When Will a Parent's Partner be Required to Move Out After a CPS Investigation
My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Maryland
So, here is my issue.
I have been in a committed relationship with my GF for 3 years. We have been co-inhabiting for 2 1/2 of those years. She has a son (now 16) and he hates me. He is a totally defiant and rebellious teen. He is flunking every class in school, constantly gets sent to the office and is suspended regularly. We have found him smoking weed in his room and he contributes nothing but drama and strife to our home. This behavior is not new since my arrival in the home. His mom says he’s been like this for many years.
We have tried to offer rewards for good behavior with no success. Finally after his last defiant act against his mother (my GF) we decided he was going to loose all privileges. We removed his bedroom door and left him with a room containing only his bed, a lamp, his cloths and school books.
The day after we purged his room (where we found an alarming amount of drug evidence) there was a huge (verbal) altercation with his mom and me, he stormed out of the house and didn't come back for a day. We filed a report with the police that he had run away and called social services for help. We found him the next day and he is now staying with his aunt whom we trust (he is on spring break and his mom and I both work so we didn’t feel comfortable with him being home alone).
We now have a meeting planned in a couple of days with a social service case worker. I'm concerned about the outcome.
I have never touched this teen in any way that would be construed as inappropriate. I have never assaulted him physically or sexually. We have yelled at each other, for sure, but I have always tried to be a mentor to this young man. I am a former summer camp administrator and before that I was a counselor. I have been an elementary educator and have a ton of experience with teens and children of all ages. Frankly I feel like a failure because this is the first time that I have been unsuccessful in making a connection with a youth that was beneficial for us both.
I have enough experience with CPS and social services to know that their only real concern is for the safety and well being of the child. I don't fault them for this, but it does give me some concerns about this up coming meeting.
Is this teen's hatred of me enough for them to say that my presence in his home is detrimental to him and the cause of his defiance? And therefore demand that I move out?
Re: My Gf's Son Hates Me, Can I Be Forced to Move Out for This
Perhaps it might be better, if Mom (and where is Dad?) and Aunt agree, that kiddo stays with Aunt.
While it might be unlikely, Mom could also be given a choice - you live there, or her son lives there.
Re: My Gf's Son Hates Me, Can I Be Forced to Move Out for This
Sorry, I forgot to mention his dad. He is a felon himself that CPS has seen fit to give unsupervised visitation to for weekends. He is a known drug user, a repeat DUI offender and is 6 months behind on child support. One of the reasons we have social services involved was because of a report from one of my GF's son's cousins that my GF's son gets his weed from his dad's girlfriend and the three of them (Dad, dad's girlfriend and my GF's teen) have repeatedly done drugs and alcohol together. This is of course second hand info and speculative at best, but we do "know" for a fact that his father purchased him a Vaporizer/ e-cigarette. My GF's son obviously see's his father as this super cool dad and a hero.
Re: My Gf's Son Hates Me, Can I Be Forced to Move Out for This
Dad might actually be considered the best option by CPS, if it comes to that.
And seriously, forget the Vapo/e-cig angle. You will fail miserably trying to use that against Dad. As well you should.
Re: My Gf's Son Hates Me, Can I Be Forced to Move Out for This
I can't believe that CPS would likely be ok with him living with his father after they have found out that his father has been using drugs with him. And, when I mentioned the Vape to the case worker on the phone, she flipped out and was appalled.
And for the record, I'm not interested in "using" anything against anyone. I'm not interested in him going elsewhere to live. I'm interested in what is best for this young man.
His mom and me are bashing our heads against a wall dealing with him, but we aren't trying to get rid of him or pawn him off on anyone else. We want to help him.
Getting back to the point of my original posting... I'm just concerned that CPS will decide that my not being in his home is what's best for him. I'm here seeking advice on whether this is a likely eventuality.
Has anyone ever heard of a "non-parent" with no criminal record, no evidence or accusations of abuse, being forced out of the home of a troubled teen?
Re: My Gf's Son Hates Me, Can I Be Forced to Move Out for This
Nobody can force you to move out, really. As I said earlier, Mom CAN be forced to make a choice. It really IS that simple.
We're not here to offer you the odds on either eventuality.
Perhaps CPS in MD might want to educate their workers on exactly how a Vape is used and - horror of horrors - grasp the concept that it's not always used for Big Bad Weed.
(And she was so appalled that she did ... nothing about it?)
Re: My Gf's Son Hates Me, Can I Be Forced to Move Out for This
Have you considered that the best placement could be in a residential facility/boot camp for troubled teens?
Re: My Gf's Son Hates Me, Can I Be Forced to Move Out for This
Is the biy is counseling ? This type of behavior with teens is very common. Unless you have done something to physically try and hurt the boy or you have done other things that make CPS doubt that he is safe with you in the home, I don't see CPS telling Mom to choose, you or her son.
How many doctors do you know that treat themselves and their immediate family members when they are ill? Very, very few, if any do. The reason for that is because they can't be objective. You are too close to this situation to be of much help because you are involved in it. The boy, Mom and you all need to be in some type of family counseling. Something else for you to think about is if you and Mom aren't committed enough to your relationship to get married, you might want to think about moving out. Although Mom changing partners won't improve the situation. The only thing that is really going to improve the situation is for the boy to grow up and mature and that takes a number of years. You and Mom also might want to see if there are any local support groups for the familes of teenagers that abuse drugs. You and Mom also need to be prepared for things like him getting arrested and the courts confining him as well as him overdosing on drugs. Where there is marijuana, there are also other drugs.
Re: My Gf's Son Hates Me, Can I Be Forced to Move Out for This
I guarantee the son's take on this situation will be radically different - and that he'll become much more of a victim than this "op" is willing to acknowledge.
Re: My Gf's Son Hates Me, Can I Be Forced to Move Out for This
Quote:
Quoting
Dogmatique
I guarantee the son's take on this situation will be radically different - and that he'll become much more of a victim than this "op" is willing to acknowledge.
Dogmatique, I totally agree with you. CPS doesn't just go on what is said and they are familiar with dealing with situations like this. It is also possible that everything that the OP has said isn't totally true and/or that they have left out important things. All we can go on is what we are told. But, with the experience most of us have in addition to raisng families we can usually read between the lines. If what the OP had said here isn't the total truth, then our advise won't be of any help.