Can the Mother of My Child Leave the State Without Notifying Me

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Florida

I've been going through the worst time of my life, so I'd rather not go through all the details of my situation. However, I will try to describe it in general as best I can, and it is indeed horrible.

I was recently arrested and charged with a domestic battery. There was a fight, and things happened, and some neighbor called the police.

To make a long story short, I really thought we would get through this, and move on, but my girlfriend and mother of my child apparently has developed other plans, despite the fact that she knows the real situation, what happened, and all that she is lying about.

She's met with the prosecutors and said some very bad things about me, and told some outright lies on the police report. They had evidence of a mark on her face (picture), but I also had a bruise on my arm, which was photographed but left out of the report. I also made some untrue statements on the police report, but they really only helped incriminate me more, and I was also hysterically upset (first time ever being arrested), and was trying to protect her (very foolish).

There is an automatic no contact order, and she will not have it lifted. She's also lying to the prosecutor and others about bringing my son to supervised visitations. I've had to get a loan for thousands in private attorney fees, and even with that, I am desperately awaiting a dv agreement (as a first time offender), and that agreement will likely cost thousands more, and take at least 6 months to complete, if I can do it in record time. I likely wont' be able to due to finances. It may take me longer.

In the meantime, I've having lots of emotional upset at both not seeing my child, and the poor prospects that I will ever have even proper custody with him in the near future. I've read that in recent years, even have a charge of "domestic violence" can affect custody decisions, and again my girlfriend could essentially use that as another way to hurt me and block me from seeing my son, because he was in the house when the incident happened.

Based on past conversations with her, and our current (bad) financial situation, I think she may be moving out of state with my child to rich relatives that may take her and my child in as a charity, and who knows what after that. Of course, I do not want this, and the effects would be devastating. She is very selfish, and doesn't care about my precious son to the effect of him being in my life. So, I also feel that such an offer of charity fueled what she has been doing in recent days with this case. Sadly, I had a child with the wrong person, and I was told something like this would happen with her, and I didn't listen.

The problem I'm facing seems so hopeless. With the no contact order, I have no ready way to "know" her whereabouts, for legal purpose or other. At the same time, I've read that Florida has laws about parents relocating out of state without permission of other parent. I've also read that you need to be married or establish paternity. My name is on the birth certificate, and my son shares my last name. We are unmarried, so of course never divorced, and have never been to court for anything before this. So, no parenting plan or custody arrangements are in place. My son was also born in this county in which I reside in Florida.

I'm trying to come to grips with the fact she may be able to keep my son from me until he is much older. However, if there are laws about relocation, and I have any rights at all, I definitely want to exercise them. I am sure I don't have or won't be able to get the money it would take to do a custody battle, and again with the no contact, I don't understand how a parent ever gets rights back to his child, except by supervised visitation. I've also heard that if/when I get an agreement from the prosecution, and complete it, then that could show that I am "reformed" or whatever term they use.

I just need the hope of seeing my son again someday soon, and I really don't want it to be for an hour at some supervised center. That would be traumatic for me and him. He's only 2 years old, and he doesn't even deal with me or her leaving the house for work, etc. I can't imagine what it would be like after all this, and I really don't want to.

Thanks so much for reading about my situation, and any ideas or help you might have.

Because she's the only parent with custody, she doesn't have to inform you if she relocates. If she does relocate, you of course have the right to file for custody and/or visitation and request the child be returned to Florida. You can actually file for custody now which will (should ... ) keep jurisdiction in Florida which is important - you might want to think about doing that asap.

HOWEVER

You're not in a good spot to do that, and in all honesty custody is not likely to happen. Visitation though, absolutely - even if it's supervised. You've got a restraining order against you, but you can try to have it modified to something along the lines of "peaceful contact" which usually allows you to see your child.

Do you know where she is at all? Family members? Social media?

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Because she's the only parent with custody, she doesn't have to inform you if she relocates. If she does relocate, you of course have the right to file for custody and/or visitation and request the child be returned to Florida. You can actually file for custody now which will (should ... ) keep jurisdiction in Florida which is important - you might want to think about doing that asap.

