What Can You Do if a Child Refuses to Travel for International Visitation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Massachusetts

my son's father moved to Mexico last year and would fly in to visit our son every month or every other month. But he is no longer willing to fly up to visit our son anymore. He last visited in Massachusetts in July and our son went to visit him in Mexico for the first time in August and now refuses to return to Mexico to visit his father there again. During his visit, he and his father got into a physical altercation in public and our son no longer wants to speak to his father or see him.

Per our divorce decree, he has visitation every other weekend, 1 night per week and 30 days in the summer. He obviously isn't following the set schedules but insists that he will force our son to return to Mexico for his 30 day visit "as per our divorce decree".

Is there anything that I can do? I have tried to get our son to speak to his father or at least text him back, but he is adamant about not communicating with his father.

I don't know what to do. When we lived in the same state, I never denied him access to our son, even on days that weren't his dates to visit.

You're going to get two types of responses.

The first: You are not expected to do anything that's not already in your court order. Therefore if you are not ordered to send the child to Mexico, you do not have to send the child to Mexico.

The second: Why are you allowing this child to make this decision?

So, what have YOU done to facilitate this whole process? Have you had your son in counseling? Have you gone back to court to modify the current order? Is there a reason why you're allowing your son to disobey his parent?

I could be wrong, but wouldn't the fact that the decree states that he gets 30 days (which dad states he wants to exercise) in the summer mean that she does have to make the child available for visitation? She shouldn't have to pay for the ticket or anything, but if Dad is footing the bill, I would think that Mom would have to comply.

I have taken away my son's privileges, video games and allowance as punishment when he initially started to refuse to speak to his father. What should I do? Keep him grounded? He is a really great kid. Good grades, respectful of his teachers, and helpful at home. I have asked him to speak to his father and he says "no". He isn't 5. He says that he wants nothing to do with his father because his father belittles, yells and disrespects him. If he (father) doesn't show him respect, why should he (son)?

I have always been the mediator with them. I never speak badly about my ex husband and have always pushed for them to have a good relationship.

I am not denying him access to his son. But at 13, I can take my son to the airport, but he has stated that if it comes down to it, he will not board the plane. This is the only challenge I am having with him. Making him have contact with his father. In all other areas, he is a model child.

Please clarify.

Is there, or is there not, a court order that Sonny visits Dad?

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Quoting cbg

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Please clarify.

Is there, or is there not, a court order that Sonny visits Dad?

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She did post that in her OP: "Per our divorce decree, he has visitation every other weekend, 1 night per week and 30 days in the summer. He obviously isn't following the set schedules but insists that he will force our son to return to Mexico for his 30 day visit "as per our divorce decree"."

It's pretty obvious they set that up before he moved to Mexico because there's no way he's getting every other weekend and one night a week if he lives in Mexico.

OP needs to go to court and modify the current arrangement. Both of them need to get into counseling or something to resolve the issues. Yes you do have to send him for the 30 day visit. I think you nee to go back to court both of you and modify this as there has been an extreme change in circumstances. Have it in the modification that they need to attend counseling together somehow or all of you. I don't know.

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Quoting qwaspolk69

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She did post that in her OP: "Per our divorce decree, he has visitation every other weekend, 1 night per week and 30 days in the summer. He obviously isn't following the set schedules but insists that he will force our son to return to Mexico for his 30 day visit "as per our divorce decree"."

It's pretty obvious they set that up before he moved to Mexico because there's no way he's getting every other weekend and one night a week if he lives in Mexico.

OP needs to go to court and modify the current arrangement. Both of them need to get into counseling or something to resolve the issues. Yes you do have to send him for the 30 day visit. I think you nee to go back to court both of you and modify this as there has been an extreme change in circumstances. Have it in the modification that they need to attend counseling together somehow or all of you. I don't know.

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I have tried to get my ex husband to go to counseling with our son to get to the bottom of why our son is so angry at his father, but he has refused.

Again, I am not against my son going to see his father. My concern is that he will refuse to board a plane if forced. He says that he doesn't feel safe going to Mexico with his father after his first/last visit.

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Quoting lsloman

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I have taken away my son's privileges, video games and allowance as punishment when he initially started to refuse to speak to his father. What should I do? Keep him grounded? He is a really great kid. Good grades, respectful of his teachers, and helpful at home. I have asked him to speak to his father and he says "no". He isn't 5. He says that he wants nothing to do with his father because his father belittles, yells and disrespects him. If he (father) doesn't show him respect, why should he (son)?

I have always been the mediator with them. I never speak badly about my ex husband and have always pushed for them to have a good relationship.

I am not denying him access to his son. But at 13, I can take my son to the airport, but he has stated that if it comes down to it, he will not board the plane. This is the only challenge I am having with him. Making him have contact with his father. In all other areas, he is a model child.

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Textbook answer. And, frankly, something of a parenting fail on your part.

(Let me clarify: you're allowing your son to disrespect you. Every time you tell him that he's going to do A, B & C and he refuses - like he's doing here - he's flat out disrespecting you.)

I get that your son is a good kid. Unfortunately, giving into his demands when you have a current court order saying otherwise could end up with you being found in contempt. You have about 9 or 10 months between now and summer to go to court and request a modification of the current order based on the change. So go see what a judge says about it. Be prepared to find out though that your son will still be required to go visit his dad in the summer, and possibly during school breaks as well at Dad's expense should he request it.
If your son was a model child but refused to go to school, would you tolerate that? Probably not. So why are you entertaining the idea that your son can refuse visitation with his father?

As long as there is a court order that Sonny visits Dad, then Sonny visits Dad. You can go back to court and attempt to get it modified, but that is not a court suggestion; it is a court ORDER. It stands until Sonny is 18, or the court revokes/changes/modifies it, whichever comes first. Even if that means you need to pick Sonny up bodily and carry him onto the plane.

You might want to point out to Sonny that when YOU go to jail on contempt charges because of the failure to follow the court order, he's not going to be visiting Dad - he's going to be living with him.