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What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody

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  • 01-29-2017, 04:19 AM
    Funnygrl20
    What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Pennsylvania

    My fiance hass been in a legal battle for over 4 years now and spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on our lawyer. He went from supervised visitation (because he was pro se in that hearing) with no history of abuse and and old drug history which his ex was aware of and he was clean from 2 years when they met and began a realtionship and married.. he has a full time job and goes to college. We both have full time jobs and we are both in college actually. Im in post grad actually. He now has after all this just every other weekend and one overnight during the week. She has a sibling in our home and a sibling in theirs plus 2 of her new husbands kids every other weekend. Just want a dose of reality because he wants to keep fighting to get equal and I dont know how much of a reality that will be.
  • 01-29-2017, 04:59 AM
    free9man
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    How old is the child? What is the distance between the homes? How long has it been since he transitioned from supervised to the current arrangement? The courts aren't normally going to make serious changes in a child's life at a quick pace. They will want him to use the current arrangement for a while so the child can acclimate. The fact you are both working full time and are in college would tend to indicate you might have limited availability.
  • 01-29-2017, 05:06 AM
    readytoleave
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    He has the standard parenting plan. I imagine that he also gets some holidays and extra time in the summer, right?

    I completely understand that he wants to see his child as much as possible. And I absolutely believe that non custodial parents should be involved as much as possible. There is something he needs to consider though. There are a few reasons true 50/50 is rare, but the most important one to me is children who actually have 50/50 shared time usually do not feel as if they have a home, and rather that they live out of a suitcase. They feel like they don't belong anywhere. It is such a hard decision to make because his heart is telling him that he needs to fight for his child. But is that really the best thing for his child?
  • 01-29-2017, 05:23 AM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    Quote:

    Quoting free9man
    View Post
    How old is the child? What is the distance between the homes? How long has it been since he transitioned from supervised to the current arrangement? The courts aren't normally going to make serious changes in a child's life at a quick pace. They will want him to use the current arrangement for a while so the child can acclimate. The fact you are both working full time and are in college would tend to indicate you might have limited availability.

    She is 4. We are 40 minutes away but her school she goes to for daycare is halfway between us both and we do exchages halfway too on the weekends he has her. The current arrangement has been in place for 2 years. We attend college online so we have flexability and all parties have 8 to 430 jobs (him myself and her mother and step father). Her mother is also in school as well online so it is all even there as well.

    No extra time in summer. Does split holidays. She wont give him any extra time with his daughter unless the courts order it. She has too much of a priority of trying to edge him out of her life like she did her first marriage and son and his father. She has his daughter calling her 4th husband (whom they have been together a little over a year before getting married) daddy so and so..so ny fiance feels she needs more time here with us because her mother is already trying to alienate by refusing phone calls extra time and buying her whatever she wants to get her to want to be home more. He doesnt feel THAT is healthy for her.
    For me with certain major changes coming I want to just maybe get extra time on our non custodial weekend weeks so she isnt going a whole week without seeing all of us. I also think a stiffer court order would be better as well since she really doesnt keep us informed and when he asks questions she is very rude and shuts him down for asking about his kid. She even says his daughter doesnt want to see him more which is a out right lie.
  • 01-29-2017, 07:07 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    She is 4. We are 40 minutes away but her school she goes to for daycare is halfway between us both and we do exchages halfway too on the weekends he has her. The current arrangement has been in place for 2 years. We attend college online so we have flexability and all parties have 8 to 430 jobs (him myself and her mother and step father). Her mother is also in school as well online so it is all even there as well.

    No extra time in summer. Does split holidays. She wont give him any extra time with his daughter unless the courts order it. She has too much of a priority of trying to edge him out of her life like she did her first marriage and son and his father. She has his daughter calling her 4th husband (whom they have been together a little over a year before getting married) daddy so and so..so ny fiance feels she needs more time here with us because her mother is already trying to alienate by refusing phone calls extra time and buying her whatever she wants to get her to want to be home more. He doesnt feel THAT is healthy for her.
    For me with certain major changes coming I want to just maybe get extra time on our non custodial weekend weeks so she isnt going a whole week without seeing all of us. I also think a stiffer court order would be better as well since she really doesnt keep us informed and when he asks questions she is very rude and shuts him down for asking about his kid. She even says his daughter doesnt want to see him more which is a out right lie.

    He has a standard parenting plan. That's pretty much how my ex husband's was with two of his kids. He got every other weekend and was supposed to get six weeks in the summer but either he would screw up or his ex wife would be vindictive about it and make up some excuse not to give him the kids for six weeks. And they had rotating holidays. He's not going to see her more than a standard parenting plan unless the mom lets him and works with him. Sorry. That's the way it's probably going to be.

    He's actually better off than most that he's so close to her and gets to see her as much as he does. Some parents don't get that.

    He has to deal with the mom - you need to make sure you don't overstep into it. I was a stepparent. I tread that line for a few years. The only time I ever talked to his ex wife was when she would pull their daughter into custody shit and make her cry and I couldn't stand it. OR when I found out she was talking shit about me. Otherwise i left it alone. (Even though I was paying the damn child support so we could see the kids). As a stepparent you have no rights so you need to watch what you say and what you do with the other parent. Just a warning. HE has to talk to her and try to work things out and if he can't and there are substantial changes he can try to go back to court to modify but I don't think he will get much more.
  • 01-29-2017, 07:23 AM
    Mark47n
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    You need to remove yourself from the scenario. As a step parent you have no standing as a parent and can complicate matter immensely and even cause damage. As the fiancee you are nothing and less. Those are the realities. Your schedule and availability are immaterial for the purposes of custody.

    The child calling the step father "Daddy" is a problem, potentially, for the mother. Potentially.

    There is no court order that will compel the mother to be polite, pliant or cooperative. The father needs to gird his loins and deal with her as an equal and not as a supplicant. Sometimes it's that simple. ?he can call the school and doctors offices and get information as well rather than have it all funneled through mom if he has joint legal custody/decision making capacity. He probably won't get more time absent a really compelling reason.
  • 01-29-2017, 08:58 AM
    readytoleave
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    Dad can get the phone calls addressed in court orders. Same with calling the step parent daddy. I dont expect he will be successful in getting 50/50, but I do agree that you orders could probably be clarified.

