How Can a Parent Get Sole Custody

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Oh good Lord - you actually believe that tripe, don't you?

Okay. Time for Aunty Doggies Famous Reality Check.

1. Sole custody will not take away visitation rights.
2. He is not ordered to see his child. That's his privilege to exercise or not. You, however, ARE ordered to make his child available during his visitation periods.
3. You aren't going to be terminating his rights, and he won't be terminating his rights either. Not unless you have a husband - which I doubt - who is willing to adopt the child.
4. Silly rabbit - you're not contesting visitation. You're asking for sole custody. See #1.

Very simply: the obligation is yours, not his.

Do you understand now?

ETA: This ain't abandonment, dear.

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Here's the kicker: Dad doesn't come around. Mom is the only one parenting the child. If Dad isn't around, exactly how is he making the child's life hell?

Exactly.

;)

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I agree with most of what you said but it does honestly sound like dad does not wish to be a father to this child.

I also agree that sole custody does not mean that dad will not get visitation rights. I also agree that there is virtually no chance that dad's paternal rights will be terminated because that would also terminate his responsibilities which the state won't let happen. The state wants both parents on the hook to support the child even if the state has to pull teeth to make one of them comply...even for decades, to make them comply.

I also agree that the state will give dad every chance, for a very long time, to regret his attitude and step up to the plate and BE a dad.

However, I do not think that sole custody is impossible for mom under the circumstances...I think that she is jumping the gun but its not impossible. There is value to the child's life in not having to have dad's input on medical, educational, religious and travel issues when its clear that he doesn't want to be a father to the child.

In addition, if he keeps on as he is going, then eventually he will meet the criteria for abandonment, and if mom is married at that time and if her husband wants to adopt the child it might happen...but its not going to happen NOW.

I think Dad's take on this would be quite, quite different.

Dad will come around. Why? Because if he's as much of an ass that Mommy says, he's going to do it just to piss her off and she will have absolutely no control over that.

And I predict that Mommy is going to have an extremely unpleasant wake-up call once she's in front of a judge. Watch Dad convince the court that she's done everything within her power to alienate him from his child.

Betcha.

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Quoting Singlemom23

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We went to court over child support and then we went on to mediation. They gave us a recommendation and he completely ignored it. Didn't sign it or object.

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That's how a referee's recommendation works -- you have the choice of objecting, or you can simply ignore it and allow it to be entered as an order of the court.

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Quoting Singlemom23

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He's behind in child support and has nothing to do with her. But continues to tell everyone I keep her from him.

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The child support issues are separate from the custody issues.

Presumably he will be telling the court that you're interfering with his access, should the matter again come before the court.

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Quoting Singlemom23

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He has seen her once in the last 9 months not even for her birthday until he contacted me 2 days after and it was 2 days after her birthday which he walked out on us at the restaurant and stuck me with the bill.

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If he didn't see her on her birthday, how could he have been at the restaurant where her birthday was celebrated? Or is it that he came to the birthday party two days later, but you're complaining that he didn't also come to see her on her birthday?

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Quoting Singlemom23

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I can't take this anymore and finally filed for sole custody. What are my chances?

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What has actually changed since the very recent order of the court? From what you have told us, it would appear that nothing has changed -- but you need to demonstrate a material change in circumstances before the court will revisit custody.

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Quoting Singlemom23

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I have voicemails of him threatening me and he even went as far as threatening me he was going to kidnap her.

I have made police reports but they still let him get visitation rights through the recommendation!

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So you make police reports, the police tell you that no crime has occurred, and visitation continues? But wait -- if he's not exercising his visitation, how is it that they are "still let[ting] him get visitation rights through the recommendation" (which is now not a recommendation, but is in fact a custody order)?

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Quoting Singlemom23

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I have bills in my daughters name from him not paying the health insurance and it was canceled....

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If the insurance was canceled, you have the option of taking the matter back to court and asking that he be ordered to pay the portion of the bills that would have been covered by insurance, had he maintained it as ordered.

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Quoting Singlemom23

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So now I'm going for sole custody so she doesn't have a low life in and out of her life.

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That's not a change in circumstances.

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Quoting Singlemom23

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They gave him supervised and he never showed up....

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You are changing the facts. Are you referring to the present order, or are you referring to the situation before the most recent court order? If visitation is to be supervised, who (or what agency) is the supervisor, and why isn't visitation being scheduled?

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Quoting Singlemom23

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...so I'm contesting the recommendation...

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You chose not to object to the recommendation, so it's now an order.

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Quoting Singlemom23

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He DOESNT want to see the child so I'm taking him back to courts so I have full rights and he can't withhold anything for me. & my daughter knows if someone enters her life and just leaves regardless of age.

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Why are you injecting so much drama into the situation? If he doesn't want to see the child, you have what you want -- he's not seeing the child.

As you've been told, you're not going to get an order preventing him from having access to the child -- even if you get sole legal and sole physical custody, the court will grant him visitation rights. Your motion may inspire him to start seeing the child.

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Quoting Singlemom23

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I told him just sign over his rights and I will wipe child support clean but he refuses to look like a bad guy to everyone else.

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Another misapprehension: You can't magically sign away your rights to your child. If you want him to surrender his rights, once you get married to somebody else who is willing to do so, you can ask him to consent to stepparent adoption. Otherwise, he's going to remain the father.

Everyone here is giving you pretty good feedback but I don't think you're in the frame of mind to hear it or understand it which will be expensive for you in the long run. Lawyers aren't cheap and they like to pull you along to get more money. Sorry.

I understand you'd like to eliminate this jerk from your child's life. Trust me I would too. But the reality is that it's not easy to do unless he's harming her or as someone else stated, you get married and that person wants to adopt her. A court will NOT remove his visitation right based on the lack of using them. Visitation doesn't work that way. You don't have the legal right to ask him to sign away his rights and wipe out support either. You should, but you don't. Here's what I would do ....

1. Take him back to court and ask for an increase to support in the amount it would cost you to cover your daughter on your medical insurance or to get her a separate policy. My sperm donor pulled the same crud with me and I did just that and was awarded the additional amount ($200) which was WAY more than the $50 he could have just payed through his employer. Idiot. I know you said he's not paying support right now so you may not see the cash right now but it will catch up to him. If the state is aware he's behind in support, many things can happen to him: Jail, loss of his own passport, loss of any type license (car, professional), loss of tax returns, liens on property etc. Karma ....

2. Stop all contact with him and any attempt to get him to see his daughter. You stay quiet ... your life will feel easier.

3. Passport? It's not necessary that you go somewhere out of the US unless you are not from here and have very close family abroad. Then you can address that with the judge. He could issue something that you could bring with you that states you don't need dads permission. Otherwise, once your daughter reaches 14, you won't need his permission.

4. Always remember that staying calm or silent when it comes to him is better. It actually probably irritates him way more than an argument and makes you look much better. And if he send text, emails or phone conversations that are threatening in anyway, report it. REPORT IT! The video is not worth beans if you didn't report it when it happened. So start documenting everything. Including each and every visitation he misses.

The folks here aren't wrong ... they're just not saying what you want to hear. Sometimes ya just gotta find out for yourself so that you can come back here and help others.