How to Obtain DNA Testing and Support for a Child

Quote:

---

Bravo, Mark!

(Please understand however that now the hatey hate will pour onto you instead of me. I need a day off anyway )

---

I'm down with the sickness. It certainly won't be the first time.

Boy. I hate touch screen keyboards. I'd edit my long post but I can't.

I'd wager that, for most of us anyway, if the other parent was a good person/parent, we'd still be with them. But people can - and do - change. I know of numerous situations where an absent parent has reconnected with their child(ren) in latter years. I hope my ex does one day with our girls.

One thing you may not understand is that he can ask for joint custody to reduce his CS obligation, but that doesn't mean he will get it. A judge will see it for what it is. However, if he requests it, he WILL get some type of visitation schedule. One that will have an introductory period in your area.

I think we all understand wanting to protect our kids from any and all harm - but that is not realistic. Unless you wrap them up in a bubble. Other kids will be mean. Other adults will not see your son as the special snowflake he is (and should be - you *you*) - they will bench him if he's not performing as well as another on the field, not give him the solo in choir/band, not give him the lead in the school play, no matter how much he and you think he should get it. Those hurts and slights pain us, I know. But.... those hurts and slights are part of growing up. Molding each of us into strong adults.

Story time: My youngest (in particular) was always Daddy's Golden Child. So much like him (whereas mmy oldest is the spitting image of me in all ways - and Dad hated it). Thing is, she's also as strong-willed as he's always been, which was less attractive to him as she got older and less compliant with him. Not in bad ways, just standing up for herself. That was no longer cute. She's 22 and hasn't seen spoken to him in 6/7 years. By his choice. But kids are resilient. If anything, it made her a stronger person. I know it hurts her, but she hasn't allowed it to send her down negative paths (rebellion, booze, drugs, indiscriminate sex...). She's made solid choices for her life. Sure, a few mistakes along the way - we all make those. She's used her experience to ensure that her young man is a solid presence w/his son (teen Dad).

Point being.... You cannot protect your son from everything. Denying him everything out of fear that his Dad WILL want to be involved in non-financial ways will likely backfire on you. Because he (your son) will one day search his father out - and hear a completely different version of events. One that will paint you in a less than favorable light.

At the same time, you can't give them everything, either. Sometimes you have to get creative. Tutoring.... does he need it, or is it to give him a leg up? If the former, it's a need, not a want. The latter - there are ways to provide enrichment w/o much financial outlay. Sports.... pick one, kiddo. (and many leagues will work with you on fees if you're in need. Trust me.) Piano lessons..... Is he REALLY good? Does he REALLY love it? See what you can work out with the teacher (some sort of barter?), but I'd only do that if he's really good. Otherwise, he can noodle around at home.

#1 is musical, so I worked my way around providing music/composition lessons. #2 is athletic, so she picked one sport and focussed on that. But academics were the top priority. Period.

Good luck - lighten up a bit. If your kiddo ends up disappointed by his Dad? It won't likely be his first disappointment in life, and definitely not his last.

There are people who will completely tank their lives to avoid child support. I have seen people leave a military career a few months shy of 20 years just to avoid retirement pay, so they wouldn't have to send it to the custodial parent. Yes it's shooting yourself in the foot, but the people who do this tend not to care about the long term ramifications.

Edit: read the rest, well, maybe it's time you took a risk. Maybe he's not as bad a guy these days. If you file for support, he may take an interest in junior's life and he has the right to pursue things.

You said you casually dated dad. Do you really think you know him all that well? I guess you have a decision to make.

Quote:

---

Quoting geek

---

There are people who will completely tank their lives to avoid child support. I have seen people leave a military career a few months shy of 20 years just to avoid retirement pay, so they wouldn't have to send it to the custodial parent. Yes it's shooting yourself in the foot, but the people who do this tend not to care about the long term ramifications.

Edit: read the rest, well, maybe it's time you took a risk. Maybe he's not as bad a guy these days. If you file for support, he may take an interest in junior's life and he has the right to pursue things.

You said you casually dated dad. Do you really think you know him all that well? I guess you have a decision to make.

---

My favorite one is the guy that deliberately did not file his tax returns for 10 years, because he didn't want the ex to get his refunds. Then when the judge finally told him that he was going to jail if he didn't file his tax returns, he finally did so. The opportunity for a refund expires after three years, so for 7 of those years he simply lost his refund. His refund for each of those years would have been between 2500.00 and 3000.00 so he basically threw away between 17500.00 - 21000.00 dollars.

He was pretty darned sheepish when he realized what he had done.