Can a Stepparent Refuse to Allow a Stepchild to Live in Her Home

Hi cbg,
Thank you so much for responding in kind and explaining your position. This was all I was asking and now I understand why all the accusations and without more background, I can understand why you and everyone else would think that. First, let me clear up that my husband never said he did not want to pay child support to the State. He has been paying child support under a verbal mutual agreement with the mother and it has worked out this entire time. There was the issue of medical insurance and dental insurance which is quite high so they came to an understanding that instead of just paying the State maximum for CS, that he would pay a small percentage less and pay the medical and dental in full in addition to the child support which they take out of his pay check. We know the State would not make this deal so this is all my fault and I will take responsibility for that. I did not want to put my husband in a position to pay the full maximum to the state and pay the medical and dental. I feel responsible because I am the one who is pushing for her to leave our home. I am a nervous wreck, extremely stressed and don't feel anything good will happen. I feel I would put an unnecessary burden on my husband, by paying CS to the state along with medical and dental. But since he has not been in the system ever and Social Services is aware of the arrangement, they strongly advised him to keep things the way they are and not go into the system and they are trying to work something out with a relative but I don't think the relative will be able to care for the child so it appears the child will have to live with us until she turns 18 unless she wants to go to Job Corp. Job Corp is voluntary and she has no interest in that at this time. My main concern was trying to figure out a way where the child did not have to live with us in our home. With the mother refusing to take her back was unexpected and just heartbreaking for me. The side comment about CS was all me not wanting to put him in the system so I apologize to everyone for that. We will just have to bite the bullet and deal with the situation until she turns 18. Who knows.....maybe a miracle will happens and she will turn her life around. I pray about this all the time. I hope this clear things up and sorry for coming across the way I did. Thank you for your time.

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Quoting StepParent007

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What kind of people are you? Seriously? What is the point of all this blaming and finger pointing? Seriously. What's done is done. I am bringing up facts and to what has happened and the more I answer questions, the more evil your comments become. None of us can go back and change the past.

This is clearly not a forum of expertlaw.com where people can receive legal advice. This is clearly a judgment forum where people can sit behind a computer, judge you and tell you what you did wrong. What good is all that going to do now? Does it make you feel better to say that someone should have stepped in and taken control of the situation? Wth?? You have no idea what all of has been done. I mentioned in some of my posts that she did receive counseling several times with her mom and her, a private facility and again school. I have only provided a smidgen and a brief summary of many years. As for the low income area and heavy force of gang comment, I am mentioning it because it was an influence. She would make videos doing gang signs and start wearing colors (which was stopped immediately upon finding out).......clearly that was an influence but you can say all day long she was failed by the all adults in her life. I really don't care. All the adults in her life were a constant presence. She is not my child. I never raised her. She only came into our home a year ago. But sure, blame me for whatever you want......like I could really do anything. All the adults in her life, teachers, counselors, social workers, her doctors have all been involved for quite some time now so I guess every adult is one hot mess.

I believe this child has some psychological issues and it is a shame she did not get diagnosed but I have no control over that. If I did, I would have taken her to a psychologist myself but I have no rights. There is only so much a step parent can do especially with a child that never lived with me until recently.

So instead of giving me legal advice which is what I came on here to get, I get slammed about what we should have done instead of what we can do moving forward.

If you don't have anything constructive to say, please refrain from saying anything at all.

God bless you all and may God enter your hearts and guide you from all this awful finger pointing as if stating that will actually make a difference.

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Go read some other threads if you think this is bad..."evil comments" smh. Please.

You can NOT receive legal advice from ANY forum!! Did you read the disclaimer? Only a LAWYER can give you legal advice. Not even the lawyers on here can give you legal advice because you aren't their client.

YOU keep making excuses for your husband. That's the problem. You can't fix it now no. But you could have and you keep saying no one could have fixed it but that's bs.

No the low income area is not an influence because plenty of kids grow up in those areas and aren't like her and plenty of kids grow up in affluent areas and are like her. So no that's a bs excuse too. I don't care what you think about it.

You're right you have no control - so maybe your husband should be the one on here asking questions not you. In fact he SHOULD have been asking the questions and not you because HE is the one who is the parent.

Oh boo freaking hoo no one blamed you solely. Get over yourself already.

Again no one on here can give you legal advice. Since you didn't read the disclaimer here it is: Notice: Information provided in the forum is not intended to substitute for professional advice, including but not limited to professional legal advice. If you submit a question or comment it is assumed that you are interested in soliciting, receiving or giving general information and not legal advice. Laws vary by state, and the laws described in this forum may be different in your state or may have been changed since the information was posted. The legal help offered in this forum comes from volunteers who may not have any formal legal training or knowledge, and all information should be confirmed with a qualified legal professional. All information is made available on an "as is" basis. You should accept legal advice only from a licensed legal professional with whom you have an attorney-client relationship. Use of this forum is subject to the ExpertLaw terms of use.

Clear enough?

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Quoting cbg

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What kind of people are you?

The same question could be said of you. I had a lot of sympathy for you and the position you were in until I read this:

Can I refuse her to live in our home without my husband being put in a position to pay child support to the state?

I can quite understand, given the circumstances, why you would not want to have her in the house. I don't judge you for that. But when you made it, even in part, about money and your/your husband preferring to have the taxpayers support her rather than your husband supporting his own child, you lost me, and I suspect I was not the only one.

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You weren't alone. I was deleted though ... and I wasn't the only one there, either.

qwaspolk69
Yes, Clear Enough.
So let me be clear. I am not making excuses for anyone. Just trying to provide some events and causes of why things progressed they way they did, not that its an excuse. And again I say, what difference does it make? We can't go back and change the past so by referring to it over and over again is not changing anything.
If you think I am going to all of a sudden receive it well, think again.
You come across like a bully. People over computers feel quite a sense of power to act like they are so much better. It's a shame that some people use this forum to be mean to others and not used in a positive way. There are mean spirited people who just try to make other people feel bad instead of providing genuine advice.
Everyone kept asking for more background info, so I provided it. I already acknowledged the fact that more could have been done but I can't change anything. Also, as the step-parent, you are saying I should not be on here asking for advice. I think you are right about that. I have no right to ask for advice for myself. What was I thinking? Well, thanks for clarifying and now I know.
Thanks for providing the disclaimer as well and this is what you are 100% right about. I did not read it and that is 100% my fault.
I have learned a great lesson here in posting in online forums.
Thanks for being so transparent and showing so much compassion and understanding.