What Happens if You're Unable to Transport the Children for Visitation Due to Surgery

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: PA

So, I am having surgery 3 days before Christmas, and will not be permitted to drive for at least 2 weeks.

I had originally planned on having my current husband take the kids to their Dad's for the holiday. But don't think that is going to happen.

Can I get in trouble? I mean, I am not ALLOWED to drive! Thoughts?

And so you understand WHY my husband doesn't want to take them; my ex lost his job (he knew a month before hand it was happening) and got a severance package - so he has not been filing unemployment - and i've not gotten any support since before Thanksgiving - so my kids Christmas was basically ruined. Of course my husband saved the say. but its not HIS JOB to provide support for my EX's kids.. He does, all the time.. so I don't have the gas money to have him drive 200 miles to drop them off.. 200 miles home, then again in 3 days..

I KNOW THE TWO ARE DIFFERENT.. but it doesn't change the fact - can I make him come get the kids?

1 - You can't "make" him do anything.

2 - I don't think any judge is going to fault you on this.

3 - I suggest you call your ex and say "I'm having surgery this week, I won't be allowed to drive, you'll have to come get the kids or leave them here and I'll trade you the next holiday."

Then STOP TALKING.

If he rants and raves just say "Sorry, that's how it is" and hang up.

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Quoting yomama

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: PA

So, I am having surgery 3 days before Christmas, and will not be permitted to drive for at least 2 weeks.

I had originally planned on having my current husband take the kids to their Dad's for the holiday. But don't think that is going to happen.

Can I get in trouble? I mean, I am not ALLOWED to drive! Thoughts?

And so you understand WHY my husband doesn't want to take them; my ex lost his job (he knew a month before hand it was happening) and got a severance package - so he has not been filing unemployment - and i've not gotten any support since before Thanksgiving - so my kids Christmas was basically ruined. Of course my husband saved the say. but its not HIS JOB to provide support for my EX's kids.. He does, all the time.. so I don't have the gas money to have him drive 200 miles to drop them off.. 200 miles home, then again in 3 days..

I KNOW THE TWO ARE DIFFERENT.. but it doesn't change the fact - can I make him come get the kids?

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So why weren't you working. It is YOUR job to also support your children. It is not your ex's issue that you rely on his child support. Child support is a reimbursement and not intended to be income for you.

I could see a judge faulting you for not arranging transportation for the children if you are ordered to do the transportation. Why did you schedule your surgery to interfere with dad's visitation? Sounds like an excuse.

If you deny dad his visitation, he should take you to court for contempt because quite frankly you made choices here and yet you want to blame it all on your ex. Why is that?

I think Ohiogal overstates things, but she makes valid points: If the court has ordered you to transport the children, and this is elective or semi-elective surgery that you chose to schedule shortly before Christmas, if I were the judge I would expect that you would make arrangements for transportation. Your obligations under the custody and visitation provisions of the order are not conditioned upon your receipt of child support.

If this is a medical emergency such that the procedure had to be scheduled three days before Christmas, if I were the judge, I would expect you to do everything you could reasonably do to give your ex- notice of the problem and the opportunity to exercise his scheduled visitation. This is Christmas, after all, not simply a random weekend visit.

If you're having surgery today, unless you only found out about the surgery yesterday (when you posted) and your condition is such that they scheduled the surgery to occur within 24 hours, this is a situation you could have tried to address prior to the last minute.

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Quoting Ohiogal

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So why weren't you working. It is YOUR job to also support your children. It is not your ex's issue that you rely on his child support. Child support is a reimbursement and not intended to be income for you.

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No where in her post did I see any information that indicated that she did not have a job. Not even anything that hinted at that.

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I could see a judge faulting you for not arranging transportation for the children if you are ordered to do the transportation. Why did you schedule your surgery to interfere with dad's visitation? Sounds like an excuse.

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Most surgeries these days are based on the doctor's schedule, not the patients. It also depends on how emergent her medical condition is. If this is something of an emergency I cannot see a judge dinging her.

