How to Stop Stepparent Interference

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: South Carolina

I am in a very high conflict "coparenting" situation. I am the primary custodian. Ex has every other weekend. Ex quickly remarried (6 months after moving out) the new wife is trying to convince my son she belongs to him. I have my son in therapy for this and other reasons. Ex and new wife refuse to allow me to meet this woman, whom I'd like to meet because she obviously has a significant role in my sons life. She has been forcing her hand in my sons school, trying to get on all his emergency paperwork; trying to become a room mom, attending parent teacher conferences, and trying to beat me out in signing up for volunteering for everything at school to shut me out from being able to do so. (First come first serve volunteer kind of school). Ex and I recently had to go back to court for a modification. We came to an agreement in mediation but did not sign due to his lawyer having to leave before it finished being typed up. 2 weeks later, ex's new wife emails his lawyer (I got the forward) of the new list of her demands since she wasn't allowed in mediation. Now we don't have an agreement because of her and I have to fork out even more money because she decided to interfere.

Is there anything I can file or request to a judge to get this kind of behavior to stop? Coparenting with the person who physically and mentally abused me for 8 years is hard enough, now adding someone new who doesn't respect my boundaries and is brainwashing my child makes it even more difficult.

There's nothing you can do to prevent her from being a room mom or any other form of volunteering.

You can, however, request that your order is modified to include a "no third party interference" clause. She is overstepping to a pretty alarming degree and unfortunately it's all too common.

It's very important that you don't take any bait, and keep calm about this. I understand you want to meet her, but the court can't force that.

You mention that your son is in therapy because of her - can you elaborate a bit on that? I'm asking for a very specific reason.

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

...the new wife is trying to convince my son she belongs to him.

---

What does that mean?

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

I have my son in therapy for this and other reasons.

---

If you and your ex- believe that your son would benefit from therapy, there's no reason he should not receive therapy.

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

Ex and new wife refuse to allow me to meet this woman....

---

What woman? Are you talking about the new wife? If so, how is it that you've never met her?

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

She has been forcing her hand in my sons school...

---

What does that mean?

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

...trying to get on all his emergency paperwork...

---

Why would that be a problem? Children need emergency contacts, this is your ex's new wife, and you and he won't necessarily be immediately available in the event of an emergency.

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

...trying to become a room mom...

---

If the school allow a stepparent to serve as a room mom, such is life. If they do not, it's not an issue.

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

...attending parent teacher conferences...

---

Along with your ex-? That's life. If your ex- isn't going to be present, that may be something the school will disallow.

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

...and trying to beat me out in signing up for volunteering for everything at school to shut me out from being able to do so.

---

Then you had best volunteer faster.

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

Ex and I recently had to go back to court for a modification. We came to an agreement in mediation but did not sign due to his lawyer having to leave before it finished being typed up. 2 weeks later, ex's new wife emails his lawyer (I got the forward) of the new list of her demands since she wasn't allowed in mediation. Now we don't have an agreement because of her and I have to fork out even more money because she decided to interfere.

---

She's allowed to share her opinions with her husband. He's allowed to act on her advice.

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

Is there anything I can file or request to a judge to get this kind of behavior to stop?

---

Other than possibly attending parent-teacher conferences without your husband, you have not identified any specific behaviors that would concern a court. If you want to explain what you mean in your more nebulous allegations, perhaps there's something there.

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

You can, however, request that your order is modified to include a "no third party interference" clause. She is overstepping to a pretty alarming degree and unfortunately it's all too common.

---

What specific acts are described that you see as "overstepping to a pretty alarming degree"?

My son (he's almost 5) comes home every visit asking who his mom is because step mom will tell him constantly that he is her and his dad's child. When I try to correct him, he breaks down emotionally as he doesn't know what to believe.
Ex moved out in February, she started dating Ex in May, met my son in July and married ex in August. Since July she has tried to force herself on him and it's become very difficult for a 4 year old to handle. So much so that after every visit, my son is terrified to leave my side as he's scared I will abandon him. (His dad also blocks my number so I can't call and tells my son that the only parents he needs is him and new wife).... Therapy was the best I could think to do for my son as I didn't want to overstep and say the wrong things to damage his relationship with his father. Because if I told him the truth behind all of his dad's lies, my son would end up hating his father in the long run, so I try to just be reassurance while a therapist works on sorting out my sons feelings.

