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Concerns About Child Abuse in a Relative's Home

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  • 05-19-2016, 02:25 PM
    auntinworry
    Concerns About Child Abuse in a Relative's Home
    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Colorado

    I have a few questions about where I should precede from here in regards to my nephew and soon to be born niece. There has been domestic violence already going on in the home, and the mother has been arrested twice in the last 6 months for a DV. BOTH DVs happened in front of her young child, and the 2nd one she got him in the car while drunk (resulting in a DWAI with a child in the car). I have informed Child Protective Services, but they dropped the charges recently. I would like to know what other lines of help can I go through to help get the child out of harms way in regards to the mother.

    This also isn't the only thing that goes on in the home that isn't suitable for my nephew as it is, and there is often cases of neglect as the mother sleeps until 2 pm or later into the day. Giving most of the day time parenting time to the grandmother (my mother) as the father works a full time job. When she is watching the child she is emotionally abusive to him (yelling at him constantly, and telling him to shut up when she is even slightly annoyed). Most of the time though when he is with his mother he is completely ignored (to the point where he eats dog food out of the dog food bowl). This has gone on for months, and I have recently found out she is pregnant again. This is the part that worries me the most.... Seeing as she is already overwhelmed by the one year old that she has, I believe that a 2nd one will only make her even more overwhelmed, and only exasperate the problems that are going on. I do the most with that I can, but since I have no legal rights over the child I can't actually take him, or do anything about it.

    The grandmother (my mother) would be willing to take the child, but also doesn't want to do anything against the father's wishes. Which he believes that he loves this woman and that they can make it work. EVEN THOUGH they aren't making it work with the one as it is.... I am now becoming increasingly concerned for the safety of the children that live in the home, but feel like I am getting no where with Child Protective Services. They are limited of what they can do, but I know that this situation is only getting worse despite all the classes the mother has to take because of her two DVs.

    I would also like to mention that the mother is bi-polar, and a pathological liar. One minute she will tell you one thing (like she never spanks her kids), and then in the next moment she will be telling you that she is constantly having to spank him for this or that. When Social Services was involved I know it was the lies the mother made that made them drop the charges, and the fact that my brother (the father) just agrees with anything she tells him to say out of fear that she will leave him. The grandmother (my mother) won't do anything because she is afraid that it will create a wedge between the family, and does not believe my brother will forgive her if she outright fights for custody. So I feel like now I am stuck against a rock and a hard place. I do believe that the child's best interests should be at the forefront of this whole conversation instead of saving a relationship with anyone that is an adult, as the child has no choices in the matter, and the one that will be most effected by the situation.

    What are my options to help get the child that is already born, and the unborn child, out of this emotionally abusive, and neglectful situation? The one that is already here has already started to show signs of being effected as he constantly hits (and he is barely one) often aiming for the face because that is what he sees his mother do. He is also starting to show signs of not developing emotionally very well, and often throws fits over small things. I believe this is because his emotional needs are not being met on a daily basis, and so I believe he has learned that it is a way to get attention (even though it is negative attention, its the only kind of attention he gets from his mother). I am also getting more and more nervous that when the new one is born that this emotional abuse and neglect will only get worse as there will now be two children to split the little emotional support that they already have. Is my only option fighting for custody myself? Or can I start the process of getting the children just removed from the home, and then press them to give them to the grandmother (my mother)?
  • 05-19-2016, 02:44 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: What Should I Do
    Very simply, if CPS has not seen fit to remove the child, that's as much as you can do.

    You will not get custody unless a) both parents are deemed unfit in court and b) you are considered an appropriate placement.

    Be aware too that CPS doesn't "drop" charges or anything close to that; they investigate a complaint if they feel it necessary and then decide whether or not it's actionable.

    Step back a little bit.

    (Step back, because it seems likely that your brother and the mother will very soon see you as nothing but an interfering relative and block all access to their children)
  • 05-19-2016, 04:17 PM
    auntinworry
    Re: What Should I Do
    Well, the major problem there is that I have already been told I am not allowed to be around the child by the mother (even though my brother and the grandmother still allow me access since the mother is often not around too often and they both know that I just want to hug/kiss/love on him which is good for him) because of me telling the mother that an 8 month old child should be asleep before 1 am (literally just in passing when I noticed the child was still awake at 12:50 am). She does this in hopes that the child will sleep until 2 pm or later like she does, but instead the child just wakes up even earlier (usually around 6 or 7 am). This is when my brother will bring the child to the main house for my mother to watch him while my brother heads off to work. Because of the lack of sleep he is often extremely agitated for my mother (his grandmother) because of lack of sufficient sleep. If the child actually sleeps until 8-9 am then my brother must leave him while he heads off to work, and the child is left crying in his crib until he makes enough noise to wake the mother up. Which in turn makes her extremely angry, and she often yells at him for waking her up. Then she makes him lay on the bed with her until she decides it is time to get up. Which again is around 2 pm or later, and this is often the times that he is neglected because she sleeps on and he climbs off the bed, and gets into things. Like eating the dog food. Which gives him 5 hours of being completely unsupervised at the very least. When she does wake up and notices that he has gotten into things, again he is yelled at, and often physically punishes him, but again... she is the one that thought it was a good idea to sleep for 5 hours with a obviously awake child that isn't even a year and a half. The few times that she has gotten up with him at 8-9 in the morning, then the emotional and physical abuse is often exasperated because she isn't happy that she has to be awake.

