Must Both Parents Agree for a Child to Have an Extended Visit with Third Parties

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: AZ/ID

Before I ask this question I guess I'll give a little background to this situation.

My husband's son (my step son) was taken away from his mother and her boyfriend when he was three because her boyfriend was abusing him. He was there visiting her for the summer. My husband was apparently not on the birth certificate so he was not informed this. When he finally did find out about a month later his son was already in the foster system and placed with a family. Long story short he established paternity and got put on the birth certificate. It took us two years to get his son back to us with lots of hoops to jump through. We have a very strong relationship with his foster parents who he thinks of as another set of parents.

When we finally got his son back the court in AZ awarded us physical custody. We did all of our court hearings over the phone because we live in ID, so once we were awarded physical custody our lawyers told us good luck and congratulations and hung up the phone so the mother could continue the pending case she had with her daughter. We didn't hear any kind of visitation order but we still send him for visits with his mother over winter break and summer. She is not with the man that abused him anymore so we aren't worried about his safety. We also let him visit his foster parents because he loves them just as much as anybody else in our family.

This past winter break he went to visit his mother who lives in the same city as his foster parents. He asked her to see them once at the mall and she told him no because they "did something to her" and he was absolutely heart broken. We told him that it was her decision and he should listen to her because she is his mother. This summer we wanted to send him to his mother for about a month and a with his foster parents for two weeks. They are wanting him at about the same time for this summer break. She is absolutely unwilling to cooperate with any of us. She keeps saying she is his mother she gets the final say (which I'm thinking is true). I just don't think it is in our child's best interest to be kept away from a huge part of his life because of her.

I don't want him to end up resenting her for these decisions. I believe he needs a relationship with his mother but I don't think she is emotionally responsible enough to be making these decisions. I'm wondering if we need to get a lawyer and come up with an agreement so there are no issues in the future or what our options are?

Your husband is the boy's father so your husband also has some say.

There is no way you, your husband, or any judge is going to be able to compel the mother to allow the boy to visit the foster parents on her watch.

If your husband wants the boy to visit the foster parents then it's up to your husband to arrange for his son to visit them on a separate trip, at another time, if the boy's mother doesn't want anything to do with it.

Why hasn't he thought of that, and if he has, what's stopping him from doing it?

It will be a separate trip. The issue is that they want him at around the same time. I'm asking if WE get to decide when and with whom he gets to visit, or if it a shared and equal decision between my husband and the mother?

If the visit would occur entirely on your husband's parenting time, and there is nothing in the custody order that imposes a restriction on his exercise of his time that might apply to the situation, then he would normally be able to schedule the visit with the former foster parents (or send the kid to his own parents for a visit, or send the kid to summer camp); if his ex- objected she could bring a motion in court to try to prevent the visit.

If the visit requires the mother to cede some of her own parenting time, she is free to say "no".

Your husband's Idaho lawyers would have done more work for him had he paid them to do so. If these were court-appointed lawyers for a protective proceeding, then that would be why they stopped representing him at the end of those proceedings. If your husband is confused about the terms of the custody order, he should have it reviewed by a lawyer or consult his former lawyers for an explanation of its terms.

I guess that's the issue here is that there is no allotted "parenting time" for her. I'm looking over the paperwork and the judge said he will not order visits and that they should work it out. That's why I'm wondering about who gets the final say here. We are in the process of getting a hold of the lawyer for some more clarification. I was just hoping to get a little more insight.

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Quoting brittanynicole

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I guess that's the issue here is that there is no allotted "parenting time" for her. I'm looking over the paperwork and the judge said he will not order visits and that they should work it out. That's why I'm wondering about who gets the final say here. We are in the process of getting a hold of the lawyer for some more clarification. I was just hoping to get a little more insight.

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If your husband has custody, and the judge has allotted no visitation for mom, then your husband has the final say. His mother certainly does not, she doesn't even have any custody. Your husband is not required to send the child to visit her at all.

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Quoting llworking

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If your husband has custody, and the judge has allotted no visitation for mom, then your husband has the final say. His mother certainly does not, she doesn't even have any custody. Your husband is not required to send the child to visit her at all.

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Does is matter that it is only physical custody and not sole custody or legal custody?

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Quoting brittanynicole

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Does is matter that it is only physical custody and not sole custody or legal custody?

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It might possibly, but a parent who lost custody of a child due to a CPS case is unlikely to have any legal custody.

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Quoting llworking

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It might possibly, but a parent who lost custody of a child due to a CPS case is unlikely to have any legal custody.

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Thank you! We are going to consult with our lawyer just to be 100% sure before but I appreciate the quick responses.

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Quoting brittanynicole

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Thank you! We are going to consult with our lawyer just to be 100% sure before but I appreciate the quick responses.

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Just as an FYI...it may even be that the state has legal custody and your husband has physical placement. It all really depends on the details of the case.