How to File for Modification of Custody When You Can't Find the Custodial Parent

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: TENNESSEE.

This may be a little lengthy but please bare with me. I am prior military, was assigned near Memphis, TN with my, now, Ex-Wife when I filed for divorce. A month after I have filed, she reveals that she is
pregnant. I was already in schooling in at this time...preparing to be stationed in Japan. The divorce was finalized 3 weeks before our son was born (yr 2010). I did not see him face to face until 1yr and 5months later. My ex had him and took him to the Philippines where she is from, and let her mom take care of him while she went back to TN...I consented to his passport without DNA because my ex said she could not afford day care and she already had her 1st born son living with her mom and I felt that her mom was more stable.

From the time I saw him in the Philippines (yr 2011), I then processed out of the military and returned to GA. I was unemployed for 9 months, then gained employment (yr 2012). I had been seeking a DNA testing by mail to the philippines but my sons location was not easy to locate for that. My Ex wife finally brought him back to TN in late 2013. She delayed giving me her new address or reasonable date, time and location to see my son. All I had was her email. She filed for child support in TN (yr 2014), based on my address GA child support agency gets hold of me, I do the DNA, I comply with the child support order and medical/dental.

Ok... my ex finally text my cell phone number in May 2015 to tell me she is taking our son to philippines to visit her family in the month of June and they will be back in August. This whole time we had been conversing by email she had my phone number and address but never used it. August she starts texting that they are back in TN, but she will not answer my phone calls. She text me asking me to give consent to another Passport...5yrs have gone by so it expired in September...She wants to move to Dubai, UAE which is where I met her when I was assigned in that area. I tell her I will NOT consent until we establish some type of visitiation. She says just come to Memphis and you can see him!

Of course I'm not driving from GA to TN hoping she will actually meet me somewhere once I say i'm in memphis, I can't afford to trust her to do that. But since I have mentioned that we need to go to court on this...She now doesn't respond to calls, text nor email.

Child Support enforcement say they can not give me her personal information and she will not give it to me.

1. where do I even start to try and locate her so I can get her served?
2. she claims she talked with her attorney and does not have to provide me any contact info due to no visitation/custody/parenting plan or anything other than child support being in place...TRUE or False?
3. she mentioned that I technically "abandoned" our son...is there some way she can legally claim I abandoned him or my parental rights without me even being aware? Because if she can then she could have already gained him a new passport and moved him when she claimed it was just a visit this summer right?
4. I'm not rich but the attorneys I tried to talk to in TN will not even hear me out without consult fee and retainer rates are higher than the yearly child support. Time and thousands of dollars are not on my side...is there a more payment friendly way to hire an attorney?

I have only seen pictures of him that she has sent from time to time via email or text since 2011. I know this was a lot to read but if someone can point me in the right direction I would GREATLY appreciate it!

So from what I can understand is that you have only seen your son 1 time in his whole life (almost 6 years)? That doesn't look good for you no matter where on the planet he was living during this time. I think a case for abandonment would be pretty strong. And she's correct that she doesn't have to provide you with her contact information. You basically have zero rights other than to pay support of face jail time. Kinda stinks but you really dropped the ball when he was born. THAT was the time to get everything established.

I know you don't want to hear this but you're going to have to hire an attorney if you want any chance of seeing your child. And, it's not going to come cheap unless you can qualify for low income. Look into Father's Advocate groups in your area. They may know of some resources that may help.

Best of luck.

Quote:

---

Quoting smith2

---

1. where do I even start to try and locate her so I can get her served?

---

Skip tracers, social media, whatever you have to do.

Quote:

---

2. she claims she talked with her attorney and does not have to provide me any contact info due to no visitation/custody/parenting plan or anything other than child support being in place...TRUE or False?

---

Correct ... ish. She's on shaky ground there, though I doubt it will mean anything overly positive to your case.

Quote:

---

3. she mentioned that I technically "abandoned" our son...is there some way she can legally claim I abandoned him or my parental rights without me even being aware? Because if she can then she could have already gained him a new passport and moved him when she claimed it was just a visit this summer right?

---

Abandonment is often difficult to prove and only a court can terminate the parent's rights. The parent must be notified.

Quote:

---

4. I'm not rich but the attorneys I tried to talk to in TN will not even hear me out without consult fee and retainer rates are higher than the yearly child support. Time and thousands of dollars are not on my side...is there a more payment friendly way to hire an attorney?

I have only seen pictures of him that she has sent from time to time via email or text since 2011. I know this was a lot to read but if someone can point me in the right direction I would GREATLY appreciate it!

---

What do you want to happen?

It might be easier for you to clarify that before anything else.

Your out and out refusal to see the child in TN is not going to win you any favors in court, either.

Christielyn,
Thank you for the feedback. And I totally agree...when he was born was the time to get everything established, however, with my Ex being as Evasive as she was and still is, it's pretty hard to align things when I was in Japan, she was in TN, and my son was in Philippines. She knew how to reach me via phone, postal mail, email and my family. I disagree that I dropped the ball when she had all the control...case and point... why email me about a passport but never provide HER address BUT do provide grand parents address in another country..or wait until 2014 to file for child support and still not provide HER address BUT still ask me to consent to a passport?? And of course I will hire a lawyer but I don't see paying large amounts of money when I don't have a valid address for them to serve the papers. Can attorneys find someone just based on a name? If they can, then I would be more willing to pay for the consult/retainer and whatever else is tacked on.

Again, thank you for the feedback.

- - - Updated - - -

Dogmatique,

I have searched social media, she must be using another email for that. Other sites I tried only turned up info from when she and I were married. The only thing I want to happen is a court ruling that my son is to come visit me during the summer breaks, xx amount of days and that I be given the basic info such as his school info, ssn, passport copy because her agenda is to move outside the U.S. I have plenty of emails showing that I have only been trying to see him and at the same time trying to keep the peace with her so she wouldn't totally cut me off from getting her updates on him and pictures of him. I'm not refusing to see my son in TN if the courts say I can only see him in the local area if that's where she is going to stay. but I'm not falling for her trickory before we go to court to have me drive that far only to tell me some excuse of why she can't meet me. I say that because several times I've told her OK i'll be there on Friday, where can we meet? her response is always...let me know when you get here. I've even told her I was there at a mall and she didn't respond for a week, then telling me she never got the messages. Once the case is done I'm going to buy my son a phone so there's no reason to not reach him.

I'm so glad to hear that I must be notified if a court is going to terminate my parental rights, i would surely appear before the court on that. I'm currently trying to clear up a picture that shows A license plate behind my son and his brother playing in a driveway at what might be her house and searching for a lawyer that can answer my basic questions before I just hand over a consult fee. I really need to know can an attorney find her with just her name and my sons name and birthdays to go by? Will my child support order help to find her? If they would just answer those then I could commit money but when so many tell me I need to pay a consult fee first....that's not reasonable. Skip tracers...i'm looking into that, never heard of it before now.

Thank you for your response