If My Ex Doesn't Arrange Pick Up Does He Forfeit His Visitation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Georgia

Our court order states that both parents shall meet half way for visitation exchanges. My ex has no car and no valid drivers license, so I have been driving the entire way for over a year so he can see our child, and its a 2.5 hour drive one-way. He is supposed to have her for Thanksgiving break this year from the day school recesses until the day before school starts again, but we always take our daughter to him on weekends instead of directly after school Friday evening. We haven't heard from him in weeks, and I haven't contacted him. If he cant meet half way as ordered, and he doesn't call to arrange pick up, does he forfeit his visitation? Do i have to make our daughter available the entire break *incase* he decides to exercise his visitation right at some point? Is there any chance I could be held in contempt for not facilitating the visit? Im tired of being taken advantage of when he puts in ZERO effort.

You have been driving the child for over a year. If you wish to change that arrangement, you should speak with your ex- first.

You indicate that you are choosing not to contact him. It's time to contact him.

I'm not obligated to contact him, just as he is not obligated to contact me. He is however, obligated by court order to meet half way for pick up. So, back to my original question. Since he can not fulfill his end of the responsibility as ordered by the court, does he forfeit his visitation? I have been more than generous in providing the transportation.

What does your court order say if a parent misses the pick up time or is late?

I feel for you, I really do. I also am dealing with a parent that expects me to bend over backwards for him, so I know how frustrating it can be. I could be wrong, but I think in this case, because you have been doing all of the driving for over a year, if you were to just stop without any communication to dad, it could be interpreted as you are interfering with his parenting time. It also comes across worse being that it would be over what is considered his holiday. I think that you would come out in a much better light if you would just send him a text message or give him a phone call to let him know that you will be following the court order from here on out. It will cover your bases, and keep you in a better light, should dad attempt to take you to court for contempt. It also will allow him the opportunity to make other arrangements instead of just being blindsided. By not even giving him the opportunity to find other arrangements when it is reasonable for him to assume that you would be bringing the child to him like you have for more than a year, makes it look like you are trying to steal his holiday parenting time. Whether you are or not that is how it will come across.

Are you obligated to do this, probably not, but it could backfire on you if you don't because you have accommodated his inability to drive for so long. Just be the better person and give him a heads up.

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Quoting juniebjones

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I'm not obligated to contact him, just as he is not obligated to contact me.

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You have created a status quo. If you choose to change that without informing him in advance, then pretend that he didn't abide by the visitation order because he didn't meet you half-way -- in a place where you don't actually meet, and where you have not told him that you intend to meet for the Thanksgiving exchange -- your games are not going to play well in court.

If you want to start going by the text of the order, you need to act like a grown-up and tell your ex- in advance.

If he does contact me to arrange drop off for his visitation, of course I will take our daughter there, but as you said, I will be making him fully aware that this is the LAST time I will be doing all of the driving. My goal is not to withhold visitation from him, clearly, or I would have never even considered driving the entire way. I do that for my daughter but at this point, Im just tired of being taken advantage of and him just assuming that I'm going to take up his slack whenever he chooses not to be a responsible parent.

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Quoting juniebjones

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If he does contact me to arrange drop off for his visitation, of course I will take our daughter there, but as you said, I will be making him fully aware that this is the LAST time I will be doing all of the driving. My goal is not to withhold visitation from him, clearly, or I would have never even considered driving the entire way. I do that for my daughter but at this point, Im just tired of being taken advantage of and him just assuming that I'm going to take up his slack whenever he chooses not to be a responsible parent.

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Can you afford to take this back to court? As MKIA pointed out you have created a status quo and depending on the judge the chances of you being allowed to revert back to the original order are around 50/50 at best.

But I do have a question. What was the transportation situation when the order was made and when did it change (if ever)?

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Quoting juniebjones

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If he does contact me to arrange drop off for his visitation....

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Is that the practice you have consistently followed for every exchange -- he contacts you to arrange drop-off? You never simply drop the child off consistent with the schedule, unless there's an actual, prior discussion with your ex-?

What will you be doing if he doesn't reach out to you? Does he always contact you to arrange drop offs, or do you just take her to him without communicating with him because there is a predetermined time?

If you don't ALWAYS communicate before the drop offs you can't add a new rule or stipulation regarding taking her THIS time without communicating it to him without looking catty and vindictive in court should he take you. Regardless of your intention, that it is how it will look, especially surrounding the holiday. You won't be able to overcome the way that looks no matter what the reason is for why you are all of a sudden putting your foot down after a year.

I really do understand how frustrating it is. Being proactive, and the mature adult, making him aware that this is the last time covers your bases and keeps you in the clear.

That is correct. We ALWAYS make contact about a week prior to a visitation and discuss when is a good time for drop off. I'll usually contact him the day before just to confirm that everything is still a go. I have asked him on numerous occasions to meet half way as ordered, and he never can find a ride. So, being the considerate person I am I drive the whole way. I do it for our daughter, not for him. This is the first time hes not contacted me about visitation, and Im just getting a little fed up with constantly having to be the one to facilitate his relationship with his daughter. At what point does he become accountable? I dont think that just because I have been the one driving means I should have to do it forever.

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When the order was made, he lived in PA, I lived in GA and we met half way in Kentucky. The order clearly states "If either party moves, both parties shall meet halfway between their respective locations for exchanges."

So reach out to him the day before like you usually do. Ask him to meet you half way. If he tells you that he can not, then advise him that you will take her to him, but that this is the last time and that going forward you will be following the court order. At the next visitation, meet at the agreed upon place for the drop off and wait the amount of time it states in your court order. If he shows up, great, if he doesn't that's fine too, but you MUST have her there and available to him. At that point he will have one of two options. He can either meet you, or he can take you to court to request a modification. But since you are the one changing the status quo you have to give him notice, and enforcing it on a holiday time is not going to win you any points should he go with filing a modification.

Well I could have saved myself a lot of time here. I contacted him, and wouldn't you know it....he suddenly can meet half way now that I've told him im done doing all the driving.

I'm glad it worked out.

Excellent! Happy Thanksgiving. :)

Now comes the part where I have to worry about who in the world is driving our child around with him. It's never ending worry. Ahhhhh the joys of co-parenting....

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Quoting juniebjones

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Now comes the part where I have to worry about who in the world is driving our child around with him. It's never ending worry. Ahhhhh the joys of co-parenting....

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... alrighty then.

:rolleyes:

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Quoting juniebjones

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Now comes the part where I have to worry about who in the world is driving our child around with him. It's never ending worry. Ahhhhh the joys of co-parenting....

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You must be a peach to coparent with. You seem to think you have a right to know who is driving the child. You don't.