What Information Can Your Ex- Demand About the People You're Dating

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Ohio

First of all, let me apologize for bringing you yet another question about my ex-husband.

Below is an excerpt from our parenting plan.

"5. Information regarding the whereabouts, welfare, status or any other circumstances of the child, including but not limited to their actual whereabouts, phone numbers, people, persons and/or organizations exercising direct child care responsibilities on any basis and names and identity and activities of any members of the child’s household, even on a part-time basis, who may have any significant influence on the child or his circumstances and any information that may reasonably lead to such particulars; "

So I have recently started dating a new guy. Very recently. Up until now, I haven't dated anyone since my ex. Wednesday night, while my daughter was with her dad, I had a date, and we ran into my ex's mother. We exchanged stilted pleasantries, and went on our way. No big deal.

Last night, my ex blew up my phone demanding to know everything about this new guy stating that in the court order he gets to know the phone number of anyone who "may have any significant influence on the child." This man hasn't even met our daughter, and won't be for quite some time, if ever, depending on how things go. I told my ex to go pound salt, and doubt anything will actually come from it since at this point there is no way that this new guy could have a significant impact on my daughter's life, having never even met her.

But it does make me wonder. If things progress, when would I have to disclose this info to my ex? When he meets her? If he is ever by himself with her? If we just start hanging out together with my daughter? If we move in together?

Does my ex have a "right" to meet the new person at some point? I mean if it ever became serious, I would be fine with that, and would never become serious with someone who wasn't okay with that, but at what point can my ex demand it or access to the information or have me held in contempt for violating his rights?

The thing that's crazy, is that my ex has had a few different women around my daughter within the last year or so. Some with enough of an impact on her that she mentions them when I ask how her weekend was when she comes home, and I have never made a big deal about it. Heck, I have never even mentioned it to him, and I definitely don't grill her about them. But I go out on the first couple dates since I left in 2014 and it's like all hell breaks loose.

Sorry if this is not where to post this question. I wasn't sure, but posted here since it was in the shared parenting plan, and has to do with someone having influence on our daughter.

Your husband sounds like a jealous moron. That excerpt states that anyone exercising direct child care responsibilities you have to provide their phone number or anyone with significant influence on the child.

This guy has not even met your daughter and you only just met him so I fail to see that he has direct child care responsibilities or any influence on your daughter.

Did your ex give you phone numbers of his girlfriends? Did they ever have direct care of her or significant influence?

If that was my ex I would tell him the same thing you did. Until you have a partner who is living with you and your daughter and has any influence and she actually meets the guy, it is not any of his business who or what you do with someone as long as it does not harm your child.

I fail to see how this guy has influence on a child he has not even met yet. Potentially he could but you do not even know that. You cannot see into the future can you? Can your ex? Just chalk it up to he is just jealous and there is nothing legal he can do when this man has not even met your daughter.

I am not sure that clause is even enforceable. However, if it is, it does not require you to give phone numbers of members of your household, only of people or organizations providing direct childcare responsibilities.

Since your boyfriend is not a member of your household, even temporarily, your ex has no right to any information. He is also being a hypocrite since he has not done what he is demanding of you. You might remind him of that if the topic comes up again.

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Quoting llworking

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I am not sure that clause is even enforceable. However, if it is, it does not require you to give phone numbers of members of your household, only of people or organizations providing direct childcare responsibilities.

Since your boyfriend is not a member of your household, even temporarily, your ex has no right to any information. He is also being a hypocrite since he has not done what he is demanding of you. You might remind him of that if the topic comes up again.

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Actually it does state that members of the household: "and names and identity and activities of any members of the child’s household, even on a part-time basis, who may have any significant influence on the child or his circumstances and any information that may reasonably lead to such particulars; "

But he is not a member of the household nor met the child and barely knows mom. But agreed he is just being a hypocrite and he sounds jealous she is dating.

I figured as much. He has been a bully since I left and thankfully I have developed a back bone, and stopped being a doormat. He doesn't care for that, but it is what it is.

I am a rule follower though, and definitely follow the court orders. I have never asked about any of the women he brings around, so I don't know if he would provide that to me or not. If I had to guess, he wouldn't. I would have no issue what so ever once it became serious of having them talk, or meet. If roles were reversed and he found someone and became serious, ideally I would like to meet her at some point. If for no other reason then to be able to have another line of communication open. (Background: I met and became friends with the mother of his first daughter, and we have a great relationship to this day.) But I don't see any reason at all that either one of us should be involved in that part of the other's life at the beginning. Who needs that stress and baggage?

Besides, I will never keep anyone around long enough to have them meet our daughter if my ex has a go at them a couple dates in. I wouldn't even want to date me if that were to happen, lol!

So legally speaking until my daughter meets a new person in my life AND the new guy is caring for her for any length of time on his own, (like if I were to go to the grocery store or something), then I don't have to provide that info, right?

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Quoting readytoleave

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I figured as much. He has been a bully since I left and thankfully I have developed a back bone, and stopped being a doormat. He doesn't care for that, but it is what it is.