    What you want doesnt matter, which you probably already know. I am glad dad is trying to be part of the childs life and he should not get discouraged by moms bad attitude. Children are smart. She will know that her Dad loves her.
  • 01-29-2017, 09:23 AM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    Quote:

    Quoting qwaspolk69
    View Post
    He has a standard parenting plan. That's pretty much how my ex husband's was with two of his kids. He got every other weekend and was supposed to get six weeks in the summer but either he would screw up or his ex wife would be vindictive about it and make up some excuse not to give him the kids for six weeks. And they had rotating holidays. He's not going to see her more than a standard parenting plan unless the mom lets him and works with him. Sorry. That's the way it's probably going to be.

    He's actually better off than most that he's so close to her and gets to see her as much as he does. Some parents don't get that.

    He has to deal with the mom - you need to make sure you don't overstep into it. I was a stepparent. I tread that line for a few years. The only time I ever talked to his ex wife was when she would pull their daughter into custody shit and make her cry and I couldn't stand it. OR when I found out she was talking shit about me. Otherwise i left it alone. (Even though I was paying the damn child support so we could see the kids). As a stepparent you have no rights so you need to watch what you say and what you do with the other parent. Just a warning. HE has to talk to her and try to work things out and if he can't and there are substantial changes he can try to go back to court to modify but I don't think he will get much more.

    You still should have kept your mouth shut. But that's just my opinion.

    Back to the OP.

    To even have a shot at more time, he needs to show the court that there has been a significant change of circumstances (usually - but not always - in the child's life), AND that the change requires a modification to the current order.

    Without that, he doesn't have a shot at getting more time.
  • 01-29-2017, 09:31 AM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Thats what I thought. I think we are wasting money really. What i say I want is just what I think is reasonable for his non custodial weeks so she doesnt feel like too much out of a suitcase. Personally my idea of "reasonable" is that we need the orders to stay as is with phone calls facetime added on our non custodial nights (maybe twice a week), no prolonged loss off communication (aka when she does go out of the country on vacation which she does each year he is guaranteed x amount of video calls during the 14 days she is away), she is still not to plan things on his time (which shes done where she buys tickets and demands he gives up time) and their legal custody which is already shared is strictly enforced. Her husband nor myself are to be referred to as mom or dad. He needs to be put on the birth certificate (as she kept him off so he doesnt have to sign for her passport). And an extra overnight during our non custodial weekends. And all adults attend co parent counseling because her school is even asking that we all get along better.
    It seems logical to me at least.
  • 01-29-2017, 03:20 PM
    Mark47n
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    He needs to be put on the birth certificate (as she kept him off so he doesnt have to sign for her passport).
    Hold the phone...he's not on the birth certificate? Is he the legal father? Was there a paternity action?
  • 01-30-2017, 07:32 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    Quote:

    Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    You still should have kept your mouth shut. But that's just my opinion.

    Back to the OP.

    To even have a shot at more time, he needs to show the court that there has been a significant change of circumstances (usually - but not always - in the child's life), AND that the change requires a modification to the current order.

    Without that, he doesn't have a shot at getting more time.

    Shoulda, coulda, woulda. But I didn't. Can't change it can I? Not apologetic for it at all either.

    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    Thats what I thought. I think we are wasting money really. What i say I want is just what I think is reasonable for his non custodial weeks so she doesnt feel like too much out of a suitcase. Personally my idea of "reasonable" is that we need the orders to stay as is with phone calls facetime added on our non custodial nights (maybe twice a week), no prolonged loss off communication (aka when she does go out of the country on vacation which she does each year he is guaranteed x amount of video calls during the 14 days she is away), she is still not to plan things on his time (which shes done where she buys tickets and demands he gives up time) and their legal custody which is already shared is strictly enforced. Her husband nor myself are to be referred to as mom or dad. He needs to be put on the birth certificate (as she kept him off so he doesnt have to sign for her passport). And an extra overnight during our non custodial weekends. And all adults attend co parent counseling because her school is even asking that we all get along better.
    It seems logical to me at least.

    You do know that the parents can work out things outside the agreement right? That's just the minimum that has to be done. No she shouldn't be planning things on his weekends but if she would be an adult she would offer to make up that time by giving him the next weekend or give him two weekends in a row or something.

    Why should he get an extra overnight on her weekends? Is that what you're asking for? Or an extra overnight on his weekend?

    I don't think that there will be any wording about enforcing shared legal custody. That's already in the order. The judge would just remind her about that or something.

    You can probably get phone calls added and possibly the class. But he better realize that if she doesn't do these things he won't get anything from the court if he doesn't take her to court for contempt. If they don't know they can't do anything about it.

    Were they ever married? My state when you divorce and kids are involved you are required to take an online parenting class.
  • 01-30-2017, 12:19 PM
    oldsmom
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    I am not a lawyer, but my husband has has ongoing legal battles with his ex for over 10 years.

    As others have already pointed out, your fiancé already has a pretty standard custody arrangement. When custody would come up with our attorney, he would often say that changing it past that is like going after the Holy Grail. You have to prove there is a significant reason to make the change. He would say, "I need a smoking gun."

    I suspect you are spending your money on nothing. As others already pointed out, you would likely be more successful better defining the plan. If the mom is hostile, he may need to fight for his rights in talking with his daughter on the phone, etc. Over time, he might be able to prove contempt, but that is an expensive fight and usually the only people who win are the attorneys.
  • 01-30-2017, 12:36 PM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    They were married. She took the class but all the stuff they tell you doesnt matter is what she brings up in court so its in and out and doesnt matter to her. Yes we know that we can work it outside court. We have tried. She wont. She doesnt want him having any more time unless shes forced to give it up..
    The extra overnight would be on his non custodial weekends during the week. We already get her one overight every week but on the weekends he doesnt have her its a full 7 days before he sees her again and he doesnt like it being that long.

    Quote:

    Quoting oldsmom
    View Post
    I am not a lawyer, but my husband has has ongoing legal battles with his ex for over 10 years.

    As others have already pointed out, your fiancé already has a pretty standard custody arrangement. When custody would come up with our attorney, he would often say that changing it past that is like going after the Holy Grail. You have to prove there is a significant reason to make the change. He would say, "I need a smoking gun."

    I suspect you are spending your money on nothing. As others already pointed out, you would likely be more successful better defining the plan. If the mom is hostile, he may need to fight for his rights in talking with his daughter on the phone, etc. Over time, he might be able to prove contempt, but that is an expensive fight and usually the only people who win are the attorneys.

