How Can I Prevent My Ex- From Getting Custody Rights

Hi! I'm not sure why I can't post a new thread in the main forum, but this is somewhat related to my question. I apologize if it's in the wrong place.

I have a 3.5 month old daughter named Hanna. We will call her father C. I live in MA (where Hanna was conceived). C moved to Florida in early January under the impression that I would meet him down there when he got an apartment. I found out I was pregnant and instead decided to stay in MA where my family and health insurance is. I live with my parents still. C stayed in Florida. He never came to visit while I was pregnant and didn't come to his only daughters birth. Whatever. No big deal. But he didn't ever come to see her after she was born either, and still hasn't.
We broke up while I was pregnant because of him being verbally abusive and unsupportive of the pregnancy. The whole pregnancy, he made my life a living hell. Told me I should abort the child and tried to theeaten me and scare me into changing my mind and ending the pregnancy. Obviously I didn't and now I am blessed with this angel.
I should add that I was a heroin addict and got clean when I found out I was pregnant. I have now been clean for a whole year with no desire to return to my old life. I e been passing weekly drug tests since pregnancy. C is an alcoholic.

I filed for child support and to establish paternity. C immediately started with more threats and scare tactics to try to get me to "close pandoras box" as he puts it. (Doesn't even make sense to me but whatever) Among those threatas, are him saying that since I am a former addict, he can get custody of the child. He will have his mom help take care of her and he is more capable of being the custodial parent.

I know he doesn't want her. I know he is just trying to avoid paying child support. I have many texts saying that his goal in life is to make me miserable, that his child is nothing to him, I should have killed myself while pregnant and he is "seconds away from committing himself". There is more and worse texts from him. The point is he is abusive and I don't trust him with my daughter alone let alone have custody of her. She is exclusively breastfed anyway.
He also said he wants to move to east Asia and get out of the country. He didn't say anything about taking her, but him just saying that is scary enough.

Are all of these text messages proof that he is not mentally stable? Does he have a chance at getting custody? What about 50/50 custody? We were never married. I told him he can see her whenever he wants, just with me there, and I mean it. I want my daughter to have a father, but I don't want her to be emotionally abused by him like I put up with for over 2 years.

Sorry this is long and all over the place. He is trying to scare me and it's absolutely working.... Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. If I can post this in a new thread somewhere more appropriate, please tell me how!!

It is extremely rude to post your question in someone else's active thread. If you must hijack, at least choose a dead thread.

Go here.

http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=34

Click on the Post New Thread button slightly below the brown bisecting bar at the top of the screen.

Okay. A 50/50 timeshare is not going to happen. It's impossible - you live at opposite ends of the country, and even if he wants a 6 month on, 6 month off arrangement that is NOT in the best interest of the child.

Here's what I think you should do. Stop answering his texts. He knows where you are, and if he would like to have some sort of legal (decision-making) custody of his child he's free to petition the court - in MA - in order to get an enforceable visitation plan. You can request that at least to begin with, visitation should take place in your locale with you present. If all goes well, it will ordinarily progress to longer periods without you present and eventually a typical long-distance parenting plan.

Don't be scared, and don't cater to any threats. You need to leave your emotions at the door and treat this as a business matter. You share a child, and your focus is on her best interests - your feelings and his feelings do not matter.

Your past history does not mean that you're unfit; if anything you've proven that you are perfectly fit to take care of your child. You've been clean and sober for a year and you deserve full credit for that, and past mistakes are not likely to be held against you in court.

I hope I've cleared up a thing or two. Keep asking questions if you have 'em.

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Quoting cbg

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It is extremely rude to post your question in someone else's active thread. If you must hijack, at least choose a dead thread.

Go here.

http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=34

Click on the Post New Thread button slightly below the brown bisecting bar at the top of the screen.

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I went ahead anyway :o

Again, I apologize if I came off rude. I tried to post my own thread but it said something about not accepting new posts in the 'children' forum. I'm going to follow the link and try to post again.

Thanks so much for answering my question. You made me feel a lot better. I can't imagine that keeping a child from their primary caregiver for six months is in the child's best interest, which is what he says he wants. Again, I don't think he REALLY wants that, I think he just wants to make my life hell.

Okay. A 50/50 timeshare is not going to happen. It's impossible - you live at opposite ends of the country, and even if he wants a 6 month on, 6 month off arrangement that is NOT in the best interest of the child.

Here's what I think you should do. Stop answering his texts. He knows where you are, and if he would like to have some sort of legal (decision-making) custody of his child he's free to petition the court - in MA - in order to get an enforceable visitation plan. You can request that at least to begin with, visitation should take place in your locale with you present. If all goes well, it will ordinarily progress to longer periods without you present and eventually a typical long-distance parenting plan.

Don't be scared, and don't cater to any threats. You need to leave your emotions at the door and treat this as a business matter. You share a child, and your focus is on her best interests - your feelings and his feelings do not matter.

Your past history does not mean that you're unfit; if anything you've proven that you are perfectly fit to take care of your child. You've been clean and sober for a year and you deserve full credit for that, and past mistakes are not likely to be held against you in court.

I hope I've cleared up a thing or two. Keep asking questions if you have 'em.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Okay. A 50/50 timeshare is not going to happen. It's impossible - you live at opposite ends of the country, and even if he wants a 6 month on, 6 month off arrangement that is NOT in the best interest of the child.

Here's what I think you should do. Stop answering his texts. He knows where you are, and if he would like to have some sort of legal (decision-making) custody of his child he's free to petition the court - in MA - in order to get an enforceable visitation plan. You can request that at least to begin with, visitation should take place in your locale with you present. If all goes well, it will ordinarily progress to longer periods without you present and eventually a typical long-distance parenting plan.

Don't be scared, and don't cater to any threats. You need to leave your emotions at the door and treat this as a business matter. You share a child, and your focus is on her best interests - your feelings and his feelings do not matter.

Your past history does not mean that you're unfit; if anything you've proven that you are perfectly fit to take care of your child. You've been clean and sober for a year and you deserve full credit for that, and past mistakes are not likely to be held against you in court.

I hope I've cleared up a thing or two. Keep asking questions if you have 'em.

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Thanks! Should I block him from texting me? So be can say, "she won't let me see pictures of my kid"? Or do I just ignore him and only send pics when asked. He NEVER asks.

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Quoting Kmc007

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Thanks! Should I block him from texting me? So be can say, "she won't let me see pictures of my kid"? Or do I just ignore him and only send pics when asked. He NEVER asks.

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You do not have to respond, but if you do respond keep it businesslike. No emotion, nothing. Don't type anything you wouldn't want your Mom, child, spouse, employer, attorney and priest to see.

(That's good advice or anyone, now I think about it)

Thanks!

Quote:

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Quoting Dogmatique

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You do not have to respond, but if you do respond keep it businesslike. No emotion, nothing. Don't type anything you wouldn't want your Mom, child, spouse, employer, attorney and priest to see.

(That's good advice or anyone, now I think about it)

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that's good advice but I like to simplify things:

don't type anything you wouldn't want a judge to see.

Ya see, I can be quite open with all the above (except my mom; she's been gone for a long time although I do catch myself talking to her from time to time. Just don't get an answer) and say things to them I definitely wouldn't want a judge to see/hear.

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Quoting jk

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that's good advice but I like to simplify things:

don't type anything you wouldn't want a judge to see.

Ya see, I can be quite open with all the above (except my mom; she's been gone for a long time although I do catch myself talking to her from time to time. Just don't get an answer) and say things to them I definitely wouldn't want a judge to see/hear.

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That works :)