Options for Custody and Visitation of an Unplanned Child

My question involves a child custody & child support from the State of: Ohio

So I met what is soon to be first child's mother back in May. We dated for a few months then I ended things - we just didn't have the connection. I met another woman and was in a relationship with her when the (soon to be child's mother) called me - telling me that she thought she was pregnant. I had her come to my office where we went and found out she was indeed....pregnant. I know this is all beside the point but still necessary. Since this time, I have ended the relationship I was in with the other woman and tried to work on things with the mother-to-be.

Obviously - It is still not working out - at all, she is going through the lunatic stage and basically everything is my fault - I'm wrong - I don't care - etc etc etc when all I'm trying to do is help her and be there for her. I want nothing more than to be there for my child and help her. That being said - she moved up north - 3 hours away even after she found out she was pregnant because her parents moved up there. So, with things going nowhere even near talking terms, she being the way she is to me and now living 3 hours away - My family is saying I should think about letting her have full custody and possibly signing away my rights to her and her father to raise the child.

The child is still not here and is a few months away - but I need to plan for the future and know what I should do. I would prefer to see my child and have at-least 50% custody but I'm not sure how we are going to be able to communicate on good terms & be able to drive enough to see the child and then when the child gets old enough - take them away from school and other friends. I have a huge problem just giving up custody then sending her a check if it comes to that and not even being able to see my child. Question is - what would my options be? What would anyone recommend? If we come to an agreement where she gets full custody and we draft a document stating that I will be held to no obligation - would that even hold up? Or is it a state thing?

I want to either see my child or not see her and know its best for the child that way - the stress and worry would kill me. My guess is it wouldn't from what I have read. I feel like things are going to be really stressful for me at this point and I don't want her threatening me with not being able to see my child and whatever else she could do. What are my legal options?

If you are the father of the child (and if I were you, I would not assume that you were) then you have the right to seek custody/visitation with the child and the obligation to support the child. Those two are independent of each other. You don’t have to exercise any rights visitation/joint custody if you do not want to, but if there is a court order of support you’ll have to pay that regardless of whether you choose to see the kid or not.

The courts only get involved if someone brings the matter to the court. If the mother is not receiving any government aid for the kid and never seeks child support it is possible that you and she could just agree that you’ll have nothing to do with the kid and you go on with your life. If you want to have a relationship with the kid, then you may seek a paternity determination and a custody/visitation order. If the mother wants child support, she may seek a paternity determination and then the child support order.

Well, when the child is born you can file to establish paternity and visitation, and child support.

At the moment, she's free to move and give birth wherever she wants and you'd have to file in her location. A true 50/50 timeshare is extremely unlikely at least initially - you'd be looking more at short, frequent visits and as a rule in Mom's location.

You cannot sign away your legal obligations - even if you and Mom sign some sort of agreement it won't be enforceable if Mom changes her mind (and she will).

So ultimately ... there's nothing stopping you from being this child's father. It's entirely up to you whether or not you want to be an active father but regardless if Mom goes on state aid and/or files for child support you will be paying even if you don't see the child.

Make sure to get a paternity test. I have been selected as daddy on multiple occasions because of my income.

I'm pretty sure the child is mine, the mother swears to it and when we were dating - she wasn't into other guys at all. Plus this is also her first child and she is only in her early 20's....... I tried to message the mother being overly nice like I usually am - trying to get her to let me know when the doctor appointments are, let me come up and see her every other week, etc. Child is due in February and I don't know what else I can do. I try to be there for her and help her - but she wont even message me back.....when she does, its blaming me for something or whatever else. I've got some pretty cold and cruel text messages from her. Its like since I don't want to be with her - she wont even let me talk to her, see her, come to baby appointments, etc. Is child support all based off income? Also with her living 3 hours away, what would the court rule possibly if I wanted partial custody? I don't want this crazy woman being the sole parent of my child; which I know I dont have much of an option at first!! :( (no offense to any other women at all) Plus, her mother is a bad alcoholic (not the actual mother though) and smokes a pack of cigarettes a day + she lives with her parents and I think is planning on having some friend watch the baby after 6 weeks and also her unemployed, somking, alcoholic mother!!

