Does an Unmarried Mother Have Sole Custody by Default

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: CALIFORNIA

My daughter is 13 1/2 yrs old. Her father and I were never married but his name is on the birth certificate. We have never gone to court for anything. No child support, no child custody, no visitation is ordered through the courts. Father has finally been giving me some child support each month for the last 2 years. Daughter lives with me full time and sees her father a few times a month whenever he shows up.They speak on the phone pretty much daily to say goodnight.

My question is this. Since we have never been to court and never established custody issues, under California law, am I considered to have sole physical and legal custody of our daughter or does California law consider us to have joint custody since it was never addressed, which technically would give him 50% legal custody, which gives him decision making rights, even though he visits her just a few times a month?

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Quoting kaulana54

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under California law, am I considered to have sole physical and legal custody of our daughter

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No.

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Quoting kaulana54

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does California law consider us to have joint custody

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Yes.

The first sentence of the general provisions of the Custody of Children section of the CA Family Code says:

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3010.(a) The mother of an unemancipated minor child and the father ... are equally entitled to the custody of the child.

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http://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/fa...er=2.&article=

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Quoting kaulana54

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which technically would give him 50% legal custody, which gives him decision making rights,

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Yes.

Even if you went to court and got sole physical custody, he is likely to still have rights to participate in decisions about the child.

So, cooperate with him and avoid expensive litigation and emotional damage to your child or get a laywer, cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war.

An AOP or paternity judgment creates basic custodial rights and gives the father the right to seek a formal custody order. But this is also a case involving a teenager, not a newborn, so the practical reality must be considered.

If a parent changes the historic practices, established over more than thirteen years of co-parenting, in the absence of a significant change in circumstances the other parent can petition for a custody order and has a good chance of having the court issue an order that reflects those historic practices.

Also, absent evidence of unfitness or a history of significant conflict between the parents, courts routinely grant non-custodial parents joint legal custody. If dad has been participating in joint decision-making, and you decide that you are no longer going to consider his opinions, not only would a court be likely to restore his right to participate, it could regard your actions as unreasonable and as casting a shadow across your ability to co-parent.

What is going on, such that this is an issue?

I might need to move out of the country to help out my parents. My daughter has only lived with me and we are like 2 peas in a pod...She is old enough to understand about the move and she has plain outright said to me that she will move abroad with me. BUT if he has joint legal custody, he may very well say NO, you are not taking my daughter out of the country. But, on the bright side, thru the research I have done so far, it looks like the judge may hear her side of the story and listen to her request to move with me abroad since she is old enough to have an input on the decision. I'm researching to find out what legal rights he has and what he may possibly do to stop me from taking our daughter with me abroad. Preparing for the worst. Because this would be an international move away order.

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Quoting kaulana54

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I might need to move out of the country to help out my parents. My daughter has only lived with me and we are like 2 peas in a pod...She is old enough to understand about the move and she has plain outright said to me that she will move abroad with me. BUT if he has joint legal custody, he may very well say NO, you are not taking my daughter out of the country. But, on the bright side, thru the research I have done so far, it looks like the judge may hear her side of the story and listen to her request to move with me abroad since she is old enough to have an input on the decision. I'm researching to find out what legal rights he has and what he may possibly do to stop me from taking our daughter with me abroad. Preparing for the worst. Because this would be an international move away order.

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Because he is listed as her father on her birth certificate, he would have to consent to her getting a passport. If he refuses to consent, she won't be getting a passport and therefore cannot leave the country. Therefore, you will have no choice but to address the matter in court if he is opposed to the move.

I will also tell you that it is not easy, at all, to get permission to relocate a child out of the country. If a judge will entertain such a relocation, it won't be to a country that is not a signatory to the Hague Convention. You can also expect to have to provide at least one, if not two round trip tickets a year for her to visit her father.

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Quoting kaulana54

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I might need to move out of the country to help out my parents. My daughter has only lived with me and we are like 2 peas in a pod...She is old enough to understand about the move and she has plain outright said to me that she will move abroad with me. BUT if he has joint legal custody, he may very well say NO, you are not taking my daughter out of the country. But, on the bright side, thru the research I have done so far, it looks like the judge may hear her side of the story and listen to her request to move with me abroad since she is old enough to have an input on the decision. I'm researching to find out what legal rights he has and what he may possibly do to stop me from taking our daughter with me abroad. Preparing for the worst. Because this would be an international move away order.

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Is there a valid reason why she can't live with Dad?

The bottom line is that yes, he can absolutely ask the court to deny the relocation and yes, he can end up with custody if you decide to move anyway.

Kudos to Dad for giving you any money without there being a court order in place. And kudos for him having daily contact with his child.

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So, cooperate with him and avoid expensive litigation and emotional damage to your child or get a laywer, cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war.

