My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New Jersey
My wife has been abusing drugs and alcohol for over 5 years, and finally, this April, checked herself into rehab after several arguments in which I threatened to call Child Protective Services.
We have a 1 year old child. The drugs abused in question are marijuana, cocaine, and Xanax (That I know of and have evidence to support usage)
While in rehab, she decided to leave me for another recovering addict, and moved to Brooklyn with him. I obtained a temporary custody order via an order to show cause on may 27.
Since that time, she has only scheduled and supervised visitation by arrangement. She has attempted 10 total visits in the last 2 months, cancelling 5 of the visits the day of, once I told her I was busy, and the other 4 times, she compiled a total of 2.5 (35 minutes, 1 hour 10 minutes, 25 minutes, 30 minutes) hours of visitation.
She also was tagged in a bar at 3am one week after leaving rehab by one of her new friends, and she has been adamant about wanting primary residential custody of the child, and has (like myself) hired an attorney. In her reply claim, she made 18 points. 5 of those points I can directly counter with evidence, 1 I can somewhat counter, and the others are a matter of he said she said type of nonsense. While we were together, I was worked and she stayed at home (evidence of drug use in the home I have as well). We had arguments weekly regarding her substance abuse, but I never actually called the cops or CPS (although plenty of text evidence of arguments and ultimatums).
The order to show cause returns to court soon, and I am seeking primary physical custody with supervised visitation only for her until drug testing is completed for several months of time, but also to retain primary custody of my child permanently, and I was wondering if this was a reasonable expectation given courts tend to favor mothers for children that are so young.
Seeking Primary Custody and Supervised Visitation Due to the Mother's Substance Abuse
Printable View
-
07-20-2016, 12:01 PMnjfatherSeeking Primary Custody and Supervised Visitation Due to the Mother's Substance Abuse
-
07-20-2016, 12:04 PMDogmatiqueRe: What Should My Expectations Be
What is your attorney saying?
-
07-20-2016, 12:07 PMnjfatherRe: What Should My Expectations Be
My wife knows I intend to move to South Carolina, and her attorney has made an offer to settle that I can move to South Carolina and retain primary custody, in exchange for her being able to have unsupervised blocks of time. That is the last I have heard, but in communicating with my wife via text, she is either unaware that such an offer was made, or against it, as she repeatedly asserts her desire to have primary custody, and wants me to sign my rights away. So I am taking this offer with an extreme grain of salt. I am now preparing to have to remain in new jersey, and want to know what my expectations should be.
-
07-20-2016, 12:18 PMqwaspolk69Re: What Should My Expectations BeI would stop talking to her about the custody case. If at all possible do not talk to her about it. That is what my lawyer told me to do last year when I was divorcing my ex. I would tell him things he would say and he flat out told me "Do not tell him what you are doing or tell him what he should do. Let him figure it out." My ex never had a lawyer nor showed up to court so I had it easy.Quote:
Quoting njfather
Do what your lawyer says. Do not tell your ex what you are doing. Go to court. Do any classes the court says you need to do. Let her fall on her face on her own.
Actually courts are beginning to not favor mothers solely because of gender from what I understand and have read. They are looking at best interest of the child. -
07-20-2016, 12:35 PMllworkingRe: What Should My Expectations BeOk dad, you seriously buried the lead. You have a 1 year old child and you want custody AND to relocate the child several states away. That one is going to be difficult...and even more difficult if you insist on supervised visitation for mom. It does sound like supervised visitation, at least in the short term is the wiser thing to do, but you are making things MUCH more complicated. Is there any way you could reconsider the move to SC?Quote:
Quoting njfather
-
07-20-2016, 12:51 PMnjfatherRe: What Should My Expectations Bewell, the thing is, we had previously both agreed to move together to south Carolina after rehab was completed for her. Her leaving me forced a delay in that, or a cancellation, but those plans were in progress prior to this whole mess. I am willing to stay in new jersey, as custody of my son is my primary concern. I can prove effectively that I had been a better parent, and that she continues to act in an unstable manner.Quote:
Quoting llworking
-
07-20-2016, 01:56 PMllworkingRe: What Should My Expectations BeRemaining in NJ would be the wiser move, particularly while your child is very young. If you move several states away mom would definitely get visitation for longer stretches of time, and likely unsupervised, much sooner than you will be ready for it to happen.Quote:
Quoting njfather
I also should warn you that courts often do not care much about marijuana, and may not care much about Xanax either. Cocaine is a much bigger issue but is also harder to test for. So, be prepared that mom's visitation might not be supervised for very long. -
07-20-2016, 02:09 PMnjfatherRe: What Should My Expectations BeBased on reading I have done, Xanax is now a class 3 substance (same category as cocaine) when it is used recreationally. Xanax is also terrible with alcohol, and being a benzo, is one of few substance where the withdrawal from it has death as a symptom. Are you sure abuse of Xanax is not a legal issue in a custody case? distribution of Xanax illegally is punishable the same way as possession with intent to distribute for cocaine as far as I have been told.Quote:
Quoting llworking
And while I would prefer her to simply be out of our lives, I understand that is not a realistic possibility, but yes, I would prefer her to have as little involvement with my son as humanly possible until she relapses, at which time I can seek further relief. As a biomedical engineer from a very doctor heavy family, I have seen enough research on the effects of these substances to know that junkies, especially a household of junkies, should not be parenting a child. Unfortunately, the law and modern medicine are at odds in these circumstances in many cases. Her original mother lost custody of her due to substance abuse and subsequently died of a heroine overdose. One of her three sisters is stable, another also has lost custody of her child due to repeated substance abuse, and the third has a child with a man in jail for life for murder in Texas. The aunt that raised her has also been to rehab on at least 4 occasions (for alcohol only).
But in the end, how long can I keep only supervised visitation as a parameter? And as far as custody goes, should I expect continued fights for increased custody even after it becomes unsupervised? and if so, what factors are most important? Income, family stability, health, etc? -
07-20-2016, 02:24 PMllworkingRe: What Should My Expectations BeIts not so much the legality of the drug, but how it effects the person and for how long. Does or did mom ever have a prescription for it? Does she use it daily? Do you have any idea what kind of quantity she takes? I take Xanax legally. I probably do not take it more often than twice a week at the most and sometimes I go for a month or more without needing to take it at all. The only outward effect that it has on me is that I sleep a little heavier. If I were to stop taking it entirely I would have no ill effects.Quote:
Quoting njfather
So really, what you would need to be arguing in court is not so much that mom is taking the drugs, but what the drugs cause her to do and to be, and how that negatively effects the child. It would also be helpful if you had any objective witnesses to any issues that the drugs have caused.