Ohio uses the "shared income" model to calculate child support.

Mom can block you from hospital/doctor visits right up until paternity is established and custody is determined.

Until then, Mom is the only legal parent. The court is not going to order a 50-50 timeshare when you're 3 hours away; you need to expect shorter visits generally in Mom's location at least temporarily.

- - - Updated - - -

And for your own sake, get the darned DNA test. Seriously.

Dogmatique is right Get Get The DNA Test ! Unless you have been with her 24/7 you have no way of knowing if she has been with someone else. Maybe she doesn't want you goint to drs appointments because you might overhear something she doens't want you to. Babies don't usually come when they are due. But that can also makes it easy for a mother to lie about who the father is or isn't without a DNA Test. You also need to think about your future. If this isn't your child, do you want a woman you marry and your children with her to have to be around this woman. Of course you should have thought about all of that before you had sex with her.

How soon can I have her take the test? Like I said, I'm 95% sure it is mine.....we were able to pinpoint it right back down to the day it happened pretty-much and we were together that whole weekend. This is not that type of girl to sleep around like that but I agree, Its still good to be sure. She will probably get even more pissed that I will ask but oh-well. I went to a few appointments with her at the beginning before she moved up north so I don't think she is trying to hide anything. Anyway, what would I need to do to get her to take the test and then what do I have to file? Does it have to be where she lives now? Also, what is the shared income system or how does it work? I feel like I'm setting myself up for more of a mess potentially, this situation sucks.

ONCE Baby is born, that's when to file to establish paternity via DNA testing. You would file in the county Mom & Baby live in. Visitation/custody are separate from CS; CSEA will not handle custody/visitation.
http://jfs.ohio.gov/ocs/
http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/3109

Quote:

---

Quoting reugene

---

How soon can I have her take the test? Like I said, I'm 95% sure it is mine.....we were able to pinpoint it right back down to the day it happened pretty-much and we were together that whole weekend. This is not that type of girl to sleep around like that but I agree, Its still good to be sure. She will probably get even more pissed that I will ask but oh-well. I went to a few appointments with her at the beginning before she moved up north so I don't think she is trying to hide anything. Anyway, what would I need to do to get her to take the test and then what do I have to file? Does it have to be where she lives now? Also, what is the shared income system or how does it work? I feel like I'm setting myself up for more of a mess potentially, this situation sucks.

---

You will have the test when the baby is born - it's not going to happen before then.

So, first you file to establish paternity. You can find forms and some reading material right here: http://www.ohiolegalservices.org/pub...elfhelpct_view

After that, either of you can file to get child support sorted out.

When I'm referring to the "shared income model", what I mean is that the state takes BOTH of your incomes into account. Some states take a straight percentage of the non-custodial parent's income; Ohio doesn't do that. You can plug in the numbers right here: http://www.childsupporthq.com/ohio-c...alculator.html

Let me know if you need more help here. And if you're Dad, you have a wonderful opportunity to raise your child. It doesn't have to mean pain and suffering although - and I'm being brutally honest here - many parents can't manage to love their child more than they hate their ex.

Be different - you've got the power to do that :)

- - - Updated - - -

Quote:

---

Quoting BooRennie

---

ONCE Baby is born, that's when to file to establish paternity via DNA testing. You would file in the county Mom & Baby live in. Visitation/custody are separate from CS; CSEA will not handle custody/visitation.
http://jfs.ohio.gov/ocs/

---

You and your superfast typing skillz :p

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

You will have the test when the baby is born - it's not going to happen before then.

