have sex with minors and that's a disturbing thing. Do whatever the hell you want - no one on here can stop you nor do we honestly give a crap. You came here for advice and got it. YOu made a decision. Why are you still commenting?

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You know what. I had no clue a law like that existed!!! I still can't find any law on the books that prohibits an adult from dating a minor. I understand that the sex was illegal and I in no way "LETTING" my daughter have sex with an adult and "LETTING" her get raped!!!! My wife and I never let them out of our sight when they are at our house!!! We know what kids do when they are left alone!!! Do you think I'm that stupid? Also, he is only 42 days over the 4 year limit. Not like some 50 year old man is being allowed to date my daughter. Now that we understand the law, they have been told they can't see each other untill child protection services lets us know where this case stands. (that happens tonight). If it is allowed to continue, nothing changes in our house. They still will be watched like hawks and she will not be allowed to go to his house or anywhere else alone with him!!! We NEVER gave them the opportunity to have sex while we were on watch. I'd say that is some pretty good parenting IMO!!! I DO NOT THINK IT IS OK FOR ADULTS TO HAVE SEX WITH CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR SKULLS!!!!! Finally, if you think two young people can't fall in love and make it last for 20+ years.........I can give you a link to a forum with at least 8,000 members that will prove you wrong!!!! This blanket you people throw over young men and girls is so pathetic. Not all young boys are out to destroy a young girls life!!! About the only reason I have some trust in this boy is the fact that I have know him for 2 years. I know him pretty well. I have watched his actions when he thinks nobody is looking. I stalked him like a serial killer. If you want to accuse me of being a bad parent because I let my daughter date a boy 42 days too old, then go for it!!!! I know this boy, you don't!!!! My daughter and him both understand that they may have to hold off for a few months and are both mature enough to do so if necessary. You underestimate todays youths a little too much. Thank you all for your help and for your and your comments (even though I don't agree with many of them). I think we can handle it from here. Now go and open the food door on your children's cages so they can eat.

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Quoting chumly222

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That's because you're NOT!!!!!!!! You should never assume you know more than your brain is capable of understanding.


You know what. I had no clue a law like that existed!!! I still can't find any law on the books that prohibits an adult from dating a minor. I understand that the sex was illegal and I in no way "LETTING" my daughter have sex with an adult and "LETTING" her get raped!!!! My wife and I never let them out of our sight when they are at our house!!! We know what kids do when they are left alone!!! Do you think I'm that stupid? Also, he is only 42 days over the 4 year limit. Not like some 50 year old man is being allowed to date my daughter. Now that we understand the law, they have been told they can't see each other untill child protection services lets us know where this case stands. (that happens tonight). If it is allowed to continue, nothing changes in our house. They still will be watched like hawks and she will not be allowed to go to his house or anywhere else alone with him!!! We NEVER gave them the opportunity to have sex while we were on watch. I'd say that is some pretty good parenting IMO!!! I DO NOT THINK IT IS OK FOR ADULTS TO HAVE SEX WITH CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR SKULLS!!!!! Finally, if you think two young people can't fall in love and make it last for 20+ years.........I can give you a link to a forum with at least 8,000 members that will prove you wrong!!!! This blanket you people throw over young men and girls is so pathetic. Not all young boys are out to destroy a young girls life!!! About the only reason I have some trust in this boy is the fact that I have know him for 2 years. I know him pretty well. I have watched his actions when he thinks nobody is looking. I stalked him like a serial killer. If you want to accuse me of being a bad parent because I let my daughter date a boy 42 days too old, then go for it!!!! I know this boy, you don't!!!! My daughter and him both understand that they may have to hold off for a few months and are both mature enough to do so if necessary. You underestimate todays youths a little too much. Thank you all for your help and for your and your comments (even though I don't agree with many of them). I think we can handle it from here. Now go and open the food door on your children's cages so they can eat.

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How does anyone not know that there is an age of consent to have sex? There are stories all over the country about adult teachers having sex with underage students. There are stories about this stuff all the time.

Dating is not illegal between an adult and minor - sex is illegal!!! Yes those two can date each other as long as they don't have sex!!! The age of consent means that a child under the age of consent (which varies by state) cannot consent to intercourse. Period. With anyone.

Blah blah blah. That's what I hear when I read your comments. "ooh I'm angry so I'm going to use all caps and yell at people."

It doesn't matter if he's 19 or 59. That's what you don't seem to ****ing get. It legally does not matter.

You need to take a tall glass of chill the **** out quite honestly. I don't care about the lame forum you're in about people who met their partners underage and stayed together. No one cares. No one cares what happens with your daughter and her boyfriend. No one cares what you do about it. At the end of the day this doesn't affect me. Why you're getting so upset over this I don't know.

No one said you're a bad parent. You keep bringing that up. I suggest some anger management and counseling.

Children's cages? So now you're going to be a hypocrite and attack other people's parenting?? LOL!! You're something else there guy. Good luck when your daughter is a teenage mom.

I think this thread has run its course.