    I agree and thats how i feel. The lawyers win. After watching Divorce INC I really see this child system in a different light. Esp when lawyers are in it saying its all a game and how it is.
    The only real smoking gun we have is her lying about my step daughters safety. Esp with the last trip she took her on. Lied about trip being fine with no issues (we have her facebook posts showing otherwise) and that she didnt have cell service to have his daughter call (they drove down when hurricane matthew hit) but she was posting pics on facebook on her account. Things that show she lies about things to keep him away from.having a bond w his child and him making sure shes ok. Him being sick w worry was probably funny to her.
  • 01-31-2017, 07:26 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    They were married. She took the class but all the stuff they tell you doesnt matter is what she brings up in court so its in and out and doesnt matter to her. Yes we know that we can work it outside court. We have tried. She wont. She doesnt want him having any more time unless shes forced to give it up..
    The extra overnight would be on his non custodial weekends during the week. We already get her one overight every week but on the weekends he doesnt have her its a full 7 days before he sees her again and he doesnt like it being that long.



    I agree and thats how i feel. The lawyers win. After watching Divorce INC I really see this child system in a different light. Esp when lawyers are in it saying its all a game and how it is.
    The only real smoking gun we have is her lying about my step daughters safety. Esp with the last trip she took her on. Lied about trip being fine with no issues (we have her facebook posts showing otherwise) and that she didnt have cell service to have his daughter call (they drove down when hurricane matthew hit) but she was posting pics on facebook on her account. Things that show she lies about things to keep him away from.having a bond w his child and him making sure shes ok. Him being sick w worry was probably funny to her.

    Again him getting her every other weekend and one overnight is extremely normal. For him to ask for more than that he has to have a very good reason.

    That is not a "smoking gun." At all. How can he not have a bond with his child seeing her every other weekend and one overnight every week? Do you realize the impact on the daughter if she's being bounced around from house to house more often? She's not going to feel like she has a home if she's always packing a suitcase. That's why there is never true 50/50. Have you thought about how more time would affect her?

    Does he have a summer visitation like 4-6 weeks in the summer? That's probably the most he can try to fight for because most people get some sort of summer visitation. But he will not get more time during the week.
  • 02-01-2017, 08:34 AM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting qwaspolk69
    View Post
    Again him getting her every other weekend and one overnight is extremely normal. For him to ask for more than that he has to have a very good reason.

    That is not a "smoking gun." At all. How can he not have a bond with his child seeing her every other weekend and one overnight every week? Do you realize the impact on the daughter if she's being bounced around from house to house more often? She's not going to feel like she has a home if she's always packing a suitcase. That's why there is never true 50/50. Have you thought about how more time would affect her?

    Does he have a summer visitation like 4-6 weeks in the summer? That's probably the most he can try to fight for because most people get some sort of summer visitation. But he will not get more time during the week.

    Well i think a little more time would be BETTER. Her mom has had her calling her husband "daddy" 6 months into their relationship yet got pissed when i said step mom once and caused a scene in court over it. The 4 yr old has told me "mommy and daddy tell me i cant talk to you." "Mommy says i cant call daddy" "mommy says youre not my best friend" This woman causes confusion w her and her step kids. She demands to be called their mother (her step kids). The mother of her step kids has told me that her kids tell her there is always fighting and yelling and they are not allowed to call their mom when they are there because my exs ex wife goes to her room and cries. Its just chaos (and the step kids are much older) so I think an extra night w us on weeks we dont have her on the weekends is reasonable. Enforced phone calls are reasonable too because if her step siblings are calling their mother and she sees it what message is that sending that shes not allowed to call her dad?
    Shes even asked to stay w us more to her mom but her mom refuses and then denies she was asked.
    Do i think 50 50 was ever realistic? No.
    No he doesnt get more time in the summer. She is in a year round state program for daycare which requires a certain attendance level for her funding.
  • 02-01-2017, 08:53 AM
    Dogmatique
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    Well i think a little more time would be BETTER.

    The court cares not a whit about what you think.
    Quote:

    Her mom has had her calling her husband "daddy" 6 months into their relationship yet got pissed when i said step mom once and caused a scene in court over it. The 4 yr old has told me "mommy and daddy tell me i cant talk to you." "Mommy says i cant call daddy" "mommy says youre not my best friend" This woman causes confusion w her and her step kids. She demands to be called their mother (her step kids).
    She sounds just lovely. But I have to wonder, who is making more of a fuss about this ... the child, or her parents and stepparents?

    Quote:


    The mother of her step kids has told me
    You can stop there. The mother of her stepkids of course has no agenda at all ... right? C'mon, now. You know better.

    Quote:

    that her kids tell her there is always fighting and yelling and they are not allowed to call their mom when they are there because my exs ex wife goes to her room and cries.
    Why do parents insist on calling their children (or vice versa) during the other parents' parenting time?

    Quote:

    Its just chaos (and the step kids are much older) so I think an extra night w us on weeks we dont have her on the weekends is reasonable.
    Perhaps there would be less chaos if the parents were allowed to parent their child without interference?

    Quote:

    Enforced phone calls are reasonable too because if her step siblings are calling their mother and she sees it what message is that sending that shes not allowed to call her dad?
    Hang on. Didn't you just say that the kids weren't allowed to call their Mom? Which is it? :confused:

    Quote:

    Shes even asked to stay w us more to her mom but her mom refuses and then denies she was asked.
    Probably because she's FOUR. She'd probably love to spend a few days every week with Santa during the holidays, too. C'mon now.

    Quote:

    Do i think 50 50 was ever realistic? No.
    No he doesnt get more time in the summer. She is in a year round state program for daycare which requires a certain attendance level for her funding.
    May I be blunt? This child is suffering more because of the immature parents in her life than anything else.

    I'd say this to stepdad too, but he's not here and you are so ... you need to take a few steps back. This is Dad's mess - not yours. Your job is to love the child, and treat her like you would any child ... with kindness, love and compassion. Your job is not to get as embroiled in their parenting as you are. Doing so will only hurt Dad.
  • 02-01-2017, 09:39 AM
    llworking
    Re: Custody Reality Check
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    She is 4. We are 40 minutes away but her school she goes to for daycare is halfway between us both and we do exchages halfway too on the weekends he has her. The current arrangement has been in place for 2 years. We attend college online so we have flexability and all parties have 8 to 430 jobs (him myself and her mother and step father). Her mother is also in school as well online so it is all even there as well.

    No extra time in summer. Does split holidays. She wont give him any extra time with his daughter unless the courts order it. She has too much of a priority of trying to edge him out of her life like she did her first marriage and son and his father. She has his daughter calling her 4th husband (whom they have been together a little over a year before getting married) daddy so and so..so ny fiance feels she needs more time here with us because her mother is already trying to alienate by refusing phone calls extra time and buying her whatever she wants to get her to want to be home more. He doesnt feel THAT is healthy for her.
    For me with certain major changes coming I want to just maybe get extra time on our non custodial weekend weeks so she isnt going a whole week without seeing all of us. I also think a stiffer court order would be better as well since she really doesnt keep us informed and when he asks questions she is very rude and shuts him down for asking about his kid. She even says his daughter doesnt want to see him more which is a out right lie.

