Can You Get Custody Changed if the Child Does Not Reside With the Custodial Parent
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: WA
My daughter called me 2 days ago as she usually does to chat, and told me she was staying with her grandma. I asked her why because her mom is not working right now she then told me I'm not supposed to tell you. So I has her put her grandma on. The grandma told me my daughters mom was hospitalized for depression but is home now and my daughter is staying with her until the mom is well. My question, do I have any grounds to modify? The school also told me my daughter had hardly been to school and was not tell taken care of, the councilor said she was holding out and hoping for improvement otherwise was going to be reporting to CPS. Is there anything else I can do? File emergency custody? We have joint legal, she has primary physical.
Re: Can You Get Custody Changed if the Child Does Not Reside With the Custodial Paren
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Jrod72010
My daughter called me 2 days ago as she usually does to chat, and told me she was staying with her grandma. I asked her why because her mom is not working right now she then told me I'm not supposed to tell you.
She has been staying with grandma for two days? She has been staying longer, but you didn't know until two days ago? If the latter, this is because of what -- your daughter chose not to tell you? You don't have frequent contact with your daughter? Something else?
How old is your daughter? Do you live near mom and grandma?
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Quoting Jrod72010
The grandma told me my daughters mom was hospitalized for depression but is home now....
"Home" as in, also staying with grandma, or "home" as in somewhere else?
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Quoting Jrod72010
...and my daughter is staying with her until the mom is well.
And when you asked grandma for an estimate of how long that would be, what did grandma say?
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Quoting Jrod72010
My question, do I have any grounds to modify?
Maybe. We lack important, basic facts about your case and its history. For an analysis at this point, you need to consult a lawyer with the full facts.
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Quoting Jrod72010
The school also told me my daughter had hardly been to school and was not tell taken care of, the councilor said she was holding out and hoping for improvement otherwise was going to be reporting to CPS.
When you spoke with grandma about school attendance, what did grandma say that she was doing to fix the problem? Is the problem that your daughter is not being transported to school, or is the problem that your daughter is skipping school? Given that a CPS investigation will not just be of mom, but would also be of you, what are you doing to address the problem?
Re: Can You Get Custody Changed if the Child Does Not Reside With the Custodial Paren
I'm sorry i did leave out information unintentionally, I'm unsure of how long she had been with grandma, I am under the impression she is told not tell us things. A few years ago mom was jailed and because they were worried about losing custody they kept that from us, nothing seemed out of the ordinary because grandma does a lot of the transportation of my daughter. And this was when we lived right down the street. They have a history of keeping things from us. It's even more difficult now because we live in Montana. However we are highly involved.
She is in 2nd grade, she is not being transported to school and is appeared by the school that she is not being taken well care of when she actually does attend. Grandma did not tell us how she plans on fixing the problem. The problem of not attending school would not be an issue here if we were to get primary custody, my wife is a teacher at the elementary school where our daughter together attends full time.
Home, as in her own house, they don't typically live with grandma but the kids are now. The mom is home at her own house.
The mom has a history of alcohol abuse and mental disabilities. It's stated in our parenting plan she is not to drink at all or be around anyone drinking or have alcohol in her house whatsoever.
Re: Can You Get Custody Changed if the Child Does Not Reside With the Custodial Paren
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Quoting
Jrod72010
I'm sorry i did leave out information unintentionally, I'm unsure of how long she had been with grandma, I am under the impression she is told not tell us things. A few years ago mom was jailed and because they were worried about losing custody they kept that from us, nothing seemed out of the ordinary because grandma does a lot of the transportation of my daughter. And this was when we lived right down the street. They have a history of keeping things from us. It's even more difficult now because we live in Montana. However we are highly involved.
She is in 2nd grade, she is not being transported to school and is appeared by the school that she is not being taken well care of when she actually does attend. Grandma did not tell us how she plans on fixing the problem. The problem of not attending school would not be an issue here if we were to get primary custody, my wife is a teacher at the elementary school where our daughter together attends full time.
Home, as in her own house, they don't typically live with grandma but the kids are now. The mom is home at her own house.
The mom has a history of alcohol abuse and mental disabilities. It's stated in our parenting plan she is not to drink at all or be around anyone drinking or have alcohol in her house whatsoever.
Do you have a mouse in your pocket?
Re: Can You Get Custody Changed if the Child Does Not Reside With the Custodial Paren
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Quoting
Jrod72010
I'm unsure of how long she had been with grandma, I am under the impression she is told not tell us things.
What did your daughter say when you asked her how long she had been staying with grandma? What did grandma tell you when you asked her? What did your ex- say when you asked her?
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Quoting Jrod72010
A few years ago mom was jailed and because they were worried about losing custody they kept that from us, nothing seemed out of the ordinary because grandma does a lot of the transportation of my daughter. And this was when we lived right down the street.
