Should the Defendant Contact the Accuser in a Sexual Assault Case
I meet someone on a dating website and we have been talking for several weeks, we finally meet up last Friday and after a night out of drinking came back to my place. We ended up having sex and she stayed over. In the morning her mother was calling her worried about her not coming home, she didn't answer the phone. The mother showed up at my house and took her daughter to the police station after finding out we had sex. She stated that she doesn't remember much of the night but thinks she may have been to drunk to consent. The mother believes her little princess would never have sex after the first date and thinks there was some drugs or misconduct involved which prompted her to take to the police station. The police searched my house but no charges have been filed. After giving my statement they (the detective) told me our stories were consistent and it seems like a case or regrettable sex rather than sexual assault. The cops took my sheets and my rx medications. They told me if her blood work was negative for drugs or roofies nothing would most likely come of it.
My question is, can I contact her and ask her to talk if no charges have been filed? I have not spoken to her since she left my house and when she was leaving we kissed and made plans to meet up later. This is all out left field, and shocking to me. This could ruin my life. I just started my career as a healthcare provider.
Further more, the cops found some weed and a stun gun in my stuff and said although I won't have to worry about the assault (as long I didn't roofie her, which I absolutely did not) but I will likely be brought up on charges of possession of mj and weapon??!
I'm freaking out here. Advice?
I want to text her to see what's going on and why this happening? From the night we had together I was thinking we were headed toward a relationship or at least a second date... She is 29 and I'm 30.
I spoke to an attorney and I was told not to talk to anyone, I figure if I speak to her and she tells me her mother put her up to it this could all go away??
Re: Contacting Other Party
DO NOT TALK TO HER.
Ever again. I am being deadly serious here - do not contact her again. Wipe her from your memories. You don't need this, and even the slightest bit of contact has the potential to become much more than you could realize.
You're safe, it seems, so take it for what it is.
Now, my answer might change once you respond to these questions:
You said she's 29, right? Then why oh why is her mother even involved? Is this young lady disabled?
Re: Contacting Other Party
Quote:
Quoting
Dogmatique
DO NOT TALK TO HER.
Ever again. I am being deadly serious here - do not contact her again. Wipe her from your memories. You don't need this, and even the slightest bit of contact has the potential to become much more than you could realize.
You're safe, it seems, so take it for what it is.
Now, my answer might change once you respond to these questions:
You said she's 29, right? Then why oh why is her mother even involved? Is this young lady disabled?
Yes 29,
She is living with her mother at the moment because she recently separated and going through a divorce. she was previously married for I believe five years, I imagine she is close to her mother, and her mother knew it was our first date after meeting online (Maybe a safety pact). It's still difficult to figure out because we have been talking for 2- 3 weeks prior to meeting and we have talked on the phone for hours at a time, so I was no stranger. When her mother was ringing my doorbell at 7 a.m. the next morning she responded with "it feels like I'm 18" I quickly wondered if she had lied about her age, but then she wouldn't have been able to get into the club or bar the night before. I also wondered how the mother knew where I lived because I had never given her my address I guess there was some kind of tracking on her phone or vehicle. I had a bad feeling that morning . The other fact is that after we had went to the nightclub and heading back to my house I asked her if she wanted to move her car from the bar we started at because she had left it there and we ridden together. There was concer that the car might get towed, she wanted to move it, so if she was coherent enough to drive at the end of the night back to my house without incident, then she was clearly capable of decision makining and was not a lifeless corps I took advantage of..She is not physically disabled and it not seem mentally disabled. She's in school to be a dialysis technician. In addition to her mother calling I noticed her father was calling too that morning. I assume the mother was panicking when her daughter did not come home, and assume she didn't tell her mother she was staying over.
Re: Contacting Other Party
Rules:
1. Never, ever date a person who is still married to their spouse. If they've been separated for 5 years without at least filing for divorce, at least one of them just isn't prepared to let go yet. You're never going to be the #1 in their life. And if they're recently separated, you're going to be The Rebound Guy.
2. Never, ever date someone who is still under the thumb of his/her parents. While this rule can be bent a little, if they're actually living with their parents that's a pretty clear sign that you should wait awhile.
Don't be "that guy". Find someone who is emotionally free.
(And ... you mentioned a "lifeless corpse". Is there any other type?! :) )
Re: Contacting Other Party
Just want to reiterate that contacting her is the worst thing you can possibly do. Absolutely do not contact her. No, not, nein, nyet, nought, never.
Re: Contacting Other Party
Quote:
Quoting
cbg
Just want to reiterate that contacting her is the worst thing you can possibly do. Absolutely do not contact her. No, not, nein, nyet, nought, never.
Heartily agree.
Re: Contacting Other Party
Don't talk to cops with out a lawyer or let them inside,unless they have a warrant. The weed isn't that big a deal but it's worse b.c it's a drug charge and your working in the health field. I would speak to a lawyer and see what the chances of getting the weed charged dropped or reduced to a non criminal,non drug charge. If your charged with that or the stun gun. Did the cops take the weed?
This girl should be arrested for filing a false report and her mother,who know if they can. If they chooses to arrest you,even that can have a big effect.
Re: Contacting Other Party
Quote:
Quoting
tc498
This girl should be arrested for filing a false report and her mother,who know if they can. If they chooses to arrest you,even that can have a big effect.
how do you know anything in the report was false?
Re: Contacting Other Party
Quote:
Quoting
eerelations
Heartily agree.
Okay I will take the advice, and not contact her. I have a few other questions.
The other question I have is how much should I expect a retainer to be and the hourly cost for a case like this should the charges arise?
How long before I will be contacted by the police?
What should I expect, they said they are waiting her blood work to show if anything was in her system? How long can that take?
Will/can they still charge me with possession of weed and having a stun gun if her blood-work is neg and they don't have a case?
The attorney told me if they had enough for charges they would have arrested me?
Can the police keep me out of my house while they obtain search warrant?
Will cooperation with the police only be used against me?
I am freaking out here, cant eat, cant sleep, cant think.
Re: Contacting Other Party
Of course they can. It's a separate offense.
Remind me again why you need a stun gun?