    Realistically, a 40 minute distance is not going to be workable once the child starts school for a true 50/50 timeshare. That would be two 80 minute round trips daily on every day that the child has school for the parent that doesn't live in the school district (which is almost guaranteed to be your fiancé) and that will not work well with your work schedules.

    He certainly can get more time in the summer, however more time during the school/work week is simply not realistic.
  • 02-01-2017, 09:41 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    Well i think a little more time would be BETTER. Her mom has had her calling her husband "daddy" 6 months into their relationship yet got pissed when i said step mom once and caused a scene in court over it. The 4 yr old has told me "mommy and daddy tell me i cant talk to you." "Mommy says i cant call daddy" "mommy says youre not my best friend" This woman causes confusion w her and her step kids. She demands to be called their mother (her step kids). The mother of her step kids has told me that her kids tell her there is always fighting and yelling and they are not allowed to call their mom when they are there because my exs ex wife goes to her room and cries. Its just chaos (and the step kids are much older) so I think an extra night w us on weeks we dont have her on the weekends is reasonable. Enforced phone calls are reasonable too because if her step siblings are calling their mother and she sees it what message is that sending that shes not allowed to call her dad?
    Shes even asked to stay w us more to her mom but her mom refuses and then denies she was asked.
    Do i think 50 50 was ever realistic? No.
    No he doesnt get more time in the summer. She is in a year round state program for daycare which requires a certain attendance level for her funding.

    It doesn't matter what you think and honestly no it's not better for his daughter to be packing up a suitcase every week and never feel like she has a real home. Would you want to have done that as a child? Live out of a suitcase?

    It doesn't matter what her mom does - and you are NOT her stepmom so I'm not sure why you even said that anyway. You have your fiancée talk to her mother about what their daughter tells you. Trust me you don't want to get in the middle of it. It just adds unwanted stress you don't need. If you see signs of abuse when she visits you can call the police. Otherwise you tell her father and HE deals with it.

    Why are you talking to her stepkids mother? You need to back the f* up and get out of that asap before you cause a mess of trouble. It's not one bit of your business what HER stepkids are doing. None. So just stop. Mind your own damn business.

    No an extra night on the weeks her father doesn't have her is not reasonable. He has a standard parenting plan right now. He is not going to get more time unless he can prove some serious change in situation and at that point he should be asking for custody if there is something that extreme.

    Yes enforced phone calls are reasonable but the only way you can "enforce" them is he takes her to court.

    Well if her mother says no to more than the mandatory visitation than it means no. Sorry but it's not up to you. And kids don't generally get a say until maybe they're teenagers.

    Well I guess that's tough luck on him then until she gets pulled out of that daycare. Perhaps when she starts school he can go back and ask for six weeks or four weeks in the summer. Otherwise he will not get more time than what he already has.

    You need to tread lightly in this situation and keep your nose out of other people's business.

    "Why do parents insist on calling their children (or vice versa) during the other parents' parenting time? "

    Even though my ex husband has never had a visitation plan from the court - the one time I let him have our daughter for a weekend was Father's Day after I filed. He was living with his dad and had two of the other three kids. Our daughter was not quite one yet. I told him he had to keep track of how much she drank from bottle, what food she ate, give her medications and how much she pooped and peed. (She has a kidney disorder). I dropped her off Fri afternoon. Stayed at my parents nearby. I called once during the weekend. They were gone so I left a message. I just wanted to see how things were going and ask about if she got her meds and other stuff. Then his other daughter called Sun to see when I was coming to get our daughter. Then he was messaging me if I would come earlier. I went to get her and he didn't write down anything. For the whole weekend. She hasn't been alone with him since then because he is unpredictable and often times homeless or in jail. And it's at my discretion.

    I don't think it's wrong for the parent to call maybe once or if the kids want to call the other parent. His kids would call their mom when they were with us or she would call once in the weekend to talk to them. I don't feel that's unreasonable.

    BUT I agree with everything else you said Dogmatique.

    Quote:

    Quoting llworking
    View Post
    Realistically, a 40 minute distance is not going to be workable once the child starts school for a true 50/50 timeshare. That would be two 80 minute round trips daily on every day that the child has school for the parent that doesn't live in the school district (which is almost guaranteed to be your fiancé) and that will not work well with your work schedules.

    He certainly can get more time in the summer, however more time during the school/work week is simply not realistic.

    She's apparently in "a year round state program for daycare which requires a certain attendance level for her funding." I told her when she starts school he should be able to get summers as she shouldn't be in a year round daycare by then.
  • 02-01-2017, 10:33 AM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting qwaspolk69
    View Post
    It doesn't matter what you think and honestly no it's not better for his daughter to be packing up a suitcase every week and never feel like she has a real home. Would you want to have done that as a child? Live out of a suitcase?

    It doesn't matter what her mom does - and you are NOT her stepmom so I'm not sure why you even said that anyway. You have your fiancée talk to her mother about what their daughter tells you. Trust me you don't want to get in the middle of it. It just adds unwanted stress you don't need. If you see signs of abuse when she visits you can call the police. Otherwise you tell her father and HE deals with it.

    Why are you talking to her stepkids mother? You need to back the f* up and get out of that asap before you cause a mess of trouble. It's not one bit of your business what HER stepkids are doing. None. So just stop. Mind your own damn business.

    No an extra night on the weeks her father doesn't have her is not reasonable. He has a standard parenting plan right now. He is not going to get more time unless he can prove some serious change in situation and at that point he should be asking for custody if there is something that extreme.

    Yes enforced phone calls are reasonable but the only way you can "enforce" them is he takes her to court.

    Well if her mother says no to more than the mandatory visitation than it means no. Sorry but it's not up to you. And kids don't generally get a say until maybe they're teenagers.

    Well I guess that's tough luck on him then until she gets pulled out of that daycare. Perhaps when she starts school he can go back and ask for six weeks or four weeks in the summer. Otherwise he will not get more time than what he already has.

    You need to tread lightly in this situation and keep your nose out of other people's business.