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If you deny dad his visitation, he should take you to court for contempt because quite frankly you made choices here and yet you want to blame it all on your ex. Why is that?

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Again, no choices may have been made at all. While child support and parenting time are two separate things, it does make providing transportation more challenging when the other parent is not paying their child support.

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Quoting llworking

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No where in her post did I see any information that indicated that she did not have a job. Not even anything that hinted at that.



Most surgeries these days are based on the doctor's schedule, not the patients. It also depends on how emergent her medical condition is. If this is something of an emergency I cannot see a judge dinging her.



Again, no choices may have been made at all. While child support and parenting time are two separate things, it does make providing transportation more challenging when the other parent is not paying their child support.

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While the doctor determines his/ her availability so does the patient. Unless it is critical the surgery be performed asap, upon proposed schedule by the doctor, patient says; that won't work for me. What's your next available date/time


I've had too many surgeries and procedures as well as dealing with many more with family members to accept such an unwavering statement that the doctor determines when the surgery is performed.

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Quoting jk

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While the doctor determines his/ her availability so does the patient. Unless it is critical the surgery be performed asap, upon proposed schedule by the doctor, patient says; that won't work for me. What's your next available date/time


I've had too many surgeries and procedures as well as dealing with many more with family members to accept such an unwavering statement that the doctor determines when the surgery is performed.

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I have had the opposite experience, but then any surgeries I am familiar with have been fairly emergent.

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Quoting llworking

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I have had the opposite experience, but then any surgeries I am familiar with have been fairly emergent.

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You were not allowed to say no? If you didn't accept their date you were refused the surgery altogether?


So. if you had a non-emergency issue and say something like you have plans to be out of state on the date the doctor first offered, the doctor simply said; oh well, if you cant change your schedule to accommodate me I guess I'm not going to do it... EVER!!!! Really?

not buying it.

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Quoting jk

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You were not allowed to say no? If you didn't accept their date you were refused the surgery altogether?


So. if you had a non-emergency issue and say something like you have plans to be out of state on the date the doctor first offered, the doctor simply said; oh well, if you cant change your schedule to accommodate me I guess I'm not going to do it... EVER!!!! Really?

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Again, its never come up like that in my family. Nobody has had surgery unless is was a fairly emergent situation. One of my brothers did have a conflict with a date and the doctor told him that any other date was going to be too late and too risky, so he cancelled his conflicting event.

So while the discussion specifically carved out an exception for any surgery that simply couldn't wait and addressed only surgeries not subject to emergency issues, you felt arguing that you have never experienced what I have with non-emergency surgeries was pertinent how?

Obviously if you have never dealt with a non-emergency situation, of course what you have experienced will be different from what I have experienced with non-emergency issues.

You expressed that typically a doctor mandates when a sugary is to be performed but upon this further discussion it has been show you might have added: in situations that are not similar to those in the discussion at hand. Then, while still not germain to the discussion, at least it would have been accurate. As it hapened, without the clarification, your post is read simply that your experience is that non-emergency surgeries (since that was the salient point of the discussion) are not able to be scheduled with any concern for the patient's schedule.

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Quoting jk

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So while the discussion specifically carved out an exception for any surgery that simply couldn't wait and addressed only surgeries not subject to emergency issues, you felt arguing that you have never experienced what I have with non-emergency surgeries was pertinent how?

Obviously if you have never dealt with a non-emergency situation, of course what you have experienced will be different from what I have experienced with non-emergency issues.

You expressed that typically a doctor mandates when a sugary is to be performed but upon this further discussion it has been show you might have added: in situations that are not similar to those in the discussion at hand. Then, while still not germain to the discussion, at least it would have been accurate. As it hapened, without the clarification, your post is read simply that your experience is that non-emergency surgeries (since that was the salient point of the discussion) are not able to be scheduled with any concern for the patient's schedule.

