Alleging Parental Unfitness In Order to Try to Get Sole Custody

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: iowa should I seek full custody declaring dad as unfit

This is my first time posting and am hoping to get some direction as to what is best for my daughter. I filed in May for several reasons but the one that relates here is my husbands behavior over the last 4 years. Once our oldest son went to college he basically checked out being a parent to our other 2 kids 15 and 6 at the time. The behaviors have escalated to a point where it was no longer a marriage we had but an employee, employer relationship. By the end of these 4 years, he has closed all our joint accounts, signed my tax returns, goes out 4-5 nights a week without word of where, does not attend any of the kids activities ie, games, birthdays, school concerts, school conferences, teacher meetings, graduation activities, prom,homecoming, has gotten physical with myself and 2 older kids (both boys) police incident reports filed, went on a 2 week golf trip out of the country that I found out about by an email, has been caught by boys smoking(not cigarettes) controls all the money, giving me anywhere from 0 to 250 a month to raise the kids and take care of home(fyi he is a dr. golfs 3-4 times week at coutry club, kids go to private schools). I do not work outside of home because I do not get any help at home from him he does nothing but pay the bills.

now to the point, after I filed, i discovered he was having an affair with a well know sketchy woman, kicked him out which he did not fight, and continued with divorce proceedings. From May 1st until July 19th ( the day before mediation) he saw my daughter a total of 8 hours and those were set up by me. At mediation we came up with a verbal arrangement of 8-10 hours a week and spousal support which he followed neither saw her 0-2 hours a week and paid me half.

Now temporary orders have been set 6 weeks ago: 1 day a week and every other week-end. If he show up my daughter says I dont want to go, he says ok then leaves saying that he tried. The 9 hours he has spent with her the past 6 weeks were ones I set up. I have made them dinner, and offered to leave the house and he does not show up, left practices early so he could pick her up and spend time with her, and he does not show, he drives by our home 4-5 times a day his office is 6 blocks away and never stops to see her, I left the other night when he got there so they could do homework and talk, he called me within 12 seconds to say he had to leave and left before I got home. I has his Father out for dinner so my kids could see their grandfather, and he was 2 hours late. All this missed time with the kids he is taking trips with the , going to bars, seen by others drunk and obnoxious in public, and all of this with the girl who he has now moved in with and we are still legally married. My daughter asked her school counslor if he was going to the bad place for committing a mortal sin. She puts up a fight every time he comes and usually wins cause he does not try hard enough. He tells her the judge says we have to do this, or if you dont go the judge will talk to you which she replies" good I want to talk to him, and ask him why I have to go when you dont act like daddy should"

The first 8 scheduled visits I had her prepared to go, talked her into it, basically bribed her with a toy, then each time he was either an hour or so late or does not show up with no notice. One week-end we waited and later found out he was out of town on a trip with the girl as we are sitting there watching for him. He blocks my calls if he does not want me to reach him. All of this will be brought up at final hearing but my question is should I be seeking full full custody and does this make him an unfit parent.

I have done my share of bad behavior, sending mean texts to him and an email to the girl, and screamed and yelled at him on the phone where she heard me, but talk to her about it and apologize. When she tries to talk to him about why she is mad all he says is your mother put that in your head, or she made you say that, or dismisses any feelings she has, or says your mom made me leave so I cant be a real dad right now. She says you were not a real dad when you lived here. I have asked him to take her to counselling, listen to her, call her every day, stop by daily just to say hi. The only reason he is seeking any custody (joint which wont happen) is so he does not have to pay. Allimony and child support are also late or missing.Deciding on contempt charges but it costs alot and attorney fees already high.
what should I do

No, that does not make him unfit. It makes him selfish and disinterested, but not unfit. If you do not take him to court for contempt for the non-payment of alimony and child support, he will just keep not paying. If he doesn't suffer consequences it will never get better. It may not get better anyway, because people who are determined NOT to pay will move heaven and earth to not pay, but unless he ends up being like that, eventually he will get tired of the consequences and learn his lesson.

Also, if he thinks that joint custody means no child support, he is in for a rude awakening.

Thanks, is temporary child support calculated by the number of hours he is supposed to have her a week? So if it comes out in the contempt charges that he is not seeing her will the child support increase? I do not want to make him see her, if he can not appreciate her and sees her as an obligation rather than a reward then I would rather that sort of person spend as little time as possible with her even if that means less child support. I am worried the judge will give him consequences for not following the court order like forcing him to see her or face contempt and that is not the type of relationship I want her to have with her dad.( only seeing her because it is court ordered and if I dont I might go to jail) How much damage will that cause her in the long run? So I guess my question is if I file contempt on non payment will she then be the one suffering the possible consequences by having to spend time with someone due to it being court ordered not by his choice?

Quote:

---

Quoting aeg1026

---

Thanks, is temporary child support calculated by the number of hours he is supposed to have her a week? So if it comes out in the contempt charges that he is not seeing her will the child support increase? I do not want to make him see her, if he can not appreciate her and sees her as an obligation rather than a reward then I would rather that sort of person spend as little time as possible with her even if that means less child support. I am worried the judge will give him consequences for not following the court order like forcing him to see her or face contempt and that is not the type of relationship I want her to have with her dad.( only seeing her because it is court ordered and if I dont I might go to jail) How much damage will that cause her in the long run? So I guess my question is if I file contempt on non payment will she then be the one suffering the possible consequences by having to spend time with someone due to it being court ordered not by his choice?

---

Filing for contempt for non payment of child support and alimony will not result in the judge ordering him to spend more time with her. Now, if you attempt to get MORE child support because he spends so little time with her, then yes, its likely that he will require her to visit with him much more in order to avoid paying more support.

He may be disinterested...but not necessarily legally unfit...unless you get serious about going after alimony and support it won't happen ...

BTW you state allows,for,an order to include that he contribute to college as well..I very strongly suggest you get solid language in now as to college costs.

Thanks for the information, how far should I push her to go with her dad if he shows. Her counselor says encourage but don't force which is what I do but others have said to push harder and make her go. A recent letter from his attorney hinted at parental alienation which is so far out there but wanted to make sure I'm doing enough

Quote:

---

Quoting aeg1026

---

Thanks for the information, how far should I push her to go with her dad if he shows. Her counselor says encourage but don't force which is what I do but others have said to push harder and make her go. A recent letter from his attorney hinted at parental alienation which is so far out there but wanted to make sure I'm doing enough

---

If you have a court order that says the child will be turned over to the father for visitation, you must abide by the order. If that means you have to force her to go, so be it.

You need to look into going to work. You are going to have to at some point and the sooner the better.

I'm not sure what this has to do with my question. I do work just not outside the home tutoring home schooled High school kids in math.