    "Why do parents insist on calling their children (or vice versa) during the other parents' parenting time? "

    Even though my ex husband has never had a visitation plan from the court - the one time I let him have our daughter for a weekend was Father's Day after I filed. He was living with his dad and had two of the other three kids. Our daughter was not quite one yet. I told him he had to keep track of how much she drank from bottle, what food she ate, give her medications and how much she pooped and peed. (She has a kidney disorder). I dropped her off Fri afternoon. Stayed at my parents nearby. I called once during the weekend. They were gone so I left a message. I just wanted to see how things were going and ask about if she got her meds and other stuff. Then his other daughter called Sun to see when I was coming to get our daughter. Then he was messaging me if I would come earlier. I went to get her and he didn't write down anything. For the whole weekend. She hasn't been alone with him since then because he is unpredictable and often times homeless or in jail. And it's at my discretion.

    I don't think it's wrong for the parent to call maybe once or if the kids want to call the other parent. His kids would call their mom when they were with us or she would call once in the weekend to talk to them. I don't feel that's unreasonable.

    BUT I agree with everything else you said Dogmatique.



    She's apparently in "a year round state program for daycare which requires a certain attendance level for her funding." I told her when she starts school he should be able to get summers as she shouldn't be in a year round daycare by then.

    First off.. the stepmom thing was ONCE over 3 years ago and that was it. I am fine being called by my name. I dont feel forcing a child to call you mom or dad is approprite. You are not their mom or dad as a step parent.

    Talking to the other mother was a while ago..I am just saying what i knew.

    I do address that w my fiance but he says whats the point because she will deny it and then say she says the same about him so its pointless and the courts wont hear it anyway. Doesnt mean it doesnt hurt that she says those things. I do try to explain to her she can talk to me and its ok to have all of us as her best friends. She says no because mommy tells her no she cant.
    Its just wrong to put that in a kids head. Sorry. Shes never said that til just recently.

    Also she doesnt "live out of a suitcase". Why is it that is a response from a lot here? She has her own things at our house. The only "bag" that is packed is for her one class she has on weekends and we take her to when its our time. So she wouldnt ever live out of a suitcase no matter what the agreement is.

    Like ive said. I know equal isnt going to happen. She starts pre k next year. We take her to school when we have her. Her mom also lives 40 min away from the daycare as well so shes in the car 80 minutes a day w all of us. So thats a wash basically.

    Again. I know things arent going to go much more. I have tried to get him to work it out w her outside of court. Not that he doesnt want to hes tried. I just think that the more we go at each other (because her claims in court have been nothing short of attempts to control his time and limit interaction w his daughter not real issues petty stuff) it wont allow the situation to heal really.. it will just keep the issues fresh and no real resolution... and thats not good for his daughter moving forward.
  • 02-01-2017, 11:02 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    First off.. the stepmom thing was ONCE over 3 years ago and that was it. I am fine being called by my name. I dont feel forcing a child to call you mom or dad is approprite. You are not their mom or dad as a step parent.

    Talking to the other mother was a while ago..I am just saying what i knew.

    I do address that w my fiance but he says whats the point because she will deny it and then say she says the same about him so its pointless and the courts wont hear it anyway. Doesnt mean it doesnt hurt that she says those things. I do try to explain to her she can talk to me and its ok to have all of us as her best friends. She says no because mommy tells her no she cant.
    Its just wrong to put that in a kids head. Sorry. Shes never said that til just recently.

    Also she doesnt "live out of a suitcase". Why is it that is a response from a lot here? She has her own things at our house. The only "bag" that is packed is for her one class she has on weekends and we take her to when its our time. So she wouldnt ever live out of a suitcase no matter what the agreement is.

    Like ive said. I know equal isnt going to happen. She starts pre k next year. We take her to school when we have her. Her mom also lives 40 min away from the daycare as well so shes in the car 80 minutes a day w all of us. So thats a wash basically.

    Again. I know things arent going to go much more. I have tried to get him to work it out w her outside of court. Not that he doesnt want to hes tried. I just think that the more we go at each other (because her claims in court have been nothing short of attempts to control his time and limit interaction w his daughter not real issues petty stuff) it wont allow the situation to heal really.. it will just keep the issues fresh and no real resolution... and thats not good for his daughter moving forward.

    (But you're not a stepparent either...just saying).

    Well if your fiancée isn't willing to stand up for his daughter or address anything she says then he doesn't need to bitch about not getting enough time. No you don't take it to court. The court is not there to referee parents. They expect parents to be adults about things. Judges hate it when parents bring crap like that in front of them.

    Also she's four. Keep that in mind.

    I never said she DOES live out of a suitcase. I said if he asks for an overnight or more time on his off weeks she WILL feel like she lives out of suitcase. Maybe you should take a reading comprehension class...just a suggestion. If she were to have more time at her father's house than the standard parenting plan she would be living out of suitcase. WOULD not IS. Got it now?

    Guess what? I would have loved an 80 minute round trip to get the stepkids than the 9 hour round trip I had when we lived in KS and then the 4 hour - 5 hour round trip we had when we moved to NE. 80 minutes to me would be nothing in getting stepkids or a significant others kids when I have had to travel a hell of a lot farther to get kids.

    I guess you have your answer then. He's not going to get more time unless the mom gives it to him. Right now that's not happening. And the chances of "equal" or "joint" custody are highly unlikely too and it will never be equal.

    I think you all do need a parenting class especially those two. It's not just the mom at fault here. Your partner isn't innocent either. He's just as immature as his ex. Both of them don't seem to be putting her needs forward (the daughter). You can argue all you want. I don't care.

    He can ask for parenting class. He can ask for phone calls. That is probably going to happen. More time? No unless he goes and fights her for sole custody.
  • 02-01-2017, 11:14 AM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting qwaspolk69
    View Post
    (But you're not a stepparent either...just saying).

    Well if your fiancée isn't willing to stand up for his daughter or address anything she says then he doesn't need to bitch about not getting enough time. No you don't take it to court. The court is not there to referee parents. They expect parents to be adults about things. Judges hate it when parents bring crap like that in front of them.

    Also she's four. Keep that in mind.

    I never said she DOES live out of a suitcase. I said if he asks for an overnight or more time on his off weeks she WILL feel like she lives out of suitcase. Maybe you should take a reading comprehension class...just a suggestion. If she were to have more time at her father's house than the standard parenting plan she would be living out of suitcase. WOULD not IS. Got it now?

    Guess what? I would have loved an 80 minute round trip to get the stepkids than the 9 hour round trip I had when we lived in KS and then the 4 hour - 5 hour round trip we had when we moved to NE. 80 minutes to me would be nothing in getting stepkids or a significant others kids when I have had to travel a hell of a lot farther to get kids.

    I guess you have your answer then. He's not going to get more time unless the mom gives it to him. Right now that's not happening. And the chances of "equal" or "joint" custody are highly unlikely too and it will never be equal.