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Awesome:)

So...you want to take you daughter away from the father that she has daily contact with AND sees a few times a month? Good luck with that! The father can pursue his rights and gain more access to his daughter as well as blocking you from leaving the country quickly and pretty easily. See note about passport above. If you think that taking your daughter away from her father will have minimal consequences you should think again. Remember, daily contact and a few visits a month? That will have a significant impact and, no, Facetime and Skype are not a real substitute for actual face time.

Your assumption about the mother having full custody would be based on the mother being the custodial parent because there is no legal father. In that case, yes, the mother has sole custody, until there is a legal father.

Yes, kudos to him for finally stepping up after 11 years of avoiding financial responsibility. I'll take whatever I can get. And yes, kudos to him for contacting her every night. I'm grateful for that for my daughters sake. After all, this is all about the child. Not me or her dad. Yes, if she couldn't move with me abroad, I would be sad but I have great concerns with the thought of having to leave her here with her father. The reason why she could not, should not, and does not want to live with her father is 1) SHE doesn't want to 2) he's extremely short tempered and verbally abusive. She doesn't like sleeping over his house even if it's for just one night because he's unpredictable and that scares her, I can't imagine having to tell her that she has to live with him....omg 3) he's an alcoholic 4) I can't prove it but I'm pretty positive he abuses drugs too. He's a party animal, has been, and always will be. He still goes about his ways as if he's still 20 years old even though he's almost 50. He's a fun dad, just not the responsible father type. The list could go on but that's the gist of it. Bottom line is SHE doesn't want to live with him. There is no pause or thought as to whom she wants to live with. She's not 3 anymore. She'll be 14 years old soon. I've had to get a restraining order on him before so there's that history as well. Like I said, it's all about the best interest of the child and her living with him is the last thing that should happen for the well being of this girl. I know that the international move away orders are extremely difficult....that's why I was inquiring about the legalities of my custody of her. Perhaps since she's old enough, the judge would allow her to choose with whom she wants to live with? What do you think?

Thank you for the detailed information. If I went to court to get sole physical custody, would that mean I could move abroad with my daughter or is that a different issue and would I need to get an international move away order along with the sole physical custody for the move to happen?

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Quoting kaulana54

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Yes, kudos to him for finally stepping up after 11 years of avoiding financial responsibility. I'll take whatever I can get. And yes, kudos to him for contacting her every night. I'm grateful for that for my daughters sake. After all, this is all about the child. Not me or her dad. Yes, if she couldn't move with me abroad, I would be sad but I have great concerns with the thought of having to leave her here with her father. The reason why she could not, should not, and does not want to live with her father is 1) SHE doesn't want to 2) he's extremely short tempered and verbally abusive. She doesn't like sleeping over his house even if it's for just one night because he's unpredictable and that scares her, I can't imagine having to tell her that she has to live with him....omg 3) he's an alcoholic 4) I can't prove it but I'm pretty positive he abuses drugs too. He's a party animal, has been, and always will be. He still goes about his ways as if he's still 20 years old even though he's almost 50. He's a fun dad, just not the responsible father type. The list could go on but that's the gist of it. Bottom line is SHE doesn't want to live with him. There is no pause or thought as to whom she wants to live with. She's not 3 anymore. She'll be 14 years old soon. I've had to get a restraining order on him before so there's that history as well. Like I said, it's all about the best interest of the child and her living with him is the last thing that should happen for the well being of this girl. I know that the international move away orders are extremely difficult....that's why I was inquiring about the legalities of my custody of her. Perhaps since she's old enough, the judge would allow her to choose with whom she wants to live with? What do you think?

Thank you for the detailed information. If I went to court to get sole physical custody, would that mean I could move abroad with my daughter or is that a different issue and would I need to get an international move away order along with the sole physical custody for the move to happen?

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You need to pay an attorney.

I suggest you start calling around.

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Quoting kaulana54

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Yes, kudos to him for finally stepping up after 11 years of avoiding financial responsibility. I'll take whatever I can get. And yes, kudos to him for contacting her every night. I'm grateful for that for my daughters sake. After all, this is all about the child. Not me or her dad. Yes, if she couldn't move with me abroad, I would be sad but I have great concerns with the thought of having to leave her here with her father. The reason why she could not, should not, and does not want to live with her father is 1) SHE doesn't want to 2) he's extremely short tempered and verbally abusive. She doesn't like sleeping over his house even if it's for just one night because he's unpredictable and that scares her, I can't imagine having to tell her that she has to live with him....omg 3) he's an alcoholic 4) I can't prove it but I'm pretty positive he abuses drugs too. He's a party animal, has been, and always will be. He still goes about his ways as if he's still 20 years old even though he's almost 50. He's a fun dad, just not the responsible father type. The list could go on but that's the gist of it. Bottom line is SHE doesn't want to live with him. There is no pause or thought as to whom she wants to live with. She's not 3 anymore. She'll be 14 years old soon. I've had to get a restraining order on him before so there's that history as well. Like I said, it's all about the best interest of the child and her living with him is the last thing that should happen for the well being of this girl. I know that the international move away orders are extremely difficult....that's why I was inquiring about the legalities of my custody of her. Perhaps since she's old enough, the judge would allow her to choose with whom she wants to live with? What do you think?

