Getting Custody of a Child From the Grandparents When the Mother is in Rehab

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Louisiana and Texas.

As short as I can make it, a few months before I met my wife, I dated a girl for a little over a month. The day she found out she was pregnant, she left. I tried contacting her and getting involved, and she never wanted me involved. I of course was honest with my wife the day we met, and she fully supported me. After I tried many times to be involved, she actually had a police officer contact me and say that if I tried to contact her again, she would file harassment against me. I explained to him the situation, and he told me there was nothing I can do. Do not contact her. Fast forward when my supposed to be son was a month old, my wife and family and myself went and saw him. She did not want me to come, but my family said they would not be going without me.

Anyhow, we saw him then, and then she completely cut us off. I tried and tried to see my son, and she changed her number on me. Then, when he was around a year and a half old, We got in touch with her, and we're trying to get involved again. She had been with a guy and they had a daughter together at this point, so I was hoping she matured some. We went for three visits with him, and then she said of course she would like child support, and told us how we would keep doing supervised visits, and we can slowly work up to us keeping him for a whole day, then overnight, which we completely understood for his sake of not knowing us really. My wife myself, and our daughter (his sister) had seen him for these three days, she told me the amount she wanted, but we could not afford that at the time. So I told her I would buy all of his diapers and wipes, along with any clothes or anything that he needed, and that I would give her $50 cash. But I would not give her any more cash than that, because I was not sure that she was definitely spending it on him. I told her if she gave me a DNA test, that I would find a way to pay more. Or that we could go to a mediator that way neither of us had to pay court cost and for lawyers.

She did not want to give me a DNA test at all. I tried and tried, we got an argument, and did not have contact for over a week. I contacted her again and try to work it all out, but in the end, she did not want DNA done, and changed her phone number again. Or blocked us. Either way. Earlier this year, she contacted me again. We once again discussed visitation with holidays, and agreed-upon all of these aspects, plus $200 a month. Everything seems to be going great, we get everything settled as far as agreeing upon everything, and I once again request, and she once again does not want to have that done. She made a remark how he looks just like my oldest daughter, and that he is definitely mine, that I don't need DNA. I told her this was for peace of mind.

She did not want to go through the court system. I told her we could just do a DNA office. She still refused. I found out that the reason she contacted me was because her and her boyfriend (father to her daughter) broke up. I am assuming she could no longer afford to live on her own about two months ago, and she moved to Texas which is where her parents live. I just found out that she went to rehab on November 2. I also know that her daughter's father has her. I think she just told him to take her. And my son or supposed to be son is with her parents in Texas.

My question is being as I have not been in his life, and he is four years old, would I be able to get custody? Or would I be able to get visitation and slowly get custody? Also, what if I have to request a paternity through court in Louisiana? Or when I have to go to Texas being is that is where he is? I do know what city he is in, and I do know the grandfather's place of employment.

Also, to add, he is 4.

You're not the child's father and frankly you have zero chance of getting custody of this child at this point.

You should file to establish paternity where Mom and the child live. That's your first and only step at this point. You do realize that she has absolutely no obligation to allow you visitation or anything at this point, right? You had no right to insist on any sort of visitation at all.

I will tell you though, that her repeated indications that you don't need a DNA test are very telling in our little world of online family law forums ... if you get my meaning.

Why do I have zero chance? She is in rehab, and the grandparents have lived in Texas for 3 years only seeing him a few times a year. I would think I should have some sort of chance. I should get visitation through court and possibly custody after we get to know each other? She is in rehab in Louisiana, so she lives here now, he lives there. So I'm confused.

She's in rehab - not jail. She's going to be out of rehab long before you get paternity established and a visitation plan set up.

Rehab is rarely a reason for the other parent to get permanent custody - and you're not even the other parent at this point.

Why is this confusing?

So what if she gets out??? I can't get visitation?? And she is in for 18 months. But besides the point. Even if she gets out, I cannot file for paternity and visitation and have any chance? And surely it should be some reason. She is unfit if she is on drugs. In my opinion. But I'm not trying to get full custody. I UNLIKE HER, believe that it's important for both parents to be involved.

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Quoting Mrsscocon

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So what if she gets out??? I can't get visitation?? And she is in for 18 months. But besides the point. Even if she gets out, I cannot file for paternity and visitation and have any chance? And surely it should be some reason. She is unfit if she is on drugs. In my opinion. But I'm not trying to get full custody. I UNLIKE HER, believe that it's important for both parents to be involved.

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Only because you're not "legally" the father yet.

Until you file and get paternity you have no rights to the child. Yeah sucks, and court sucks too but that's where you need to go.

Once paternity is established you can go to court for visitation. Oh and you'll probably pay a lot more that $200.00 a month.

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Quoting Louisiana Statutes, CCP, Art. 10, Subd. (A)(8)

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(8) Unless otherwise provided by law, an action to establish parentage and support or to disavow parentage if the child is domiciled in or is in this state, and was either born in this state, born out of state while its mother was domiciled in this state, or acknowledged in this state. However, regardless of the location of the child or its place of birth, an action to disavow may be brought if the person seeking to disavow was domiciled in this state at the time of conception and birth and is presumed to be its parent under the laws of this state.

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From what you have written, it appears that the child is now domiciled in Texas. If you want to try to litigate the matter in Louisiana I suggest discussing the detailed facts with a local family lawyer to see if that remains possible.

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Quoting Mrsscocon

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She made a remark how he looks just like my oldest daughter, and that he is definitely mine, that I don't need DNA. I told her this was for peace of mind.

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When somebody works that hard to prevent a DNA test, it's a fair inference that she was sleeping with at least one other person at the time of conception.

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Quoting Mrsscocon

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am assuming she could no longer afford to live on her own about two months ago, and she moved to Texas which is where her parents live. I just found out that she went to rehab on November 2. I also know that her daughter's father has her. I think she just told him to take her. And my son or supposed to be son is with her parents in Texas.

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You can initiate paternity proceedings, and as part of those proceedings request a custody and support order. Whether or not you obtain custody will depend upon whether the DNA test actually establishes you to be the father and, if so, whether the mother either agrees to give you custody or the facts that come out at a hearing on custody.

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Quoting Mrsscocon

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So what if she gets out??? I can't get visitation??

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Show me where I said that.

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And she is in for 18 months. But besides the point. Even if she gets out, I cannot file for paternity and visitation and have any chance?

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Or that.

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And surely it should be some reason. She is unfit if she is on drugs. In my opinion. But I'm not trying to get full custody. I UNLIKE HER, believe that it's important for both parents to be involved.

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You believe it's so important that you haven't actually done anything about it yet? Okay then.

Thank you. Your very helpful. Hopefully I have a good shot if he is mine. And yes, I believe she must have been sleeping around, but as he gets older, he does have some of my features.

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Quoting Mrsscocon

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Thank you. Your very helpful. Hopefully I have a good shot if he is mine. And yes, I believe she must have been sleeping around, but as he gets older, he does have some of my features.

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Pleeeeease get that DNA test.

I'm told #1 looks like me, and my husband is told that #2 looks like him.

NEITHER of us are their biological parents!

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(Actually what's funnier is that my late Dad - whom I adored, and still do - was ALWAYS told that I, the youngest, looked just like him... in fact when people see photos of us together they still comment on the resemblance. You guessed right - there's no biology shared between us)