Unilaterally Changing Dates of Visitation
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: OK
I have a court order for my 8 year old to see her dad out of state for two weeks this summer over her birthday. For the sake of the post, I have sole legal and physical custody. No dates are in the order just the basic stipulations of "two weeks during minor child's birthday". Three months ago we agreed to the 9th-23rd of July with a contingency that changes may be made up to four weeks prior of the visitation. I informed him that I needed to change the dates to the 13th-27th, still two weeks during her birthday, five weeks prior. A family matter arose and I can not fly out and get her until the 27th (I also have a two month old who needs watching). He is refusing anything but the 9th because I "already agreed" and says " I'm getting her on the 9th no matter what". I've offered three compromises of the 11th, the evening of the 10th or making no changes but meeting me halfway( a ten hour drive for both) on the 23rd so I can bring my two month old with me. He still refuses. Claims he will be showing up at my home on the 9th, because he doesn't agree to the change and will come to get her "try and stop" him. I guess my question is: if I refuse when he claims he will show up on the 9th, what rights do I have? Will I be in violation of the order even if there are no dates and I have still stayed with the two weeks during her birthday and given him ample time as stated by the order? If he shows up, what can I do legally?
Re: Changing Dates of Visitation
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Bremer0714
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: OK
I have a court order for my 8 year old to see her dad out of state for two weeks this summer over her birthday. For the sake of the post, I have sole legal and physical custody. No dates are in the order just the basic stipulations of "two weeks during minor child's birthday". Three months ago we agreed to the 9th-23rd of July with a contingency that changes may be made up to four weeks prior of the visitation. I informed him that I needed to change the dates to the 13th-27th, still two weeks during her birthday, five weeks prior. A family matter arose and I can not fly out and get her until the 27th (I also have a two month old who needs watching). He is refusing anything but the 9th because I "already agreed" and says " I'm getting her on the 9th no matter what". I've offered three compromises of the 11th, the evening of the 10th or making no changes but meeting me halfway( a ten hour drive for both) on the 23rd so I can bring my two month old with me. He still refuses. Claims he will be showing up at my home on the 9th, because he doesn't agree to the change and will come to get her "try and stop" him. I guess my question is: if I refuse when he claims he will show up on the 9th, what rights do I have? Will I be in violation of the order even if there are no dates and I have still stayed with the two weeks during her birthday and given him ample time as stated by the order? If he shows up, what can I do legally?
You made an agreement with a contingency, therefore I do not see how dad can hold you to that. However, at the same time your original proposal of the 13-27th would not be acceptable to me either, nor would the evening of the 10th or the 11th. All of those days are totally inconvenient days for a working parent who has to travel out of state to pick up their child..
Perhaps if you proposed a two week period that started on a Friday evening or a Saturday, or even early Sunday you might be viewed as proposing something reasonable.
Otherwise, it would probably just be a whole lot simpler to let dad pick up on the 9th, and you pick up on whatever day works for you.
Re: Changing Dates of Visitation
Why not let dad pick up the child on the original date and then you pick up the child on the 27th?
Of course that would mean dad would get four extra days but you don't really have a problem with that, do you?
Re: Changing Dates of Visitation
Please read this OP's post hx.
I honestly don't think this OP has malevolent intent towards Dad.
(And it's not exactly common for me to say that ;) )
Re: Changing Dates of Visitation
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Dogmatique
Please read this OP's post hx.
I honestly don't think this OP has malevolent intent towards Dad.
(And it's not exactly common for me to say that ;) )
Then even less reason to not allow the four extra days with dad.
Re: Changing Dates of Visitation
After reviewing her previous thread I rescind my suggestion that dad get the 4 extra days, since this is a first extended visit ever for the child and dad and dad has been a virtual stranger up until now.
However, I repeat my advice that the visitation needs to start on a weekend...its unreasonable otherwise due to the travel. Mom, you really need to change YOUR plans so that you can pick the child up on the 23rd, as originally arranged.
Re: Changing Dates of Visitation
Four days is not much difference. The child is scheduled for a couple weeks anyway. It's not like extending a single overnight to a week
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jk
Four days is not much difference. The child is scheduled for a couple weeks anyway. It's not like extending a single overnight to a week
Depending on the child, that extra four days could be a disaster. Personally, two weeks could be pushing the envelope for a first extended visit.
Re: Changing Dates of Visitation
Thank you for the advice. I feel that this system can shed a bad light on some mothers. My situation, as is most, is unique. I feel that the system has failed my child. I went 7 years practically begging my child's father to be involved. He partied and got to be irresponsible while I raised our child alone, working my butt off to keep a roof over our heads, never hearing from him. Christmas and birthdays passed with no gifts or even a card for her. He would randomly call and she would be confused. It hurt me to see her so out of sync with the situation. I remarried and just tried my hardest to keep him in loop. Then out of nowhere he sues me in my last month of a high risk pregnancy, that he knew about, demanding she come see him for six weeks, the court date being one day after my scheduled caesarean. In five years he had seen her a total of one week. In eight years, her entire life, he's seen her a total of 18 months, none of those alone with her. She's scared and confused to go away from all she's known to a practical strangers home in another state. But I made an agreement that I felt was the lesser of two evils, two weeks to start out. I needed to changes the dates and I found out last night that he is suing me again, a Motion to enforce Visitation, asking for damages and fees because I needed to change the the dates when the visitation is still 4 weeks away. I personally didn't know you could sue someone over something that has yet to happen but it's happening anyway. I agreed to change my schedule around and we agreed to the original dates but says he's still going through with the motion to enforce visitation, even though I don't know what needs to be enforced. I feel that I understand that their are mothers that alienate the father. I'm not one of them! I tried and tried. He to this very hour will not speak to me because I "took his daughter from him". I've tried to coparent and he will not answer his phone or respond to texts just says he only need to talk to his daughter, not me. I'm frustrated and feeling alone. Lawsuit after lawsuit and all I want to do is work it out amongst us before we both go broke and more importantly hurt our child.
Re: Changing Dates of Visitation
He's seen the child 18 months out of 8 years? Not sure what that means. Is it he saw the child over a period of 18 months during the 8 years of the child's life? If so, when during the child's life was this 18 month span?
Or he's seen the child a total of 540 days out of 2920 days?
These latest numbers sound a lot different than what you had said before regarding the quantity of time the child has seen the father.
Generally he does not need to speak to you. In fact in many situations the worst thing that can happen is the parents speak to each other.
Our Family Wisard would probably be a good idea for you.