Thank you for the detailed information. If I went to court to get sole physical custody, would that mean I could move abroad with my daughter or is that a different issue and would I need to get an international move away order along with the sole physical custody for the move to happen?

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You either need written permission from her father or a judge's order to move the child out of the country. That will be needed no matter what type of custody that you have. If she ends up being 16 or 17 by the time you actually need to move, AND at that point in time she would still prefer to move with you, THEN you might have a better shot at the judge taking her wishes into consideration. However mom, odds are that by then she won't want to move away from her friends and her social life.

She is a child and she does what she is told to do. She does not get to decide.

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Quoting kaulana54

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Yes, kudos to him for finally stepping up after 11 years of avoiding financial responsibility. I'll take whatever I can get. And yes, kudos to him for contacting her every night. I'm grateful for that for my daughters sake. After all, this is all about the child. Not me or her dad. Yes, if she couldn't move with me abroad, I would be sad but I have great concerns with the thought of having to leave her here with her father. The reason why she could not, should not, and does not want to live with her father is 1) SHE doesn't want to 2) he's extremely short tempered and verbally abusive. She doesn't like sleeping over his house even if it's for just one night because he's unpredictable and that scares her, I can't imagine having to tell her that she has to live with him....omg 3) he's an alcoholic 4) I can't prove it but I'm pretty positive he abuses drugs too. He's a party animal, has been, and always will be. He still goes about his ways as if he's still 20 years old even though he's almost 50. He's a fun dad, just not the responsible father type. The list could go on but that's the gist of it. Bottom line is SHE doesn't want to live with him. There is no pause or thought as to whom she wants to live with. She's not 3 anymore. She'll be 14 years old soon. I've had to get a restraining order on him before so there's that history as well. Like I said, it's all about the best interest of the child and her living with him is the last thing that should happen for the well being of this girl. I know that the international move away orders are extremely difficult....that's why I was inquiring about the legalities of my custody of her. Perhaps since she's old enough, the judge would allow her to choose with whom she wants to live with? What do you think?

Thank you for the detailed information. If I went to court to get sole physical custody, would that mean I could move abroad with my daughter or is that a different issue and would I need to get an international move away order along with the sole physical custody for the move to happen?

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Most of the time kids don't get a say or to make decisions like this. Some judges MIGHT listen to what they have to say. Might.

Do you have a diagnosis from a medical professional that he's an alcoholic or drug addict? The fact he abuses drugs wouldn't really matter in visitation or custody hearing. The threshold for being a parent is extremely low in this country.

I have already discussed in detail with her about friends and social life issues. Fortunately for me, she has no problem with moving away. Her friends at school so far are mere acquaintances. She is in all advanced classes and focuses on her academics more than her social life, like most kids her age do. Her childhood best friend lives miles away and she rarely gets to see her but when they get together once or twice a year, they click right back as if time had never passed and lucky for us, her best friend visits her grandmother abroad every summer and my daughter can meet up with her then as well so the one important friend in her life, she will get to be in touch with. Her decision to move with me or not is not the issue here. It's her father. I'm trying to assess what rights I may or may not have and I think I'm seeing a pretty clear picture here.

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Quoting qwaspolk69

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Most of the time kids don't get a say or to make decisions like this. Some judges MIGHT listen to what they have to say. Might.

Do you have a diagnosis from a medical professional that he's an alcoholic or drug addict? The fact he abuses drugs wouldn't really matter in visitation or custody hearing. The threshold for being a parent is extremely low in this country.

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No diagnosis, he's a pro at it. Knows how to get around EVERYTHING. He also gets his "meds" from his doctors too.

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Quoting kaulana54

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I have already discussed in detail with her about friends and social life issues. Fortunately for me, she has no problem with moving away. Her friends at school so far are mere acquaintances. She is in all advanced classes and focuses on her academics more than her social life, like most kids her age do. Her childhood best friend lives miles away and she rarely gets to see her but when they get together once or twice a year, they click right back as if time had never passed and lucky for us, her best friend visits her grandmother abroad every summer and my daughter can meet up with her then as well so the one important friend in her life, she will get to be in touch with. Her decision to move with me or not is not the issue here. It's her father. I'm trying to assess what rights I may or may not have and I think I'm seeing a pretty clear picture here.



No diagnosis, he's a pro at it. Knows how to get around EVERYTHING. He also gets his "meds" from his doctors too.

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I'm saying that in court you can't just label him as an alcoholic without some diagnosis. That's all.

Yes the issue is the father. I mean without him you would have no daughter. He has rights still whether you like it or not.