HOWEVER

You're not in a good spot to do that, and in all honesty custody is not likely to happen. Visitation though, absolutely - even if it's supervised. You've got a restraining order against you, but you can try to have it modified to something along the lines of "peaceful contact" which usually allows you to see your child.

Do you know where she is at all? Family members? Social media?

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Thanks Dogma.

Like I said, I know I'm in bad spot, and that's why I spend most of my days crying and all alone here , with only my parents to talk to on the phone (they live out of state).

I have an idea that she is at some state run shelter at the moment, but I do not know where, and I'm sure her extended stay (now in the weeks) at this place, has only made things much worse for me as they would only develop all this hatred she apparently has for me at this time. I'm the accused, and I believe I have something next to zero rights for the most part.

So, as far as where she is , or exactly where she *may* be going, I don't know, and even if I did, I'd be afraid to say for any fear of violating the NCO. That was really a big part of my question. There is this NCO, which I understand she could keep on me forever if she wanted, and if she did, I would never have rights, because I'd never know where she was, etc. I'm assuming an attorney could somehow find out, but would also be very expensive.

I'm also confused at any "communication" via court order. I'm assuming she already changed her mailing address, but anywhere she is right now, is something temporary. See, what I happen to know without any communication with her, is that she's flat broke and jobless. She can only get by and take care of my precious son by charity. At least that would be until she gets some kind of employment, and her previous career is fairly low pay at that. So, the truth is, I don't even know if my son is in any danger, or will be, and I'm legally blocked from trying to find out.

She took my son from my home, his home, and I've later found out she took a LOT of stuff. She took his social security card, all his birth paperwork, 3 of our cell phones (not connected to a service). An important camera that we used exclusively to take pictures and video of our son. She took virtually all the clothes, but she left our cats (which were hers really) basically for dead. It's just really horrible, and at this point, this woman that I've known and lived with for over 20 years ... I feel as if I don't know at all. I'm also really scared about her currently unknown plans.

As far as online, that's a good point, and it's also messy. I won't even go into all the details, but she changed passwords on facebook and other accounts we sort of share. Also, she's even making money on a website that I built for her! I can see her on Facebook with one of my accounts, but of course can not contact her. She's been on there all the time. She's also been using her cell phone, which is on a shared account, and she's not paying the bill.

I think my attorney (for the violence case) was getting annoyed with me today , as I was so upset. At one point , he said the prosecutor wanted a jail sentence, but he pleaded for a DV agreement. I was then told the prosecutor said the agreement with the basic anger management wasn't enough, and it had something to do with her request. It sounded to me like she really went there to do me in. She asked for "punishment", but didn't want me to have a permanent criminal record, or something like that, and I fear that's only because her future goal is probably child support and so on. This is all ridiculous, because ANY charge, and especially a domestic one that has not been dropped and expunged is a total detriment to employment. By her pushing for more "punishment", I'll be on probation, and with a pending charge for much, much longer than would be with a lesser DV agreement. Even more frightening is that there isn't 100% I'll even get a DV agreement. We may have to "plea", as my attorney was telling me.

My attorney told me he could file a motion to life the NCO, but I didn't get to ask him about that. I fear she'll either object or not show up to the hearing. I don't know how it works, but so far , everything, and I mean everything in this has been with me not able to get anything but my entire life destroyed, and now much worse taking my only child from me.

You mention the custody file. Is that something I could or should do without an attorney? Like I said, I just tapped right now, and the magic numbers for all these attorneys is 2-3 thousand up front. At least with the criminal , that's how it was.

I am hopeful that if I can do anything to help keep my son in the state with her, that someday this may get better for me. Do you know what I mean? If she goes with rich relatives, and leaves the state, she'll just be enjoying all the impossible misery she's inflicting on me, and know it will be that much harder and more expensive for me to ever do anything about it.

