What to Do if Your Pregnant Ex- Moves to Another State

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois or Tennessee

Ex-girlfriend is claiming to be pregnant with my child. I did not know her as well as I thought, as one week after only taking two identical at-home pregnacy tests, she packed her things and moved away. She just recently updated me that she is 16 weeks along and would not show me any pre-natal proof (Dr confirmation, ultrasound pictures).

There is another element to this situation: Meth was found in my car after I repossessed it from her father's house in IL. The police confirmed it for me and she is a former/current addict that has lost custody of a previous child.

I do not know her intentions however, I have been told she is already engaged to be married to a man from TN or GA. Likely I won't find out much truth if I tried, so I only respond to her texts in a minimal, positive, and civil manner...

She is also currenty being charged with multiple felonies which if given no plea deals or reduction in charges, she could face a few years in prison...

The stress and anxiety has already cost me a good job but, I crawled back to an old one for the time being.

I really don't want to just wait and play defense. If she gives birth to a child that is biologically determined to be of my seed, I will not stand for him/her to get caught in the mother's probable lifestyle and I will build a life wherever is most ideal.

I know I may have messed up, there is a small chance she is carrying my child and I want to be as proactive as I can afford to be, before her and our child disappear into the underworld leaving me to pay an out of state child support order...

I want to know what I will need to do to be prepared for the worst as I am searching locally (IL) for an attorney that can minimize my damages.

Any clarifications needed? Please ask!

Until there is a child, there isn't much you can do. Then your first step would be determining if the child is yours. If she is married when the child is born, the husband will (depending on the state) be legally presumed to be the father.

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Quoting BubbaIL13

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois or Tennessee

Ex-girlfriend is claiming to be pregnant with my child. I did not know her as well as I thought, as one week after only taking two identical at-home pregnacy tests, she packed her things and moved away. She just recently updated me that she is 16 weeks along and would not show me any pre-natal proof (Dr confirmation, ultrasound pictures).

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She has no obligation to provide you any proof at this time.

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There is another element to this situation: Meth was found in my car after I repossessed it from her father's house in IL. The police confirmed it for me and she is a former/current addict that has lost custody of a previous child.

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That is irrelevant unless the baby is born with drugs in his/her system.

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I do not know her intentions however, I have been told she is already engaged to be married to a man from TN or GA. Likely I won't find out much truth if I tried, so I only respond to her texts in a minimal, positive, and civil manner...

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ok

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She is also currenty being charged with multiple felonies which if given no plea deals or reduction in charges, she could face a few years in prison...

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If that happens you can establish paternity and file for custody of the child.

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The stress and anxiety has already cost me a good job but, I crawled back to an old one for the time being.

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If you lost a job over this that is on you.

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I really don't want to just wait and play defense. If she gives birth to a child that is biologically determined to be of my seed, I will not stand for him/her to get caught in the mother's probable lifestyle and I will build a life wherever is most ideal.

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That isn't up to you, its up to the courts.

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I know I may have messed up, there is a small chance she is carrying my child and I want to be as proactive as I can afford to be, before her and our child disappear into the underworld leaving me to pay an out of state child support order...

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You had me going until you mentioned child support.

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I want to know what I will need to do to be prepared for the worst as I am searching locally (IL) for an attorney that can minimize my damages.

Any clarifications needed? Please ask!

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You have to wait until there is an actual baby before you can do anything.

Why are you stressing out? You don't even know that she is pregnant. Once there is a child, you file to establish paternity and then the court will do a DNA test. Then you find out if the baby is yours or not. If yours, you can file for custody.

Until there is a baby, you can do nothing.

It is possible to file a paternity case before a child is born, but that won't stop the mother from relocating or establish child custody jurisdiction if the child is born in another state in which the mother prefers to litigate custody issues. But the first step would seem to be trying to confirm that she is, in fact, pregnant.

Thank you all for the quick replies!

@free9man: Your reply reminded me of another issue: She was still technically married during conception...doubt that counts for anything though...Thank you for your concise reply.

@llworking: She was eating opiods dished out by her father two nights before she left, which was two days after her pregnancy tests...She tried to OD two days before that...

There were very high emotions at the time and she had claimed I was abusive for no reason at all. Lord, how I wish this all was fiction!

Which brings me to try to attempt to defend my character and proclaim that I have gone as far as to beging shopping for a residence in three different states in the possibility that relocation may be benificial. I'm looking at focusing on raising a child on my own if things go a certain way, or as mentioned, trying to mitigate damages in the department of child support, if indeed the wind blows in that direction...

I don't wish to die from stress but, yes it is hard to juggle all of this mentally and emotionally as I haven't much of a support group handy.

That said, back to the meat of the issue, I think I need to clarify that I acknowledge that I currently have zero rights. Kinda figured that, and I think she could be banking on that as well. So, my current goal is to be ready to provide any and as much information needed at the moment needed: Getting an attorney chosen, perhaps primed, if you will, because I understand that I cannot possibly be rushed at a moments notice to hire, inform, and execute any offense or defense on the same day.

How can I even know if she gives birth? I can't but, I would like to be ready for that day...Perhaps an outline of the actual process and/or procedure? Certain actions that can take now to be a better father, especially-crucially even in the eyes of whomever will be making determinations like judges, cps, ect...

Again, thank you all for your insights and your concise answers...

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Quoting BubbaIL13

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Thank you all for the quick replies!

@free9man: Your reply reminded me of another issue: She was still technically married during conception...doubt that counts for anything though...Thank you for your concise reply.