I went back through and read all the comments. I love how a lot of people think they are the perfect parent and know it all. I see comments about like "I've seen this many times, he is after one thing" or "I'd never let my daughter do that".......You know what's funny? Something I have seen many times? The parent that thinks he/she knows exactly what their daughter is doing at all times ends up finding out she is the school slut!!! Like I said. You underestimate today's youths. They have many resources at their fingertips and when they are taken away, they resort to the old fashions things we used to do when we were kids. Many of you should wake up. Your daughter probably are not as innocent as you think. Just because you didn't give them permission to date or have sex does NOT mean they may not be doing it. I have been run through the ringer on this site for a honest mistake made by several people. Luckily, it was caught before something like a pregnancy happpened. I was chastised for letting my daughter date somebody older than her. She wanted to date this boy for a couple years before we actually let her. We told her she was too young to date steady. We let him visit and have dinner with us a few times until we got to know what kind of boy he was. I made phone calls, stalked his social media on the internet (without him knowing) and even tailed him a few times in my vehicle to see if he was being honest with me. (no my daughter was not with him). I work nearly 70 hours a week and was still able to devote several hours a week to finding out if he was a good kid or not. I also found out he is a straight A student in high school. Made the honor roll his last 3 years!!! I don't know too many dads that would take that kind of time to check out a boy that his daughter was interested in. I usually just told them to leave my house and never come back but I had a good feeling about this one and I was correct. He is a good kid. Did he have sex with my daughter because he enjoys having sex with minors? That is a huge NO!!!! There are several girls of varies ages that are/were interested in him. He happens to like my daughter. Had I known they were gonna engage in sex, I would have forbid they see each other. I don't have a crystal ball and neither do any of you so you might want to pay attention a little closer to your own children. I suspect some of the comments came from people that don't even have kids.

You win Parent of the Year award....

Well, here you go, chum.

http://www.**********.com/law-librar...f-consent.html

Why am I starting to get the impression this is the 15 year old talking?

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Quoting chumly222

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That's because you're NOT!!!!!!!! You should never assume you know more than your brain is capable of understanding.

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Go back and read what I posted. I assume you have a grasp of the written English language. I said just the opposite of what you think I posted.

Not a single person here was ever 15 years old.

Not one of us. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

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Quoting cbg

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Well, here you go, chum.

http://www.**********.com/law-librar...f-consent.html

Why am I starting to get the impression this is the 15 year old talking?

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LOL......I assure you I am a 45 year old dad.........I wish I was 15 again. I have 3000 more grey hairs now.

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Quoting chumly222

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I went back through and read all the comments. I love how a lot of people think they are the perfect parent and know it all. I see comments about like "I've seen this many times, he is after one thing" or "I'd never let my daughter do that".......You know what's funny? Something I have seen many times? The parent that thinks he/she knows exactly what their daughter is doing at all times ends up finding out she is the school slut!!! Like I said. You underestimate today's youths. They have many resources at their fingertips and when they are taken away, they resort to the old fashions things we used to do when we were kids. Many of you should wake up. Your daughter probably are not as innocent as you think. Just because you didn't give them permission to date or have sex does NOT mean they may not be doing it. I have been run through the ringer on this site for a honest mistake made by several people. Luckily, it was caught before something like a pregnancy happpened. I was chastised for letting my daughter date somebody older than her. She wanted to date this boy for a couple years before we actually let her. We told her she was too young to date steady. We let him visit and have dinner with us a few times until we got to know what kind of boy he was. I made phone calls, stalked his social media on the internet (without him knowing) and even tailed him a few times in my vehicle to see if he was being honest with me. (no my daughter was not with him). I work nearly 70 hours a week and was still able to devote several hours a week to finding out if he was a good kid or not. I also found out he is a straight A student in high school. Made the honor roll his last 3 years!!! I don't know too many dads that would take that kind of time to check out a boy that his daughter was interested in. I usually just told them to leave my house and never come back but I had a good feeling about this one and I was correct. He is a good kid. Did he have sex with my daughter because he enjoys having sex with minors? That is a huge NO!!!! There are several girls of varies ages that are/were interested in him. He happens to like my daughter. Had I known they were gonna engage in sex, I would have forbid they see each other. I don't have a crystal ball and neither do any of you so you might want to pay attention a little closer to your own children. I suspect some of the comments came from people that don't even have kids.

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Why are you still commenting? Why? You said you are going to make sure they aren't alone together until she's 16. Problem solved right?

No one said that teens aren't having sex. My 14, almost 15 year old ex stepson is having sex with his girlfriend. I bet she's either 14 too or maybe 13. Maybe she's 15. I don't know. She looks younger. I can't believe his mom doesn't put him on lockdown when he's also smoking pot (apparently he asked his grandma if he could 4th of July weekend - I would have called the cops on him to scare the hell out of him). She also just got him and her other three kids back. But he's not my kid so nothing I can do about it and I'm not married to his dad anymore. Luckily my ex stepdaughter, who is 13 almost 14, is smarter than he is and has had a little better guidance from her mother.

No one said they're a perfect parent. You're kind of a douche and you need some counseling or something. You have issues. Everyone knows that SOME teenagers are having sex. Not all. Some. I didn't until I was 20 just before you jump on me personally.

You spent several hours a week to find out about him? So you stalked someone...basically. Omg because no honor roll student has EVER done anything immoral or illegal right?

"Did he have sex with my daughter because he enjoys having sex with minors? That is a huge NO!!!! There are several girls of varies ages that are/were interested in him. He happens to like my daughter" - So he obviously likes minors because he chose your 15 year old daughter (and obviously she was 13 when they first were interested so that's damn near pedophilic) over women his own age. Interesting.

Maybe you should not worry about how other people parent their kids. YOU came onto this forum and told your story. You got feedback - that's how the Internet works.

Oh and my daughter is 3 years old so she is extremely innocent when it comes to sex. If she's not, someone is going to die. Maybe don't spout on things YOU don't know and stop being a damn hypocrite.

Honestly I think it is the 19 yr old male posting......

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Quoting hr for me

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Honestly I think it is the 19 yr old male posting......

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^^^ This