    I think you all do need a parenting class especially those two. It's not just the mom at fault here. Your partner isn't innocent either. He's just as immature as his ex. Both of them don't seem to be putting her needs forward (the daughter). You can argue all you want. I don't care.

    He can ask for parenting class. He can ask for phone calls. That is probably going to happen. More time? No unless he goes and fights her for sole custody.

    Im not saying you said shes going to live out of a suitcase. Other people have used that term. Like i said people kept saying that on here not just you.
    Calm down please. Im not being rude.

    They were suggested a parenting class by her school due to the issues. We are taking it. They are not. However what we have learned has helped us in our home immensely.

    I am not arguing. We talked about drafting something up this weekend and presenting it to her. I just dont want it to get more ugly than what it already has. If we keep going it will.
  • 02-01-2017, 11:41 AM
    llworking
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    First off.. the stepmom thing was ONCE over 3 years ago and that was it. I am fine being called by my name. I dont feel forcing a child to call you mom or dad is approprite. You are not their mom or dad as a step parent.

    Talking to the other mother was a while ago..I am just saying what i knew.

    I do address that w my fiance but he says whats the point because she will deny it and then say she says the same about him so its pointless and the courts wont hear it anyway. Doesnt mean it doesnt hurt that she says those things. I do try to explain to her she can talk to me and its ok to have all of us as her best friends. She says no because mommy tells her no she cant.
    Its just wrong to put that in a kids head. Sorry. Shes never said that til just recently.

    Also she doesnt "live out of a suitcase". Why is it that is a response from a lot here? She has her own things at our house. The only "bag" that is packed is for her one class she has on weekends and we take her to when its our time. So she wouldnt ever live out of a suitcase no matter what the agreement is.

    Like ive said. I know equal isnt going to happen. She starts pre k next year. We take her to school when we have her. Her mom also lives 40 min away from the daycare as well so shes in the car 80 minutes a day w all of us. So thats a wash basically.

    Again. I know things arent going to go much more. I have tried to get him to work it out w her outside of court. Not that he doesnt want to hes tried. I just think that the more we go at each other (because her claims in court have been nothing short of attempts to control his time and limit interaction w his daughter not real issues petty stuff) it wont allow the situation to heal really.. it will just keep the issues fresh and no real resolution... and thats not good for his daughter moving forward.

    Why in the world would any of you put a child in a daycare that is 40 miles away from EVERYBODY?
  • 02-01-2017, 11:54 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    Im not saying you said shes going to live out of a suitcase. Other people have used that term. Like i said people kept saying that on here not just you.
    Calm down please. Im not being rude.

    They were suggested a parenting class by her school due to the issues. We are taking it. They are not. However what we have learned has helped us in our home immensely.

    I am not arguing. We talked about drafting something up this weekend and presenting it to her. I just dont want it to get more ugly than what it already has. If we keep going it will.

    Okay you guys do what you were told to do and don't worry about what she does. My lawyer told me to take the parenting class during our divorce. I did it. My ex calls me and asks me about it and "how am I gonna get the money for this?" (It was like $40). I said not my problem. Figure it out. He didn't. He has no visitation plan until he does.

    He can present her all he wants but until the court changes the visitation or custody, it won't matter especially if she won't cooperate. Don't worry about what she does. He needs to do what he can with the time he has and someday it will probably come back to bite her mom in the ass.

    Quote:

    Quoting llworking
    View Post
    Why in the world would any of you put a child in a daycare that is 40 miles away from EVERYBODY?

    40 minutes isn't necessarily 40 miles. My daughter's daycare is 13 miles from my apartment. It takes me 21 minutes average to get there. That's if there's not traffic. Then it's 25-30 minutes from work to there and it's only 18.5 miles.

    It could take 40 minutes due to traffic, etc and not be 40 miles away.
  • 02-01-2017, 12:27 PM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting llworking
    View Post
    Why in the world would any of you put a child in a daycare that is 40 miles away from EVERYBODY?

    She was in this daycare when she was a year old. Mom.chose to move 40 minutes away but keep.her in it because she thrives. My fiance agreed. Its actually like 30 min away from us.
  • 02-01-2017, 12:45 PM
    readytoleave
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Living out of a suit case is simply a phrase to describe a situation where the child is constantly being shuffled back and forth between homes. Which is what happens with 50/50 custody. They tend to feel like they dont belong anywhere. Every couple of days they are packing up to go somewhere else.
  • 02-01-2017, 04:58 PM
    llworking
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    She was in this daycare when she was a year old. Mom.chose to move 40 minutes away but keep.her in it because she thrives. My fiance agreed. Its actually like 30 min away from us.

    It won't, however be like that when the child starts school. She will be going to school in mom's district.
  • 02-01-2017, 07:24 PM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting llworking
    View Post
    It won't, however be like that when the child starts school. She will be going to school in mom's district.

    Thats his concern. The school district they are in there is a lot of gangs and drugs and low test scores. We are hoping they move but we doubt it. Mom says she may homeschool her but she works for the county so i dont know how she will do that. Plus her older brother goes public and she has been in public daycare so far so to homeschool one kid and not the other would show poor motives (more time and control).
  • 02-02-2017, 05:47 AM
    llworking
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    Thats his concern. The school district they are in there is a lot of gangs and drugs and low test scores. We are hoping they move but we doubt it. Mom says she may homeschool her but she works for the county so i dont know how she will do that. Plus her older brother goes public and she has been in public daycare so far so to homeschool one kid and not the other would show poor motives (more time and control).

    So, now you are saying that he wants primary custody so that the child will go to school in his district? The odds of that happening are slim to none.

    Look, what he wants is not going to happen. No 50/50 timeshare is going to be put in effect where it will not work with school...and it won't in this case. By the time that this gets fought out in court the child will either be in KG or will be about to start KG.
  • 02-02-2017, 05:57 AM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting llworking
    View Post
    So, now you are saying that he wants primary custody so that the child will go to school in his district? The odds of that happening are slim to none.

    Look, what he wants is not going to happen. No 50/50 timeshare is going to be put in effect where it will not work with school...and it won't in this case. By the time that this gets fought out in court the child will either be in KG or will be about to start KG.

    No thats not what i said. We are hoping she moves before she starts. He doesnt want primary as he would never take her away from her mom. If she doesnt move then he will have to have a conversation with her because he doesnt want her home schooled since shes been in public stuff since she was 6 weeks old.
  • 02-02-2017, 06:04 AM
    llworking
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    No thats not what i said. We are hoping she moves before she starts. He doesnt want primary as he would never take her away from her mom. If she doesnt move then he will have to have a conversation with her because he doesnt want her home schooled since shes been in public stuff since she was 6 weeks old.

