Child Does Not Want to Visit His Father Over Christmas Break

So, Mom, speak with the basketball coach about Son missing practice. Your son is NOT the first, nor will he be the last child to miss some kind of extracurriculars because of visitation.

Get son into counseling if adjusting to having Dad around is making 'it difficult' (whatever that is).

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Quoting dbbrown2

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I told him that he was going over Christmas break--end of story (just like I have told him every other time) What is wrong with having him discuss his feelings with his father? I thought that maybe dad would show compassion and explain how he wanted to see him and fun things they were going to do to try to make our son feel better.

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Sigh. You're not getting it. You're just not. Discussing feelings is one thing - and that's perhaps why they could discuss them together, in a neutral place perhaps (dinner, anyone?) ONCE HE GOT THERE. But I think you know that. In fact, I take that back. I think you get it. I think you get it very well, actually.

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It had nothing to do with we manipulating our son, because I actually believe that my ex is really trying and I think it is important for them to spend time together so that they do not grow further apart. I grew up in a split home too and I always liked that my dad was open to our discussions about me not wanting to go for a weekend, holiday, etc. He might not have always given me my way, but I least I felt that he was listening and understanding. As a parent, I'm learning everyday too--it is hard to determine the balance of letting a child have a voice in certain situations(that does not mean he gets his way-but that he is heard). My motive is to be the best parent I can-I'm not letting him call the shots--I have accommodated every request my ex has had.

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You did this in the summer. What have you learned since then?

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Quoting dbbrown2

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I could be sent to jail for asking my ex to shorten his visit by a couple of days so that our son can go to basketball practice? According to our agreement he only gets to see my son for half of his Christmas Vacation and he is asking for 8 of the 11 days of vacation. I was never suggesting that my son not go visit, only that he compromise and consider my son's basketball schedule. Additionally, I think this would be different if my ex had been an active part of my son's life, but when he decides when my child is 10 that he wants to see him and be a dad- It makes it difficult for my son.

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Dad has been around for 3 years now. When are you going to stop throwing that excuse around? Seriously - when? What, you haven't been able to help your son adjust in THREE YEARS?

Look. Your mutual child just made the team, right? If he's a star in the making, missing a couple of practices isn't going to change anything. And if he's not, well ... missing a couple of practices isn't going to change anything.

Mom, I want you to do something.

Walk away. Go. Log out. Then come back and read this (and your other) thread again, from the perspective of someone who doesn't know you, Dad or your son.

I think you'll find it very telling.

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Quoting llworking

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That is completely over the top...and you know it. Lots of things could happen here but the OP going to jail for even a few days is NOT one of those things.

Why in the world would you even say that?

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Because per statute, it's a possible result. *shrug*.

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Quoting llworking

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That is completely over the top...and you know it. Lots of things could happen here but the OP going to jail for even a few days is NOT one of those things.

Why in the world would you even say that?

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Because I am an attorney in Ohio who does family law and I have seen judges put CPs in jail that violate visitation orders. That is why. It is NOT completely over the top. IT HAPPENS. How long have you practiced in Ohio?

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Quoting dbbrown2

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I could be sent to jail for asking my ex to shorten his visit by a couple of days so that our son can go to basketball practice? According to our agreement he only gets to see my son for half of his Christmas Vacation and he is asking for 8 of the 11 days of vacation. I was never suggesting that my son not go visit, only that he compromise and consider my son's basketball schedule. Additionally, I think this would be different if my ex had been an active part of my son's life, but when he decides when my child is 10 that he wants to see him and be a dad- It makes it difficult for my son.

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Dad doesn't have to compromise. You have to quit letting your son think he has a choice. You have a court order that needs followed. Making dad the bad guy is going to make it very easy for an Ohio court to find you in contempt and sentence you.

Send the child before Christmas Day - as soon as school is out for the break - and then he can return early.

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Quoting Ohiogal

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Because I am an attorney in Ohio who does family law and I have seen judges put CPs in jail that violate visitation orders. That is why. It is NOT completely over the top. IT HAPPENS. How long have you practiced in Ohio?

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We all know that you are an attorney in Ohio, you do not have to keep reminding us. My objection to your comment was not because you stated that statutorily jail is possible in a contempt situation, but your assertion that jail was actually likely for this parent.