Mom was incarcerated for how long? You didn't figure out that she was incarcerated until after she was out of jail? You didn't believe, at the time, that the facts warranted going to court and trying to modify custody?
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Quoting Jrod72010
It's even more difficult now because we live in Montana. However we are highly involved.
And, as you have moved to another state, that increases the burden upon you of trying to modify custody.
It's not at all unusual for a parent who has had a medical or behavioral health problem to get help from family members during recovery. With you in another state, and with your indicating a long history of grandma's acting as a caregiver for the children, it's not particularly surprising that grandma stepped up.
When you try to modify custody, you need admissible evidence to support your allegations. At this point, is all of the information you have to support your allegations coming from a seven-year-old child?
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Quoting Jrod72010
She is in 2nd grade, she is not being transported to school and is appeared by the school that she is not being taken well care of when she actually does attend. Grandma did not tell us how she plans on fixing the problem.
Does that mean you asked grandma and she told you, in effect, "It's not my problem", or does it mean you haven't yet asked grandma about the problem?
With all you're saying about mom, I'm a bit confused about why you agreed to make her the primary physical custodian in the first place.
Re: Can You Get Custody Changed if the Child Does Not Reside With the Custodial Paren
What?
No, my daughter will say stuff but we try to confirm with grandma what is going on. We also talked to the school, she was in jail for about a week when we found out, grandma told us she was just working a lot and i didn't really believe her so i went to the jail website it does the jail roster, that's what prompted us to file for a parenting plan in the first place, given we were never married we just agreed on visitation up until that point. As per our parenting plan she is barely hanging on to primary custody and it also says if she is not with mom she needs to be with us, but given we live in a different state well need to go to court to get it modified to enroll her in school here. We never got it modified when we moved so the parenting plan that is still in effect is from when we lived there.
Re: Can You Get Custody Changed if the Child Does Not Reside With the Custodial Paren
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Jrod72010
What?
No, my daughter will say stuff but we try to confirm with grandma what is going on. We also talked to the school, she was in jail for about a week when we found out, grandma told us she was just working a lot and i didn't really believe her so i went to the jail website it does the jail roster, that's what prompted us to file for a parenting plan in the first place, given we were never married we just agreed on visitation up until that point. As per our parenting plan she is barely hanging on to primary custody and it also says if she is not with mom she needs to be with us, but given we live in a different state well need to go to court to get it modified to enroll her in school here. We never got it modified when we moved so the parenting plan that is still in effect is from when we lived there.
Which part didn't you understand?
Re: Can You Get Custody Changed if the Child Does Not Reside With the Custodial Paren
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Quoting
Jrod72010
No, my daughter will say stuff but we try to confirm with grandma what is going on.
The question that you appear to be answering is, "At this point, is all of the information you have to support your allegations coming from a seven-year-old child?" If you have not yet even spoken to grandma, and are relying entirely upon the child's statements, then the answer is in fact "yes".
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Quoting Jrod72010
We also talked to the school, she was in jail for about a week when we found out, grandma told us she was just working a lot and i didn't really believe her so i went to the jail website it does the jail roster, that's what prompted us to file for a parenting plan in the first place....
Your run-on sentence confuses what you are trying to say. It's not clear if you are speaking exclusively of things that led to your decision to seek the initial custody order, or if "We also talked to the school" relates to the current situation and the rest relates to the historic events. We know that you've heard about issues from the school -- and you've been asked to explain what grandma said when you discussed those issues with her. If you want to convince a court that you were concerned by the report from the school, you need to be doing something more than... nothing. Talk to grandma.
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Quoting Jrod72010
...given we were never married we just agreed on visitation up until that point.
Nothing you knew about prior to the entry of the most recent custody order is relevant to modification. The court is going to be interested in what has changed since its last order.
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Quoting Jrod72010
As per our parenting plan she is barely hanging on to primary custody....
What is that supposed to mean?
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Quoting Jrod72010
...and it also says if she is not with mom she needs to be with us, but given we live in a different state well need to go to court to get it modified to enroll her in school here.
Much more than that, you would have to get a change of custody and permission to move the child's domicile to a different state. It's by virtue of your choice to move that the right of first refusal is not being exercised, not because of mom.
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Quoting Jrod72010
We never got it modified when we moved so the parenting plan that is still in effect is from when we lived there.
Presumably you've worked out some form of long-distance visitation that works for both you and the mother, as otherwise you would have already gone to court over the issue. If that's not the case, you can certainly ask mom to stipulate to a long-distance visitation order or petition the court to modify the existing order to accommodate long-distance visitation. That's not something that must be done in association with a motion to modify custody -- but if you do move to modify custody, it would make sense to ask for a formal long-distance visitation order in the alternative (that is, in case the court does not make you the primary custodian).
Re: Can You Get Custody Changed if the Child Does Not Reside With the Custodial Paren
In this instance, perhaps Dad should be here instead of stepmom.