Hello,
This is going to sound like the biggest Jerry Springer story, so I will apologize in advance.
My girlfriend is pregenant. I am 99% sure that it is my baby. It is a baby girl due in July. I already have a name for my little girl. My girlfriend has left me due to "irreconciable differences." I have begged for a chance to make things right, but she insists that the relationship is over. I can accpet that, and now I will concentrate on giving the best life to my little girl.
My ex-girlfriend is from China on a H1 visa. Her status in the US is dependent upon her employer securing her H1 visa. I am a natural born US citizen. My ex-girlfriend is still married to another man (please hold the comments, I know I have made poor decisions). She told me that they were getting a divorce but that the divorce was pending him finding work since he is umemployed, thus his status (he is a also a foreign national), is dependent upon her H1 visa. Currently, she has H1 status, he is dependent on her H1.
Due to this circumstance, I feel that I have to determine my paternity. Although I am 99% sure I am the father, I want to be 100% sure and I am willing to pay for any paternity test costs.
Upon establishing that I am the father, I would like custody of the child in Texas. I would like physical custody, I would like my daughter to live with me. I am completely open to joint custody and am extremely flexible to visitation, parental rights, and anything else, as long as I retain physcial primary custody. My questions are: what do I need to do at this point to help my case?
She plans on fighting physical custody. Here are points which will be brought up:
1) She is a H1 Visa holder. I am a US citizen.
2) She is married. I am single, never married.
3) She currently resides with her husband in his home which HE owns. I currently reside alone in my home which I own.
4) I have lived in my home for since 2004. She will either live with her huband (which she says she will leave) or move into an apt. or roommate situation.
5) I make 60k+ a year. She makes 30k+ a year.
6) I have paid all of the medical bills during her pregnancy, and will continue barring paternity being established for another man.
7) She never contributed towards paying for my mortgage payment. She did contribute towards "food and expenses" as noted on her checks in the notes fields.
8) The last argument which ended her moving out involved her throwing things at me and threatening physical violence. In order to not escalate the situation, I called 911 and asked her to leave my residence which she did after I called 911. I have documentation of this 911 call.
What I want is to have primary custody of my child and to have physical custody. I am scared of her leaving the country (either forced due to losing her visa status, or her voluntary going home to her natural country where she has citizenship) and taking my child with her. Odds are, my daughter will be born in Texas as a US citizen. As long as I am the father via paternity tests, I will suppot my child. Ideally I want primary custody, but if I am to be the non-custodial parent, so be it, but I want to fight for primary custody.
I am looking for advice on how to secure physical custody of my daugher. My daughter will be born middle of July. Unfortunately, the mother and I cannot come to terms regarding custody, and although I think she is a wonderful person, I would still like physical custody of my daughter. Again, I am open to any arrangement as long as I have physcial primary custody. I am willing to pay for anything. I just want the best for my little girl. If you happen to be Dallas lawyer, I need help. Please. someone help me.
Texas Father Needs Help
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03-19-2007, 10:13 PMdropshadowTexas Father Needs Help
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03-20-2007, 03:52 AMOutspokenDudeRe: Texas Father Needs Help
You have no rights to this child until there is a legal determination of parentage. Until such time, you are not the legal father and not legally obligated for anything -- including financial support. Of course, ONCE the baby is born, you can immediately file for an order to establish paternity. So do NOT give her any money whatsoever!!!! Until such time, she is free to move wherever she wants. And if she moves out of the country, that makes it more difficult.
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03-20-2007, 05:41 AMBaystategirlRe: Texas Father Needs HelpJust to add to this very good advice: You should get an attorney. It is possible to get a court order that she may not move or leave the country until the baby is born and paternity is determined. But this is something that you would need an attorney to handle for you. When the baby is born the STBX will be the legal father, so his paternity will have to be disestablished.Quote:
Quoting OutspokenDude
Good Luck! -
03-20-2007, 10:29 AMDad2Re: Texas Father Needs Help
If you have enough money, and your lawyer is aggressive enough ( goes hand in hand ), you don't have to wait until after the baby is born, to determine paternity.
DNA tests can be done before birth. -
03-20-2007, 11:25 AMaaronRe: Texas Father Needs Help
In which state can the father get court-ordered prenatal DNA testing against the mother's wishes?
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03-20-2007, 12:14 PMdropshadowRe: Texas Father Needs Help
Hello,
Thank you all for the advice.
I do not believe the mother will object to paternity tests. I did not realize that you can do DNA testing prior to birth. I will speak to her doctor.
Prior to her moving out, I was paying for all health insurance costs for the birth. The doctor's office spread payments out over 5 months I believe and I already paid all of those. What are the consequences of this now? Obviously, at the time we were together and I was basically paying 100% of her upkeep, which included all her medical costs. Now that she has moved out, though she hasn't asked me to pay for anything yet, I know it is coming around the corner soon. She has already stated that she wants child support.
What should I do when she asks for money before the birth? Require her to get DNA testing on the child? How can I best set myself up for a custody case where I could possibly get physical custody? -
03-20-2007, 12:41 PMBaystategirlRe: Texas Father Needs HelpNot without risking the safty of the baby, they can't!Quote:
Quoting Dad2
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03-20-2007, 01:28 PMaaronRe: Texas Father Needs Help
Judges tend to be more impressed with fathers who help and support their pregnant girlfriends than with those who don't. If you provide continuing support, it may improve your position when you get to court. At the same time, if the DNA test disproves paternity, you're unlikely to get the money back.