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That actually counts for a great deal. Her husband will technically be the legal father until his paternity is disestablished. Yours will not be able to be established unless his is disestablished either before that or part of the same proceeding.

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@llworking: She was eating opiods dished out by her father two nights before she left, which was two days after her pregnancy tests...She tried to OD two days before that...

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Were the authorities involved in either incident? If not, it didn't happen, legally.

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There were very high emotions at the time and she had claimed I was abusive for no reason at all. Lord, how I wish this all was fiction!

Which brings me to try to attempt to defend my character and proclaim that I have gone as far as to beging shopping for a residence in three different states in the possibility that relocation may be benificial. I'm looking at focusing on raising a child on my own if things go a certain way, or as mentioned, trying to mitigate damages in the department of child support, if indeed the wind blows in that direction...

I don't wish to die from stress but, yes it is hard to juggle all of this mentally and emotionally as I haven't much of a support group handy.

That said, back to the meat of the issue, I think I need to clarify that I acknowledge that I currently have zero rights. Kinda figured that, and I think she could be banking on that as well. So, my current goal is to be ready to provide any and as much information needed at the moment needed: Getting an attorney chosen, perhaps primed, if you will, because I understand that I cannot possibly be rushed at a moments notice to hire, inform, and execute any offense or defense on the same day.

How can I even know if she gives birth? I can't but, I would like to be ready for that day...Perhaps an outline of the actual process and/or procedure? Certain actions that can take now to be a better father, especially-crucially even in the eyes of whomever will be making determinations like judges, cps, ect...

Again, thank you all for your insights and your concise answers...

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You REALLY need to calm down until or unless there is an actually baby born. All of this "angst" is going to do you no good at all.

Have been trying to no avail...I do not want to disturb the inherent tone of our latest communications. I'm playing along and not showing her any iota of me even thinking about taking custody...I do not reach out to her as I made it clear that I will not chase after her but, would like to be a part of my child's life. I will not give in to any of her "tests" or games either...She knows I don't need her in my life and that I'm not going to back down if she begins a custody issue...

I just wamt to have all of my bases covered as best I can...

@MrKnowitall

Thank you bery much for your reply, although pre-natal check ups are not being performed into the second trimester, so I seriously doubt requesting a pre-natal paternity test would happen, as she is probably hiding her drug use...I've offered to pay and take to check ups which she denied...

I have to assume that she has malicious intent to prepare for the worst and yet not show any emotional response to any provocation and I'm trying my best...

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Quoting llworking

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That actually counts for a great deal. Her husband will technically be the legal father until his paternity is disestablished. Yours will not be able to be established unless his is disestablished either before that or part of the same proceeding.



Were the authorities involved in either incident? If not, it didn't happen, legally.



You REALLY need to calm down until or unless there is an actually baby born. All of this "angst" is going to do you no good at all.

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I'm really trying to be as cool as possible but, I don't want to be caught too much off-guard. Hahaha, just trying to see how proactive I can be I guess...

Anyways, about her still being technically married. Her husband was trying to get her to sign divorce papers after she claimed pregnancy by me. And, you say this may be beneficial? Perhaps it only buys me time? They had been separated for years...If she inks my name on the birth certificate might this then be adultery or fraud or something?

He will no doubt prove to not be a DNA match...She likely will have signed and returned the divorce papers by the time she gives birth anyways...

This may be where I can then bring my A-game? Surely she will relapse or violate probation in this time period unless she's back to selling cocaine...No joke...

Would saving my text messages, especially one where she told me the child isn't mine, be of any use? She since changed her tune...Also, what would be the best way to present them as evidence if need be?

You need to find out if she is actually pregnant. If you are reasonably certain that she is pregnant, you can file a paternity case.

Beyond that, sorry to say, you're going to be pretty much powerless until the baby is born and a court determines that you are the biological father and should be recognized as the legal father.

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Quoting BubbaIL13

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Have been trying to no avail...I do not want to disturb the inherent tone of our latest communications. I'm playing along and not showing her any iota of me even thinking about taking custody...I do not reach out to her as I made it clear that I will not chase after her but, would like to be a part of my child's life. I will not give in to any of her "tests" or games either...She knows I don't need her in my life and that I'm not going to back down if she begins a custody issue...

I just wamt to have all of my bases covered as best I can...

@MrKnowitall

Thank you bery much for your reply, although pre-natal check ups are not being performed into the second trimester, so I seriously doubt requesting a pre-natal paternity test would happen, as she is probably hiding her drug use...I've offered to pay and take to check ups which she denied...

I have to assume that she has malicious intent to prepare for the worst and yet not show any emotional response to any provocation and I'm trying my best...



I'm really trying to be as cool as possible but, I don't want to be caught too much off-guard. Hahaha, just trying to see how proactive I can be I guess...

Anyways, about her still being technically married. Her husband was trying to get her to sign divorce papers after she claimed pregnancy by me. And, you say this may be beneficial? Perhaps it only buys me time? They had been separated for years...If she inks my name on the birth certificate might this then be adultery or fraud or something?

He will no doubt prove to not be a DNA match...She likely will have signed and returned the divorce papers by the time she gives birth anyways...

This may be where I can then bring my A-game? Surely she will relapse or violate probation in this time period unless she's back to selling cocaine...No joke...

Would saving my text messages, especially one where she told me the child isn't mine, be of any use? She since changed her tune...Also, what would be the best way to present them as evidence if need be?

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Do you understand that you don't HAVE a legal issue at the moment?

Frankly, you're coming across as somewhat .. unstable.