Can You Take a Cell Phone Away from Your Child During Visitation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Missouri

My ex- continues to send personal property with our child to my visitation times. These items are like cameras, recorders, cell phone. My ex- instructs our child to record our time and our child is now participating in "setting-up" situations to record in a false fashion. The cell phone is a phone the ex- has purchased for our child of which our child has one at my house to use when he/she is with me. I have asked the ex, in writing, to stop sending these items but it continues. She has directly indicated that she will not stop sending these items.

A few questions regarding these items, most importantly the cell phone:

1) Who's personal property is the cell phone? If the ex- has given the cell phone to our child is this still the "personal property" of the ex?
2) Can I hold the cell phone as a "consequence" or parenting of our child or is this considered stealing of the ex- personal property?
3) Can I simply confiscate the phone and other recording devices? I have given notice to not send these items. If so, if I want to give additional notice, how should this be stated (key words)?
4) Any other way I can stop this intentional "set-up" from occurring.
5) How can I be proactive and stop these items from being sent and cover myself from claims like "he stole my property" and the police from showing up at my door?


I sincerely appreciate the help.
Thank you all

Collect the items when the child comes to your home. Lock them away somewhere while the child is there. Return them to the child when he leaves your home.

What is it you're afraid of having someone record?

Quote:

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Quoting Dogmatique

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What is it you're afraid of having someone record?

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seriously? Not only is it an invasion of the op's privacy, it undermines the op's rights as a parent to deal with and discipline their child without the interference of other parties.


To to suggest the op should allow the other parent to listen to the op's conversations with the child is improper. If the child is recording conversations of the op the child is not actually involved in, it is actually illegal.

Whether the items are your child’s or your ex’s doesn’t really matter. What matters are that (1) the items are not your property and (2) your kid is in possession of them when the kid arrives to visit you. Given those two facts, as the parent of the child you are free to say that the child cannot have those things while the child is visiting with you or regulate how the child uses them during your visitation time. You may take the items and put them in some secure place during the child’s visitation with you. But you’ll need to return them when the visitation ends. Those item are not yours and you have no right to keep them.

As to Dogmatique’s comment, I agree with jk on this one that it’s not really relevant what the child might record. It’s not a question of what the OP fears might recorded. It is an issue of privacy. There is nothing wrong with the OP not wanting the ex to see everything that goes on at the OP’s home and to hear all the conversations that take place even when there is nothing going on that that would embarrass the OP or implicate the OP in some kind of abuse. Everything could be quite innocent and put the OP in good light. Doesn’t matter. None of that is any of the ex’s business. If the ex has any reason to believe that there is abuse going on the ex can provide whatever evidence there is of it to the child protective services agency and/or make the appropriate petition in court to change the custody and visitation arrangement. Otherwise, the ex really needs to keep his/her nose out of the OP’s home.

That poor child. I hope you and your ex have good insurance because I predict this child is going to need a lot of therapy. I commend you for not "playing" the game and "setting up" conversations just to upset your ex. You do need to be aware that chances are your ex won't give up trying to cause the trouble she is trying to cause just because you take the devices away.

Make sure to explain to your child you are not angry at them, understand ultimately they are a victim in the situation and that you are taking the items for their best interests.

Thank you for the words of wisdom. I appreciate the direct law advice as well as insights from M&G and Disagreeable. Unfortunately, I am not seeing what I can do. My child is under a lot of pressure and removing these items is becoming a battle. I have talked with the ex and sent letters asking to not send these items but I get responses that the ex will continue to send them and I am not to remove these items. Really.

Can I take these items if I give prior notice?
Can I take these items and make these efforts more painful for the ex in hopes they give up? Like send the items back via Fed-ex? So the ex has to wait for the return.
If my child has these items in their bag, do I have the right to remove the item? I feel silly for even asking that.
I really need to do something. I am slowly loosing the "take the item during the time my child is with me".
If I battle my child to take the items or allow the recordings I loose both ways.

Sincere thank you for the guidance. Please feel free to expand. Actual, please expand as I am looking for help.

It's up to you. If you do not want the child to use whatever when the child is with yiu simply collect them when your child shows up and lock them away somewhere. When the child leaves, give them back to the child to take back to the other parents home.

If you won't do that there is no hope for you. If you let the mother run you over its on you

I shall politely and respectfully agree to disagree.

It should be obvious that coaching and other forms of putting your kids in the middle is craptacular parenting. Yup, it sure is. But take it from someone who knows on a very intimate level, the "what" can matter a whole hell of a lot in family court.

Family court is not, never has been and never will be about respecting the privacy of the parents.