Regaining Access to a Younger Child, Abused by an Older Child

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Texas
I reside in Texas, court order and custodial parent reside in Illinois.

Four years ago I found out my older son molested his younger brother while in my care. The incident had actually occurred the year before that, but I didn't find out until my younger child tried to molest another family member at his next visit with me.........my daughter's child. I was sickened and devastated. And I do mean, literally sick, throwing up constantly, unable to sleep. worried beyond imagination.

We are an upper middle class family and I thought I was a good mother, checking on my sons all the time. Every time I checked they were playing 'G-rated' video games. I have always told my children to inform me immediately if anyone ever touches them in an inappropriate way, even if that person is someone they trust and care about. My younger son never indicated anything was amiss.

My older son was the one who confessed he had done a very bad thing, it happened once (in a time frame of less than 30 seconds) and he felt too guilty to tell anyone. He didn't make this confession to me, but to my daughter......in an email. That same day, he also confessed to me. I don't know if it's right to feel hate towards your own child, but at that time, I most certainly did and I won't deny it.

After serious thought and much soul-searching, my husband and I decided to handle this monstrous hurdle within the family. My daughter refused that solution stating that she would contact the authorities if I didn't. Mind you, I have personally seen her slap my grandkids across the face more than once, but talked to her praying she would correct her malicious behavior.

I did call the police myself and my son was arrested and went to juvenile hall. When he was released, he underwent almost two years of counseling along with several suicide attempts. He was too young to drive so, I took him once a week. My younger son's father was notified and I haven't seen my younger son since. It's been four years since I've seen the little guy, who isn't so little anymore.

For those of who are wondering, I lost custody of my youngest son in the state of Wyoming. A state where men are superior to women, no matter how uneducated they are.

Now I'm just wondering if I can legally see my son again despite all of the above. CP says I can't unless I can 'prove' my older son isn't a part of my life. Sorry, I can't and WON'T prove that because he is. He is living proof that, no matter HOW bad you were, you can turn your life around. Any advice would be appreciated.

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Quoting wolfcreekgal

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CP says I can't unless I can 'prove' my older son isn't a part of my life. Sorry, I can't and WON'T prove that because he is. He is living proof that, no matter HOW bad you were, you can turn your life around. Any advice would be appreciated.

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You seemed to have answered your own question.

In order to see Youngest, you must distance yourself from Eldest. You refuse to do so, ergo ... well, it's obvious. You will accomplish nothing without the aid of an attorney, and even then there are no guarantees.

I find it interesting that you believe you are a superior parent than your daughter. Your daughter was in right in wanting to report your child's CRIMINAL actions to the police. Yet you criticize her because she has slapped her children. Corporal punishment is allowed. You call her malicious. Yet, you wanted to pretend this didn't happen by "keeping it within the family". The fact that you are an upper middle class family means nothing. Why you felt the need to throw that in says a lot about how superior you believe you are. You failed to protect your younger son and now his father is charged with protecting him. Why should his father risk his child being molested again by your older son? And the fact that your son then molested another child at his next time with you shows he has a problem. Such problems don't go away.

This statement is also troubling:

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For those of who are wondering, I lost custody of my youngest son in the state of Wyoming. A state where men are superior to women, no matter how uneducated they are.

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You seem to believe that because you are more educated than the child's father that you should have won. YOU failed to protect your youngest and had your oldest in the house. Dad won because you were in the wrong. You wanted to HIDE the fact that your son is a child molester and "keep it in the family". Sorry but no. That is not what a responsible parent would do. The Duggars managed to do so and their son has shown that he is a sex addict and a child molester of several children. They weren't right either.

Why do you think you deserve sympathy? How do you know your older son has turned his life around?

Read posting history. Several threads from four years ago.

http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/showthread.php?t=143409 is the longest it appears.

Ohiogal, In the first place, my older son is not the one who molested my grandchild. It was the younger one who did. Long story short..........My daughter and her family were staying with us the night of Christmas Eve 2012. My youngest son was also there through his Winter break. My youngest son attempted to play 'doctor' with one of my grandchildren and my daughter found this out about a week later. That is how this all came to light.

A question for you.....You believe it's good parenting to slap a two year old across the face? I don't, sorry. Label me a rotten parent, but I didn't hit my kids, preferring to take privileges away instead. Was I a perfect parent? No, and no parent is.

