Can You Help a Gay Minor Move Out of an Unsupportive Home

My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: so my niece will be 16 next month (July) and her parents just found out she was gay. They took her phone, her bedroom door off and have been ignoring her since they found out. She has not left her bedroom but to go grab a bit to eat and come back. She has been through child abuse when she was younger and we went to court for that and everything. Now this. She wants to live out and live with her aunt where she can be happy and took care of and loved. Her mother loves her but her and her husband (not the child's father) will not condone her being gay and will have and it and says she will change. She cannot change her heart and I feel like they are neglecting her and emotional abusing her. She doesn't have a phone to talk to anyone, doesn't go anywhere from the house, in her room all the time and they don't talk to her, and she is really unhappy. My worry is she has been through so much already and as a teenager she already had a lot on her plate and now this. I'm afraid she may go off the deep end if they keep on like this with her. I'm not saying she will nor has she gave me any signs of it but I know a teenager and I know suicide/depression rates are higher in them. What can I do to get her outta the house and living where she will be happy and able to be herself??

There is nothing you can do. Her parents are allowed to punish her for being open about her sexuality, and what they're doing is not illegal (it's called "Kicked out of the garden of eden").

As cruel as it sounds, children do not actually have the right to be happy.

(This assumes you and your friend live in the US)

Even if a drug addict lives in the home?? One that's been in trouble with the law?? Someone that comes and goes as the please?? Even with someone like that in the house I can't help in anyway?

And when did the drug addict move in?

I added to the previous message and he comes in and out all the time. They say they won't let him come back and they always do. He says he ain't using but others say different even his ex girlfriend.

I'm going to back up a little to try and help you understand the legalities here.

Parents have a constitutionally-protected right to parent their children. This right is so massive, so important, that it takes major and often drastic changes to remove or modify those rights. When Mom and Dad first got together they pretty much told the world (and more importantly, the courts ) that at they thought each other was just fine parenting material. The court will agree with their choice until there's a reason to change things.

Now to the crux of the matter.

There is no comprehensive list of what makes a parent unfit. Living with a drug addict is not necessarily considered to be a threat to the child, nor is it automatically considered to have a detrimental effect on the child's wellbeing. Think of say ... Mom needs her Valium and her Xanax each and every day, with a couple of glasses of wine at night, because she has a stressful life. Many people wouldn't consider Mom to be an addict, but she would fit the criteria in most medical journals. As long as the child comes to no harm, that's likely to be considered nothing at all. Pot is now largely considered the same way.

Now if the parent (or whoever) is dealing from the house, or has multiple convictions, that might warrant taking a look at the current situation. If they're running a meth lab, then something has to happen.

As sad as it sounds, the acceptable level of parenting is depressingly low. As long as the child is fed, has a roof over his head, and clothes, that's usually all that is required.

Make sense so far?

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Quoting Brown33

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I added to the previous message and he comes in and out all the time. They say they won't let him come back and they always do. He says he ain't using but others say different even his ex girlfriend.

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(please don't add to messages ... just hit reply)

Yea. I get it. Thanks. I was just trying to help her before she got in that depression suicide state of mine after everything she had been through and goin through. And the one person she talks to (her aunt) and tells everything to she can't talk to cause she don't had a phone. So I was trying to help figure something out for her. Thank you

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Quoting Brown33

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Yea. I get it. Thanks. I was just trying to help her before she got in that depression suicide state of mine after everything she had been through and goin through. And the one person she talks to (her aunt) and tells everything to she can't talk to cause she don't had a phone. So I was trying to help figure something out for her. Thank you

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I know, believe me. Can you encourage her to speak with a school counselor?

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She has been through child abuse when she was younger and we went to court for that and everything.

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You did not go to court, unless you sat in the gallery and observed. Of are you saying that you participated in said child abuse? Switching from 1st to 3rd person can make your writing unclear.

You cannot unilaterally move your niece into your home, assuming that you're the aunt in question.

Having a convict in the home doesn't mean anything, really, unless the crimes were involving children and such. Simply being an ex con doesn't mean they can't live with children. Crime isn't contagious like, say, staph.

Lots of teens go through "stuff" without ever becoming acutely depressed enough to show signs of suicidal ideation. You can suggest that she speak to a counselor, depending on what services are provided where the child lives, but that's about all that you can do as the aunt beyond providing a sympathetic ear and a cup of coffee or whatever. If you step on the parents toes you can be denied access to your niece with not recourse. I would suggest that you consider all of this before moving forward with anything precipitous.

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Quoting Brown33

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My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: so my niece will be 16 next month (July) and her parents just found out she was gay. They took her phone, her bedroom door off and have been ignoring her since they found out. She has not left her bedroom but to go grab a bit to eat and come back. She has been through child abuse when she was younger and we went to court for that and everything. Now this. She wants to live out and live with her aunt where she can be happy and took care of and loved. Her mother loves her but her and her husband (not the child's father) will not condone her being gay and will have and it and says she will change. She cannot change her heart and I feel like they are neglecting her and emotional abusing her. She doesn't have a phone to talk to anyone, doesn't go anywhere from the house, in her room all the time and they don't talk to her, and she is really unhappy. My worry is she has been through so much already and as a teenager she already had a lot on her plate and now this. I'm afraid she may go off the deep end if they keep on like this with her. I'm not saying she will nor has she gave me any signs of it but I know a teenager and I know suicide/depression rates are higher in them. What can I do to get her outta the house and living where she will be happy and able to be herself??

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If there is any evidence of abuse or neglect you can call CPS or the police. But taking her door off and her phone aren't either. It would be helpful if her mom and stepfather would go to therapy with her but no one can make them.

Where's her father?

She needs to talk to a counselor or someone. No one is getting her out of the house unless there is some serious abuse or neglect happening.