As far as the supervised custody, as I said she still hasn't called the place to arrange. I called them myself, but they could not reach her, and then I got cold feet about it. I just don't think there is any way I could function to see my son this way. I don't want him to see me after all these weeks , totally upset again. Maybe I should force myself to do it, but then for how long?

It's so horrible. I know this isn't a religious forum, but if you are , please pray for me. I know I made mistakes, but she did too. I never hurt my boy. I know we shouldn't have been fighting in front of him, but that's all over now. It would never, ever, ever, happen again. I feel like her and the system working for her won't ever stop punishing me in every way I can be punished. I'm more upset now than when I was in jail, and I was really upset in jail. I think because I thought someone would eventually get me out that cared about me, and my parents did, but I found out she didn't or wouldn't have gotten me out, even though she had access to my money enough to bail me out :(((

OK, I'll stop venting now. I'm sorry, I'm just so upset. Thanks for your help.

I see there has been no reply to this, so I thought I would send an update.

In desperation, I sought out , and have now retained a family law attorney. I literally had to take a loan from my parents, and now have two attorneys to pay , along with all the court costs about to come. I have no idea how I will survive, but in any case, I'm still fearing the worst. I'm also thinking this family law attorney may have "sold" me just as the criminal one did.

We are working quickly on the paternity papers, and that is a major stress in itself as I previously discussed. However, what I'm starting to realize, is that my civil attorney, just like my criminal attorney really may not be able to help me see my child in the near future. Not unsupervised as normal, and possibly not even supervised, like a common criminal.

The issue is still this no-contact, which I understand can last about as long as she wants it to last, and that could mean forever, or a very long time. Even though the current no contact order allows me to see my child supervised, she has no order on her to actually bring him to the supervised center (or to pay for the visits), so again she can use this to effectively terminate my parental rights, without actually doing that legally, or having a judge do it.

I don't know where to turn, but I feel that either my criminal attorney, civil attorney, or both need to find a way to put this untrue police report into some kind of perspective for the future family law judge. Unfortunately, I made false statements post-miranda to the police, in a stupid effort to protect her and/or my child. Worse, the cop "interpreted" my comments in a way that only incriminates me, and also puts my child being between both of us in a fight or struggle. Even though my child wasn't hurt, and I've never been accused of any crime or abuse of any sort before this, I'm told it matters not much.

It's very easy to get dangerously depressed about this, so that's why I'm trying to stay very busy, and get my own life in the best order I can. However, missing my son for nearly a month now, and the prospects being so grim, even with all that I've done so far, is so terribly heart wrenching.

Thanks for any help or ideas. Much appreciated.

I see there has been no reply to this, so I thought I would send an update.

In desperation, I sought out , and have now retained a family law attorney. I literally had to take a loan from my parents, and now have two attorneys to pay , along with all the court costs about to come. I have no idea how I will survive, but in any case, I'm still fearing the worst. I'm also thinking this family law attorney may have "sold" me just as the criminal one did.

We are working quickly on the paternity papers, and that is a major stress in itself as I previously discussed. However, what I'm starting to realize, is that my civil attorney, just like my criminal attorney really may not be able to help me see my child in the near future. Not unsupervised as normal, and possibly not even supervised, like a common criminal.

The issue is still this no-contact, which I understand can last about as long as she wants it to last, and that could mean forever, or a very long time. Even though the current no contact order allows me to see my child supervised, she has no order on her to actually bring him to the supervised center (or to pay for the visits), so again she can use this to effectively terminate my parental rights, without actually doing that legally, or having a judge do it.

I don't know where to turn, but I feel that either my criminal attorney, civil attorney, or both need to find a way to put this untrue police report into some kind of perspective for the future family law judge. Unfortunately, I made false statements post-miranda to the police, in a stupid effort to protect her and/or my child. Worse, the cop "interpreted" my comments in a way that only incriminates me, and also puts my child being between both of us in a fight or struggle. Even though my child wasn't hurt, and I've never been accused of any crime or abuse of any sort before this, I'm told it matters not much.