I don't know if you are a parent or not, but I'd bet most parents here would agree you can't possibly watch your children every second of every day. So, to say I failed to protect my younger child is unfair and unwarranted, particularly when there were absolutely NO indications that anything going on was inappropriate or abnormal in ANY way. How many parents check on their kids and they're playing video games? And how many parents think: 'Oh geez, I better not leave the room because something heinous is about to happen?' It would be nice to have psychic powers or a crystal ball, but unfortunately, most of us aren't graced with either of those.

I do not now nor have I ever felt 'superior' to anyone, as you stated. It is unacceptable what my sons did and it is equally unacceptable what my daughter does to 'control' her offspring.

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Quoting wolfcreekgal

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Texas
I reside in Texas, court order and custodial parent reside in Illinois.

Four years ago I found out my older son molested his younger brother while in my care. The incident had actually occurred the year before that, but I didn't find out until my younger child tried to molest another family member at his next visit with me.........my daughter's child. I was sickened and devastated. And I do mean, literally sick, throwing up constantly, unable to sleep. worried beyond imagination.

We are an upper middle class family and I thought I was a good mother, checking on my sons all the time. Every time I checked they were playing 'G-rated' video games. I have always told my children to inform me immediately if anyone ever touches them in an inappropriate way, even if that person is someone they trust and care about. My younger son never indicated anything was amiss.

My older son was the one who confessed he had done a very bad thing, it happened once (in a time frame of less than 30 seconds) and he felt too guilty to tell anyone. He didn't make this confession to me, but to my daughter......in an email. That same day, he also confessed to me. I don't know if it's right to feel hate towards your own child, but at that time, I most certainly did and I won't deny it.

After serious thought and much soul-searching, my husband and I decided to handle this monstrous hurdle within the family. My daughter refused that solution stating that she would contact the authorities if I didn't. Mind you, I have personally seen her slap my grandkids across the face more than once, but talked to her praying she would correct her malicious behavior.

I did call the police myself and my son was arrested and went to juvenile hall. When he was released, he underwent almost two years of counseling along with several suicide attempts. He was too young to drive so, I took him once a week. My younger son's father was notified and I haven't seen my younger son since. It's been four years since I've seen the little guy, who isn't so little anymore.

For those of who are wondering, I lost custody of my youngest son in the state of Wyoming. A state where men are superior to women, no matter how uneducated they are.

Now I'm just wondering if I can legally see my son again despite all of the above. CP says I can't unless I can 'prove' my older son isn't a part of my life. Sorry, I can't and WON'T prove that because he is. He is living proof that, no matter HOW bad you were, you can turn your life around. Any advice would be appreciated.

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You didn't lose custody because of any perceived gender preference; you lost custody because the court - rightly - found that you were no longer fit to be the custodial parent and even now - four years later - you're choosing your abuser son over your victim son.

This forum cannot provide the type of help you very clearly need.

I lost custody of my son when he was three. LONG before any of the above transpired.

I need help because? I should have kicked my older son out on the streets when he was too young to defend himself? Would THAT have been the answer to it all? I highly doubt it.

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Quoting wolfcreekgal

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I lost custody of my son when he was three. LONG before any of the above transpired.

I need help because? I should have kicked my older son out on the streets when he was too young to defend himself? Would THAT have been the answer to it all? I highly doubt it.

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You can NOT protect your younger son with your older son in the house. You "think" your older son is fine. But you can't guarantee that. You thought your older son was just fine when the molestation was happening. Why should you have visits with the victim of the molester with the molester in the same place?

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A question for you.....You believe it's good parenting to slap a two year old across the face? I don't, sorry. Label me a rotten parent, but I didn't hit my kids, preferring to take privileges away instead. Was I a perfect parent? No, and no parent is.

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You don't think it is good parenting but the law allows for it. You didn't hit your children but your daughter didn't have her child perp on another child on her watch. YOUR child did that. Actually both your children. And you wanted to "keep it within the family". No parent is perfect. I agree. But you seem to think you are a special snowflake. She has not broken the law, your child did. And you wanted to cover up the molestation because you have an upper middle class family.

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I don't know if you are a parent or not, but I'd bet most parents here would agree you can't possibly watch your children every second of every day. So, to say I failed to protect my younger child is unfair and unwarranted, particularly when there were absolutely NO indications that anything going on was inappropriate or abnormal in ANY way. How many parents check on their kids and they're playing video games? And how many parents think: 'Oh geez, I better not leave the room because something heinous is about to happen?' It would be nice to have psychic powers or a crystal ball, but unfortunately, most of us aren't graced with either of those.

