Can a Grandparent Get Custody if a Teen Mom is Out of Control

Certainly if Grandma cannot keep her own kid from going out at all hours and hanging around drugs and physical violence (which is what you are alleging the mother does, though I’m not sure how you know what the mother does when she goes out) then Grandma might indeed face problems with DCFS with regards to her own child, let alone what DCFS might do with regard to the grandchild. And the only way Grandma can get custody over Mom’s objections is basically to call in DCFS and have Mom declared unfit, with the risk that Grandma might lose her own kid because Mom and the grandchild are both being exposed to the same things that you allege amount to neglect and abuse.

Frankly, given how Mom evidently turned out after being raised by Grandma, why should the grandchild be raised by Grandma? I can’t see that turning out any better.

To be fair, I hesitate to place the blame on a parent for how a child turns out without knowing more facts. In my time as a sworn officer and as an educator, I have seen many great kids come from crappy parents, and crappy kids come from great parents. Certainly a parent might make some errors that contribute to the problem, but, it is not always the parents fault, alone, when a child turns out to be bad. If it's their fault for the bad kids, should they also be given credit for raising the occasional GOOD kid that comes froam crappy home?

There was one family I knew that I had to deal with on a weekly basis for years. Mom and dad were tweakers, thieves, committed welfare fraud, had two teenage daughters who were frequent flyers for assaults and thefts, and two younger kids that had not yet hit our radar screen. One day, after dad kidnapped mom from a drug house and they threatened each other with an assortment of weapons (a gun, a machete and a knife) and pummeled each other, I was at the scene with both mom and dad in custody, the two younger siblings pending placement with CPS, and the teenage daughters already on the lam with juvenile detention orders from previous offenses. While there, I was informed that someone was bringing their teenage son to the scene. I had to ask myself, "What son?" I had been dealing with these people for years and had no idea there was a son! Well, he arrived on scene and it turns out that he was a 17 year old I knew as an athlete, 4.0 student (in one of my classes ta boot), and an all around great young man!

First words from him: "What did mom and dad do now?"
From me: "I had no idea you were their son."
Him: "Yeah ... I don't tell too many people about that."

I interceded with CPS to keep him and his two younger siblings together and in town (otherwise they would have gone to 2 homes out of town), and they made an emergency placement with his grandparents. If not, my wife and I were going to take them (as we were already respite car foster parents). I did not want him to miss any school or lose his job, and he wanted to be with his younger siblings.

This particular young man was Homecoming king, a varsity football captain, graduated with a 4.0 GPA, honest, a role-model, and applied for early admission to the USMC. He's been active now for a year.

This young man was the most extreme example of gold coming from crap, but, it CAN and does happen ... sadly, not as often as I'd like.

Okay, sorry for the meandering tale ... long night.

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Quoting cdwjava

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To be fair, I hesitate to place the blame on a parent for how a child turns out without knowing more facts. In my time as a sworn officer and as an educator, I have seen many great kids come from crappy parents, and crappy kids come from great parents. Certainly a parent might make some errors that contribute to the problem, but, it is not always the parents fault, alone, when a child turns out to be bad.

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There is a reason for the old saying “the acorn does not fall far from the tree.” Sure, you will find instances where great kids turn out despite having horrible parents and vice-versa. But in my experience, that’s more the exception than the rule. How a parent raises a kid really does have an impact on how they turn out.

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Quoting Taxing Matters

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There is a reason for the old saying “the acorn does not fall far from the tree.” Sure, you will find instances where great kids turn out despite having horrible parents and vice-versa. But in my experience, that’s more the exception than the rule. How a parent raises a kid really does have an impact on how they turn out.

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I do agree. But, in this case we have no idea how grandma raised her daughter. We "know" only that teen mom appears to be irresponsible and possibly a trainwreck right now. While it is likely that grandma's mistakes contributed mightily to the problem, this is not always the case.

If driving on ice and snow was a valid reason to take custody away from a parent, then two years ago every parent in the state of Massachusetts who took their child out of the house for any reason between the months of December and March would have lost custody of their children. Of course, the foster parents they were placed with would also have had to lose their guardianship for the same reason. That's a lot of children to fit into the system because of an inevitable weather phenomenon. I'm not sure Massachusetts has enough group homes.

Thanks for sharing this story. It's a good one and for some reason it made me feel happy. I agree that good parents can end up with bad kids and vice versa. I have seen a lot of different family backgrounds and it seems like once drugs get hold of parents or children then things go south. My relative who was once a star fast pich player, 4.0 student, and drop dead gorgeous is now consumed by heroin and meth addiction combined. What makes a mom of two in her thirties decide to start using? I have no idea. After that her addiction got so bad her kids were taken by their father, she was chronically homeless. she is a shell of the person she once was. In the end I'm not sure who to blame...her, drugs? I don't blame her parents

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Quoting Pythia

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Thank you for your advice...polite, intelligent and to the point. you win this thread. Best answer



I really didn't want to post a whole bunch of personal stuff about a minor. I didn't feel it was necessary until I got questioned regarding grandma and her motives. It seemed like you assumed she is some crazed lunatic who wants to steal a baby. She has raised three kids of her own already and is not happy about having to do this. Her motives are not bad but I fear they could result in a negative outcome. The father behaved as many young father's do and bailed right away when he found out she was pregnant. He wants nothing to do with her.

I worked for a company that contracts with DCFS until I had to step up to care for an infant. The company handled many things like casework and visitation supervision to name a few. I know way too much abt DCFS and their practices. I have read so many files and seen so many situations occur that are totally not in line with their policies. some social workers just make up policies as they go along to fit their own ideas. others were absolute saints. depends on the person.
The dv alone could result in removal and falls under the wide reaching vague definition of general neglect, the leading cause of removal in the USA. Number one reason for a kid to enter foster care. 10000 plus kids in Washington state care is alot in my opinion. I guess everyone has opinions thoughts. I believe that's alot of children who could be with family members instead.

