"I'd expect Dad to argue that Mom is responsible for most of the child's "fears". I'd also expect him to ask Mom to prove her allegations ... without drumming up a "story" first."
Yeah, don't agree - I did not bring this mistress around her then ask our daughter to lie. There should have just been a divorce, then intro of any new partners. Honesty and taking the child into consideration vs. just doing what he wanted. I am just trying to clean up the mess and impact. And hoping to avoid further impact. And it would be a true story by the way ...
How to Enforce a Custody Order Prohibiting Contact With People the Parents are Dating
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07-05-2017, 11:38 AMJanelleRe: How to Enforce a Custody Order Prohibiting Contact With People the Parents are Da
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07-05-2017, 12:04 PMoldsmomRe: How to Enforce a Custody Order Prohibiting Contact With People the Parents are DaKids are pretty flexible normally. If you don't make a big deal, then your daughter won't see it as a big deal. I get that initially he was really inappropriate in how he introduced his mistress, but it sounds like it has been a few years since then. And your daughter has been lying to avoid conflict.Quote:
Quoting Janelle
Please note what I just said. She's lying to avoid conflict. She knows you will get upset. She knows daddy isn't supposed to bring his lady friends around.
And even if you take him to court, it won't likely stop his behavior.
I agree that counseling is going to be really helpful for your daughter, but I would also suggest you try to extract yourself from worrying about what is happening at the dad's house. Your child is now 7 years old. She understands the idea of boyfriends and girlfriends. At 7, it's an innocent idea, but she will get the general gist of it.
So why not just let it go, and let your daughter (and yourself) have some peace? Yeah sure - he's violating something in the order. But can you win in court, and is it a worthwhile pursuit? If you win, what you will get from it? And what will it do to your daughter? -
07-05-2017, 05:04 PMJanelleRe: How to Enforce a Custody Order Prohibiting Contact With People the Parents are Da
No one is making a big deal to her. She is ok, but she is uncomfortable because he made her lie, not me. This has not been a few years ago - its been ongoing for 2+ years. He recently up and left about 30 days ago. He did not call for weeks to see how she was.
Peace would be nice. while we go through divorce, and give the kid a break. The soon to be x husband can do what he wants on his own time, just give the kid a break for a while is all I am asking.
If I get custody or have her more, things will be less tense for her. Her dad has not behaved in a way that is super beneficial for her mental health. She is not feeling excited to go see him either, she can see what is happening even at 7. -
07-05-2017, 07:15 PMDogmatiqueRe: How to Enforce a Custody Order Prohibiting Contact With People the Parents are DaIt's very difficult for a little girl to be happy about going to see one parent when she can sense and feel how upset the other parent is. She will likely feel guilty, on top of it (though she may not understand the word itself, she will know how it feels).Quote:
Quoting Janelle
No hon, but you're projecting your anger and hurt (both of which are absolutely understandable) and your mutual child is picking up on it.Quote:
Quoting Janelle
Indeed.Quote:
There should have just been a divorce, then intro of any new partners. Honesty and taking the child into consideration vs. just doing what he wanted. I am just trying to clean up the mess and impact. And hoping to avoid further impact. And it would be a true story by the way ...
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07-06-2017, 07:54 AMqwaspolk69Re: How to Enforce a Custody Order Prohibiting Contact With People the Parents are DaYou don't have to agree but it's very likely for him to say that. It doesn't have to be true but he can bring it up in court. Some people are shady as hell. Of course he should have just left and divorced but he didn't. She's not saying you're lying she's telling you what can and has happened in court.Quote:
Quoting Janelle
I think people are missing a key factor: He has been having an affair for TWO years and bringing the mistress around the kid. He only left 30 days ago...thirty days since he left the marriage. So he's been parading his mistress around his kid for two years WHILE still married to her mom. That right there will screw a kid up.
I know how it is - my mom had an affair for 12 years of my parents' marriage. When she finally left was right before I went to college so they were married 24 years at that point. Half their marriage she cheated - and we ALL knew about it. She didn't bring him around but she met him because he and his then second wife were friends with my mom and dad. My mom ended up taking off on her weekends off to go see the guy - and we found out at the divorce my youngest brother is the result of it. She ended up marrying the guy - and we all hate him. (We also hated our mom for awhile too). They ruined our childhood but he could have easily stayed away. Also he's an abusive prick. My dad never talked about the guy to us. We figured it out because the entire town new and we got picked on about it. Sometimes he came home and would ask where she was and we would say "where do you think?"
Let's not put the blame on the OP here. She has every right to be angry and hurt. I know my dad was but he didn't project it on us. Most of the time he was tired as hell because he worked two jobs to take care of us. We got used to our mom being gone. But it still hurt and sucked she chose that man" over her kids.
Kids do pick up on a lot of things that's true - and if the OP is saying he ran around with this woman for two years I can see how her daughter is afraid and has anxiety. -
07-06-2017, 06:55 PMJanelleRe: How to Enforce a Custody Order Prohibiting Contact With People the Parents are Da
Yeah, the x husband just has shown a huge lack of judgement, lack of focus on our daughter and giving her a happy childhood, and has just treated all of us horrible. I had to be there while our daughter cried when he left multiple times after promising he would be there.
I just want it to stop - and have him see her less to minimize further issues.
I am not projecting onto her - we are good, smiles and happy. I told her to have fun with her dad when she left. I just think the x is a narcissist, and will continue to do damage based on this behavior. If its not the OW, what will it be next? He seems to have some screws lose.
So I want to get more time with my daughter and less time with him. -
07-06-2017, 09:30 PMDogmatiqueRe: How to Enforce a Custody Order Prohibiting Contact With People the Parents are DaQuote:
Quoting Janelle
So, if Dad kicked out OW, you'd be fine with his current parenting time right?
Hmmm? -
07-07-2017, 07:47 AMreadytoleaveRe: How to Enforce a Custody Order Prohibiting Contact With People the Parents are Da
The thing is, Dad can be the biggest POS in the world, but you picked him to be her father, and he has the right to exercise visitation and have access to his child. You signed the no third party contact and there has been no mention of the OW being around your daughter since then other then the speaker phone incident. As for that incident, was the OW trying to speak to your child? Or did your daughter walk in while he was talking to his girlfriend. Unfortunately, you aren't going to be able to protect her from every little scenario that could pop up. What if she were to see the OW at the grocery store with you? Or something equally coincidental. Your daughter is going to have to start learning some coping skills to help her overcome the issues her father has already caused, but I don't see minimizing his parenting time to be the initial option the court goes for.
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07-21-2017, 12:04 PMJanelleRe: How to Enforce a Custody Order Prohibiting Contact With People the Parents are Da
No, again, its his judgement. If not this OW, whats next? I would like to take down the amount of his parenting time based on his lack of judgement and behavior, which is continuing.
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07-21-2017, 01:50 PMhr for meRe: How to Enforce a Custody Order Prohibiting Contact With People the Parents are Da
unless he is doing something to directly harm the child(ren), a judge isn't going to take away parenting time based on your perspective of his lack of judgment/behavior. Is he leaving the child(ren) home unattended, in a parked car, etc? Unfortunately for you, courts see your perspective as biased.