I am a rule follower though, and definitely follow the court orders. I have never asked about any of the women he brings around, so I don't know if he would provide that to me or not. If I had to guess, he wouldn't. I would have no issue what so ever once it became serious of having them talk, or meet. If roles were reversed and he found someone and became serious, ideally I would like to meet her at some point. If for no other reason then to be able to have another line of communication open. (Background: I met and became friends with the mother of his first daughter, and we have a great relationship to this day.) But I don't see any reason at all that either one of us should be involved in that part of the other's life at the beginning. Who needs that stress and baggage?

Besides, I will never keep anyone around long enough to have them meet our daughter if my ex has a go at them a couple dates in. I wouldn't even want to date me if that were to happen, lol!

So legally speaking until my daughter meets a new person in my life AND the new guy is caring for her for any length of time on his own, (like if I were to go to the grocery store or something), then I don't have to provide that info, right?

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Unless a person becomes at least a temporary member of your household you do not have to provide any information at all, and you only have to provide phone numbers for people who would be caring for the child without you present.

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Quoting llworking

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I am not sure that clause is even enforceable. However, if it is, it does not require you to give phone numbers of members of your household, only of people or organizations providing direct childcare responsibilities.

Since your boyfriend is not a member of your household, even temporarily, your ex has no right to any information. He is also being a hypocrite since he has not done what he is demanding of you. You might remind him of that if the topic comes up again.

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Actually you are wrong. It also says "AND names and identity and activities of any members of the child’s household, even on a part-time basis, who may have any significant influence on the child or his circumstances and any information that may reasonably lead to such particulars" .. so yeah if boyfriend moves in, yes.
Though I think it is overbroad. I don't see how it can enforceable. An activity can be farting, sneezing, coughing, or otherwise existing.

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Quoting Ohiogal

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Actually you are wrong. It also says "AND names and identity and activities of any members of the child’s household, even on a part-time basis, who may have any significant influence on the child or his circumstances and any information that may reasonably lead to such particulars" .. so yeah if boyfriend moves in, yes.
Though I think it is overbroad. I don't see how it can enforceable. An activity can be farting, sneezing, coughing, or otherwise existing.

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We are going to have to agree to disagree on this one. I see the two sections as grammatically separate. The first section requires full disclosure and phone numbers on daycare providers (and probably school/activity information as well) and the second section requires identification of persons in the household.

You see the "and" as being a supplement to the first clause in the sentence. I see the "and" as designating a completely separate clause.

I can see both ways that you have presented. No matter what though, I can keep denying giving my ex the phone number, until at a minimum, a new person spends anytime with her as a caregiver, without me present. If it even gets that far.

I don't know why that clause is even in there. It wasn't even one of the points that we argued about during the divorce. It just was one of the bullets under the section of Parent's rights.

Again, I really am not trying to be a jerk and violate any rights he does have as our daughter's father. I just don't want to provide that info about anyone until I am certain that the person will be around for awhile. Who knows what he will do once he has it... and I don't want to expose a new person to that until absolutely necessary.

Thank you all for your time. It is very much appreciated. :)

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Quoting readytoleave

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I can see both ways that you have presented. No matter what though, I can keep denying giving my ex the phone number, until at a minimum, a new person spends anytime with her as a caregiver, without me present. If it even gets that far.

I don't know why that clause is even in there. It wasn't even one of the points that we argued about during the divorce. It just was one of the bullets under the section of Parent's rights.

Again, I really am not trying to be a jerk and violate any rights he does have as our daughter's father. I just don't want to provide that info about anyone until I am certain that the person will be around for awhile. Who knows what he will do once he has it... and I don't want to expose a new person to that until absolutely necessary.

Thank you all for your time. It is very much appreciated. :)

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Its certainly understandable that you want to protect the person that you are dating from any unpleasantness until you are sure that its someone who is going to be in your life for the long term...someone who would actually meet and be involved with your child in some material way. Your ex is being quite unreasonable since he has not done what he is demanding that you do.

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Quoting readytoleave

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I can see both ways that you have presented. No matter what though, I can keep denying giving my ex the phone number, until at a minimum, a new person spends anytime with her as a caregiver, without me present. If it even gets that far.

I don't know why that clause is even in there. It wasn't even one of the points that we argued about during the divorce. It just was one of the bullets under the section of Parent's rights.

Again, I really am not trying to be a jerk and violate any rights he does have as our daughter's father. I just don't want to provide that info about anyone until I am certain that the person will be around for awhile. Who knows what he will do once he has it... and I don't want to expose a new person to that until absolutely necessary.

Thank you all for your time. It is very much appreciated. :)

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Only one of us is an attorney in Ohio. But do what you want.

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Quoting llworking

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We are going to have to agree to disagree on this one. I see the two sections as grammatically separate. The first section requires full disclosure and phone numbers on daycare providers (and probably school/activity information as well) and the second section requires identification of persons in the household.

You see the "and" as being a supplement to the first clause in the sentence. I see the "and" as designating a completely separate clause.

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I didn't say that she has to give the names of people she is dating to her ex. I said IF the boyfriend moves in she has to provide that information. Did you read what I wrote?