My Ex-Spouse Locked Our Kids in the Trunk of His Car

My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Illinois

I swear I cannot make this up. This is an excerpt from my husband's email to my ex-husband asking him why the children were in the trunk of his 1999 Honda Civic. He didn't start the car, or travel anywhere, but damn, this is a weird development. Even for my ex, who is perhaps the most disconnected, selfish parent I have ever met.

" We had been further talking about XXX's "How cars work" project that I did with XXX, and how the teacher thought it was really good (per our parent-teacher conference). XXX interjected with how XXX knows how trunks work since you locked (them) in yours. This of course raised serious concern as I am sure you can understand due to the danger should something go wrong or stop functioning, as well as indicating to them that getting closed in a trunk is a good idea".

My husband, the kid's stepdad, is the one who runs interference between my ex and me. My ex stresses me out to the point of anxiety attacks and everyone involved -- psychologists, counselors, attorneys, and my ex -- all seem to think that my husband dealing with my ex is better for everyone.

I would like some advice about how to handle this. I should add that the children's father is $4600 behind in child support and I finally have an order to make him pay. He is a full-time employed person who makes well into the six figures and can certainly afford to support his children, but feels that the money goes to me instead of the kids.

Thank you for your help.

Remind me how old kiddo is?

playing in trunk of a parked car may not be the brightest idea but unless the kids were abandonned in a locked car Im not sure any law was broken or even stretched. EX is looking to make a fuss?

If Dad is $4600 behind on CS Id be more focused on warming his buns on that topic and perhaps seeking sanctions like loss of license (s) and your legal fees?

Quote:

---

Quoting No_Angel

---

but feels that the money goes to me instead of the kids

---

well, the money is supposed to go to you so tell him he is right and to get over it

without more explanation of the situation with the kids in the trunk there is no way to say there is a problem with it.

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

Remind me how old kiddo is?

---

11, turning 12 later this month. One child has ADHD and anxiety issues

Quote:

---

Quoting jk

---

well, the money is supposed to go to you so tell him he is right and to get over it

---

Excellent advice. So tired of playing this true-up game -- we've been working on this since June. My attorney sucks and I fired her today because of her incompetence. I can wait without paying someone to tell me she is playing phone tag with OC.

I can't help but think that your husband went way overboard on this one.

If that was actually the content of what your husband sent to Dad, I'd likely be furious if I were Dad.

I think y'all are inviting trouble into your house. YMMV.

Child support money is intended to be the other parents contribution to the costs of raising a child. Included in those costs are room, board, travel expenses, and clothing and anything else it takes to raise a child. It isn't to provide the children with gifts and such.

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

I can't help but think that your husband went way overboard on this one.

If that was actually the content of what your husband sent to Dad, I'd likely be furious if I were Dad.

I think y'all are inviting trouble into your house. YMMV.

---

I'm outraged that my ex would think that putting almost 12 year old children into the trunk of a car under any circumstances. It is the magna cum laude of stupid. I don't want to send my children back to that environment, if stupid gets the right to put our children in harm's way.

What do I do about this, please?

Quote:

---

Quoting No_Angel

---

I'm outraged that my ex would think that putting almost 12 year old children into the trunk of a car under any circumstances. It is the magna cum laude of stupid. I don't want to send my children back to that environment, if stupid gets the right to put our children in harm's way.

What do I do about this, please?

---

Do whatever you want. But if everything you've said here before is true, I think you know fine well that Dad is going to turn this around and make you and your husband look like idiots.

If he's as bad as you've made out, he'll lie his ass off and convince the judge that he was actually giving them a lesson in safety showing them how easily they can get into a dangerous situation if they act like fools.

And if he's not quite as bad? Well, that's another story.

Why were they in the trunk? There may be absolutely nothing wrong with what happened. Of course it could be quite improper but you don't seem to know why they were in the trunk.

I can actually see Dad making stepDad's email a huge issue. And he'd have a valid point.

Truthfully, mom needs to man up and actually deal with her ex. Her husband is overstepping majorly. And if she can't cope with him, she needs counseling so that she can.

Quote:

---

Quoting Ohiogal

---

Truthfully, mom needs to man up and actually deal with her ex. Her husband is overstepping majorly. And if she can't cope with him, she needs counseling so that she can.

---

Oh, wow, welcome to the party.

Conversations with the ex usually end up with him screaming at me in front of the children. Not good. And my counselor has advised that my husband supply the communication in order to keep my ex from getting a reaction out of me. Nobody objects, least of all my ex, who actually co-parents better with my husband than with me. You can't fix stupid, you can only avoid the elevated blood pressure and heart palpitations. I have problems enough with work, school, and family -- I don't need my ex making a scene every time I attempt to have a conversation with him. All our communication goes through OFW, so please, don't assume that my husband is overstepping. This is a snapshot of the crap I go through on a constant basis, with someone who is supposed to love his kids, but bitches about child support when I'm a student and he's making six figures, owns a rental property or three and welches on the smallest of purchases for his children.

