Can a Stepparent Violate a Custody Order

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

My spouse and her ex have a child custody order in place. One of the rules in place is when they are allowed to call and talk to the children (6:30pm-7:00pm). As a step parent do I have to follow the contact restrictions, as well? My step kids were sick and I called my spouse's ex at 4pm to check on the kids and she said that I violated the court order. Is this true?

First, is the rule that they are "they are allowed to call and talk to the children at the designated time" or that they are "they are only allowed to call and talk to the children at the designated time"? If it's the former, at least based on the excerpt you provided, it's not a restriction on the parent initiating phone contact -- it's a restriction on the person with the children, such that they are not supposed to deny contact during the designated half-hour.

Second, what does calling the other parent and asking, "Are they feeling better", have to do with calling to speak with the children? Even if we assume that phone contact with the children is only to occur during the designated half-hour, that's not the purpose you described for your call.

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Quoting Mr. Knowitall

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First, is the rule that they are "they are allowed to call and talk to the children at the designated time" or that they are "they are only allowed to call and talk to the children at the designated time"? If it's the former, at least based on the excerpt you provided, it's not a restriction on the parent initiating phone contact -- it's a restriction on the person with the children, such that they are not supposed to deny contact during the designated half-hour.

Second, what does calling the other parent and asking, "Are they feeling better", have to do with calling to speak with the children? Even if we assume that phone contact with the children is only to occur during the designated half-hour, that's not the purpose you described for your call.

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"Each parent may have the option of contacting the children two times per week during the other parent's custodial time. The contact shall be via telephone and occur between 6:30pm - 7:00 pm."

To clarify, I called the ex's house and spoke with the two kids who were sick. I asked how they were doing and if they were feeling any better. This call was made at 4pm. I am the step parent, not the petitioner or the respondent.

So, my question is...did I violate a court order by calling the kids at 4pm?

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Quoting jmp123

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"Each parent may have the option of contacting the children two times per week during the other parent's custodial time. The contact shall be via telephone and occur between 6:30pm - 7:00 pm."

To clarify, I called the ex's house and spoke with the two kids who were sick. I asked how they were doing and if they were feeling any better. This call was made at 4pm. I am the step parent, not the petitioner or the respondent.

So, my question is...did I violate a court order by calling the kids at 4pm?

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Its questionable whether or not you violated the court order, but you seriously overstepped. Why did you think that it was your business to call and check on the children? Why couldn't your husband have called to check on them between 6:30-7:00?

I am sure that you care very much about the children but you really need to be careful about overstepping. It can do serious damage to the coparenting relationship between mom and dad.

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Quoting jmp123

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"Each parent may have the option of contacting the children two times per week during the other parent's custodial time. The contact shall be via telephone and occur between 6:30pm - 7:00 pm."

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I hardly dare ask about the history and parental immaturity that caused the lawyers or the court to deem such a clause to be necessary, but the fact that mom is presently making a big deal over your phone call let's me know that it's not yet over.

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Quoting jmp123

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To clarify, I called the ex's house and spoke with the two kids who were sick. I asked how they were doing and if they were feeling any better. This call was made at 4pm. I am the step parent, not the petitioner or the respondent.

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Your husband can potentially be held accountable for your contacting the children outside of the court-approved time frame, even if you do so without his knowledge. Frankly, if I were the judge I would not want my time wasted with this type of nonsense, but if the parents were nonetheless insistent upon wasting my time I would remind dad that I expect my orders to be followed.

Please explain how my concern for the children is overstepping?

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So, even though my name isn't on the court order, and I'm not acknowledged as a parent of the kids, I have to follow the 6:30-7:00 restriction.

Because YOUR actions can potentially get DAD in trouble.

As others have mentioned, there is a reason why the parties were forced to agree to a specific time frame for contact with the children, and only twice per week. SOMETHING was happening that brought this on. Chances are, someone was playing games with the rules so the court felt compelled to provide his very specific contact time range. If you continue to make contacts and argue that you are not subject to the order, you might expect to become part of the order with a prohibition from ANY contact.

So, if you want to avoid making the situation any worse, consider your time with the children as his time with the children, and act accordingly. Playing games will only anger the court and make things worse for dad.

By the way, the other parent has made it very clear that she doesn't want to co-parent. She has chosen to parallel parent.

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Quoting jmp123

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By the way, the other parent has made it very clear that she doesn't want to co-parent. She has chosen to parallel parent.

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All the more reason to minimize conflict. Trying to play games with the order will just make matters worse. It is tragic that things have gotten to this point, but, unless you and dad want to make things worse, it is best to think of your time as the same as daddy's time.

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Quoting jmp123

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Please explain how my concern for the children is overstepping?

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Wow...I do not even know how to explain this to you since you clearly do not understand.

Children have one mother and one father. Anyone else who is part of the children's lives are there only with the permission of the parents. A wise stepparent respects that and remains in the background and initiates nothing regarding the children unless they are sure that BOTH parents would be okay with that. Anything beyond that is overstepping.

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So, even though my name isn't on the court order, and I'm not acknowledged as a parent of the kids, I have to follow the 6:30-7:00 restriction.

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Heck yes, otherwise you have no right to contact the children at all when they are with the other parent. You are not one of their parents.

llworking - you are incorrect. I didn't violate any court order. Our lawyer said that anyone can call at anytime to inquire about the kids when they are ill. I didn't overstep.

Clearly you don't understand the law.

As you have already been told, you didn't violate the order because you're not a party to the order.

What the lawyer probably actually said was that a judge would not be impressed by a party trying to make a big stink over an out-of-hours call to check to see if the sick kids were okay. If you believe that the lawyer said, "If the kids are sick you can call whenever you want, as often as you want," I suggest you ask him to clarify what he actually said.

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Quoting jmp123

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llworking - you are incorrect. I didn't violate any court order. Our lawyer said that anyone can call at anytime to inquire about the kids when they are ill. I didn't overstep.

Clearly you don't understand the law.

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I understand the law just fine. I also told you that it was unlikely that you actually violated the orders since you are not a party to the orders.

However, you seriously overstepped. Clearly you do not know what overstepping means. Please feel free to substitute any of the following words for overstepping:

Disrespectful
Impolite
Bad Mannered
Crass
Rude
Interfering


A stepparent who thinks it is ok for the STEPPARENT to call the other parent's house to independently talk to the children is all of the above.
If your husband had called himself then it would have been ok. He would have violated the orders but a judge would not have been mad at him about it. You however are NOT a parent of the children and should have minded your own business.

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Quoting jmp123

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llworking - you are incorrect. I didn't violate any court order. Our lawyer said that anyone can call at anytime to inquire about the kids when they are ill. I didn't overstep.

Clearly you don't understand the law.

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Clearly you understand neither the law NOR your role as a stepparent.

Good luck with that, and when the other parent signs up to ask how to get a "no third party interference" clause added to parenting plan we'll be super happy to help.

Of course, we're also going to be super happy to explain why both parents here need to grow up and stop acting like toddlers fighting over the last candy bar in the bag.


(Cue lots of whining about how awful the other parent is and we don't understand and are clearly anti-stepparent)