Communications Breakdown and Co-Parenting

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Wisconsin

Backstory: My ex boyfriend and I split up a little over two years ago. We currently have a court ordered interim custody agreement of shared custody.

This agreement worked fine for the first little while but seems to be going downhill as of lately. Here is a list of problems I have been running into.

*More often than not he refuses to allow me to talk to my son while he is in his career.
*He ignores about 90% of my texts. For example, "Do you think____ should play basketball this year?" OR "Did you want to pick up school supplies or do you want me to? As I am going shopping today."
*The last time I was at his house (1.5 years ago) to drop off my son. My ex locked me in the home and began yelling at me about everything he thinks I do wrong. I now rarely go to his home and if I do I don't go into the house and I bring someone with me.
*The last time I tried to discuss something with him in person (it was about making my son a doctor's appointment). He became so hostile and yelling at me about how he thinks I am a liar. I actually had to close and lock the door between us.
*He refuses to discuss any joint expenses with me before purchasing them and then demands I pay for half. I have no problems paying for half of his expenses. But this needs to go both ways and needs to be discussed beforehand. As I do not feel goalie equipment for my son is an appropriate expense to share when my son does not play goalie and has no interest in doing so.

I really want co-parenting to work. And understand the importance that my son spends time with both of us. And sees that we can be civil towards each other. However, to be completely honest all of this is beginning to drive me a little crazy. And causes me enough anxiety that I no longer sleep well at night and I am actually becoming fearful of seeing my ex.

I'm not sure what to do.

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Quoting Greentree16

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Wisconsin

Backstory: My ex boyfriend and I split up a little over two years ago. We currently have a court ordered interim custody agreement of shared custody.

This agreement worked fine for the first little while but seems to be going downhill as of lately. Here is a list of problems I have been running into.

*More often than not he refuses to allow me to talk to my son while he is in his career.
*He ignores about 90% of my texts. For example, "Do you think____ should play basketball this year?" OR "Did you want to pick up school supplies or do you want me to? As I am going shopping today."
*The last time I was at his house (1.5 years ago) to drop off my son. My ex locked me in the home and began yelling at me about everything he thinks I do wrong. I now rarely go to his home and if I do I don't go into the house and I bring someone with me.
*The last time I tried to discuss something with him in person (it was about making my son a doctor's appointment). He became so hostile and yelling at me about how he thinks I am a liar. I actually had to close and lock the door between us.
*He refuses to discuss any joint expenses with me before purchasing them and then demands I pay for half. I have no problems paying for half of his expenses. But this needs to go both ways and needs to be discussed beforehand. As I do not feel goalie equipment for my son is an appropriate expense to share when my son does not play goalie and has no interest in doing so.

I really want co-parenting to work. And understand the importance that my son spends time with both of us. And sees that we can be civil towards each other. However, to be completely honest all of this is beginning to drive me a little crazy. And causes me enough anxiety that I no longer sleep well at night and I am actually becoming fearful of seeing my ex.

I'm not sure what to do.

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First, what do your court orders say about sharing expenses?

That expenses such as extracurricular activities should be split 50/50, only if the other parent agrees that it is needed. So I could say he needs a hockey helmet to play hockey and my ex should agree because you really do require a helmet to play. However, if I am suggesting he gets the top of the line, couple hundred dollars helmet. My ex can say no he does not agree to that. But he will agree to a reasonably priced one. And if I still say no. Well then I'm expected to cover the entire cost.

So the order does require us to communicate quite a bit.

Quote:

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Quoting Greentree16

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That expenses such as extracurricular activities should be split 50/50, only if the other parent agrees that it is needed. So I could say he needs a hockey helmet to play hockey and my ex should agree because you really do require a helmet to play. However, if I am suggesting he gets the top of the line, couple hundred dollars helmet. My ex can say no he does not agree to that. But he will agree to a reasonably priced one. And if I still say no. Well then I'm expected to cover the entire cost.

So the order does require us to communicate quite a bit.

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Ok, then if he did not get your agreement ahead of time for an expense (particularly something as foolish as buying him goalie equipment when he has no interest in being a goalie) then simply refuse to reimburse him half. You do need to have a bit of a backbone.

Change the way that you communicate with him. If he will not respond to you, then simply word your message the way that you normally would, but add at the end "I assume that if I have not heard from you within 48 hours that you are in agreement to this". Save the message permanently as evidence of your communication with dad as well as the documentation of the expense. Unfortunately, dad will probably stop paying you his half, and then you will have to take him back to court for contempt and for the judge to force him to pay. However, hopefully by that time he will have realized that he does need your agreement on expenses.

Stop trying to deal with him in person. Do it all via text or email. If you do end up in court, ask the judge to order that you use "My Family Wizard" for communicating.