Be helpful or be silent - you know not what I am trying to correct.

Quote:

---

Quoting No_Angel

---

Oh, wow, welcome to the party.

Conversations with the ex usually end up with him screaming at me in front of the children. Not good. And my counselor has advised that my husband supply the communication in order to keep my ex from getting a reaction out of me. Nobody objects, least of all my ex, who actually co-parents better with my husband than with me. You can't fix stupid, you can only avoid the elevated blood pressure and heart palpitations. I have problems enough with work, school, and family -- I don't need my ex making a scene every time I attempt to have a conversation with him. All our communication goes through OFW, so please, don't assume that my husband is overstepping. This is a snapshot of the crap I go through on a constant basis, with someone who is supposed to love his kids, but bitches about child support when I'm a student and he's making six figures, owns a rental property or three and welches on the smallest of purchases for his children.

Be helpful or be silent - you know not what I am trying to correct.

---

YOur husband is OVERSTEPPING. He should not be in the middle of this. You should not be allowing that. And quite frankly, I have gotten court orders prohibiting stepparents from being involved in any communication about the children. Maybe you should be working INSTEAD of going to school. Going to school is a luxury. Your children need to eat.

Maybe you should grow up and learn to cope with the situation. You slept with this man several times. Furthermore, you said your sainted husband emailed dad:

Quote:

---

" We had been further talking about XXX's "How cars work" project that I did with XXX, and how the teacher thought it was really good (per our parent-teacher conference). XXX interjected with how XXX knows how trunks work since you locked (them) in yours. This of course raised serious concern as I am sure you can understand due to the danger should something go wrong or stop functioning, as well as indicating to them that getting closed in a trunk is a good idea".

---

You should have had the good common sense to contact dad on OFW. Not your husband. PER OUR PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE? Really? He is NOT the children's father. HE did not have a parent teacher conference with your ex's children's teacher(s) -- or should not have. If you don't understand how that is overstepping and can seriously hurt you, then you have a lot to learn.
As for what you are trying to correct, start with correcting yourself and your own reactions. Then man up and use OFW. Don't let your husband handle EMAIL for crying out loud.

Quote:

---

Quoting Ohiogal

---

YOur husband is OVERSTEPPING. He should not be in the middle of this. You should not be allowing that. And quite frankly, I have gotten court orders prohibiting stepparents from being involved in any communication about the children. Maybe you should be working INSTEAD of going to school. Going to school is a luxury. Your children need to eat.

Maybe you should grow up and learn to cope with the situation. You slept with this man several times. Furthermore, you said your sainted husband emailed dad:




You should have had the good common sense to contact dad on OFW. Not your husband. PER OUR PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE? Really? He is NOT the children's father. HE did not have a parent teacher conference with your ex's children's teacher(s) -- or should not have. If you don't understand how that is overstepping and can seriously hurt you, then you have a lot to learn.
As for what you are trying to correct, start with correcting yourself and your own reactions. Then man up and use OFW. Don't let your husband handle EMAIL for crying out loud.

---

My guess is mom is heading towards an order where communication is going to cease between dad and step dad. And if the anxiety is as debilitating as mom claims, that's not going to bode well for custody issues.

I would venture to guess that if the child was in danger or scared of being in the trunk, it wouldn't have came out as an aside to discussing how a car works with step dad. And playing mediator every once in a while is one thing, having ALL communication go between dad and step dad is a bit much.

Quote:

---

Quoting Ohiogal

---

Truthfully, mom needs to man up and actually deal with her ex. Her husband is overstepping majorly. And if she can't cope with him, she needs counseling so that she can.

---

Did you miss this part:

Quote:

---

My husband, the kid's stepdad, is the one who runs interference between my ex and me. My ex stresses me out to the point of anxiety attacks and everyone involved -- psychologists, counselors, attorneys, and my ex -- all seem to think that my husband dealing with my ex is better for everyone

---

Quote:

---

Quoting wess1881

---

My guess is mom is heading towards an order where communication is going to cease between dad and step dad. And if the anxiety is as debilitating as mom claims, that's not going to bode well for custody issues.

I would venture to guess that if the child was in danger or scared of being in the trunk, it wouldn't have came out as an aside to discussing how a car works with step dad. And playing mediator every once in a while is one thing, having ALL communication go between dad and step dad is a bit much.

---

That is my guess but she doesn't like me saying that. Why? I should be helpful or be silent. I was being helpful. She just doesn't like getting told she needs to deal with the man who fathered her children and learn how to deal with him. Getting a no-third party interference order prohibiting stepdad from opening his trap, typing emails or going to parent-teacher conferences wouldn't be that difficult in several courts in which I work. I have gotten them easily based on what MOM has stated in this thread. But I should just hush. Oh well.