    You really need to let dad sign up with his own screen name and get advice. You are naïve about how things work and I cannot tell if that is coming from you or from dad.
  • 02-02-2017, 07:02 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    No thats not what i said. We are hoping she moves before she starts. He doesnt want primary as he would never take her away from her mom. If she doesnt move then he will have to have a conversation with her because he doesnt want her home schooled since shes been in public stuff since she was 6 weeks old.

    What does that matter? Lots of parents have pulled their kids out of public school and homeschooled them when they're in elementary school or even middle school. Some do the opposite and put them in public school after homeschooling. One of my friends homeschooled her kids until a couple years ago. They were like 5-8 or 9 or something like that.

    I agree your significant other needs to sign up because you don't seem to have a clue what you're talking about.
  • 02-02-2017, 11:25 PM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting qwaspolk69
    View Post
    What does that matter? Lots of parents have pulled their kids out of public school and homeschooled them when they're in elementary school or even middle school. Some do the opposite and put them in public school after homeschooling. One of my friends homeschooled her kids until a couple years ago. They were like 5-8 or 9 or something like that.

    I agree your significant other needs to sign up because you don't seem to have a clue what you're talking about.

    Im not naive. Why are people so friggin rude on here seriously? You come here to get advice not bashed. With her job there is no way she can homeschool. It was just something that was said in court by mom and he said he would argue against that one if it happens. This isnt a set in stone thing. They have shared legal so she cant just do it anyways. That would be a thing worth discussing and due to her age I have said the discussion needs to happen sooner than later because if that is an issue that would be something to hash out with the judge not custody since what he has is the set standard.
  • 02-06-2017, 07:21 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    Im not naive. Why are people so friggin rude on here seriously? You come here to get advice not bashed. With her job there is no way she can homeschool. It was just something that was said in court by mom and he said he would argue against that one if it happens. This isnt a set in stone thing. They have shared legal so she cant just do it anyways. That would be a thing worth discussing and due to her age I have said the discussion needs to happen sooner than later because if that is an issue that would be something to hash out with the judge not custody since what he has is the set standard.

    No one is being rude - they're being blunt and honest. It's a public forum - the answers you get are "as is." You can't complain about getting free information. How was I being rude either? You made it sound like she'd be a horrible mom for pulling her kid out of public school and homeschooling the kid. It happens quite often. You brought it up not me.

    Honestly tell your significant other to sign up because HE is the only one who makes decisions. You don't seem to even have all the facts. He will know his order and everything else. If he won't sign up then that's his own fault. Don't do all the work for him. That is his kid and his responsibility.

    I have no clue what your last sentence means either. You got your answer. They aren't getting 50/50. There is no true 50/50 custody. The kid has to have a primary residence somewhere. He's not getting more time than he already has. End of story.
  • 02-06-2017, 07:44 AM
    Dogmatique
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    Im not naive. Why are people so friggin rude on here seriously? You come here to get advice not bashed. With her job there is no way she can homeschool. It was just something that was said in court by mom and he said he would argue against that one if it happens. This isnt a set in stone thing. They have shared legal so she cant just do it anyways. That would be a thing worth discussing and due to her age I have said the discussion needs to happen sooner than later because if that is an issue that would be something to hash out with the judge not custody since what he has is the set standard.

    You understand that this is absolutely NONE of your legal business, yes?

    Good. Remember your place ... because if you don't, the judge will be very happy to remind you.

    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    Thats his concern. The school district they are in there is a lot of gangs and drugs and low test scores. We are hoping they move but we doubt it. Mom says she may homeschool her but she works for the county so i dont know how she will do that. Plus her older brother goes public and she has been in public daycare so far so to homeschool one kid and not the other would show poor motives (more time and control).

    Oh gawd ... you have absolutely no clue what you're talking about.

    Sit back, stop typing and learn.
  • 02-06-2017, 08:06 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    You understand that this is absolutely NONE of your legal business, yes?

    Good. Remember your place ... because if you don't, the judge will be very happy to remind you.



    Oh gawd ... you have absolutely no clue what you're talking about.

    Sit back, stop typing and learn.


    ^^^^ Like button here
  • 02-07-2017, 05:46 AM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting qwaspolk69
    View Post
    ^^^^ Like button here

    Well all i wanted to know is if he would have any chance at getting more time. Answer is what I already knew for the reasons I already had an inkling would be stated. He still wants to finish out the custody trial that was put on hold due to not getting to moms side at the time (5 hrs of him on the stand going over basically nothing important like size of her room and the house we are in). He said it "has to happen" (dont know if that is true or not). He says every time hes been in he gets more time and he wont stop. Its basically taking money from his son and his daughters mouths to persue this at this point and doesnt allow the whole situation to just be what it is. Its his choice. If he wants to keep at it its on him... I am just curious for myself. I know the order very well. Ive been in the stand and in the courtroom. The judge has yet to have a need to put me "in my place". I dont write his emails for him. i dont involve myself in exchanges other than drive the car sometimes. I have encouraged him to go to co parent counseling (which they both refuse to do because it went nowhere) and even paid for it when he was unemployed so he can try to make it less volitile for his kid. So to say i dont know my place i do. I have delt w her spewing lies about me, harassing my workplace, tryung to get me fired, accusing me in court that i lied about my miscarriages and the whole time I stayed quiet. Yes he and I may talk about stuff. I may give him my opinion but he either takes it or doesnt.
  • 02-07-2017, 07:50 AM
    qwaspolk69
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting Funnygrl20
    View Post
    Well all i wanted to know is if he would have any chance at getting more time. Answer is what I already knew for the reasons I already had an inkling would be stated. He still wants to finish out the custody trial that was put on hold due to not getting to moms side at the time (5 hrs of him on the stand going over basically nothing important like size of her room and the house we are in). He said it "has to happen" (dont know if that is true or not). He says every time hes been in he gets more time and he wont stop. Its basically taking money from his son and his daughters mouths to persue this at this point and doesnt allow the whole situation to just be what it is. Its his choice. If he wants to keep at it its on him... I am just curious for myself. I know the order very well. Ive been in the stand and in the courtroom. The judge has yet to have a need to put me "in my place". I dont write his emails for him. i dont involve myself in exchanges other than drive the car sometimes. I have encouraged him to go to co parent counseling (which they both refuse to do because it went nowhere) and even paid for it when he was unemployed so he can try to make it less volitile for his kid. So to say i dont know my place i do. I have delt w her spewing lies about me, harassing my workplace, tryung to get me fired, accusing me in court that i lied about my miscarriages and the whole time I stayed quiet. Yes he and I may talk about stuff. I may give him my opinion but he either takes it or doesnt.