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However, its not been determined that this surgery is non emergent. I really assumed that it was emergent since she is doing it three days before Christmas.

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Quoting llworking

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However, its not been determined that this surgery is non emergent. I really assumed that it was emergent since she is doing it three days before Christmas.

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It doesn't matter if it was or wasn't an emergency survery. The discussion had removed that possibility from the matter being discussed and was addressing only non-emergency situations.

There have been quite a few ... "issues" ... this OP has written about.

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Quoting jk

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It doesn't matter if it was or wasn't an emergency survery. The discussion had removed that possibility from the matter being discussed and was addressing only non-emergency situations.

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Well, maybe that is why we got our wires crossed, because I certainly did not consider that the discussion had removed that possibility and was focusing on only non-emergent.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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There have been quite a few ... "issues" ... this OP has written about.

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Interesting. She really wants to find a reason to deny dad.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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There have been quite a few ... "issues" ... this OP has written about.

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Eh, I think that is overstating things a bit. One thread in mid 2013, and one thread in early 2014, and now this one nearly two years later. To me, that does not add up to quite a few issues.

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Quoting yomama

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: PA

So, I am having surgery 3 days before Christmas, and will not be permitted to drive for at least 2 weeks.

I had originally planned on having my current husband take the kids to their Dad's for the holiday. But don't think that is going to happen.

Can I get in trouble? I mean, I am not ALLOWED to drive! Thoughts?

And so you understand WHY my husband doesn't want to take them; my ex lost his job (he knew a month before hand it was happening) and got a severance package - so he has not been filing unemployment - and i've not gotten any support since before Thanksgiving - so my kids Christmas was basically ruined. Of course my husband saved the say. but its not HIS JOB to provide support for my EX's kids.. He does, all the time.. so I don't have the gas money to have him drive 200 miles to drop them off.. 200 miles home, then again in 3 days..

I KNOW THE TWO ARE DIFFERENT.. but it doesn't change the fact - can I make him come get the kids?

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It might be cheaper to tell your currnet husband to take the children even though he is not happy that your ex's child support hasn't been paid. When I say "cheaper" I'm referring to the possibility of attorney fees, courts costs, etc if your ex takes you to court.

You also need to be thinking about cutting expenses. Since there has been a change in your ex's income, he can file a Modification of child support and have it reduced.

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Quoting llworking

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Well, maybe that is why we got our wires crossed, because I certainly did not consider that the discussion had removed that possibility and was focusing on only non-emergent.

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You can be quite diplomatic.

Sorry about the tirade. I started typing and the words simply wouldn't stop. I was a bit brusk and surely could have phrased thing differently.

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Quoting jk

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You can be quite diplomatic.

Sorry about the tirade. I started typing and the words simply wouldn't stop. I was a bit brusk and surely could have phrased thing differently.

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No worries...we all get that way sometimes.

OP, file for contempt. Not being employed does not relieve him of the responsibility for support.

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Quoting llworking

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Eh, I think that is overstating things a bit. One thread in mid 2013, and one thread in early 2014, and now this one nearly two years later. To me, that does not add up to quite a few issues.

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Define "quite a few".

No, please, don't. I'm kidding. For the sake of good will to my fellow humans, all I can say is "fair enough".

:)

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Quoting T53147

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OP, file for contempt. Not being employed does not relieve him of the responsibility for support.

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Nope, it doesn't. But we're talking what ... a MONTH? A whole month? And she said:

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my ex lost his job (he knew a month before hand it was happening) and got a severance package - so he has not been filing unemployment - and i've not gotten any support since before Thanksgiving - so my kids Christmas was basically ruined.

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Though I'm certain it will be denied, I think the odds are good that the kids have been made perfectly aware of the bolded. Unfortunately.

Anyway. Given that I'm apparently in possession of the EL Crystal Ball I can tell you that this thread will not end on a good note, so I'll take my leave now and go back to what I was doing.

#grinchmode. ;)