- - - Updated - - -

Quote:

---

Quoting llworking

---

Did you miss this part:

---

Did you read the email? I am not the only one who thinks that stepdad overstepped on it. And that dad can make an issue of it.

Quote:

---

Quoting Ohiogal

---

That is my guess but she doesn't like me saying that. Why? I should be helpful or be silent. I was being helpful. She just doesn't like getting told she needs to deal with the man who fathered her children and learn how to deal with him. Getting a no-third party interference order prohibiting stepdad from opening his trap, typing emails or going to parent-teacher conferences wouldn't be that difficult in several courts in which I work. I have gotten them easily based on what MOM has stated in this thread. But I should just hush. Oh well.

- - - Updated - - -



Did you read the email? I am not the only one who thinks that stepdad overstepped on it. And that dad can make an issue of it.

---

Oh, I do not disagree that stepdad's email was worded very poorly. However, it looks like pretty much everybody has said that stepdad should be the one communicating with dad, including dad and apparently dad's attorney, so I do not think that we can fault him for the communicating with dad, but rather fault him for doing a poor job of it with that email.

Allow me the luxury of clarifying a few things.

All communication, unless it is from the school district, goes through OFW. Court ordered. The parent-teacher conferences were done per conference call as I was away on a business trip, and my husband and my ex's wife often attend parent teacher conferences. No one has a problem with it. We occasionally text quick questions -- "have tried calling the kids, please have them call me" -- type of thing.

As for a no-third party interference order -- that would cut both ways. I have ample evidence to support the simple fact that my ex behaves better when my husband deals with him. I have tried these last five years to have a cordial co-parenting relationship with my ex. It worked well until I remarried. Now it works better for everyone this way. I would much rather deal with my ex directly, but it is not possible. It's not a question of "manning up" because he does not intimidate me.

In any event, I wanted to know how to deal with the kids being locking in a trunk of a 16 year old car, not to defend how we have arranged communication.

But I thank you all for your advice and your crystal-ball analysis regarding how I should live my life.

Quote:

---

Quoting No_Angel

---

Allow me the luxury of clarifying a few things.

All communication, unless it is from the school district, goes through OFW. Court ordered. The parent-teacher conferences were done per conference call as I was away on a business trip, and my husband and my ex's wife often attend parent teacher conferences. No one has a problem with it. We occasionally text quick questions -- "have tried calling the kids, please have them call me" -- type of thing.

As for a no-third party interference order -- that would cut both ways. I have ample evidence to support the simple fact that my ex behaves better when my husband deals with him. I have tried these last five years to have a cordial co-parenting relationship with my ex. It worked well until I remarried. Now it works better for everyone this way. I would much rather deal with my ex directly, but it is not possible. It's not a question of "manning up" because he does not intimidate me.

In any event, I wanted to know how to deal with the kids being locking in a trunk of a 16 year old car, not to defend how we have arranged communication.

But I thank you all for your advice and your crystal-ball analysis regarding how I should live my life.

---

Well since you have an attorney, ask your attorney. That will solve things for you.

Quote:

---

Quoting No_Angel

---

Allow me the luxury of clarifying a few things.

All communication, unless it is from the school district, goes through OFW. Court ordered. The parent-teacher conferences were done per conference call as I was away on a business trip, and my husband and my ex's wife often attend parent teacher conferences. No one has a problem with it. We occasionally text quick questions -- "have tried calling the kids, please have them call me" -- type of thing.

As for a no-third party interference order -- that would cut both ways. I have ample evidence to support the simple fact that my ex behaves better when my husband deals with him. I have tried these last five years to have a cordial co-parenting relationship with my ex. It worked well until I remarried. Now it works better for everyone this way. I would much rather deal with my ex directly, but it is not possible. It's not a question of "manning up" because he does not intimidate me.

In any event, I wanted to know how to deal with the kids being locking in a trunk of a 16 year old car, not to defend how we have arranged communication.

But I thank you all for your advice and your crystal-ball analysis regarding how I should live my life.

---

He doesn't intimidate you but you're at risk of raised blood pressure and palpitations?

"Be helpful or be silent"? Wow.

I guess I'm done then, too.

And apparently you still don't know what the kids were doing in the trunk. Maybe it was dad simply playing around. Maybe he had nefarious reasons. Until you know more about this situation you are over reacting.

And what hapened to you couldn't talk to dad as it ended up with yelling? Now you say everything goes through OFW. Does he use capital letters or something? You can't handle capital letters?

Step-dad being a go between being ok with others is not the same as the Judge saying it's ok. The children are your and their dad's responsibility, not the ex's. No interference from either ex being a court order is something I hope you're prepared for.