    Next, I do know a lot of cases that CPS has deemed to not be harmful, but by the 4th visit they finally see the evidence that they need. Or after a bunch of visits (which often means a lot of calls) they finally have enough evidence to take the child away. This is where I say they are "limited" in what they can do. They have flagged their file, and it isn't a "closed" case, but they have decided not to actually go through with taking the child away at the current moment unless more evidence comes to light; mainly because of my brother (the father) who is attentive to his son, but again has to work so that the child has food/clothes. Which I just don't find fair, or safe for the child. I am scared that the child will harm himself, and that he will not be taken away until long after something truly bad happens. Let alone once there is a 2nd child in the mix to make the whole situation more stressful for the young mother who already is having a hard time coping with the one they already have. So I was hoping for advice that didn't involve calling social services again as I would like something that is quicker for the safety of the child. As any morning that he isn't being watched by the grandmother (my mother) he could officially get into something that could kill him. Just like the cleaning chemicals that are not locked up, or burn himself bad on the gas heater that is sitting on the floor when he is unsupervised for hours on end.

    Again, the CPS agreed that there is something "wrong" but because of the lies that the mother stated when questioned, and because they never did a home visit, they don't have much to go on, and so far the case isn't going anywhere (where I get the word "dropped"). So again, I was hoping there was more I can do. But again, from a different forum I have been informed that I should just call CPS whenever I witness marks from physical abuse, or notice the emotional abuses. AGAIN, since I only see the child about once a week, I am fearful that something major will happen before I notice an incident that can be called upon, and that I will get a call that he is in the hospital or worse dead when being unsupervised.
  • 05-19-2016, 04:37 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: What Should I Do
    Quote:

    Quoting auntinworry
    View Post
    Well, the major problem there is that I have already been told I am not allowed to be around the child by the mother (even though my brother and the grandmother still allow me access since the mother is often not around too often and they both know that I just want to hug/kiss/love on him which is good for him) because of me telling the mother that an 8 month old child should be asleep before 1 am (literally just in passing when I noticed the child was still awake at 12:50 am). She does this in hopes that the child will sleep until 2 pm or later like she does, but instead the child just wakes up even earlier (usually around 6 or 7 am). This is when my brother will bring the child to the main house for my mother to watch him while my brother heads off to work. Because of the lack of sleep he is often extremely agitated for my mother (his grandmother) because of lack of sufficient sleep. If the child actually sleeps until 8-9 am then my brother must leave him while he heads off to work, and the child is left crying in his crib until he makes enough noise to wake the mother up. Which in turn makes her extremely angry, and she often yells at him for waking her up. Then she makes him lay on the bed with her until she decides it is time to get up. Which again is around 2 pm or later, and this is often the times that he is neglected because she sleeps on and he climbs off the bed, and gets into things. Like eating the dog food. Which gives him 5 hours of being completely unsupervised at the very least. When she does wake up and notices that he has gotten into things, again he is yelled at, and often physically punishes him, but again... she is the one that thought it was a good idea to sleep for 5 hours with a obviously awake child that isn't even a year and a half. The few times that she has gotten up with him at 8-9 in the morning, then the emotional and physical abuse is often exasperated because she isn't happy that she has to be awake.

    Next, I do know a lot of cases that CPS has deemed to not be harmful, but by the 4th visit they finally see the evidence that they need. Or after a bunch of visits (which often means a lot of calls) they finally have enough evidence to take the child away. This is where I say they are "limited" in what they can do. They have flagged their file, and it isn't a "closed" case, but they have decided not to actually go through with taking the child away at the current moment unless more evidence comes to light; mainly because of my brother (the father) who is attentive to his son, but again has to work so that the child has food/clothes. Which I just don't find fair, or safe for the child. I am scared that the child will harm himself, and that he will not be taken away until long after something truly bad happens. Let alone once there is a 2nd child in the mix to make the whole situation more stressful for the young mother who already is having a hard time coping with the one they already have. So I was hoping for advice that didn't involve calling social services again as I would like something that is quicker for the safety of the child. As any morning that he isn't being watched by the grandmother (my mother) he could officially get into something that could kill him. Just like the cleaning chemicals that are not locked up, or burn himself bad on the gas heater that is sitting on the floor when he is unsupervised for hours on end.

    Again, the CPS agreed that there is something "wrong" but because of the lies that the mother stated when questioned, and because they never did a home visit, they don't have much to go on, and so far the case isn't going anywhere (where I get the word "dropped"). So again, I was hoping there was more I can do. But again, from a different forum I have been informed that I should just call CPS whenever I witness marks from physical abuse, or notice the emotional abuses. AGAIN, since I only see the child about once a week, I am fearful that something major will happen before I notice an incident that can be called upon, and that I will get a call that he is in the hospital or worse dead when being unsupervised.


    Good luck.
  • 05-19-2016, 10:46 PM
    Mercy&Grace
    Re: What Should I Do
    The childs grandmother and father agree that he is being neglected and/or abused and they do nothing? What makes you think that what CPS told you is accurrante? Who are you that CPS should give you confidential information regarding a CPS investigation ? Why don't you offer to keep the child during the day if you are that worried about his safety or pay for someone to care for him ?

    I agree with Dogmatique that it is likely that you wil soon be denied all access to this child and the one on the way. Your interfering could even force the parents or just the mother to move to where you do not have access. What are you doing in their home at 1am ? What are you doing in their bedroom in the moring that you know exactly what goes on ? Have you seen any of these things occur with your own two eyes ? If not, you have no way of knowing exactly what is and is not going on, you are only assuming.
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