    Why in the world did you reply to THAT comment? Honestly your fiancée is the one who should be asking these questions. Not you because you can't do anything about it. He obviously isn't that concerned to take time out of HIS day to ask the questions you are asking. So if he's not going to bother you shouldn't either.

    Counseling went nowhere because they're immature that's why. Based on everything you've said they're both immature adults who are acting worse than children.

    Yeah my ex husband's first ex would talk shit about me all the time. I let her get to me once. I shouldn't have. You didn't sink to his ex's level. Good job. But that has nothing to do with the question you're asking either. You don't really have a clue what you're talking about based on some of your comments.

    It's his kid. His ex. Not yours. Let him deal the way he does and just back out of it. A lot less stress on you.

    How has he gotten "more time every time he's been in?" He has a basic parenting plan he's not getting more time than that. Whatever. You got your answer so I don't know why you're still on here commenting. I think you like the drama BUT that's just my view.
  • 02-07-2017, 11:14 AM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting qwaspolk69
    View Post
    Why in the world did you reply to THAT comment? Honestly your fiancée is the one who should be asking these questions. Not you because you can't do anything about it. He obviously isn't that concerned to take time out of HIS day to ask the questions you are asking. So if he's not going to bother you shouldn't either.

    Counseling went nowhere because they're immature that's why. Based on everything you've said they're both immature adults who are acting worse than children.

    Yeah my ex husband's first ex would talk shit about me all the time. I let her get to me once. I shouldn't have. You didn't sink to his ex's level. Good job. But that has nothing to do with the question you're asking either. You don't really have a clue what you're talking about based on some of your comments.

    It's his kid. His ex. Not yours. Let him deal the way he does and just back out of it. A lot less stress on you.

    How has he gotten "more time every time he's been in?" He has a basic parenting plan he's not getting more time than that. Whatever. You got your answer so I don't know why you're still on here commenting. I think you like the drama BUT that's just my view.

    I know hes not getting more time. Im stating his response to me when I tell him he wont get much more and will probably get less whe she starts school unless they move. Hes got it good right now.
    I just want us to all move on and get this stuff out of the courts because its just keeping issues going vs letting them fade and his kid have a healthy relationship w her parents.. The judge already told the both of them they are way above the typical parents they usually see in court and they asked them to work it out outside their walls because there is really no reason for them to be in there.
  • 02-07-2017, 12:44 PM
    oldsmom
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting qwaspolk69
    View Post
    Why in the world did you reply to THAT comment? Honestly your fiancée is the one who should be asking these questions. Not you because you can't do anything about it. He obviously isn't that concerned to take time out of HIS day to ask the questions you are asking. So if he's not going to bother you shouldn't either.

    Funnygirl20, please ignore the bullying. You do have a right to ask questions. Just understand that as a possible step-parent this is what you are signing up for: all the responsibility and none of the actual rights or freedoms (or even a voice) that comes with it. I am a stepmom, and have been in your shoes.

    The other posters are correct however. This is your husband's fight and legally you have no rights or even a voice. I have been doing this for over 10 years, and am the primary bread-winner in our blended family. I have no biological kids of my own, but have personally shelled out over $60k defending my husband against his ex wife in court over ongoing child support fights, custody, etc. His ex has tried to get my income included for her support order, and when that failed, showed the kids what I made and told them I was evil for not sharing. She even one time faked a relocation case in order to try to get more custody. That particular stunt was a crazy $15k wasted, and when she realized she might end up having to pay legal fees, she dropped the case.

    You are expected to stay silent while you money is spent, your personal time is taken, and your peace and sanity are consumed by a household that has technically nothing to do with you.

    You have EVERY RIGHT to ask legal questions because they IMPACT YOU. Just understand that you have no seat at the table, and the information you collect is for informational purposes only.

    Step-parenting isn't for the faint of heart.
  • 02-07-2017, 01:00 PM
    Funnygrl20
    Re: What are the Chances of Getting Equal Custody
    Quote:

    Quoting oldsmom
    View Post
    Funnygirl20, please ignore the bullying. You do have a right to ask questions. Just understand that as a possible step-parent this is what you are signing up for: all the responsibility and none of the actual rights or freedoms (or even a voice) that comes with it. I am a stepmom, and have been in your shoes.

    The other posters are correct however. This is your husband's fight and legally you have no rights or even a voice. I have been doing this for over 10 years, and am the primary bread-winner in our blended family. I have no biological kids of my own, but have personally shelled out over $60k defending my husband against his ex wife in court over ongoing child support fights, custody, etc. His ex has tried to get my income included for her support order, and when that failed, showed the kids what I made and told them I was evil for not sharing. She even one time faked a relocation case in order to try to get more custody. That particular stunt was a crazy $15k wasted, and when she realized she might end up having to pay legal fees, she dropped the case.

    You are expected to stay silent while you money is spent, your personal time is taken, and your peace and sanity are consumed by a household that has technically nothing to do with you.

    You have EVERY RIGHT to ask legal questions because they IMPACT YOU. Just understand that you have no seat at the table, and the information you collect is for informational purposes only.

    Step-parenting isn't for the faint of heart.

    Trust me i know. I watched my step dad do it w me and my brother as teens and when my dad and his mom made threats and tried to take us away after practially abandoning us at 5yrs old and 3 yrs old he just supported my mom. Never forced his role or his hand ... even offered to let my dad walk me down the isle at my wedding ( my dad and myself declined that). I have a great example to follow on how to be and not to be. Ive seen his frustration and pain at times. I know how i can and cant be. I have an excellent role model.

    My money has been spent and she has tried to include my finances as well. To me it shows the focus isnt on the kids but on revenge. And eventually i hope the courts see it sooner than later.

    I know i dont have a seat at the table.. what i find funny is she wants her husband to have more and more of a seat and wants him to take over my fiances role.. even encourages him to.. but if the shoe was on my foot she would have a cow.

    We have sat back been silent and not really reacted to much other than when she violates the order or tries to demand he give up his time. He lets her show her true self in court. 5 hours focusing on house size room size money we make and even going so far to say my fiance is too stupid to be able to take of a kid just shows its not about the child but about trying to.hurt him...

    But i know as a child of having lived through this that eventually the truth will be seen and it wont be pretty when a child realizes all the hurt their parent tried to do to them.
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