Belongs to her... Meaning she BIRTHED him

I haven't met her because anytime I'm around she forces son to run to her and when I approach her, she runs away. That's how.

Ex isn't even allowed on emergency paperwork. He has no school time visitation and he's threatened to kidnap my son before. Therefore the school doesn't allow him on paperwork.

Ex hasn't been apart of 1 thing with school, but she thinks she has to be even when ex doesn't care to be.

How can I volunteer faster than her? She emailed the teacher that the moment volunteer sheets comes out that the teacher MUST put her on ALL of them

If the mediator told her she was not allowed in to mediation because she has no rights, then her opinion afterwards should not change court orders. Again, she has zero rights. If his father agreed to things (like giving my son medicine) and she decided she's not going to (like give medicine) there is a BIG issue. As she's interfering in what me and ex agreed to as being in best interest of our child.

You are under some grave misunderstandings here.

You need to speak with an attorney, because I fear you're going to mess things up if you try to act on your own.

Quote:

---

Quoting Mr. Knowitall

---

What does that mean?

If you and your ex- believe that your son would benefit from therapy, there's no reason he should not receive therapy.

What woman? Are you talking about the new wife? If so, how is it that you've never met her?

What does that mean?

Why would that be a problem? Children need emergency contacts, this is your ex's new wife, and you and he won't necessarily be immediately available in the event of an emergency.

If the school allow a stepparent to serve as a room mom, such is life. If they do not, it's not an issue.

Along with your ex-? That's life. If your ex- isn't going to be present, that may be something the school will disallow.

Then you had best volunteer faster.

She's allowed to share her opinions with her husband. He's allowed to act on her advice.

Other than possibly attending parent-teacher conferences without your husband, you have not identified any specific behaviors that would concern a court. If you want to explain what you mean in your more nebulous allegations, perhaps there's something there.


What specific acts are described that you see as "overstepping to a pretty alarming degree"?

---

Insisting that she's actually his Mom is pretty alarming. But since OP answered the post my feelings have indeed changed. This is clearly a contentious issue and I do get the impression Mom herself isn't exactly helping the situation.

How am I not helping the situation? I haven't done anything to harm it.

Please also note that I have a restraining order against ex and the only form of communication that we can have is through email. There is a history of DV and I try my best to keep my son out of our issues. Step mother is just trying to create more and because she refuses to respect me and meet me, there's not much I can do that I haven't done other than something legal.

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

How am I not helping the situation? I haven't done anything to harm it.

Please also note that I have a restraining order against ex and the only form of communication that we can have is through email. There is a history of DV and I try my best to keep my son out of our issues. Step mother is just trying to create more and because she refuses to respect me and meet me, there's not much I can do that I haven't done other than something legal.

---

This is why you need an attorney.

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

because she refuses to respect me and meet me,

---

No court is going to mandate that she meet you. She's not a party to your case, therefore the court has nothing to do with HER. She doesn't have to meet you, she's your ex's wife, that's all you need to know.

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

This is actually wrong. At our temporary hearing the judge asked my ex to set up a time for me and her to meet. (But I must say this judge was very unethical in every way) Never happened and now I have to get court transcripts to prove this was said because somehow no one remembers this.... My lawyer is a joke and will be retaining a new one since ex's wife made him back out of the mediated agreement



Not to mention you picked the least of the issues to comment on.

---

And it becomes very clear why you have trouble with your lawyer and why you believe the judge is unethical.

You do realize that your received that response because YOU made such huge issue of it ... right?

Quote:

---

Quoting Yelhsa0428

---

I actually have an issue with my lawyer based on the fact that she forgot to tell me about my hearing. That's why she's being dropped. If it wasn't for public online websites that show hearings, I would have been screwed. The judge was unethical because she claimed "all fathers, abusive to mothers or not, should be allowed to see their children when they want to because my father didn't want anything to do with me and that damaged me my whole life". Both mine and his lawyer saw it as unethical.

Have your kid come home and say you aren't his mother/father and have the schools question you because someone else called themselves mother to your child. While all along your ex tell you you can't meet the person who is helping raise your child and see if it wouldn't be an issue for you.

---

Good luck with your ... issues.