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Yet, now you declare your child is completely fine and would never do such a thing again. In fact you stated, he has had counseling and so on and so forth. So? YOu don't know he won't perp if given the opportunity.

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A state where men are superior to women, no matter how uneducated they are.

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And again, the above comment shows your ignorance. You seem to think you are superior once again because you are more educated than your ex. That is based strictly on YOUR comments.

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I do not now nor have I ever felt 'superior' to anyone, as you stated. It is unacceptable what my sons did and it is equally unacceptable what my daughter does to 'control' her offspring.

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You stated your family is an upper middle class family. Why did that matter for anyone to know that except to point out your superiority over the fact that apparently poor people should have this problem. Your statement was unnecessary and completely pathetic. As for your other comment, those are your opinions. The law sees it differently. Your daughter did NOTHING wrong with her child. YOU failed to protect. So therefore, in the eyes of the law, you were more unacceptable in your parenting than she was. The fact that you fail to see that says volumes.

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Quoting wolfcreekgal

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I lost custody of my son when he was three. LONG before any of the above transpired.

I need help because? I should have kicked my older son out on the streets when he was too young to defend himself? Would THAT have been the answer to it all? I highly doubt it.

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Oh.

Well, apparently the court is absolutely correct in its belief that you are just not suitable as a custodial parent. You have a worrying history.

Are you receiving psychiatric help yourself?

I asked a question. I will pose it again.............Do you think I should have kicked my son out when he was too young to care for himself? Yes or no. Thanks!

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Quoting wolfcreekgal

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I asked a question. I will pose it again.............Do you think I should have kicked my son out when he was too young to care for himself? Yes or no. Thanks!

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You need to understand the entirety of the situation. You cannot have visitation with the victim when the perpetrator lives in your home. It is that simple. At least not until the court says you can. And that would take expert testimony in the court of jurisdiction from someone who has treated your older child.

You don't comprehend the legalities. Continue in your bubble of upper middle class life in which this is unfair.

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Quoting wolfcreekgal

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I asked a question. I will pose it again.............Do you think I should have kicked my son out when he was too young to care for himself? Yes or no. Thanks!

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Do you really think that was your only option? Yes or no. Thanks!

I most certainly DO understand the ramifications of what my son did as I've been living with the nightmare for over four years now. Oh, and how I wish I could take back the 'upper middle class' part of my thread. I certainly didn't mean to come across as 'better than' by saying that. I stand corrected and I totally understand I can't see my younger son with the older one around.

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Quoting wolfcreekgal

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I most certainly DO understand the ramifications of what my son did as I've been living with the nightmare for over four years now. Oh, and how I wish I could take back the 'upper middle class' part of my thread. I certainly didn't mean to come across as 'better than' by saying that. I stand corrected and I totally understand I can't see my younger son with the older one around.

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So you are inherently choosing one child over the other. You are choosing a predator over your younger son who was taken advantage of by a predator.

I understand he is your son but he is also a monster. If my child ever molested one of her cousins or siblings or anyone, I would tell her to get the hell out of my house. If any of her older siblings (albeit they are half siblings) ever laid a hand on her I would make sure they landed in jail.

You sound like a horrible person who does not deserve to have any children.

Her younger son was first victim and then predator. I don't think she had any way of knowing her younger child would also become a predator. Btw, how old was your younger son when he "played doctor" with his nephew or niece?

I don't remember, but I assume he had a lot of counseling after he was touched by his older brother?

This is a horrible situation to be in. I would recommend counseling for everyone. Good luck.

I can't believe how sanctimonious most of the people here think they are. One would surmise the bulk of you walk around with halos over your heads. All I can say is I hope all of you are as 'perfect' as you think you are. I already know I'm not.

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Quoting wolfcreekgal

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I can't believe how sanctimonious most of the people here think they are. One would surmise the bulk of you walk around with halos over your heads. All I can say is I hope all of you are as 'perfect' as you think you are. I already know I'm not.

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Oh honey, my halo slipped many years ago and I've been tripping over the dratted thing ever since. It's also somewhat tarnished ... but that's neither here nor there.

:cool:

Thanks dogmatique for admitting you're not perfect either. Hindsight is always 20/20. Believe me, I prayed a LOT before I embarked on any of the decisions I made concerning all of this. I sincerely thought I was doing the right thing. Turns out danged near every possible thing I did was the wrong method of handling things. That being said, we don't learn anything by doing things right, we only learn when we choose wrongly and see the screwed-up results of that poor decision.