The vague definition of neglect and abuse http://apps.leg.wa.gov/WAC/default.aspx?cite=388-15-009

A child being in the custody of its family is in the child's best interest period. unless there is good reason for remova which they don't need. they take people to court based on gossip. It's up to a judge ultimately to remove but judges usually side with the department. DCFS often will not place with family and prefers foster homes from my own experience with them.
The grandma is not here because she is probably looking elsewhere for advice. I chose to ask for input due to the fact this is a situation I don't think she should jump the gun on because I think it might backfire. I don't want to spend time and energy helping her if the outcome just ends up worse than before.
While a teenager having a baby and behaving this way is not ideal it doesn't mean the grandma failed. Teenagers can be difficult, as she is but she could end up just fine as an adult. I don't believe any caring parent or grandma would want DCFS involved. All they do is complicate things with their beurocracy.
I once had a client who was 7 months old and moved 7 times before leaving state custody. In the end the department took a baby, traumatized him and it was all for nothing. How helpful and caring lol. This was all based on hearsay not facts as most cases are. no such thing as a shadow of a doubt with dcfs. they do what ever they want. Who on earth would put their grandkid in a situation where that could occur? Doesn't sound caring to me.
Some times personal involvement can skew perception of a situation and it's best to get input from others before acting or getting involved. That's why I came here.

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Are you the grandma and just pretending to be a third party? You seem way too involved in this honestly. If grandma wants to get legal answers SHE can talk to a lawyer.

It doesn't matter if he wants to be a father or not - once that teenager applies for government assistance they'll ask her who the dad is.

They do not take people to court based purely on gossip. If that were the case my ex sister in law would have been in court about her four daughters. Someone called CPS on her (albeit she lives in a different state and not in Washington). But there are rumors her husband is a drug dealer and that cars were coming and going late into the night at their house. I'm not sure who called her in. I have heard it was her mom or her stepdad maybe her ex's mom. No one will admit it. But all they did was talk to the girls. Probably talked to her and her husband (who is shady as ****) and case closed. Nothing happened to them. No court.

So you know what a 7 month old thinks and feels? Really? Hmm that's weird.

You have no stake in this. You are going to harm your friend more than help her.

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Quoting Taxing Matters

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Certainly if Grandma cannot keep her own kid from going out at all hours and hanging around drugs and physical violence (which is what you are alleging the mother does, though I’m not sure how you know what the mother does when she goes out)

then Grandma might indeed face problems with DCFS with regards to her own child, let alone what DCFS might do with regard to the grandchild. And the only way Grandma can get custody over Mom’s objections is basically to call in DCFS and have Mom declared unfit, with the risk that Grandma might lose her own kid because Mom and the grandchild are both being exposed to the same things that you allege amount to neglect and abuse.

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Frankly, given how Mom evidently turned out after being raised by Grandma, why should the grandchild be raised by Grandma? I can’t see that turning out any better.

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Sadly it's not always parents' fault when children make these kinds of choices. Grandma needs to do something to prevent this situation from getting worse. The mom is still a child and still growing up. As of now she has turned out to be a rebellious teenager. She is not the first or last. Even stellar parents end up with teenagers that rebel or worse. Look at how the Mendez brothers turned out.

Everyone who knows her knows what she is doing while out because she puts it all over the internet. The boyfriend was very abusive according to the teen. Hitting, choking, slamming her head around the car while driving. Baby is in the car. This of course is all over her fb wall. Him bantering back and forth with her on her wall. Other girls saying he was abusive during their relationship. Hundreds of comments from tons of people. It's a trainwreck. It has resulted in grandma thinking baby would be safest in her custody legally.

I'm not sure why many of you would assume I'm just making baseless accusations to have a good time on a Saturday night. Obviously I came here for good reason. what she is doing is abuse and neglect. Period. There is proof it occurred all over the Internet. It is neglect and it is backed up by proof.

If Baby is being abused/neglected, why has no ADULT stepped forward and dropped that dime to CPS?

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Quoting qwaspolk69

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Are you the grandma and just pretending to be a third party? You seem way too involved in this honestly. If grandma wants to get legal answers SHE can talk to a lawyer.

It doesn't matter if he wants to be a father or not - once that teenager applies for government assistance they'll ask her who the dad is.


They do not take people to court based purely on gossip. If that were the case my ex sister in law would have been in court about her four daughters. Someone called CPS on her (albeit she lives in a different state and not in Washington). But there are rumors her husband is a drug dealer and that cars were coming and going late into the night at their house. I'm not sure who called her in. I have heard it was her mom or her stepdad maybe her ex's mom. No one will admit it. But all they did was talk to the girls. Probably talked to her and her husband (who is shady as ****) and case closed. Nothing happened to them. No court.

So you know what a 7 month old thinks and feels? Really? Hmm that's weird.

You have no stake in this. You are going to harm your friend more than help her.

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I am not the grandma, I'm her friend. I have known her for 21 years now.

I have seen cases involving non verbal children and infants where they are taken into custody based on gossip that was unable to be proven false. You don't have to have to be a child psychologist, psychic, or rocket scientist to any foster child would be traumatized getting moved and displaced so often. It is detrimental to infant development and older children as well. I have no stake in this you're right and that's why I am here asking first to prevent harm. I'm not sure how anonymous posting on here would harm the people involved want to enlighten me some how on that?

I am sure at the rate the girls putting her business out there someone has or will. I know grandma is looking out for the baby so I am not concerned as long as she is there and mom is not bringing baby out..