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03-20-2007, 02:08 PMdropshadowRe: Texas Father Needs HelpSorry for what may be a dumb question...but what is STBX?Quote:
Quoting Baystategirl
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03-20-2007, 02:09 PMdropshadowRe: Texas Father Needs HelpI'm not worried about not getting my money back.Quote:
Quoting aaron
What I am worried about is if me continuing to pay, and I do not gain primary physical custody, if the fact that I have been paying will affect child support calculations any. -
03-20-2007, 02:42 PMDad2Re: Texas Father Needs Help
STBX=Soon To Be Ex(husband in this case)
If she told you that she will be going for child support, then she is admitting that the baby is yours.
The fact that you have been paying won't affect your future child support payments ( there are guidelines for those ), but it should show the judge that you are doing the right thing, and that will help in other areas ( in a prefect world anyway )
It's not going to be easy to get primary physical custody, it never is.
A 50/50 shared parenting plan will chop down child support payments(ussally), but you will still need to pay if she has primary physical.
Unless you can prove that she is an unfit Mother, or has some kind of mental illness that will put the child in harms way, you are in for a bumpy ride.
Try and talk some sense into her. If I was her husband, I sure as heck wouldn't want her to have that child in my home, and if she really is getting a divorce, where is she going to go? Try and reason with her. Ask her to give you primary custody until she gets settled. Who knows how long that will take, and it will take ALOT for the court to change physical custody back to her.
1st step my friend, get that DNA test ASAP. You may be spending thousands of $ for nothing if that child isn't yours. Not to mention the huge emotional roller coaster that will occur if the baby isn't yours.
I do applaud you for you willingness to do what's right. I wish there were more men like you (us) who will step up to the plate when needed to do so.
And to the poster that said prenatal DNA testing is putting the baby at risk, you are only 1/2 correct.
The same tests that are used to determine birth defects, also determine DNA.
An OB/GYN takes fluid from either the placenta or the amniotic fluid. A needle never touches the unborn child. A painless and non-invasive procedure. -
03-20-2007, 03:25 PMaaronRe: Texas Father Needs Help
You need to stop suggesting that a judge is going to order amniocentesis to determine paternity of a fetus. There is not a single state where that will occur. Also, amniocentesis is invasive - a needle inserted through the abdomen into the uterus is an invasive procedure by any definition - and is not without risk. The risk of miscarriage from amniocentesis is estimated at 1:200 to 1:400.
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03-20-2007, 04:17 PMdropshadowRe: Texas Father Needs HelpI am unclear. What happnes in this scenario...Quote:
Quoting Dad2
She gives birth to the baby, and she is still married to her husband. I am the biological father. Who is the legal father then? How is that established? Is it basically whoever signs the birth certificate? Or because of the fact that she is married, the husband by default becomes legal father. What if her husband is not willing to sign? What if I sign? I am just very confused as to how legal father is established. How does one go about "disestablishing" legal fatherhood from her husband and make me legal father?
I have been reading about non-invasive paternity tests from blood tests. I would agree to that, however, I will discourage any invasive paternity test. If a paternity test has to wait until after the birth, so be it. -
03-20-2007, 05:38 PMDad2Re: Texas Father Needs Help
Arron,
Never once did I suggest a judge will order a pre natal DNA test.(although it is done)
Whats i said was "DNA tests can be done before birth." ( which is a fact obviously )
And,Dropshadow...
You can still be the legal parent of a child, whether or not the child's mom is married or not is irrelevant. -
03-20-2007, 05:59 PMBaystategirlRe: Texas Father Needs HelpNo....The HUSBAND of the woman will be the LEGAL father until his paternity is disestablished and OP is established as the made. The day the baby is born OP can have his attorney file a request to establish him as father.Quote:
Quote:
Quoting Dad2
There is no OB/GYN that will do a perpartum DNA test. There is risk to the fetus and DNA can be done without risk after the baby is born. You must stop telling OP that it is an option....It is NOT!
This is what you said:Quote:
Arron,
Never once did I suggest a judge will order a pre natal DNA test.(although it is done)
Whats i said was "DNA tests can be done before birth." ( which is a fact obviously )
Quote:
If you have enough money, and your lawyer is aggressive enough ( goes hand in hand ), you don't have to wait until after the baby is born, to determine paternity.
DNA tests can be done before birth.
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03-20-2007, 07:12 PMDad2Re: Texas Father Needs Help
Ok, I guess this thread is hijacked.
If DNA testing cant be done before the baby is born, then I don't know why it's a medical procedure. I don't know why there is literature on it, I guess it must all be made up.
I did some research using the first 3 sites that I googled.
If the Mother of the child puts the posters name on the birth certificate, how can her husband be considered the legal father? ( serious question, I was pretty sure whoevers name is on the BC, is the father, unless proved otherwise)
And, again, and for the last time, I never suggested a judge will/can order a prenatal DNA test. I said it "can be done"
I'm done with this thread, and I wish the OP good luck. -
03-20-2007, 07:19 PMpanther10758Re: Texas Father Needs HelpYes you did if you cant see that in your statement then well your blindQuote:
Quoting Dad2