It's very easy to get dangerously depressed about this, so that's why I'm trying to stay very busy, and get my own life in the best order I can. However, missing my son for nearly a month now, and the prospects being so grim, even with all that I've done so far, is so terribly heart wrenching.

Thanks for any help or ideas. Much appreciated.

I see there has been no reply to this, so I thought I would send an update.

In desperation, I sought out , and have now retained a family law attorney. I literally had to take a loan from my parents, and now have two attorneys to pay , along with all the court costs about to come. I have no idea how I will survive, but in any case, I'm still fearing the worst. I'm also thinking this family law attorney may have "sold" me just as the criminal one did.

We are working quickly on the paternity papers, and that is a major stress in itself as I previously discussed. However, what I'm starting to realize, is that my civil attorney, just like my criminal attorney really may not be able to help me see my child in the near future. Not unsupervised as normal, and possibly not even supervised, like a common criminal.

The issue is still this no-contact, which I understand can last about as long as she wants it to last, and that could mean forever, or a very long time. Even though the current no contact order allows me to see my child supervised, she has no order on her to actually bring him to the supervised center (or to pay for the visits), so again she can use this to effectively terminate my parental rights, without actually doing that legally, or having a judge do it.

I don't know where to turn, but I feel that either my criminal attorney, civil attorney, or both need to find a way to put this untrue police report into some kind of perspective for the future family law judge. Unfortunately, I made false statements post-miranda to the police, in a stupid effort to protect her and/or my child. Worse, the cop "interpreted" my comments in a way that only incriminates me, and also puts my child being between both of us in a fight or struggle. Even though my child wasn't hurt, and I've never been accused of any crime or abuse of any sort before this, I'm told it matters not much.

It's very easy to get dangerously depressed about this, so that's why I'm trying to stay very busy, and get my own life in the best order I can. However, missing my son for nearly a month now, and the prospects being so grim, even with all that I've done so far, is so terribly heart wrenching.

Thanks for any help or ideas. Much appreciated.

I have already retained a family law attorney. However, as with the criminal one, I'm still not seeing an upside to this in as long as a year from now.

Of course, there is always the possibility that guilt would set in, even with her, and she could lift the NCO for purposes of visitation/custody. I'm not holding my breath for that, as she's done nothing but absolutely shock me (and my parents) with her actions following this event. She's also strangely repeating her childhood with my son, minus the "domestic violence" charges. :( If she's allowed to continue, my son will have a lot of damage from her actions.

If this is making a long story short, I'd hate to see the long story.

I stopped reading midway through the first post. I do legal questions, not therapy sessions and War and Peace novels. HOWEVER, how are you worried about relocating to FL when you are already in FL (what is the name of your state)?

PLEASE answer this question in 1 sentence or less.

I am in Florida, and I believe at the moment, my ex is also in Florida and she has my child.

I have reason to believe my ex girlfriend is trying to leave the state with my child.

My attorney and I are working on that via trying to get paternity papers to her at any last known address. We may or may not succeed in finding her in the state.

It's been nearly a month since my arrest, and she still hasn't made any arrangements for me to see my child, supervised or other. She's refused to ask to have the no-contact listed. There is supervised visitation allowed in the no-contact, but again she's not been responsive to the visitation center.

I fear I will not see much less have any custody of my son for a very long time. I'm trying to find the best ways to possibly change that.

You really have a problem answering questions succinctly and without a story.

If you have an attorney, let them handle your situation because they are (hopefully) aware of all the nuances of your case. You're not going to get custody of the child. She has status quo, you have a DV arrest (and I know nothing of the disposition of that case because I don't care to read 4 pages of a story).

In 2 sentences or less, what was the disposition of the DV case. ONLY 2 SENTENCES.

I don't know what you mean by "disposition". I am told I will likely get a deferred prosecution agreement, and of course we have pled not guilty.

I understand your request for brevity, but I have yet to see anything "simple" about any dv case like this.