So, first you file to establish paternity. You can find forms and some reading material right here: http://www.ohiolegalservices.org/pub...elfhelpct_view

After that, either of you can file to get child support sorted out.

When I'm referring to the "shared income model", what I mean is that the state takes BOTH of your incomes into account. Some states take a straight percentage of the non-custodial parent's income; Ohio doesn't do that. You can plug in the numbers right here: http://www.childsupporthq.com/ohio-c...alculator.html

Let me know if you need more help here. And if you're Dad, you have a wonderful opportunity to raise your child. It doesn't have to mean pain and suffering although - and I'm being brutally honest here - many parents can't manage to love their child more than they hate their ex.

Be different - you've got the power to do that :)

- - - Updated - - -



You and your superfast typing skillz :p

---

Yeah, I was off looking for the parenting statutes when you posted. :pride:

He can also petition for a shared parenting plan if he is the father. Many counties have forms to use to file and the Ohio Supreme Court has the necessary affidavits required state wide. He should NOT go through CSEA as they will not determine custody/visitation. Furthermore, there are other options depending on the county. If he is more specific about the county, I may have some specific information to help him out.

She lives northeast of Lima and close to Findlay I believe

Update: I have still been trying to contact the mother to no avail. She wont respond to my messages and my mother was communicating with her and also helping her out - now she will not even message or call her back. We don't know exactly where she lives now, all we know is her previous address. I know I cant do anything until the baby is born and I do want to be there for the child - but the mother is trying to keep me out of the loop all because I wouldn't be in a relationship with her. How do I file when I don't even know where she lives now? This is crazy that I want to be there for my daughter and the mother is soo crazy that she wont even respond to me at all or my family. I also sent a message online to her brother asking to talk to him and he never messaged me back....... Ideas? Help? :wallbang:

Quote:

---

Quoting reugene

---

Update: I have still been trying to contact the mother to no avail. She wont respond to my messages and my mother was communicating with her and also helping her out - now she will not even message or call her back. We don't know exactly where she lives now, all we know is her previous address. I know I cant do anything until the baby is born and I do want to be there for the child - but the mother is trying to keep me out of the loop all because I wouldn't be in a relationship with her. How do I file when I don't even know where she lives now? This is crazy that I want to be there for my daughter and the mother is soo crazy that she wont even respond to me at all or my family. I also sent a message online to her brother asking to talk to him and he never messaged me back....... Ideas? Help? :wallbang:

---

You can't do anything, really, without knowing where Mom and the child are living.

So I have no way to find out the information? Or file to find it out or......

Quote:

---

Quoting reugene

---

So I have no way to find out the information? Or file to find it out or......

---

You can't file to find anything out ...

... because you'd have to serve her anything you file.

Social media, friends, relatives ... do some creative Googling because outside of that the only real option is hiring someone else to find her and that's just not going to be fun for your wallet.

Okay I narrowed it down to Pandora, OH. What county is that and what do I have to do to file? When can I file?

Putnam county ohio is where that is located. It is actually a small county. Go to the sconet.state.oh.us and click on domestic relations forms. You would need to fill out an income affidavit, parenting affidavit, child support IV D application, health insurance affidavit. You would also need a complaint to establish parent/child relationship and a motion for temporary orders -- both with service instructions. You would also need to file with a filing fee. Most likely you would be filing in juvenile court in that county though it could be DR court. You still need an address for mom.

Quote:

---

Quoting Ohiogal

---

Putnam county ohio is where that is located. It is actually a small county. Go to the sconet.state.oh.us and click on domestic relations forms. You would need to fill out an income affidavit, parenting affidavit, child support IV D application, health insurance affidavit. You would also need a complaint to establish parent/child relationship and a motion for temporary orders -- both with service instructions. You would also need to file with a filing fee. Most likely you would be filing in juvenile court in that county though it could be DR court. You still need an address for mom.

---

So I can begin the filing before the child is born in February correct? I figured out the address now thanks to Google Earth ;)