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Must I Support an Alienated Child Who Disowned Me

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  • 06-03-2017, 04:16 PM
    frewer
    Must I Support an Alienated Child Who Disowned Me
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: TN

    My 14 year old son has been alienated against me. He wants absolutely nothing to do with me and refuses to visit with me. Before this happened I had moved to the next street from the mother in order to coparent 50/50 with the mother. I have household rules whereas the mother has NO rules, and my son is in a very difficult rebellious teen stage and it's to the point where I don't even want to pay money for my attorney to fight to see my son who doesnt want to see me, until he's old enough to know better, although my door is always open to raise him as much as I'm allowed.

    Now, in addition to shutting me out of his life, the mother is trying to maximize her child support by taking advantage of the fact my son hasn't wanted to see me, by trying to make me agree to a parenting plan of only a few days a year, as if I had moved away and abandoned my son, although nothing is further from the truth. I live 1 minute away and want to see him!

    We've determined the alienation part (rules vs no rules) is nearly impossible to prove in court so isn't there a legal stipulation that I shouldn't be required to pay extra child support for all the parenting time I'm missing out on due to my son not wanting to see me? Or do I have to support a child even moreso who has disowned me?
  • 06-03-2017, 05:06 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Must I Support an Alienated Child Who Disowned Me
    Yes, you must support your child per your court order.

    Instead of effectively punishing him, why not take Mom back to court for contempt?
  • 06-03-2017, 07:50 PM
    Taxing Matters
    Re: Must I Support an Alienated Child Who Disowned Me
    Whether your son wants to see you or not he deserves support (i.e. food, clothes, shelter, etc) from both parents. You won't get the court to eliminate the support just because your kid doesn’t want to see you. Support is NOT paying for your kid to see you.

    Teens being what they are, his desire not to see you may have as much to do with you being more strict than his mother than any parental alienation. Teens, after all, push the boundaries and tend to think they ought to be able to do whatever they want. So they run into conflicts with parents who set rules and limits on what they can do.
  • 06-03-2017, 10:25 PM
    chyvan
    Re: Must I Support an Alienated Child Who Disowned Me
    Quote:

    Quoting frewer
    View Post
    the mother is trying to maximize her child support

    I shouldn't be required to pay extra child support for all the parenting time I'm missing out on due to my son not wanting to see me? Or do I have to support a child even moreso who has disowned me?

    I don't know if the subject was changed, but I don't think he doesn't want to pay, he just doesn't want to pay MORE because he's not getting his 50/50 parenting time, and wants to know if that can be used against him.
  • 06-04-2017, 06:24 AM
    flyingron
    Re: Must I Support an Alienated Child Who Disowned Me
    Support is an independent issue from visitation. If you want to enforce the visitation orders, then you'll have to go to court to push that. The judge isn't going to say, so the kid doesn't want to see you, fine don't pay. The payment doesn't go to the kid, it goes to the mother to defray the care of the kid.

    Teenagers often don't want to do the visitation (cuts into their "busy" schedule), but if it's important to you, the other parent should compel it.
  • 06-04-2017, 08:46 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: Must I Support an Alienated Child Who Disowned Me
    Quote:

    Quoting frewer
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: TN

    My 14 year old son has been alienated against me. He wants absolutely nothing to do with me and refuses to visit with me. Before this happened I had moved to the next street from the mother in order to coparent 50/50 with the mother. I have household rules whereas the mother has NO rules, and my son is in a very difficult rebellious teen stage and it's to the point where I don't even want to pay money for my attorney to fight to see my son who doesnt want to see me, until he's old enough to know better, although my door is always open to raise him as much as I'm allowed.

    Now, in addition to shutting me out of his life, the mother is trying to maximize her child support by taking advantage of the fact my son hasn't wanted to see me, by trying to make me agree to a parenting plan of only a few days a year, as if I had moved away and abandoned my son, although nothing is further from the truth. I live 1 minute away and want to see him!

    We've determined the alienation part (rules vs no rules) is nearly impossible to prove in court so isn't there a legal stipulation that I shouldn't be required to pay extra child support for all the parenting time I'm missing out on due to my son not wanting to see me? Or do I have to support a child even moreso who has disowned me?

    As long as you have a child support order you pay it. If your ex is refusing you visitation you take her to court. Your son has no say in whether or not he comes to see you. You don't pay child support for your parenting time. Seriously? Child support is to pay for YOUR part of raising the child. Child support and visitation are two separate things.

    She is not going to get a modification for more child support because she lets your son refuse to see you. You need to take her ass to court for contempt and soon. Then you all need to go to counseling or at least you and your son to figure out why he's got so much animosity toward you (unless you know what happened. It's not just "rebellious teen stage.").

    If your son is important to you and a relationship with you it shouldn't matter how much a lawyer costs to have him in your life. No don't "wait until he's old enough to know better." If he's a teenager he IS old enough to know better. If you just let her get away with keeping your son away all he will know is what his mother tells him and he won't ever come find you.

    Go get a lawyer - asap.

    Quote:

    Quoting chyvan
    View Post
    I don't know if the subject was changed, but I don't think he doesn't want to pay, he just doesn't want to pay MORE because he's not getting his 50/50 parenting time, and wants to know if that can be used against him.

    The advice still remains - child support is NOT for parenting time. They are separate. The only way the mom is going to get more is if she can show a change in her income and his income. She's not going to get more because she's not letting him have his visitation.

    Bottomline is: visitation and child support are SEPARATE. So even if he had to pay more and wasn't seeing his kid doesn't matter. Child support isn't paying the kid to see the other parent.
  • 06-05-2017, 10:52 AM
    oldsmom
    Re: Must I Support an Alienated Child Who Disowned Me
    Quote:

    Quoting frewer
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: TN

    My 14 year old son has been alienated against me. He wants absolutely nothing to do with me and refuses to visit with me. Before this happened I had moved to the next street from the mother in order to coparent 50/50 with the mother. I have household rules whereas the mother has NO rules, and my son is in a very difficult rebellious teen stage and it's to the point where I don't even want to pay money for my attorney to fight to see my son who doesnt want to see me, until he's old enough to know better, although my door is always open to raise him as much as I'm allowed.

    Now, in addition to shutting me out of his life, the mother is trying to maximize her child support by taking advantage of the fact my son hasn't wanted to see me, by trying to make me agree to a parenting plan of only a few days a year, as if I had moved away and abandoned my son, although nothing is further from the truth. I live 1 minute away and want to see him!

    We've determined the alienation part (rules vs no rules) is nearly impossible to prove in court so isn't there a legal stipulation that I shouldn't be required to pay extra child support for all the parenting time I'm missing out on due to my son not wanting to see me? Or do I have to support a child even moreso who has disowned me?

    Why aren't you taking the mom to court for contempt of the parenting plan? Your son legally has no right to NOT be at your house, and FORCING the visitation is the only way to reverse the affects of parental alienation. Legally, your son is supposed to be in your hosue, and legally his mother is supposed to make him go whether he likes it or not.

    By not fighting it, you are essentially your own worst enemy.
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