We all know that jail is one of the last resort solutions to contempt...and simply does not happen with a first time contempt. IF dad takes mom to court for contempt its going to be a first time contempt. We all know that the likely outcome of that is that mom will get a stern lecture from the judge and perhaps a relatively small fine.

Nobody disagrees that mom has not handled things quite as well as she should have. However she does appear to be trying to do the right thing by all parties. Telling her that you "could see her spending a few days in jail", was just way over the top.

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Quoting llworking

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We all know that you are an attorney in Ohio, you do not have to keep reminding us. My objection to your comment was not because you stated that statutorily jail is possible in a contempt situation, but your assertion that jail was actually likely for this parent.

We all know that jail is one of the last resort solutions to contempt...and simply does not happen with a first time contempt. IF dad takes mom to court for contempt its going to be a first time contempt. We all know that the likely outcome of that is that mom will get a stern lecture from the judge and perhaps a relatively small fine.

Nobody disagrees that mom has not handled things quite as well as she should have. However she does appear to be trying to do the right thing by all parties. Telling her that you "could see her spending a few days in jail", was just way over the top.

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I stand by what I said. I have seen it happen on a first time contempt that a parent is sentenced and spends a few days in jail for visitation/custody issues. I HAVE SEEN IT HAPPEN quite a few times. So no, what I said is NOT over the top. Because of her attitude in the summer and now, letting junior choose and dictate what he wants, I could see a judge sentencing mom to a few days in jail. That is fact. You may not like it but I spoke the truth. And I disagree that mom is trying to do the right thing by all parties. She is trying to make dad the bad guy.

Let me clarify about the summer. My son did go for a month-there was no argument from me! In the two years prior my ex had mentioned wanting my son for a month. The first year my ex mentioned it to me in the spring, I said that was fine just let me know when so that I can plan vacation accordingly. I additionally asked him if he had looked into daycare for while he was at work. He felt at 11 my son was old enough to stay home alone the whole day and I disagreed and said he needed to have child care. I actually looked into daycare in his area and emailed him the information. When it got closer to the time I asked my ex about it and he said he looked into daycare and it seemed too expensive so I just wouldn't work out that year. My son never even knew we had discussed the month long visit. The next summer it was told to my son that he would be going for a month. He protested of course, but I made it clear to my son that he would be going. I discussed the issue with my ex about my son not wanting to stay for the whole month. We discussed it and agreed that we would start with 2-3 weeks at a time since the longest he had been with his dad at a time had been 4 days. We had planned on our son going down to visit on two separate occasions for 2 weeks periods. My ex's schedule changed and he wasn't able for him to come down again that summer. There was no protest this last summer-my son did not want to go, I told him too bad. The situation you are referring to was an additional weekend this summer when my ex was in town and did not want to go. I have never denied any visit that my ex has requested so I'm not sure how I could be held in contempt?

Ohiogal is giving you the worst case scenario outcome for a violation of the order. If you comply with the order, you won't be in violation of the order.

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Quoting T53147

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Send the child before Christmas Day - as soon as school is out for the break - and then he can return early.

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This was the original plan. The flights are much more expensive during those dates and my ex did not want to pay that much for his portion of the ticket.

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Dad doesn't have to compromise. You have to quit letting your son think he has a choice. You have a court order that needs followed. Making dad the bad guy is going to make it very easy for an Ohio court to find you in contempt and sentence you.

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I guess the problem is that our court order is not updated for the current circumstances. Our court order was issued when my ex lived in Ohio. At this point my ex gets everything he wants. He calls me tells me when he will see him and I abide. So my ex should never have to compromise if one of his requests doesn't exactly work out for me? Neither one of us is following the court order. I'm not giving my son the choice, just his right to voice his opinions to both me and his father.

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Quoting dbbrown2

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This was the original plan. The flights are much more expensive during those dates and my ex did not want to pay that much for his portion of the ticket.



I guess the problem is that our court order is not updated for the current circumstances. Our court order was issued when my ex lived in Ohio. At this point my ex gets everything he wants. He calls me tells me when he will see him and I abide. So my ex should never have to compromise if one of his requests doesn't exactly work out for me? Neither one of us is following the court order. I'm not giving my son the choice, just his right to voice his opinions to both me and his father.

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You could take it back to court to get an official long distance schedule. However, if you do, the minimum that dad will get is every other Thanksgiving, a week at Christmas, every or every other spring break, and 1/2 of the summer. He would probably get on top of that the right to visit in your community with a certain amount of notice. Two weeks notice is typical.