Sexual Assault of a Roommate

My question involves criminal law for the state of: Washington

I was raped by my roommate. I had a male roommate, I have had many in the past. Most of the people I've told this to have given me this look, like it was my fault from the beginning. That I should have known to never trust a man. He was my friend, we had lived together for a year before this happened. I keep going back and forth on things I should have done differently. I felt trapped financially and my choice made this happen. We had been drinking together and I drank too much. We had hung out many times, this should have been no different than the others. But it was, I don't even remember everything and I wish I could.. I would have fought before it happened. I get flashes of it, seeing him on me and not being able to stop it. Feeling immobilized but wanting to scream, not knowing if this was really happening. The next day he acted like nothing happened, like it was okay. I was in shock, I talked to him even. Maybe it didn't happen, I could ignore it and that means it didn't really happen. I had to go to a family event early that next day. I showered and left like nothing happened. I sat there with them going over and over the events in my head, smiling and talking to them.

I almost told my cousin but just told her that things were bad with my roommate and I would have to kick him out. I just kept playing the events over and over, thinking the whole time that it was my fault for drinking. It can't be rape if I was drinking with him right? I brought it on myself? I got back from my family event right when he was getting back too. I confronted him right away, I told him that he raped me. That I loved my boyfriend, who was also his friend. That it wasn't consensual and that it was illegal what he did, that I should call the police. Thinking back now I wish I had right then.. called the police. I just kept thinking in my head that no one would do anything because I was drunk, I took a shower and time had already passed. He left the apartment and returned so drunk and belligerent. Tried talking to me at my door and fell asleep outside of it. This is when I called the cops, right? No.. I was so embarrassed that I was in this situation, that I had a male roommate that I drank with, that means I brought this on myself. Why try to get help now? The next day he tried to apologize and I told him that he had to move out and he raped me. He acted like it was okay, but he kept apologizing. Of course he ****ing knew he raped me. God, even writing this now I am disgusted by how I reacted. I should have done something, yelled, screamed, stabbed, called the cops. SOMETHING.

I almost drove to my moms but she had a lot going on. I drove to my boyfriends house, we had been having an argument and hadn't spoke for a few days. I keep thinking maybe that's why my roommate did this? He thought he could now? I don't know.. I keep trying to rationalize it. I told my boyfriend and told him I was sorry. That I never would have wanted this to happen and I feel so embarrassed. He said he wanted to take me to the police station or the hospital at least. We went to the hospital and did the exam. I didn't report it that night, I felt so bare already after being at the hospital. I didn't want more people to see me in there that way. But I keep thinking maybe they would have believed me, if they had actually seen me there..but no... I decided to go the next day.

The cop I reported it to was not nice at all and did not let the advocate from the hospital come in with me or my boyfriend. I should have waiting for a woman officer, but there was not one available. He read my report and then called my roommate right outside the door. He said that he told him he hadn't done that and that it was consensual sex, that we were fwb. I couldn't believe the cop was doing this, I was suppose to be getting help from them. Then I remembered, this is why I didn't want to report it. I was crying by the time I left, I told the advocate that the cop basically said it didn't happen, that it was my fault. That it was just two friends who had a few too many and had sex. This was NOT that. I tried getting a no contact order because I didn't feel safe that he knew where I lived and could also text. The judge denied my no contact order. It was a horrible ordeal, I had to see him in court. He said I came on to him all the time and he had to turn me down for sex constantly. That I was always drunk and dramatic. I couldn't believe the things he said about me. My lawyer also didn't include the text messages he sent me afterwards, basically admitting it and saying sorry.

I never went back to try again even though the judge denied it without prejudice which means I could try again. I hated having to see him and couldn't even look at him. Now I wish I had, I wish I had yelled and confronted him, called him a rapist so that his family could hear. I'm so mad at myself, mad I was so weak and scared. I tried living at my apartment for awhile thinking it would be okay, I'd be okay eventually. I never opened the room he had raped me in, I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to smell it.My landlord said I could move but keep paying until he rented it. I have now found out that legally he should have let me move out because a sexual assault happened there. I told him that and the rcw code, he let me off my lease this month after already paying over 4k in rent while not living there. I might try to get it back legally but have no hope in getting anything. I still have to work with him at my job and it is horrible. He victimized me also, by making me live there and pay all that money. In the end he was just another person who doesn't believe me.

I'm trying to find a new place that I can live and am also scared to live by myself or with roommates ever again. I'm scared to live on the bottom floor also. I hate living in this fear.Nothing happened with my case because I was unable to meet with the prosecutor/advocate. The woman I was speaking with left the job and never told me, so I waited and waited. I feel so hopeless and let down. No one helped me and now I am drowning, trying to hold all this together. I found your site because I searched victim forum lawyer help, and here you are. If you have anything that would help please let me know. Thank you

It doesn’t matter that you have male roommates or that you were drunk. If you said no OR you were unable to consent, he wasn’t allowed to have sex with you.

Yes you should’ve went that night and not taken a shower because now there’s no physical evidence.

I would have went and asked to talk to another police officer and actually waited for the advocate to show up before talking to a police officer. But I would have definitely went and filed a complaint against that officer and asked to speak to another.


I don’t think there’s much more advice to be given since you reported to the police and tried to get a protection order.
Call this number in this link: https://www.rainn.org/about-national...ephone-hotline Look around the website. Talk to the people at the hotline. All you can do now really is take care of yourself and get to a place you can move past this.

What you really need is psychiatric help. I've known people that have PTSD (sounds like it's a good probability you are suffering from PTSD) that have benefitted from a treatment called EMDR.

Given the the lack of interest by the authorities chances of this ever being prosecuted is between slim and none.

Get mental help. Get yourself better. Move on with life.