I would like to ask, when you say no custody of my child, are you thinking never, or until/if the charges are dropped and my DPA is completed?

this is not meant to be mean but dammit kid, grow up. You have a child and you are dealing with serious issues. You need to stop the whiney stuff.

You will get to see your child again. It is obvious it won't be as soon as you would like and I can guarantee it won't be as often you would like but that is what happens when you do not live with the mother of the child. Millions of people have dealt with it and lived through it. Yes, it hurts but continually lamenting about it is not going to change that.

You will get beyond the issues of today and will likely face new issues tomorrow. That's life.

as to this:

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She's refused to ask to have the no-contact listed.

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if Florida is like most states, she does not have the option of the no contact order being lifted. The state imposes it due to the criminal matter at hand and they will lift it when they determine it is proper. Most states impose a non-contact order to keep the defendant away from the victims or witnesses involved. It is standard operating procedure.


so, it appears you have filed suit to determine custody and visitation and support; good. It isn't an overnight process. Find a hobby to keep you busy; get a job, or another job; go to school.. Do something with your time so you aren't sitting their crying into your beer day after day. It will only drag you deeper into oblivion.

jk,

Thanks, and I am already taking your advice. However, I've read that have a domestic violence "anything" on your record, including this pending charge, can make it difficult or impossible to get even a menial job. Right now, due to all the expenses of this case, I need such a job. Have an interview on Monday as a gas station closeby, but not sure if the case will block me from the job. Also not sure on how to find employers that will still hire despite this case, if they exist. Apparently, these companies that do the "background checks" nowadays are quite brutal on candidates with anything other than a clean record.

On the no contact order, I understand from my attorney(s), and others, that she can request to have it lifted. However, I've also learned that she likely requested to have it NOT lifted. This is adding to my misery on ever being able to see my child again.

What I have filed, or will be filing , is a petition for paternity. This is because of the information I received that she may be leaving the state with my child to an undisclosed location for an undisclosed amount of time. The idea, I've been told, is if we can find her for purposes of serving the papers here, then I can at least have jurisdiction in the state of Florida for any upcoming custody hearings. However, if she does leave, and I'm otherwise not able to get her properly served wherever she goes, and 6 months pass, then the jurisdiction will change, and the prospects of seeing my son again could become very poor.

I know felons that obtained employment. In fact, there are several companies in my area that tend to hire people with criminal records quite regularly. I suspect their parole officers or whatever have some employers they know are willing to hire them. Once you get into your program, if you have not obtained employment, ask your probation officer if they can help you with employers willing to hire you. While having a record is a hindrance, it does not usually prevent you from obtaining any employment.

as to the no-contact order; again, although without checking, while she can ask for anything, if it is imposed by the state, they have no obligation to honor her request. In most situations, even when asked, they will not lift it in almost every situation I am aware of in my area.

you do need to stick with filing of the child custody, paternity, whatever stuff though. As you have stated, if you let it go too long it can make things very difficult for you.

Walmart hires felons, so they'll definitely hire someone with a misdemeanor DV case on their record

Thanks CourtClerk, JK.

Good to know Walmart hires. We have one here, and I'd like to work there. It is about a 30-45 drive from my home, which could be difficult with my vehicle situation. However, it may come down to being better than no job at all.

Thankfully, and not, I have been self-employed for many years. Bad part is my business has been struggling , and I actually had money to be used to give it a boost. Now, that money and more is being burned up in this case. So, while I didn't lose a high paying job, as I hear can easily happen in a case like this, I'm still left with a real mountain to climb.

I just wish there was some way to plead my side of this case without having to go to a jury trial. According to my criminal attorney, there basically is not. I made a big mistake in getting into any fights with her, but I made an even bigger mistake when I talked to the cop and needlessly incriminated myself by saying things that weren't even entirely true.

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Quoting fredericklsu

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I just wish there was some way to plead my side of this case without having to go to a jury trial. According to my criminal attorney, there basically is not. I made a big mistake in getting into any fights with her, but I made an even bigger mistake when I talked to the cop and needlessly incriminated myself by saying things that weren't even entirely true.

