What to Do if Your Child is Scared to Visit the Other Parent

My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: NC

My 11 yr old daughter has confided to her school counselor and to me that her father became irate with her this past week and jerked her up from sitting by the front of her shirt and hit her face. She later confided that this was not the first time he hit her, something similar happened a week prior. Her father and I have had a joint custody (50/50) agreement for the past seven years, but now she says she is scared to return to his home this evening. What are my options? What steps should I be taking?

Have you discussed this with her father?

WHY did this happen? Was she just sitting there doing nothing and he yanked her up out of nowhere?

I haven't yet. I believe this aggression is in response to my sending him a message the day prior to request that we sit down and talk about the current custody situation. He did not respond to my message but this happened when he was discussing this and issues my daughter was having in school with organization or her work.

He has not responded to any messages from me in quite some time. His new wife and I usually communicate in the last year or so

If this was him losing control over her talking to me about being unhappy there, I am afraid taking to him about this may make it worse if I am obligated to send her there while we sorry this out

Courts are not going to go on what you believe.

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Quoting Jenny Ferrell

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I am afraid taking to him about this may make it worse if I am obligated to send her there while we sorry this out

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You can talk to him, you can take him to court, or you can disregard the court order and expect at a minimum that he will get make-up parenting time when he takes you to court, and potentially face more serious consequences from a contempt citation and financial penalty to a potential change of custody. If you don't want to talk to him, talk to a lawyer about whether you have sufficient grounds and evidence to justify taking the matter to court.

And just to make sure it's clear, without solid evidence of DANGER to the child, you are obligated to send her there. It is a court order, not a court suggestion. You follow the existing order until or unless the court changes it.

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Quoting Jenny Ferrell

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I haven't yet. I believe this aggression is in response to my sending him a message the day prior to request that we sit down and talk about the current custody situation. He did not respond to my message but this happened when he was discussing this and issues my daughter was having in school with organization or her work.

He has not responded to any messages from me in quite some time. His new wife and I usually communicate in the last year or so

If this was him losing control over her talking to me about being unhappy there, I am afraid taking to him about this may make it worse if I am obligated to send her there while we sorry this out

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So let's call a spade a spade here.

You want to change custody and it will negatively impact the time he spends with his child. Right? Now why do you think he may be upset with that?

If you think he has abused her file a report with CPS. I am seriously surprised no one has suggested that. If he is mad at mom he should not take it out on daughter if he did.
I would talk to a lawyer ASAP. If my daughter ever told me she was afraid of her dad and he hit her, I would be on his ass in a heartbeat asking him what happened. I definitely would have my lawyer called up first.

Also there are women who think court orders for visitation are suggestions and use lack of child support as a reason not to let the dad have kids. Or even if she gets it.

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Quoting qwaspolk69

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If you think he has abused her file a report with CPS. I am seriously surprised no one has suggested that. If he is mad at mom he should not take it out on daughter if he did.
I would talk to a lawyer ASAP. If my daughter ever told me she was afraid of her dad and he hit her, I would be on his ass in a heartbeat asking him what happened. I definitely would have my lawyer called up first.

Also there are women who think court orders for visitation are suggestions and use lack of child support as a reason not to let the dad have kids. Or even if she gets it.

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Pretty sure she's been advised to speak to Dad before she does anything else.

Why are you surprised?

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Pretty sure she's been advised to speak to Dad before she does anything else.

Why are you surprised?

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I could have sworn I saw that as a suggestion on another thread.

If this was me I would call my lawyer first.