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if you are given a pre-trial diversion, there will be no jury trial. I understand your issues with that but honestly, the cards are stacked against you so sometimes it's better to cut an run than to be run over, even if it leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

jk,

thanks again.

i'd like to ask your thoughts on this "presumption" of domestic violence when it comes to any upcoming custody disputes.

The way I understand it is, if she continues to try to hurt me, she will use this charge and police report as often and as long as possible. That means, she can put the police report, with all it's false accusations from her, and messed up storyline from me, and use that against me in custody. I understand that completion of DPA, and dismissal of charges can help remove the "presumption". However, in Florida, the judge can and I guess will consider all evidence of any "domestic violence".

Put simply, if I'm going to need Johnny Cochran to ever get unsupervised visits, and my son back in my (his) home, I'm in for a world of hurt that may never end. He's not alive anymore, and I couldn't begin to afford him if he were.

Will all due respect ...

For the love of all that is Holy, STOP this "from what I've heard/read/whatever" crap. STOP. THAT. NOW.

You are doing yourself NO favors and you're really heading way, way down the path to nobody wanting to respond to you at all.

You're not going to get residential custody. Accept that now. But you WILL get visitation with him. Mom CANNOT keep calling to report that you're breaking an NCO without having proof that you're doing so.

Come on dude, throw us a bone here y'know?

I know I won't get residential custody for quite awhile. Maybe up to a year or longer. I'm wanting to know if I could get residential custody sometime in the future.

anything is possible. Even the improbable is possible although unlikely.


You are getting ahead of yourself. There is nothing you can do right now to affect the future in that way other than taking care of your legal issues so they are behind you.

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Quoting fredericklsu

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I know I won't get residential custody for quite awhile. Maybe up to a year or longer. I'm wanting to know if I could get residential custody sometime in the future.

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Here's how it works. During an initial custody determination, you and Mom stand on equal ground (on principle, anyway). Once custody has been decided, you're no longer equal - in order for you to change custody you need to prove there has been a significant change of circumstances AND that the change warrants a custody modification. This is not easy.

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Quoting fredericklsu

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I know I won't get residential custody for quite awhile.

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How about until she's declared an unfit parent....

get off of that. You'll be lucky to get unsupervised visitation. Riddle me this. While you were off abusing her, where was the baby?

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Quoting CourtClerk

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How about until she's declared an unfit parent....

get off of that. You'll be lucky to get unsupervised visitation. Riddle me this. While you were off abusing her, where was the baby?

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Even then, there's no guarantee HE'd be first in line.

He's a toddler (almost 3). He was in the home with us, and when the cops showed up I was holding him.

The police report conflicts, and my statements and the cops "interpretation" make it sound like she was holding him and there was a struggle between me and her. That's not exactly what happened. I did want to bring him to our room and cool off, which I eventually did, and then she followed up with banging the door which I was trying to barricade, because I just wanted everything to calm down. Her antics after the quick altercation are likely what got the attention of the neighbor, who is also unfortunately an enemy.

I am beginning to think the timing of my family law attorney may be too far off. Definitely need the paternity and jurisdiction establishment, but if a custody hearing happens anytime this year (before any charges are dropped), it seems like it would go nowhere for me. Then, as another member said, getting custody changed will be even more difficult.

I asked the attorney more than once about just doing the paternity papers for now, and just like the criminal attorney, he insisted on a "flat rate" to do it all. I'm going to have to ask him about this again. I already have very likely lost money on my criminal attorney. He sold me on a possible result if my ex didn't go down and do what she did with the state's attorney. Turns out when that happens, there is very little an attorney can actually do to effect any sort of "good" DPA.

Is it possible that we could come to any mutual agreement on custody , IF my ex someday decides she wants to do that, instead of fighting about it in court?

This is starting to sound very, very familiar as if we've heard this story before but from a different perspective.

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Quoting dogmatique

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this is starting to sound very, very familiar as if we've heard this story before but from a different perspective.

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spinny!!!